AFC Social Conventions AFC社交礼仪

After detailing the Qualities of the AFC, I feel it’s necessary to illustrate that social conventions aren’t the exclusive realm of the feminine imperative . AFC have their own set of social conventions – those which are commonly practiced and self-reinforced by the Beta mindset. I realize that more than a few of these conventions are going to get under the skin of some readers, however, as you read this, please try to do so objectively. I’m writing this as an observation; it’s not intended to be a personal affront to anyone.

在详细阐述了 AFC 的特质后，我认为有必要说明，社会习俗并非女性主导的专属领域。AFC 也有其自身的社会习俗——那些通常由贝塔心态所实践并自我强化的行为准则。我意识到，这些习俗中的一部分可能会触动某些读者的神经，但请在阅读时尽量保持客观。我撰写此文是出于观察，并非意在冒犯任何人。

You could simply call AFC Social Conventions AFC ‘rationalizations’, but I think this ignores the socially reinforcing element of these conventions. When I wrote the Qualities of the AFC I outlined the characteristic traits, behaviors and core mental schemas of what are commonly believed to be AFC qualities. This was a brief list to sum up a few root elements in identifying and dealing with a Beta mindset and aid in unplugging an AFC. Social conventions are different in that they are socially reinforced (usually by both genders) rationalizations for behavior. Technically some of the AFC qualities I outlined previously could be considered social conventions as well, but I was attempting to address the symptoms rather than the disease.

你可以简单地将 AFC 社交惯例称为 AFC 的“合理化”，但我认为这忽略了这些惯例的社会强化元素。当我撰写 AFC 特质时，我概述了通常被认为是 AFC 特质的特征、行为和核心心理模式。这是一个简短的列表，旨在总结识别和应对 Beta 心态的几个根本要素，并帮助 AFC 脱离困境。社交惯例与此不同，它们是行为的社会强化（通常由两性共同）合理化。从技术上讲，我之前概述的一些 AFC 特质也可以被视为社交惯例，但我当时试图解决的是症状而非疾病本身。

I’m going to define a few more examples of what I’m most commonly noticing as AFC mental schemas that are reinforced socially. A strong part of the internalization process of these conventions is that the reason they are socially reinforced is because they’re socially unassailable (or at the very least foolish to do so). In other words the common response to them would be to reinforce them more, rather than challenge them, and this then becomes an integral part of the internalization process.

我将再定义几个我最为常见的 AFC 心理模式示例，这些模式在社会中得到强化。这些规范内化的一个重要方面在于，它们之所以受到社会强化，是因为它们在社会上无可辩驳（或至少这样做是愚蠢的）。换言之，对这些规范的常见反应是进一步强化它们，而非挑战它们，这进而成为内化过程的重要组成部分。

The Myth of the “Quality” Woman “优质”女性的神话

It seems like all I read about on SoSuave is a never ending quest for a “Quality Woman.” There’s always been plenty of threads asking for clear definitions of what constitutes a “Quality” woman and most conveniently set women up into 2 camps – “Quality Women” and Whores, as if there could be no middle ground or grey area. How easy it becomes to qualify a woman based on her indiscretions (as heinous as they’re perceived to be) for either of these categories. This is binary thinking at its best – on or off, black or white, Quality woman or Whore.

在 SoSuave 上，我所读到的似乎都是对“优质女性”永无止境的追求。关于“优质”女性的定义，总是有无数的帖子在寻求明确的界定，而大多数人则方便地将女性划分为两个阵营——“优质女性”和妓女，仿佛不存在中间地带或灰色区域。根据女性的不检点行为（无论被视为多么严重）来判定她们属于这两个类别之一，变得多么容易。这是二元思维的极致体现——非此即彼，非黑即白，要么是优质女性，要么是妓女。

I think the term ‘Quality’ woman is a misnomer. Guys tend to apply this term at their leisure not so much to define what they’d like in a woman (which is actually an idealization), but rather to exclude women with whom they’d really had no chance with in the first place, or mistakenly applied too much effort and too much focus only to be rebuffed. This isn’t to say that there aren’t women who will behave maliciously or indiscriminately, nor am I implying that they ought to be excused out of hand for such. What I am saying is that it’s a very AFC predilection to hold women up to preconceived idealizations and conveniently discount them as being less than “Quality” when you’re unable to predict, much less control their behaviors.

我认为“优质”女性这一说法名不副实。男性往往随意使用这一术语，并非真正用来定义他们理想中的女性（实际上是一种理想化），而是用来排除那些他们原本就毫无机会的女性，或是错误地投入过多精力和关注却最终被拒绝的对象。这并不是说没有女性会恶意或随意行事，也不是暗示她们应因此被轻易原谅。我想表达的是，将女性置于预设的理想化标准中，并在无法预测或控制她们行为时，便轻易将其贬低为“非优质”，这是一种非常初级的心态。

The dangers inherent in this convention is that the AFC (or the even the ‘enlightened man’ subscribing to the convention) then limits himself to only what he perceives as a Quality woman, based on a sour-grapes conditioning. Ergo, they’ll end up with a “Quality” woman by default because she’s the only candidate who would accept him for her intimacy. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy by process of elimination. Taken to its logical conclusion, they shoot the arrow, paint the target around it and call it a bullseye, and after which they feel good for having held to a (misguided) conviction.

这种惯例固有的危险在于，AFC（或甚至那些遵循惯例的“开明人士”）会将自己局限于仅凭酸葡萄心理所认定的“优质女性”。因此，他们最终会默认与一位“优质”女性在一起，只因她是唯一愿意接受其亲密关系的候选人。这通过排除法成为了一种自我实现的预言。推至逻辑的极端，他们先射箭，再围绕箭画靶心，称之为命中，随后因坚守（误导的）信念而自我感觉良好。

So why is this a social convention then? Because it is socially unassailable. Since this convention is rooted to a binary premise, no one would likely challenge it. It would be foolish for me to say “Yes Mr. Chump I think you ought to avoid what you think of as Quality women.” Not only this, but we all get a certain satisfaction from the affirmation that comes from other men confirming our assessment of what category a woman should fit into. Thus it becomes socially reinforced.

那么，为何这是一种社会习俗呢？因为它在社会上无可置疑。由于这一习俗基于二元前提，几乎无人会质疑它。若我说“是的，楚普先生，我认为您应该避开您所认为的优质女性。”那将是愚蠢的。不仅如此，我们从其他男性对我们对女性分类的认可中获得某种满足感。因此，它得到了社会的强化。

Beware of making your necessity a virtue in making a Quality woman your substitute for a ONEitis idealization.

警惕将你的需求变成一种美德，将优质女性作为你单恋理想化的替代品。

The Myth of the Dodged Bullet “躲过子弹”的神话

In my lifetime I’ve had sex with over 40 women and I never once caught a venereal disease, nor did I get anyone pregnant. I can also point to men I know who contracted Herpes from the only women they’d ever had sex with. The fact of the matter is that you can equally be a rock star and tap hundreds of women without any consequence and you can be a virgin saint and contract a disease on your wedding night. The myth of the dodged bullet is a social convention that’s rooted in the rationalization that monogamy serves the purpose for controlling sexually transmitted diseases and thus fewer partners are more desirable than many. From a statistical standpoint this may seem logical on the surface. Fewer opportunities for sexual intercourse would indeed decrease the risk from a single individual, but unfortunately this isn’t a practical estimate. You’ll also have to base the numbers not only on how many sex partners you and your monogamous partner have had, but also how many prior partners they’ve had and how many those partners had as well and so on exponentially. Despite of all this, the odds that you’ll die from a form of cancer, heart disease, smoking or obesity related diseases, or even an alcohol related traffic fatality far outweigh any risk of dying from a venereal disease in western society. The mortality rate for for contracting gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, herpes and even HIV pale in comparison to many – in some cases more easily preventable – diseases.

在我的一生中，我与超过 40 名女性发生过性关系，从未感染过性病，也没有让任何人怀孕。我还能指出我认识的一些男性，他们从唯一与之发生过性关系的女性那里感染了疱疹。事实是，你既可以成为摇滚明星，与数百名女性发生关系而毫发无损，也可以是纯洁的圣人，在新婚之夜染上疾病。“躲过子弹”的神话是一种社会惯例，它基于这样一种合理化：一夫一妻制旨在控制性传播疾病，因此较少的伴侣比众多伴侣更可取。从统计学的角度来看，这表面上似乎合乎逻辑。性交机会减少确实会降低个体的风险，但不幸的是，这并不是一个实际的估计。你还需要基于你和你的伴侣各自有多少性伴侣，以及他们之前的伴侣有多少，以及这些伴侣的伴侣又有多少，如此呈指数级递增。 尽管如此，在西方社会，死于癌症、心脏病、吸烟或肥胖相关疾病，甚至酒精相关的交通事故的几率，远远超过死于性传播疾病的风险。感染淋病、梅毒、衣原体、疱疹甚至艾滋病的死亡率，与许多其他疾病相比显得微不足道，其中一些疾病在某些情况下更容易预防。

Of course, since this is a social convention, I would be grossly negligent and severely lambasted by the public at large for even implying that I’m condoning, much less advocating, that a man explore his options and open his experience up to having sex with multiple partners. Again, this social convention is unassailable. But it sounds like it makes good sense, “boy, am I sure glad I got married/shacked up and didn’t catch a disease, pffew!” It sounds like conviction, when in fact it’s a rationalization for a lack of other realistic options with women or an innability to deal with a fear of rejection from multiple sources. Again, necessity becomes virtue.

当然，既然这是社会习俗，我若暗示自己支持，更遑论提倡，一个男人去探索选择、开放经历与多位伴侣发生性关系，那我便是严重失职，必将遭到公众的严厉谴责。再次强调，这一社会习俗是不可动摇的。但听起来似乎很有道理，“天哪，我真庆幸自己结婚了/同居了，没染上病，呼！”这听起来像是信念，实则是对缺乏与女性其他现实选择或无法应对多重拒绝恐惧的合理化。又一次，必要性变成了美德。

Location, Location, Location 地段，地段，地段

Another common contrivance is the presumption that less than desirable (low quality) women will necessarily be found in bars & clubs (or other places of “ill repute”). Thus the chump will only too eagerly avoid these places. This is, yet again, another example of the binary logic of an AFC and completely ignores that A.) women with whom they might make a successful connection with do in fact frequent clubs and B.) less than desirable women can also be met in “alternative” meeting places too (coffee house, university campus, library, Bible study or any number of other “safe places”). However, making approaches in a club are difficult for the inexperienced Game adherent and AFC alike. There’s a lot of competition and a LOT of potential for ‘real time’ rejection for the unprepared. By masking this deficit in game with condemning such places, the AFC thinks he’s killing two birds with one stone – he’s protecting his ego from very real rejection and he’s lauded by “proper” society (see people who go to clubs anyway) for being an upstanding individual for avoid those “dens of iniquity.”

另一种常见的假设是，质量不佳（低质量）的女性必然会出现在酒吧和俱乐部（或其他“声名狼藉”的场所）。因此，傻瓜们会迫不及待地避开这些地方。这再次体现了 AFC 的二元逻辑，完全忽视了以下事实：A) 他们可能成功建立联系的女性确实会光顾俱乐部；B) 质量不佳的女性也可能在“另类”场所遇到（如咖啡馆、大学校园、图书馆、圣经学习班或众多其他“安全场所”）。然而，对于缺乏经验的 Game 追随者和 AFC 来说，在俱乐部搭讪都颇具挑战。竞争激烈，且对未做好准备的人来说，实时拒绝的可能性极大。通过谴责这些场所来掩盖游戏中的不足，AFC 自以为一箭双雕——既保护了自尊免受真实的拒绝，又因避开那些“罪恶之地”而被“正派”社会（指那些仍去俱乐部的人）赞誉为品行端正的个体。

The Myth of ‘Other Guys’ “其他家伙”的神话

This is perhaps the most dangerous AFC social convention.

这或许是 AFC 社交惯例中最危险的一种。

We’d all like to think we’re unique and special individuals. It’s a comforting thought, but our uniqueness means nothing if it isn’t appreciated. We’d all like to be beautiful, talented, intelligent and extrordinary in some way to some degree and have others notice these qualities unequivocally. This is the root for the Not Like Other Guys convention. The idea is that the AFC can and will be appreciated in a greater degree for his personal convictions and/or his greater ability to identify with women’s stated prerequisites of a man by comparing himself to the nebulous Other Guys who are perceived not to abide by her stated conditions. The intent is to, in essesence, self-generate social proof for attraction while substituting a real social element with perceived or reported social evidence. The fallacy in this schema is that it’s always better to demonstrate social proof than to explicate it, but this is lost on the AFC subscribing to this convention. This only becomes more compounded by the reinforcement he receives from other AFCs (and really society at large) sharing his desire to outshine the phantom Other Guys. He’s patted on the back and praised by men and women alike for voluntarily molding his personality to better fit a woman’s perceived ideal and told in so many words “oh AFC,..I’m so glad you’re not like Other Guys.”You can’t fault the guy. He genuinely believes his Nice Guy personal conviction and everyone applauds him for it.

我们都愿意相信自己是独一无二、与众不同的个体。这种想法令人欣慰，但若无人欣赏，我们的独特性便毫无意义。我们都希望在某种程度上拥有美丽、才华、智慧和非凡之处，并希望他人毫不含糊地注意到这些品质。这便是“不像其他男人”惯例的根源。其理念在于，通过将自己与那些被认为不遵守女性所提条件的模糊“其他男人”相比较，AFC（平均挫男）可以因其个人信念和/或更强的能力去认同女性对男性的明确要求，从而获得更大程度的欣赏。本质上，这一意图是通过替代真实社交元素为感知或报告的社交证据，自我生成吸引力的社会证明。这一模式中的谬误在于，展示社会证明总是优于解释它，但这一观点对信奉此惯例的 AFC 来说却难以理解。更糟糕的是，他从其他 AFC（乃至整个社会）那里获得的强化，进一步加剧了他想要超越虚幻“其他男人”的渴望。 他因自愿塑造自己的性格以更好地符合女性心目中的理想形象而受到男女双方的拍背赞扬，并被明确告知：“哦，AFC，我真高兴你不是像其他男人那样。”你不能责怪他。他真诚地相信自己的“好男人”信念，而每个人都为此为他鼓掌。

In closing I’d argue that 95% of men aren’t even aware that they’re repeating / reinforcing a social convention at all because the convention is so embedded into social consciousness it’s taken for granted. The most effective social conventions are ones in which the subject willingly sublimates his own interests, discourages questioning it, and predisposes that person to encourage and reinforce the convention with others. This is the essence of the Matrix; anything can become normal.

最后，我认为 95%的男性甚至没有意识到他们正在重复/强化一种社会习俗，因为这种习俗已经深深植根于社会意识中，被视为理所当然。最有效的社会习俗是那些让主体自愿压抑自身利益、阻止质疑并使该人倾向于鼓励和强化与他人之间的习俗。这就是《黑客帝国》的精髓；任何事物都可以变得正常。

I encounter AFC mentalities all day long in my line of work, and I don’t encounter them strictly from men either. More often than not I find myself in some social/work environment where it’s women fomenting an AFC attitude and it’s men who jokingly play along with them in an attempt to identify with these women in order to qualify for female intimacy. It’s this pop-culture ‘agreeability’ factor that is taken as an unquestioned norm. It’s expected that female-centric social conventions should simply be a matter of fact without any need for critical thought.

我在工作中整天都会遇到 AFC 心态，而且并不仅限于男性。很多时候，我发现自己在某些社交或工作场合中，是女性在煽动 AFC 态度，而男性则以玩笑的方式附和她们，试图通过这种方式与这些女性建立认同，以期获得女性的亲密接触。这种流行文化中的“顺从性”因素被视为无需质疑的常态。人们认为，以女性为中心的社会习俗本应是不言而喻的事实，无需任何批判性思考。

For a positively masculine Man there is no better opportunity to set yourself apart and start to plant the seeds of critical thought into AFCs than when you’re presented with these social situation. I think most men lack the balls to be a firestarter at the risk of being perceived as some caveman, but it’s a good opportunity to truly set yourself apart from ‘other guys’ when you do.

对于一个充满阳刚之气的男人来说，没有什么比在这些社交场合中脱颖而出、开始向 AFC（平均失败者）灌输批判性思维的种子更好的机会了。我认为大多数男人缺乏勇气成为点燃思想的火种，冒着被视为野蛮人的风险，但当你这样做时，确实是一个真正将自己与“其他男人”区分开来的好机会。