Women in Love 恋爱中的女人

Men believe that love matters for the sake of it. Women love opportunistically.

男人认为爱本身就是重要的。女人则爱得机会主义。

Today’s pull quote comes from Xpat Ranting’s blog. The discourse there is brief, but insightful:

今天的引言来自 Xpat Ranting 的博客。那里的讨论虽然简短，但很有见地：

I really, really, really hope the myth that girls are the hopeless romantics gets kicked to the curb ASAP. Everyone needs to realize that men are the “romantics pretending to be realists” and women; vice versa

我真的很希望那个关于女孩是无可救药的浪漫主义者的神话能尽快被打破。每个人都应该意识到，男人是“假装现实主义者的浪漫主义者”，而女人则相反。

I found this particularly thought provoking – Men are the romantics forced to be the realists, while women are the realists using romanticisms to effect their imperatives (hypergamy). This is a heaping mouthful of cruel reality to swallow, and dovetails nicely into the sixth Iron Rule of Tomassi:

我发现这一点特别发人深省——男人是被迫成为现实主义者的浪漫主义者，而女人则是利用浪漫主义来实现她们的目的（向上择偶）的现实主义者。这是一大口残酷的现实，需要吞咽下去，并且与 Tomassi 的第六条铁律很好地吻合：

Iron Rule of Tomassi #6Tomassi 的第六条铁律

Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.

女人完全无法以男人期望的方式去爱一个男人。

In its simplicity this speaks volumes about about the condition of Men. It accurately expresses a pervasive nihilism that Men must either confront and accept, or be driven insane in denial for the rest of their lives when they fail to come to terms with the disillusionment.

这句话虽然简单，但却深刻地揭示了男人的处境。它准确地表达了一种普遍的虚无主义，男人要么面对并接受它，要么在余生中因无法接受幻灭而陷入疯狂。

Women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he thinks she should be capable of.

女人无法以男人理想化的方式去爱一个男人，无法以他认为她应该能够做到的方式去爱。

In the same respect that women cannot appreciate the sacrifices men are expected to make in order to facilitate their imperatives, women can’t actualize how a man would have himself loved by her. It is not the natural state of women, and the moment he attempts to explain his ideal love, that’s the point at which his idealization becomes her obligation. Our girlfriends, our wives, daughters and even our mothers are all incapable of this idealized love. As nice as it would be to relax, trust and be vulnerable, upfront, rational and open, the great abyss is still the lack of an ability for women to love Men as Men would like them to.

同样地，女性无法理解男性为了满足她们的需求而做出的牺牲，也无法真正理解男性希望如何被她们所爱。这不是女性的自然状态，当他试图解释他的理想爱情时，那一刻他的理想化变成了她的义务。我们的女朋友、妻子、女儿甚至母亲都无法实现这种理想化的爱。尽管放松、信任、脆弱、直接、理性和开放是很好的，但巨大的鸿沟仍然是女性无法像男性希望的那样去爱男性。

For the plugged-in beta, this aspect of ‘awakening’ is very difficult to confront. Even in the face of constant, often traumatic, controversions to what a man hopes will be his reward for living up to qualifying for a woman’s love and intimacy, he’ll still hold onto that Disneyesque ideal.

对于那些沉浸在其中的“贝塔”男性来说，这种“觉醒”的方面非常难以面对。即使在面对持续的、常常是创伤性的争议时，他仍然会坚持那种迪士尼式的理想，这些争议挑战了他希望通过符合女性爱情和亲密关系的标准来获得的回报。

It’s very important to understand that this love archetype is an artifact from our earliest feminized conditioning. It’s much healthier to accept that it isn’t possible and live within that framework. If she’s there, she’s there, if not, oh well. She’s not incapable of love in the way she defines it, she’s incapable of love as you would have it. She doesn’t lack the capacity for connection and emotional investment, she lacks the capacity for the connection you think would ideally suit you.

理解这种爱情原型是我们最早的女性化条件反射的产物非常重要。接受它是不可能的，并在这个框架内生活要健康得多。如果她在那里，她就在那里，如果没有，哦，好吧。她不是在她定义的方式上无法爱，而是在你希望的方式上无法爱。她并不缺乏建立联系和情感投入的能力，她缺乏的是你认为最适合你的那种联系。

The resulting love that defines a long-term couple’s relationship is the result of coming to an understanding of this impossibility and re-imagining what it should be for Men. Men have been, and should be, the more dominant gender, not because of some imagined divine right or physical prowess, but because on some rudimentary psychological level we ought to realized that a woman’s love is contingent upon our capacity to maintain that love in spite of a woman’s hypergamy. By order of degrees, hypergamy will define who a woman loves and who she will not, depending upon her own opportunities and capacity to attract it.

定义长期伴侣关系的结果之爱是基于对这种不可能性的理解，并重新想象它对男人的意义。男人一直是，也应该是最具主导性的性别，不是因为某种想象中的神圣权利或身体优势，而是因为在某种基本的心理层面上，我们应该意识到女人的爱取决于我们维持这种爱的能力，尽管女人的择偶偏好。按程度顺序，择偶偏好将决定一个女人爱谁，不爱谁，取决于她自己的机会和吸引它的能力。