This is a Blank Page.

There is no One.

ONEitis is paralysis. You cease to mature, you cease to move, you cease to be you.

"ONEitis"是一种瘫痪状态。你停止成长，停止前进，甚至失去了自我。

There is no ONE. This is the soulmate myth. There are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Anyone telling you anything else is selling you something. There are LOTS of ‘special someones’ out there for you, just ask the divorced/widowed person who’s remarried after their “soulmate” has died or moved on.

不存在所谓的“唯一”。这是灵魂伴侣的迷思。有些人很好，有些人则不然，但并不存在那个“唯一”。任何告诉你其他说法的人都是在向你兜售某种东西。实际上，有许多“特别的人”在等着你，只需问问那些在“灵魂伴侣”去世或离开后再次结婚的离异或丧偶者便知。

This is what trips people up about the soul-mate myth, it is this fantasy that we all at least in some way share an idealization of – that there is ONE perfect mate for each of us, and as soon as the planets align and fate takes it’s course we’ll know that we’re ‘intended’ for each other. And while this may make for a gratifying romantic comedy plot, it’s hardly a realistic way to plan your life. In fact it’s usually paralyzing.

这就是人们被灵魂伴侣神话绊倒的原因，我们或多或少都共享着这样一个理想化的幻想——即每个人都有一个完美的伴侣，一旦星辰排列、命运展开，我们就会知道彼此是“命中注定”的。尽管这可能构成一部令人满意的浪漫喜剧情节，但它绝不是规划生活的现实方式。事实上，它通常会让人陷入瘫痪。

What I find even more fascinating is how common the idea is (mostly for guys) that a nuts & bolts view of life should be trumped by this fantasy in the area of inter-sexual relationships. Guys who would otherwise recognize the value of understanding psychology, biology, sociology, evolution, business, engineering, etc. and the interplay we see these take place in our lives on a daily basis, are some of the first guys to become violently opposed to the idea that maybe there isn’t ‘someone for everyone’ or that there are a lot more ONEs out there that could meet or exceed the criteria we subconsciously set for them to be the ONE. I think it comes off as nihilistic or this dread that maybe their ego investment in this belief is false- it’s like saying God is dead to the deeply religious. It’s just too terrible to contemplate that there maybe no ONE or there maybe several ONEs to spend their lives with. This western romanticized mythology is based on the premise that there is only ONE perfect mate for any single individual and as much as a lifetime can and should be spent in constant search of this ‘soulmate.’ So strong and so pervasive is this myth in our collective society that it has become akin to a religious statement and in fact has been integrated into many religious doctrines as feminization of western culture has spread.

我发现更令人着迷的是，这种观念在异性关系领域内如何普遍（主要针对男性），即认为对生活的务实看法应被这种幻想所取代。那些通常能认识到心理学、生物学、社会学、进化论、商业、工程学等学科价值及其在日常生活中相互作用的男性，却往往是最先强烈反对“并非每个人都有一个命中注定的人”或“可能存在许多符合或超越我们潜意识设定的‘唯一’标准的人”这一观点的人。我认为这显得有些虚无主义，或是对这种信念中自我投入可能为假的恐惧——就像对虔诚的宗教信徒说“上帝已死”一样。一想到可能没有“唯一”，或者可能有多个“唯一”来共度一生，就让人难以接受。这种西方浪漫化的神话基于一个前提：对每个个体而言，存在一个完美的伴侣，并且一生都应该不断寻找这个“灵魂伴侣”。这个神话在我们集体社会中如此强大且无处不在，以至于它几乎等同于一种宗教宣言，并且随着西方文化女性化的传播，它实际上已被融入到许多宗教教义中。

I think there’s been a mischaracterization of ONEitis. It’s necessary to differentiate between a healthy relationship based on mutual respect and a lopsided ONEitis based relationship. I’ve had more than a few guys seeking my advice, or challenging my take on ONEitis, essentially ask me for permission to accept ONEitis as legitimate monogamy. In my estimation ONEitis is an unhealthy psychological dependency that is the direct result of the continuous socialization of the soulmate myth in pop culture. What’s truly frightening is that ONEitis has become associated with being a healthy normative aspect of an LTR or marriage.

我认为对“唯一症”（ONEitis）的描述存在误解。有必要区分基于相互尊重的健康关系与基于失衡“唯一症”的关系。不少男士曾寻求我的建议，或质疑我对“唯一症”的看法，实质上是希望我认可“唯一症”作为合法一夫一妻制的存在。在我看来，“唯一症”是一种不健康的心理依赖，直接源于流行文化中对“灵魂伴侣”神话的持续社会化。真正令人担忧的是，“唯一症”已被视为长期关系或婚姻中健康且正常的组成部分。

I come to the conclusion that ONEitis is based in sociological roots, not only due to it being a statement of personal belief, but by the degree to which this ideology is disseminated and mass marketed in popular culture through media, music, literature, movies, etc. Dating services like eHarmony shamelessly marketeer and exploit exactly the insecurities that this dynamic engenders in people desperately searching for the ONE “they were intended for.” The idea that men possess a natural capacity for protection, provisioning and monogamy has merit from both a social and bio-psychological standpoint, but a ONEitis psychosis is not a byproduct of it. Rather, I would set it apart from this healthy protector/provider dynamic since ONEitis essentially sabotages what our natural propensities would otherwise filter.

我得出结论，ONEitis 植根于社会学根源，不仅因为它是一种个人信仰的陈述，还因为它在流行文化中通过媒体、音乐、文学、电影等途径传播和大规模营销的程度。像 eHarmony 这样的约会服务无耻地营销并利用了这种动态在人们迫切寻找“命中注定的那个人”时产生的不安全感。从社会和生物心理学的角度来看，男性拥有保护、供养和一夫一妻制的自然能力这一观点是有道理的，但 ONEitis 心理疾病并非由此产生。相反，我会将其与这种健康的保护者/供养者动态区分开来，因为 ONEitis 本质上破坏了我们自然倾向原本会筛选的东西。

ONEitis is insecurity run amok while a person is single, and potentially paralyzing when coupled with the object of that ONEitis in an LTR. The same neurotic desperation that drives a person to settle for their ONE whether healthy or unhealthy is the same insecurity that paralyzes them from abandoning a damaging relationship – This is their ONE and how could they ever live without them? Or, they’re my ONE, but all I need is to fix myself or fix them to have my idealized relationship. And this idealization of a relationship is at the root of ONEitis. With such a limiting, all-or-nothing binary approach to searching for ONE needle in the haystack, and investing emotional effort over the course of a lifetime, how do we mature into a healthy understanding of what that relationship should really entail? The very pollyanna, idealized relationship – the “happily ever after” – that belief in a ONE promotes as an ultimate end, is thwarted and contradicted by the costs of the constant pursuit of the ONE for which they’ll settle for. After the better part of a lifetime is invested in this ideology, how much more difficult will it be to come to the realization that the person they’re with isn’t their ONE? To what extents will a person go to in order to protect a lifetime of this ego investment?

"ONEitis"是一种单身时期极度不安全感的表现，当与所迷恋的对象进入长期关系时，这种不安全感可能会变得瘫痪性。正是这种神经质的迫切感，驱使一个人无论健康与否都愿意接受他们的"唯一"，也是同样的不安全感，使他们无法摆脱一段有害的关系——这是他们的"唯一"，他们怎能离开他们而活？或者，他们是我的"唯一"，但我只需要修复自己或修复他们，就能拥有理想中的关系。这种对关系的理想化是"ONEitis"的根源。以这种限制性的、非此即彼的二元方式去寻找那根海中针，并在一生中投入情感努力，我们如何才能成熟地理解这种关系真正应该包含的内容呢？正是这种过于乐观、理想化的关系——"从此幸福快乐"——"ONEitis"所推崇的终极目标，被不断追求"唯一"的代价所阻碍和矛盾。 在将大半生投入这种理念之后，意识到身边的人并非自己的唯一，该有多么困难？为了捍卫这一生对自我价值的投入，一个人会做到何种程度？

At some point in a ONEitis relationship one participant will establish dominance based on the powerlessness that this ONEitis necessitates. There is no greater agency for a woman than to know beyond doubt that she is the only source of a man’s need for sex and intimacy. ONEitis only cements this into the understanding of both parties. For a man who believes that the emotionally and psychologically damaging relationship he has ego-invested himself is with the only person in his lifetime he’s ever going to be compatible with, there is nothing more paralyzing in his maturation. The same of course holds true for women, and this is why we shake our heads when the beautiful HB 9 goes chasing back to her abusive and indifferent Jerk boyfriend, because she believes he is her ONE and the only source of security available to her. Hypergamy may be her root imperative for sticking with him, but it’s the soul-mate myth, the fear of the “ONE that got away” that makes for the emotional investment.

在一段“唯一情结”关系中的某个时刻，一方会基于这种“唯一情结”所必需的无能为力建立起支配地位。对女性而言，没有什么比确信自己是男性性需求和亲密感的唯一来源更能赋予她权力了。这种“唯一情结”只会加深双方对此的理解。对于一个自认为与生命中唯一能与之相匹配的人陷入情感和心理上极具破坏性的关系的男性来说，没有什么比这更阻碍他的成熟了。当然，女性亦是如此，这也是为何当我们看到那位美丽的 9 分女不顾一切回到她那虐待且冷漠的“坏男孩”男友身边时，我们会摇头叹息，因为她相信他是她的“唯一”，是她唯一的安全来源。虽然出于择偶策略的本能她可能坚持与他在一起，但正是这种“灵魂伴侣”的神话，以及对“错过的唯一”的恐惧，构成了她的情感投入。

The definition of Power is not financial success, status or influence over others, but the degree to which we have control over our own lives. Subscribing to the soulmate mythology necessitates that we recognize powerlessness in this arena of our lives. Better I think it would be to foster a healthy understanding that there is no ONE. There are some good Ones and there are some bad Ones, but there is no ONE.

权力的定义并非财务上的成功、地位或对他人的影响力，而是我们对自己生活掌控的程度。信奉灵魂伴侣的神话，意味着我们必须承认在这一生活领域中的无力感。我认为，培养一种健康的认识会更好，即不存在唯一的完美伴侣。有些是好的，有些则不然，但并不存在那个唯一的完美伴侣。

The Cardinal Rule of Relationships

关系中的基本原则

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least. 在任何关系中，拥有最大权力的人往往是那个最不需要对方的人。

This is a foundation of any relationship, not just intersexual ones, but family, business, etc. relationships as well. It is a dynamic that is always in effect. For my own well being and that of my family’s, I need my employer more than he needs me, ergo I get up for work in the morning and work for him. And while I am also a vital part for the uninterrupted continuance of his company and endeavours, he simply needs me less than I need him. Now I could win the lottery tomorrow or he may decide to cut my pay or limit my benefits, or I may complete my Masters Degree and decide that I can do better than to keep myself yoked to his cart indefinitely, thereby, through some condition either initiated by myself or not, I am put into a position of needing him less than he needs me. At this point he is forced into a position of deciding how much I am worth to his ambitions and either part ways with me or negotiate a furtherance of our relationship.

这是任何关系的基础，不仅限于异性关系，还包括家庭、商业等关系。这种动态始终在起作用。为了我自己和家人的福祉，我需要我的雇主多于他需要我，因此我早晨起床去工作，为他效力。尽管我对于他公司和事业的持续运作至关重要，但他对我的依赖程度不及我对他的需求。现在，我可能明天赢得彩票，或者他可能决定削减我的薪酬或限制我的福利，又或者我完成硕士学位后决定，我值得更好的，不愿永远被束缚在他的马车上。因此，通过某种由我发起或非我发起的条件，我处于一个不再那么需要他的位置。此时，他被迫决定我在他抱负中的价值，并选择与我分道扬镳或协商进一步发展我们的关系。

The same plays true for intersexual relationships. Whether you want to base your relationship on ‘power’ or not isn’t the issue; it’s already in play from your first point of attraction. You are acceptable to her for meeting any number of criteria and she meets your own as well. If this weren’t the case you simply would not initiate a mutual relationship. This is the first comparisson we make with another individual – call it ‘sizing up’ if you like – but we make innate (and often unconscious) comparisons about everything and in the case of initial attraction we decide if the the other person is acceptable for our own intimacy. From this point it becomes a cooperative negotiation.

异性关系亦是如此。你是否想以“权力”为基础来建立关系并非关键；从你最初的吸引力开始，它就已经在发挥作用了。你符合她的某些标准，而她也符合你的标准。如果不是这样，你们根本不会开始一段相互的关系。这是我们与另一个人进行的第一种比较——如果你愿意，可以称之为“评估”——但我们对所有事物都进行着内在的（且常常是无意识的）比较，在最初的吸引中，我们决定对方是否适合我们的亲密关系。从这一点开始，它就变成了一种合作的协商过程。

This principle isn’t so much about ‘power’ as it is about control. This might sound like semantics, but it does make a difference. It’s very easy to slip into binary arguments and think that what I mean by the cardinal rule of relationships is that one participant must absolutely rule over the other – a domineering dominant personality to a doormat submissive personality. Control in a healthy relationship passes back and forth as desire and need dictate for each partner. In an unhealthy realationship you have an unbalanced manipulation of this control by a partner.

这一原则与其说是关于“权力”，不如说是关于控制。这听起来可能像是语义上的区别，但确实有所不同。人们很容易陷入二元论的争论中，认为我所指的关系中的基本规则是，一方必须绝对统治另一方——一个支配性的主导性格对一个逆来顺受的顺从性格。在健康的关系中，控制权根据双方的需求和愿望来回转移。而在不健康的关系中，一方会通过不平衡的操纵来掌控这种控制权。

Although control is never in complete balance, it becomes manipulation when one partner, in essence, blackmails the other with what would otherwise be a behavioral reinforcer for the manipulated partner under healthy circumstances. This happens for a variety of different reasons, but the condition comes about by two ways – the submissive participant becomes conditioned to allow the manipulation to occur and/or the dominant one initiates the manipulation. In either case the rule still holds true – the one who needs the other the least has the most control. Nowhere is this more evident than in interpersonal relationships.

尽管控制从未达到完全平衡，但当一方实质上以在健康情况下本应是受控方行为强化因素的事物来胁迫另一方时，这就变成了操纵。这种情况的出现有多种不同原因，但其形成条件有两种途径——顺从的一方变得习惯于允许操纵发生，和/或支配的一方发起操纵。无论哪种情况，规则依然成立——最不依赖对方的一方拥有最大的控制权。这一点在人际关系中表现得尤为明显。

Too many people who I counsel and read my posts (here and elsewhere) assume that this Rule means that I’m advocating the maintaining a position of dominance at the expense of their partners; far from it. I do however advocate that people – young men in particular – develop a better sense of self-worth and a better understanding of their true efficacy in their relationships (assuming you decide to become involved in one). Don’t get me wrong, both sexes are guilty of manipulation; Battered women go back to their abusive boyfriends/husbands and pussy whipped men compromise themselves and their ambitions to better serve their girlfriend’s insecurities. My intent in promoting this Rule is to open the eyes of young men who are already predisposed to devaluing themselves and placing women as the goal of their lives rather than seeing themselves as the PRIZE to be sought after. Compromise is always going to be a part of any relationship, but what’s key is realizing when that compromise becomes the result of manipulation, what is in effect, then developing the confidence to be uncompromising in those situations. This is where a firm understanding of the cardinal rule of relationships becomes essential.

太多向我咨询并阅读我文章（无论在此处还是其他地方）的人误以为这条规则意味着我主张以牺牲伴侣为代价维持主导地位；远非如此。然而，我的确提倡人们——尤其是年轻男性——培养更强的自我价值感，并更深入地理解自己在关系中的真实效能（假设你决定投身其中）。请别误会，两性都存在操控行为；遭受虐待的女性会回到施暴的男友或丈夫身边，而受制于女友的男性则牺牲自我和抱负，只为更好地迎合她们的不安全感。我推广这条规则的初衷，是唤醒那些本就倾向于自我贬低、将女性视为生活目标而非将自己视作追求奖赏的年轻男性。妥协在任何关系中都不可避免，但关键在于认清何时妥协源于操控，进而培养在那种情境下坚定不移的自信。 这是对关系基本原则的深刻理解变得至关重要的地方。

There’s nothing wrong with backing down from an argument you have with your girlfriend, but there is something wrong when you continually compromise yourself in order to ‘keep the peace’ with the understanding that she’ll withhold intimacy as a result of you holding your ground. That is a power play, also known as a ‘shit test’. She initiates it thus becoming the controlling party. 与女友争论时退让并无不妥，但若你为了“维持和平”而不断妥协自己，心知肚明她会因你坚守立场而拒绝亲密，那便有问题了。这是一种权力游戏，俗称“试探底线”。她发起这一行为，从而成为掌控方。

No woman’s intimacy (i.e. sex) is ever worth that compromise because in doing so you devalue your own worth to her. Once this precident is set, she will progressively have less respect for you – exactly opposite of the popular conception that she’ll appreciate your compromising for her and reward you for your “sensitivity”.

没有任何女性的亲密（即性）值得你做出这样的妥协，因为这样做会贬低你自身的价值。一旦这种先例形成，她对你的尊重将逐渐减少——这与流行的观念完全相反，即她会感激你的妥协，并因你的“敏感”而回报你。

And really, what are you compromising in order to achieve? Set in this condition, her intimacy. That isn’t genuine desire or real interest in you, it’s a subtle psychological test (that all too many men are unaware of) meant to determine who needs the other more. There is no more a superior confidence for a man than one with the self-understanding that he will not compromise himself for the recognized manipulations of a woman, and the fortitude to walk away knowing he can and will find a better prospect than her. This is the man who passes the shit test. It’s called ‘enlightened self-interest’ -— I cannot help others until I can help myself — and a principle I wholely endorse.

实际上，为了达成目的，你在妥协什么？在这种条件下，她的亲近。那并非真正的欲望或对你真实的兴趣，而是一种微妙的心理测试（太多男性未曾察觉），旨在判断谁更需要对方。对一个男人来说，没有什么比自我认知更自信的了，他明白自己不会为了一个女人已知的操控而妥协，且有勇气离开，深知自己能找到比她更好的选择。这就是通过“狗屎测试”的男人。这被称为“开明的自我利益”——在我能帮助他人之前，我必须先帮助自己——这一原则我完全赞同。

The Desire Dynamic

You cannot negotiate Desire. 你无法谈判欲望。

This is a very simple principle that most Men and the vast majority of women are willfully ignorant of. One the most common personal problems I’ve been asked advice for in the past 10 years is some variation of “how do I get her back?” Usually this breaks down into men seeking some methodology to return his relationship to an earlier state where a previously passionate woman couldn’t keep her hands off of him. Six months into a comfortable familiarity and the thrill is gone, but in truth it’s the genuine desire that is gone.

这是一个非常简单的原则，大多数男性以及绝大多数女性都故意忽视它。过去 10 年间，我被咨询最多的个人问题之一就是各种形式的“我如何才能让她回心转意？”通常，这涉及到男性寻求某种方法，希望将他们的关系恢复到之前的状态，那时一个曾经热情似火的女人对他爱不释手。然而，六个月舒适熟悉之后，激情已逝，实际上，是那份真挚的渴望已不复存在。

It’s often at this stage that a man will resort to negotiation. Sometimes this can be as subtle as him progressively doing things for her in the hopes that she’ll reciprocate with the same sexual fervor they used to have. Other times a married couple may go to marriage counseling to “resolve their sex issues” and negotiate terms for her sexual compliance. He’ll promise to do the dishes and a load of laundry more often in exchange for her feigned sexual interest in him. Yet, no matter what terms are offered, no matter how great an external effort he makes so deserving of reward, the genuine desire is not there for her. In fact, she feels worse for not having the desire after such efforts were made for her compliance.

在这个阶段，男人往往会诉诸谈判。有时，这可能微妙到他逐渐为她做些事情，希望她能以曾经同样的热情回应他的性需求。其他时候，一对已婚夫妇可能会寻求婚姻咨询，以“解决他们的性问题”，并就她的性服从进行谈判。他会承诺更频繁地洗碗和洗衣服，以换取她对他假装出的性兴趣。然而，无论提出什么条件，无论他为了得到回报而付出多么巨大的外在努力，她内心真正的欲望却并不存在。事实上，她在努力达成她的服从后，因为没有欲望而感到更加糟糕。

Negotiated desire only ever leads to obligated compliance. 协商的欲望只会导致被迫的顺从。

This is why her post-negotiation sexual response is often so lackluster and the source of even further frustration on his part. She may be more sexually available to him, but the half-hearted experience is never the same as when they first met when there was no negotiation, just spontaneous desire for each other.

这就是为什么她在谈判后的性反应往往如此乏味，甚至成为他进一步沮丧的源头。她可能对他更加性开放，但这种半心半意的体验永远无法与他们初次相遇时相提并论，那时无需谈判，只有彼此间自发的渴望。

From a male perspective, and particularly that of an uninitiated beta male, negotiation of desire seems a rational solution to the problem. Men tend to innately rely on deductive reasoning; otherwise known as an “if then” logic stream. The code is often something like this:

从男性视角，尤其是未入门的贝塔男性的角度来看，协商欲望似乎是解决问题的理性方案。男性往往天生依赖演绎推理；也就是所谓的“如果那么”逻辑流。这种逻辑常常是这样的：

I need sex + women have the sex I want + query women about their conditions for sex + meet prerequisites for sex = the sex I want. 我需要性 + 女性拥有我想要的性 + 询问女性关于性的条件 + 满足性的先决条件 = 我想要的性。

Makes sense right? It’s simple economics, but built on a foundation that relies on a woman’s accurate self-evaluations. The genuine desire they used to experience at the outset of their relationship was predicated upon a completely unknown set of variables. Overtly communicating a desire for reciprocal desire creates obligation, and sometimes even ultimatums. Genuine desire is something a person must come to – or be led to – on their own volition. You can force a woman by threat to comply with behaving in a desired manner, but you cannot make her want to behave that way. A prostitute will fuck you for an exchange, it doesn’t mean she wants to.

有道理吧？这是简单的经济学原理，但建立在女性准确自我评估的基础上。她们在关系初期所经历的真诚渴望，是基于一系列完全未知的变量。公开表达对互惠渴望的需求会带来义务，有时甚至是最后通牒。真正的渴望是个人必须自发达到或被引导达到的。你可以通过威胁迫使女性以期望的方式行事，但你无法让她真心想要那样做。一个妓女会为了交换而与你发生关系，这并不意味着她愿意。

Whether LTR or a one night stand (ONS) strive for genuine desire in your relationships. Half of the battle is knowing you want to be with a woman who wants to please you, not one who feels obligated to. You will never draw this genuine desire from her by overt means, but you can covertly lead her to this genuine desire. The trick in provoking real desire is in keeping her ignorant of your intent to provoke it. Real desire is created by her thinking it’s something she wants, not something she has to do.

无论是长期关系（LTR）还是一夜情（ONS），都应追求关系中的真诚欲望。战斗的一半在于明白你想要的是一个愿意取悦你的女人，而非感到有义务如此的女人。你无法通过直接手段从她那里唤起这种真诚欲望，但你可以间接引导她达到这种真诚欲望。激发真正欲望的诀窍在于让她对你的意图一无所知。真正的欲望是由她认为这是她想要的东西，而非她必须做的事情所创造的。

Schedules of Mating

There are methods and social contrivances women have used for centuries to ensure that the best male’s genes are selected and secured with the best male provisioning she’s capable of attracting. Ideally the best Man should exemplify both, but rarely do the two exist in the same male (particularly these days) so in the interest of achieving her biological imperative, and prompted by an innate need for security, the feminine as a whole had to develop social conventions and methodologies (which change as her environment and personal conditions do) to effect this. Men are not only up against a female genetic imperative, but also centuries long feminine social conventions established and adapted from a time long before human beings could accurately determine genetic origins.

几个世纪以来，女性运用各种方法和社会手段，以确保选择并确保最佳男性的基因，并吸引到她所能吸引到的最佳男性的供养。理想情况下，最佳男性应兼具这两者，但这两者很少同时存在于同一个男性身上（尤其是在当今时代）。因此，为了实现其生物学上的使命，并在内在安全需求的驱使下，女性作为一个整体，不得不发展出社会习俗和方法论（这些会随着她的环境和个体条件的变化而变化），以实现这一目标。男性不仅面临着女性的遗传使命，还面临着由来已久的女性社会习俗，这些习俗建立并适应于人类能够准确确定遗传起源之前的漫长时期。

I’ve detailed in many prior threads that mate selection is a psycho-biological function that millennia of evolution has hardwired into both sexes. So internalized and socialized is this process into our collective psyches that we rarely recognize we’re subject to these motivators even when we continually repeat the same behaviors manifested by them (such as having the second kid with the Alpha Bad Boy). So saying that we’re not subject to conditions we’re or are only vaguely aware of is a bit naive. 我在许多先前的讨论中详细阐述了，择偶是一种心理生物学功能，经过数千年的进化，已被深深植入两性之中。这一过程如此内化和社会化地融入我们的集体心理，以至于我们很少意识到自己受到这些动机的驱使，即使我们不断重复由它们表现出的相同行为（例如与阿尔法坏男孩生第二个孩子）。因此，声称我们不受那些我们或仅模糊意识到的条件的制约，未免有些天真。

It’s simple deductive logic to follow that for a species to survive it must provide its offspring with the best possible conditions to ensure its survival – either that or to reproduce in such quantity that it ensures survival. The obvious application of this for women is sharing parental investment with the best possible mate her own genetics allow her to attract and who can provide long term security for her and any potential offspring. Thus women are biologically, psychologically and sociologically the filters of their own reproduction, where as men’s reproductive methodology is to scatter as much of his genetic material as humanly possible to the widest available quantity of sexually available females. He of course has his own criteria for mating selection and determining the best genetic pairing for his reproduction (i.e. she’s gotta be hot), but his criteria is certainly less discriminating than that for women (i.e. no one’s ugly after 2am). This is evidenced in our own hormonal biology; men possess between 12 and17 times the amount of testosterone (the primary hormone in sexual arousal) women do and women produce substantially more estrogen (instrumental in sexual caution) and oxytocin (fostering feelings of security and nurturing) than men.

遵循简单的演绎逻辑，一个物种要生存下去，必须为其后代提供最佳的生存条件，或者通过大量繁殖来确保生存。对女性而言，这一逻辑的直接应用是与最优质的伴侣共同承担育儿责任，这个伴侣应是她凭借自身基因能够吸引到的，并能为其及任何潜在后代提供长期保障的人。因此，女性在生物学、心理学和社会学层面上，都是自身繁殖的筛选者，而男性的繁殖策略则是尽可能广泛地将其遗传物质散布给尽可能多的可交配女性。当然，男性在选择交配对象和确定最佳遗传组合时也有自己的标准（比如她必须有吸引力），但相比女性，他们的标准显然不那么严格（比如凌晨两点后没人是丑的）。 这一点在我们的荷尔蒙生物学中得到了体现；男性体内的睾酮（性兴奋的主要激素）含量是女性的 12 至 17 倍，而女性产生的雌激素（与性警觉相关）和催产素（促进安全感和养育感）则远多于男性。

That stated, both of these methodologies conflict in practice. For a woman to best ensure the survival of her young, a man must necessarily abandon his method of reproduction in favor of her own. This then sets a contradictory imperative for him to pair with a woman who will satisfy his methodology. A male must sacrifice his reproductive schedule to satisfy that of the woman he pairs with. Thus, with so much genetic potential at stake on his part of the risk, he want’s not only to ensure that she is the best possible candidate for breeding (and future breeding), but also to know that his progeny will benefit from both parent’s investment.

话虽如此，这两种方法论在实践中存在冲突。为了最大限度地确保幼崽的生存，男性必须放弃自己的繁殖方式，转而采用女性的方式。这进而为他设定了一个矛盾的指令，即要与一个能满足其繁殖方法的女性配对。男性必须牺牲自己的繁殖计划以适应与之配对的女性的计划。因此，由于他的风险承担部分涉及大量遗传潜力，他不仅希望确保她是最佳的繁殖（及未来繁殖）候选人，还希望知道他的后代能从双方的投资中获益。

Side note: One interesting outcome of this psycho-biological dynamic is men’s ability to spot their own children in a crowd of other children more quickly and with greater acuity than even their mothers. Studies have shown that men have the ability to more quickly and accurately identify their own children in a room full of kids dressed in the same uniforms than the mothers of the child. Again, this stresses the subconscious importance of this genetic trade off.

附注：这一心理生物学动态的一个有趣结果是，男性在众多儿童中识别自己孩子的速度和准确度，甚至超过母亲。研究表明，男性能在满屋穿着相同制服的孩子中，比孩子的母亲更快更准确地辨认出自己的孩子。这再次强调了这种基因交换在潜意识中的重要性。

These are the rudiments of human sexual selection and reproduction. There are many other social, emotional, psychological intricacies that are associated with these fundamentals, but they are the underlying motivations and considerations that subconsciously influence sexual selection.

这些是人类性选择和繁殖的基础。还有许多其他与这些基本原则相关的社会、情感和心理复杂性，但它们是潜意识中影响性选择的根本动机和考虑因素。

Social Convention 社会习俗

To counter this subconscious dynamic to their own genetic advantage women initiate social conventions and psychological schemas to better facilitate their own breeding methodologies. This is why women always have the “prerogative to change her mind” and the most fickle of behaviors become socially excusable, while men’s behavior is constrained to a higher standard of responsibility to “do the right thing” which is invariably to the advantage of a woman’s reproductive scheme . This is why guys who are ‘Players’, and fathers who abandon mothers to pursue their innate reproduction method are villains, and fathers who selflessly sacrifice themselves financially, emotionally and life decision-wise, often to the benefit of children they didn’t father, are considered social heroes for complying with women’s genetic imperatives.

为了对抗这种潜意识中对自身基因有利的动态，女性会发起社会习俗和心理模式，以更好地促进自身的繁衍策略。这就是为什么女性总是拥有“改变主意的特权”，最反复无常的行为也变得社会可接受，而男性的行为则被约束在更高的责任感标准上，即“做正确的事”，而这往往符合女性的生殖计划。这就是为什么那些“花花公子”和抛弃母亲去追求其固有繁衍方式的父亲被视为恶人，而那些无私地从经济、情感乃至生活决策上牺牲自己，常常惠及非亲生子女的父亲，则因顺应女性的基因需求而被视为社会英雄。

This is also the root motivation for female-specific social dynamics such as LJBF rejections, women’s propensity for victimhood (as they’ve learned that this engenders ‘savior’ mental schemas for men’s breeding schedules – Cap’n Save a Ho) and even marriage itself.

这也是女性特有的社会动态的根源，如“朋友区”拒绝、女性倾向于扮演受害者角色（因为她们已了解到这会激发男性“拯救者”心理模式，以适应其繁衍计划——“船长救美”），乃至婚姻本身。

Good Dads vs Good Genes 好爸爸与好基因

The two greatest difficulties for women to overcome in their own methodology is that they are only at a sexually viable peak for a short window of time (generally their 20s) and the fact that the qualities that make a good long term partner (the Good Dad) and the qualities that make for good breeding stock (Good Genes) only rarely manifest themselves in the same male. Provisioning and security potential are fantastic motivators for pairing with a Good Dad, but the same characteristics that make him such are generally a disadvantage when compared with the man who better exemplifies genetic, physical attraction and the risk taking qualities that would imbue her child with a better capacity to adapt to its environment (i.e stronger, faster, more attractive than others to ensure the passing of her own genetic material to future generations). This is the Jerk vs. Nice Guy paradox writ large on an evolutionary scale. 女性在自身方法论中需克服的两大难题是，她们在性方面具有生育能力的巅峰期非常短暂（通常在 20 多岁），以及那些构成长期理想伴侣（好父亲）的特质与那些利于优良后代繁衍（优质基因）的特质，极少在同一男性身上同时体现。与一个好父亲结合，其提供的物质保障和安全潜力是强大的驱动力，但这些特质在遗传、身体吸引力及冒险精神方面，通常不及那些更能赋予孩子适应环境优势（即更强壮、更快速、更具吸引力，以确保自身基因能传递至后代）的男性。这便是进化尺度上的“混蛋与好人”悖论。

Men and women innately (though unconsciously) understand this dynamic, so in order for a woman to have the best that the Good Dad has to offer while taking advantage of the best that the Good Genes man has, she must invent and constantly modify social conventions to keep the advantage in her biological favor.

男女双方天生（尽管是无意识地）理解这一动态，因此，为了让女性既能获得好父亲所能提供的最佳条件，又能利用好基因男性的优势，她必须创造并不断修改社会习俗，以保持其生物学上的优势。

Reproductive Schedules 生殖时间表

This paradox then necessitates that women (and by default men) must subscribe to short term and long term schedules of mating. Short term schedules facilitate breeding with the Good Genes male, while long term breeding is reserved the Good Dad male. This convention and the psycho-social schemas that accompany it are precisely why women will marry the Nice Guy, stable, loyal, (preferably) doctor and still fuck the pool boy or the cute surfer she met on spring break. In our genetic past, a male with good genes implied an ability to be a good provider, but modern convention has thwarted this, so new social and mental schemas had to be developed for women. 这一悖论进而要求女性（以及默认的男性）必须遵循短期和长期的交配时间表。短期时间表便于与拥有优质基因的男性繁殖，而长期繁殖则留给成为好父亲的男性。这种惯例及其伴随的心理社会模式正是为何女性会嫁给那位善良、稳定、忠诚（最好是）医生的原因，同时仍会与泳池管理员或春假期间遇到的迷人冲浪者发生关系。在我们基因的过去，拥有优质基因的男性意味着有能力成为好的供养者，但现代习俗已颠覆了这一点，因此女性需要发展新的社会和心理模式。

Cheating 作弊

For this dynamic and the practicality of enjoying the best of both genetic worlds, women find it necessary to ‘cheat’. This cheating can be done proactively or reactively. 为了这种动态以及享受两种基因世界最佳之处的实用性，女性发现有必要“作弊”。这种作弊可以是主动进行的，也可以是被动应对的。

In the reactive model, a woman who has already paired with her long term partner choice, engages in a extramarital or extra-pairing, sexual intercourse with a short term partner (i.e. the cheating wife or girlfriend). That’s not to say this short term opportunity cannot develop into a 2nd, long term mate, but the action of infidelity itself is a method for securing better genetic stock than the committed male provider is capable of supplying. 在反应模型中，一位已与长期伴侣配对的女性，会与短期伴侣（即出轨的妻子或女友）发生婚外或婚外配对性行为。这并不是说这种短期机会不能发展成第二个长期伴侣，但出轨行为本身是一种确保获得比忠诚男性提供者所能提供的更优质基因的手段。

Proactive cheating is the single Mommy dilema. This form of ‘cheating’ relies on the woman breeding with a Good Genes male, bearing his children and then abandoning him, or having him abandon her, (again through invented social conventions) in order to find a Good Dad male to provide for her and the children of her Good Genes partner to ensure their security. 主动欺骗是单亲妈妈面临的独特困境。这种“欺骗”行为依赖于女性与拥有优质基因的男性生育，产下他的孩子后，或被他抛弃，或通过虚构的社会习俗主动离开他，以便寻找一个好父亲型的男性来供养她和前一位优质基因伴侣的孩子，确保他们的生活稳定。

I want to stress again that (most) women do not have some consciously constructed and recognized master plan to enact this cycle and deliberately trap men into it. Rather, the motivations for this behavior and the accompanying social rationales invented to justify it are an unconscious process. For the most part, women are unaware of this dynamic, but are nonetheless subject to its influence. For a female of any species to facilitate a methodology for breeding with the best genetic partner she’s able to attract AND to ensure her own and her offspring’s survival with the best provisioning partner; this is an evolutionary jackpot.

我想再次强调，（大多数）女性并没有一个刻意构建并被认可的主计划来实施这一循环，并故意将其中的男性困住。相反，这种行为的动机以及随之而来的、用以证明其合理性的社会理由，是一个无意识的过程。在很大程度上，女性并不了解这一动态，但仍然受到其影响。对于任何物种的女性来说，能够促成一种与她能吸引到的最佳基因伴侣繁殖的方法，并确保自己和后代与最佳供养伴侣一起生存；这无疑是进化的巨大胜利。

The Cuckold 《绿帽丈夫》

On some level of consciousness, men innately sense something is wrong with this situation, though they may not be able to place why they feel it or misunderstand it in the confusion of women’s justifications for it. Or they become frustrated by the social pressures to ‘do the right thing’, are shamed into martyrdom/savior-hood and committed to a feigned responsibility to these conventions. Nevertheless, some see it well enough to steer clear of single mothers, either by prior experience or observing other male cuckolds saddled with the responsibility of raising and providing for – no matter how involved or uninvolved – another man’s successful reproduction efforts with this woman.

在某种意识层面，男性本能地察觉到这种情境存在问题，尽管他们可能无法明确为何有此感觉，或在女性对此情境的辩解中感到困惑而误解。或者，他们因社会压力要求“做正确的事”而感到沮丧，被迫陷入牺牲/救赎的角色，并承担起对这些传统规范的虚假责任。尽管如此，有些人通过先前经历或观察到其他男性背负起抚养与供养——无论参与度如何——另一个男人与该女性成功繁衍后代的责任，从而明智地选择避开单亲妈妈。

Men often fall into the role of the proactive or reactive Cuckold. He will never enjoy the same benefits as his mates short term partner(s) to the same degree, in the way of sexual desire or immediacy of it, while at the same time enduring the social pressures of having to provide for this Good Genes father’s progeny. It could be argued that he may contribute minimally to their welfare, but on some level, whether emotional, physical, financial or educational he will contribute some effort for another man’s genetic stock in exchange for a limited form of sexuality/intimacy from the mother. To some degree, (even if only by his presence) he is sharing the parental investment that should be borne by the short term partner. If nothing else, he contributes the time and effort to her he could be better invested in finding a sexual partner with which he could pursue his own genetic imperative by his own methodology.

男性常常陷入主动或被动的绿帽角色。他永远无法像伴侣的短期伴侣那样，在性欲望或即时性方面享受到同等程度的满足，同时还要承受着为这位“优质基因”父亲的后代提供生活保障的社会压力。可以说，他对这些后代的福祉贡献甚微，但在某种层面上，无论是情感、身体、经济还是教育方面，他都会为另一个男人的基因库付出一些努力，以换取母亲有限的性或亲密形式。在某种程度上，（即使仅仅是通过他的存在）他分担了本应由短期伴侣承担的父母投资。若非如此，他投入的时间和精力本可以更好地用于寻找一个能通过自己的方式追求自身基因传承的性伴侣。

However, needless to say, there is no shortage of men sexually deprived enough to ‘see past’ the long term disadvantages, and not only rewarding, but reinforcing a single mother’s bad decisions (bad from his own interest’s POV) with regard to her breeding selections and schedules in exchange for short term sexual gratification. Furthermore, by reinforcing her behavior thusly, he reinforces the social convention for both men and women. It’s important to bear in mind that in this age women are ultimately, soley responsible for the men they choose to mate with (baring rape of course) AND giving birth to their children. Men do bear responsibility for their actions no doubt, but it is ultimately the decision of the female and her judgement that decides her and her children’s fate

然而，毋庸置疑，不乏有性需求极度匮乏的男性，他们能够“忽视”长期的不利因素，不仅奖励，还强化了单身母亲在生育选择和时间安排上的错误决策（从他自身利益的角度来看是错误的），以换取短期的性满足。此外，通过这种方式强化她的行为，他也强化了男女双方的社会规范。需要铭记的是，在这个时代，女性最终要独自承担起选择伴侣（当然不包括强奸的情况）和生育子女的责任。男性无疑要为自己的行为负责，但最终决定女性及其孩子命运的，是女性的选择和判断。

Buffers

Rejection is better than Regret. 拒绝胜于遗憾。

Sifting through some of my past posts on the SoSuave forum it hit me; over 90% of what I advocate there can be reduced to overcoming a fear of rejection. 90% of the dilemmas AFCs and rAFCs find themselves in, and a majority of men’s concerns, with the opposite sex find their roots in the methods and means they use to reduce their exposure to female rejection. These are buffers meant to reduce the potential for this rejection of intimacy. Men of course aren’t the only ones who use buffers – women have their share as well – but I think it would be much more productive for guys to recognize this propensity in themselves and see the methods they use, and often ego-invest in their personal psychologies, to buffer themselves against rejection.

在回顾 SoSuave 论坛上的一些旧帖时，我突然意识到；我所倡导的 90%内容可以归结为克服对拒绝的恐惧。AFCs 和 rAFCs 所面临的 90%困境，以及大多数男性在与异性交往中的担忧，其根源在于他们用来减少面对女性拒绝风险的方法和手段。这些缓冲措施旨在降低这种亲密关系被拒绝的可能性。当然，使用缓冲措施的不仅仅是男性——女性也有自己的一套——但我认为，对男性而言，更有效的是认识到自身这种倾向，并审视他们所采用的方法，这些方法往往与他们的个人心理和自尊紧密相连，以此来抵御拒绝。

Virtually every common problem guys deal with finds its basis in these buffers: 几乎每个男性常遇问题都能在这些缓冲区中找到根源：

• LDRs – Long Distance Relationships. The AFC will entertain an LDR because it was based on a previous acceptance of intimacy and being no longer convenient (due to distance) the guy will cling to the “relationship” because it’s a buffer against potential rejection from new women instead of accepting the relationship as being finished and maturely re-entering the dating pool. It’s a perceived “sure thing”, even if only rarely rewarding. LDRs

异地恋。AFC（挫男）会维持一段异地恋，因为这是基于之前对亲密关系的接受，而由于距离不再方便，男方会紧抓这段“关系”，将其作为抵御可能被新女性拒绝的缓冲，而非承认这段关系已结束，成熟地重新进入约会市场。这是一种被视为“稳妥”的选择，尽管很少带来回报。

• Playing Friends – Usually after an LJBF rejection where the perception is the potential love interest “might” later become an intimate with time and qualification. No matter how misguided, the time and effort spent by an AFC in proving himself as the would-be “perfect boyfriend” is a buffer against further rejection by new potential females, which is then further compounded by a moralistic sense of duty to be an actual Friend to his LJBF girl. In essence, his buffer against further rejection is his misplaced dedication to the LJBF girl. Another variation of this is the Cap’n-Save-A-Ho dynamic. 玩伴关系——通常发生在“只是朋友”拒绝之后，此时潜在的爱情对象可能会随着时间和条件的成熟而变得亲密。无论这种想法多么错误，一个 AFC（平均水平的家伙）为了证明自己能成为“完美男友”所投入的时间和精力，成为他抵御新潜在女性拒绝的缓冲。这种缓冲进一步被他对 LJBF 女孩实际成为朋友的道德责任感所加强。本质上，他抵御进一步拒绝的缓冲是他错位的对 LJBF 女孩的奉献。另一种变体是“船长救妓”的动态。

• Emails, IMs and Texts – I should also add lengthy phone conversations to this list as well, but really any technology that seemingly increases communication serves as a buffer (for both genders) the more it limits interpersonal communication. In the AFC case, the rationalization is that it keeps him in constant contact with his sex interest (which in and of itself is a mistake), but only serves as a buffer against her rejection. The latent perception being that it’s easier to read a rejection (or hear one) than to potentially be rejected in person. A lot of guys will counter this with how Texts and IM’s are just how this generation plies its Game. The difference I’d argue is that when digital communication becomes your preferred method of interacting with women, it’s a buffer.

电子邮件、即时消息和短信——我也应该将长时间的电话交谈加入这个列表，但事实上，任何看似增加沟通的技术，随着它限制人际交流的程度加深，都成为了（对双方性别而言的）缓冲器。在 AFC（Average Frustrated Chump，即普通挫败者）的情况下，其合理化解释是，这使他始终与性兴趣对象保持联系（这本身就是一个错误），但实际上只是作为她拒绝的缓冲。潜在的认知是，阅读或听到拒绝比可能当面被拒绝要容易得多。许多男性会反驳说，短信和即时消息只是这一代人玩游戏的手段。我要争论的区别在于，当数字通信成为你与女性互动的首选方式时，它就成了一种缓冲。

• Facebook & Online Dating – This one should be fairly obvious for the same reasons as above – Online dating is perhaps the best buffer ever conceived – particularly for less than physically ideal women. In fact it’s so effective that businesses can be built upon the common insecurities and fear of rejection of both sexes.

Facebook 与在线交友——这一点应该相当明显，原因与上述相同——在线交友或许是迄今为止为女性，尤其是外表不那么理想的女性设计的最佳缓冲机制。事实上，它的效果如此显著，以至于可以基于两性共同的自我怀疑和害怕被拒绝的心理建立商业模式。

• Objectification of Gender – This might be less obvious, but both sexes tend to objectify the other. Naturally when we think of this, the popularized notion is that men objectify women as sex objects, but women have a tendency to objectify men as “success objects” for the same reason. It is easier to accept rejection from an object than it is to take it from a living, breathing, human being. This is why we refer to intersexual communication as a “game.” We “score” or we get “shot down” not personally or emotionally rejected; the buffer is in the language and mental approach.

性别物化——这一点可能不那么明显，但两性都倾向于物化对方。通常当我们想到这一点时，流行的观念是男性将女性物化为性对象，但出于同样的原因，女性也有将男性物化为“成功对象”的倾向。从物化对象那里接受拒绝，比从活生生的人那里接受拒绝要容易得多。这就是为什么我们将异性间的交流称为“游戏”。我们“得分”或被“拒绝”，并非个人或情感上的拒绝；这种缓冲存在于语言和心理层面。

• Idealization of Gender – This is the myth of the “Quality Woman.” The buffer operates in perceived self-limitations based on a search for an ideal mate. Thus a tendency to fixate on one woman (ONEitis) or one type of woman (a gender Archetype) develops. By limiting to, and/or fixating on one woman (or type) the potential for rejection decreases, while insuring that any real rejection will come only from what will later be deemed non-qualified women. Rejection = ‘Low Quality Woman’ and is thus disqualified. This works in a similar fashion to the objectification buffer in that the woman delivering the rejection is reduced to an object.

性别理想化——这是“优质女性”的神话。缓冲器基于对理想伴侣的追求，在感知到的自我限制中运作。因此，倾向于固定于一位女性（单一情结）或一种女性类型（性别原型）。通过限制和/或固定于一位女性（或类型），拒绝的可能性降低，同时确保任何实际的拒绝只会来自后来被视为不合格的女性。拒绝等于“低质量女性”，因此被取消资格。这与物化缓冲器的作用类似，即发出拒绝的女性被降格为物体。

• Scarcity Mentality – The “Take What I Can Get and Be Glad I Got It” mentality acts as a buffer in that it works opposite of the Idealization buffer. Deprivation is motivation, and by sticking with the “sure thing” as the “only thing”, the potential for new rejection is then eliminated. 稀缺心态——“能得到什么就拿什么，并庆幸自己得到了”的心态起到了缓冲作用，因为它与理想化缓冲相反。匮乏成为动力，通过坚持“确定的事物”作为“唯一的事物”，从而消除了新拒绝的可能性。

• Older Women, Younger Women – I should also include certain body types in this category as well, but the buffer is in certain types of women being less likely to reject a man due to their personal circumstances. The Cougar dynamic debate has been done into irrelevancy, but the buffer is that older women, acting in accordance with their conditions, will be more inclined to accept the advances of younger men. In the same vein, very young girls will be more apt to accept the advances of older men due to naiveté and fat women are easier to become intimate with due to sexual deprivation. This isn’t rocket science, but an internalized preference for particular women develop by associating that particular type of woman with the minimization for potential rejection.

年长女性与年轻女性——这一类别中还应包括某些体型，但缓冲因素在于某些类型的女性因个人情况而较少拒绝男性。关于“猎豹”动态的辩论已变得无关紧要，但缓冲因素是，年长女性根据自身条件，更倾向于接受年轻男性的追求。同样地，非常年轻的女孩由于天真无知，更容易接受年长男性的追求；而体型较胖的女性则因性压抑更容易与男性建立亲密关系。这并非高深莫测的科学，而是通过将特定类型的女性与减少潜在拒绝的可能性相联系，从而形成的内在偏好。

• Leagues – This is the opposite of a “high standards” buffer which could be grouped with Scarcity. There is the woman some guys actually fear because she is perceived to be so much more socially valuable than the AFC. Think of the HB9+ corporate director who runs marathons, travels a lot, has good friends, dresses well, etc, etc, etc. The AFC tells himself “wow is she out of my league I would just get shot down because I would need to possess A, B & C to be her social status equal for her to even be interested”. Ergo, the idea of Leagues is a useful rationalization buffer against rejection.

等级——这与“高标准”缓冲相反，可以与稀缺性归为一类。有些男人实际上害怕这样的女人，因为她被认为在社交价值上远超普通男人。想象一下那位 HB9+级别的企业主管，她跑马拉松、经常旅行、拥有好友、穿着得体等等。普通男人会对自己说：“哇，她超出了我的等级，我只会被拒绝，因为要让她感兴趣，我需要具备 A、B 和 C 才能与她的社交地位相匹配。”因此，“等级”这一概念是一种有用的合理化缓冲，以避免被拒绝。

• Pornography I realize this will draw some fire from the masturbation / no-masturbation set, but porn (as men use it) is a Buffer against rejection. Porn doesn’t talk back, porn doesn’t need a few drinks to loosen up nor does porn require any social skills to produce rewards. It’s convenient, immediate, sexual release that requires nothing more than a PC and an internet connection (or a magazine if you prefer the analog means). We can argue the obsessive-compulsive aspect of it, or the “my GF and I enjoy porn together” reasoning, but for the single guy the root reasoning is its facility as a Buffer. I should also add that it’s this very facility that makes women hate it (when they do). Porn gives a guy his reward for free; a reward that should be her single best agency is rendered valueless when a man can get off to an infinite variety of sexual experience at the click of a mouse. It’s unlimited access to unlimited sexual availability without the stress of learning methods to earn it as a reward.

色情内容，我意识到这会引来自慰/非自慰群体的一些批评，但色情（男性使用的方式）是一种拒绝的缓冲器。色情不会回嘴，不需要几杯酒来放松，也不需要任何社交技巧来产生回报。它方便、即时，只需一台电脑和互联网连接（或一本杂志，如果你偏好模拟方式）就能提供性释放。我们可以争论其强迫症倾向，或是“我和女友一起享受色情”的理由，但对单身男性而言，根本原因在于它作为缓冲器的便利性。我还应补充，正是这种便利性使得女性（当她们讨厌时）憎恨色情。色情让男性免费获得回报；这种本应是女性最强优势的回报，在男性只需点击鼠标就能体验无限多样性爱时变得毫无价值。它提供了无限制的性可获得性，无需学习获取奖励的方法，从而免除了压力。

These are really just a few notable examples, but once you become aware of how buffers manifest you’ll begin to see how and why they are useful against rejection. Buffers are generally the paths of least rejection that become ego-invested “preferences.” Buffers aren’t so much about those “preference” as they are about the motivations behind them.

这些只是少数显著的例子，但一旦你意识到缓冲机制是如何显现的，你就会开始理解它们为何以及如何在抵御排斥中发挥作用。缓冲通常是那些排斥最小的路径，逐渐成为自我投入的“偏好”。缓冲机制的关键不在于那些“偏好”本身，而在于它们背后的动机。

At this point you might be thinking, “well, what the hell, I don’t want to feel rejection, why not employ buffers against it?” The main reason for embracing rejection is that rejection is better than regret. Scan back through this short list of buffers; how many of these have become greater, longer term problems for you than a briefly painful rejection would’ve been? Buffers also have a tendency to compound upon themselves in that one tends to dovetail into another, or more, until you no longer realize that they were originally rejection prevention methodologies and gradually become associated with your genuine personality. After a long enough period, these buffer become “just how I am.”

此时你或许会想：“好吧，管它呢，我不想感受拒绝，为何不采取缓冲措施来避免呢？”拥抱拒绝的主要原因在于，拒绝总好过后悔。回顾一下这份简短的缓冲措施清单；其中有多少项给你带来了比短暂痛苦的拒绝更大的长期问题？缓冲措施还有个倾向，就是会相互叠加，一个接一个，甚至更多，直到你不再意识到它们最初是为了防止拒绝而采取的手段，并逐渐与你的真实个性相融合。经过足够长的时间，这些缓冲措施就变成了“我就是这样的”。

Lastly, experience teaches harsh, but it teaches best. Rejection, real, raw, in your face rejection stings like a bitch. It must be something so intolerable that human beings will devise countless social and psychological constructs in order to avoid it. However, there is no better teacher than getting burned by the stove. As a Man, you are going to face rejection in far more facets of your life than just dealing with a woman. The buffers you learn in one aspect of your life will be just as encumbering when they’re transferred to another aspect of your life. All of these buffers listed, and many more, become indicators of how you confidently deal with adversity. Some make you look like a beta-herb pussy, others are subtle and nagging parts of an internalized personality, but dependence upon them incrementally reveals your real character to a woman. Are you Alpha enough to take a rejection on the chin, smile and confidently come back for more? Or will you run, will you block yourself, will you hide with convenient buffers?

最后，经验教训虽严酷，却最为深刻。那种真切、赤裸、直面而来的拒绝，犹如毒刺般令人痛苦。它必定是如此难以忍受，以至于人类会设计无数社会和心理结构来避免它。然而，没有什么比被火炉烫伤更能教会你远离危险。作为男人，你将在生活的更多方面遭遇拒绝，而不仅仅是在与女性打交道时。你在某一生活领域学到的缓冲技巧，在转移到另一领域时同样会成为负担。所有这些缓冲手段，以及更多未列出的，都成为你如何自信应对逆境的标志。有些让你显得像个软弱的跟班，有些则是内化性格中微妙而持续的部分，但依赖它们会逐渐向女性揭示你的真实本性。你是否足够强大，能坦然接受拒绝，微笑着自信地再次尝试？还是会逃避、自我封闭、躲在便利的缓冲背后？

Imagination

A woman’s imagination is the single most useful tool in your Game arsenal. Every technique, every casual response, every gesture, intimation and subcommunication hinges on stimulating her imagination. Competition anxiety relies on it. DHV relies on it. Sexual tension (gina tingles) relies on it. Call it “Caffeinating the Hamster” if you will, but stimulating a woman’s imaginings is the single most potent talent you can learn in any context of a relationship (LTR, STR, ONS, Plate Spinning.) 女性的想象力是你游戏武器库中最有用的单一工具。每一种技巧、每一个随意的回应、每一个手势、暗示和潜沟通都依赖于激发她的想象力。竞争焦虑依赖于它。展示高价值依赖于它。性张力（吉娜的颤动）依赖于它。如果你愿意，可以称之为“给仓鼠加咖啡”，但在任何关系情境中（长期关系、短期关系、一夜情、盘旋），激发女性的想象力是你能学到的最强大的技能。

This is the single greatest failing of average frustrated chumps; they vomit out everything about themselves, divulging the full truth of themselves to women in the mistaken belief that women desire that truth as a basis for qualifying for their intimacy. Learn this now: Women NEVER want full disclosure. Nothing is more self-satisfying for a woman than to think she’s figured a Man out based solely on her mythical feminine intuition (i.e. imagination).

这是普通挫败者的最大败笔；他们毫无保留地倾吐自我，向女性透露全部真相，误以为女性渴望以此作为亲近的基础。现在就明白这一点：女性绝不需要完全坦白。对女性而言，没有什么比仅凭她那神秘的女性直觉（即想象力）自以为看透一个男人更令人满足的了。

When a man overtly confirms his character, his story, his value, etc. for a woman, the mystery is dispelled and the bio-chemical rush she enjoyed from her imaginings, her suspicions, her self-confirmations about you are GONE. AFCs classically do exactly this on the first date and wonder why they get LJBF’d promptly after it – this is why. Familiarity is anti-seductive. Nothing kills Game, lust and libido like comfortable familiarity. Despite their common bleating filibuster tactics, women don’t want to be comfortable with a potential (or proven) sex partner, they need their imaginations stoked to be excited, aroused and anxious to want sex with a potential partner.

当一个男人向女性明确展示他的性格、故事、价值等时，神秘感便消失了，她从想象、猜疑以及自我确认中获得的生物化学冲动也随之消散。"AFCs"（平均挫男）通常在初次约会时就犯下这个错误，随后困惑为何会立即被"LJBF"（Let's Just Be Friends，仅限朋友）对待——原因就在于此。熟悉感是反诱惑的。没有什么比舒适的熟悉感更能扼杀游戏、欲望和性欲了。尽管女性常用喋喋不休的拖延战术，但她们并不希望与潜在（或已证实的）性伴侣感到舒适，她们需要被激发想象力，以感到兴奋、被唤醒并渴望与潜在伴侣发生性关系。

In an LTR there’s an even more critical need to keep prodding that imagination. I would go so far as to say it’s imperative for a healthy relationship, but then you’ll ask, how do you go about that when your LTR GF or wife already knows your story and the familiarity becomes cemented in?

在长期关系（LTR）中，保持激发想象力显得尤为关键。我甚至可以说，这对于一段健康的关系是必不可少的。但接下来你会问，当你的长期伴侣，无论是女友还是妻子，已经熟知你的故事，熟悉感已然根深蒂固时，你该如何着手呢？

The easy answer is never let it be from the outset – the health of any LTR you might entertain depends and survives on the frame you enter into it with. The foundations of a healthy LTR are laid while you’re single and dating non-exclusively. I’ve yet to meet the guy who’s told me he’s getting more frequent, more intense sex after his LTR / Marriage / Live-in situation was established. The primary reason for this is the relaxation of the competition anxiety that made the urgency of fucking you with lustful abandon in your dating phase an imperative to get you to commit to her frame. And that’s the crux of the matter that so many guys fail in, they surrender the frame BEFORE they commit to an LTR. They believe, (thanks to their Matrix conditioning) that commitment is synonymous with acquiescing to her frame control. Combine this with anti-seductive familiarity and the growing commonness of your own value because of it, and you can see exactly why her sexual interest wanes.

简单答案是，从一开始就不让它发生——你所考虑的任何长期关系（LTR）的健康与否，取决于你进入这段关系时的框架。一个健康 LTR 的基础是在你单身且非独占性约会期间奠定的。我至今未遇到过有人告诉我，在 LTR/婚姻/同居关系确立后，他的性生活变得更频繁、更激烈。主要原因在于，约会阶段她因竞争焦虑（同其他与你约会的异性）而产生的迫切需要，即以激情放纵的方式与你发生关系以促使你接受她的框架，这种紧迫感随着关系的稳定而放松了。这就是许多男性失败的关键所在，他们在承诺进入 LTR 之前就放弃了框架。他们错误地认为（受矩阵式思维影响），承诺等同于屈服于她的框架控制。再加上反诱惑的熟悉感和因之而来的自身价值的普遍化，不难理解为何她的性趣会逐渐减退。

So what do you do to prevent that? First and foremost, understand that whose frame you enter into an LTR sets the foundation of that LTR. If you find yourself buying into an “it’s women’s world and we just live in it” mentality where your default presumption is that commitment means she wins, you lose and that’s just how it is, don’t even consider an LTR. She enters your world, not the other way around.

那么，你如何预防这种情况呢？首先，最重要的是要明白，你进入谁的框架决定了长期关系的基础。如果你发现自己陷入了“这是女人的世界，我们只是生活在其中”的心态，默认假设是承诺意味着她赢你输，而且事情本就如此，那么根本不要考虑长期关系。是她进入你的世界，而非相反。

Secondly, you need to cultivate an element of unpredictability about yourself prior to, and into, an LTR. Always remember POOK’s proverb, Perfect is BORING. Women will cry a river about wanting Mr. Dependable and then go off to fuck Mr. Exciting. In an LTR it’s necessary to be both, but not one at the expense of the other. Too many married men are TERRIFIED to rock the excitement boat with their wives because their sex lives hang in the balance of placating to her and her already preset frame. She must be reminded daily why you’re fun, unpredictable and exciting, not only to her, but other women as well. This requires covertly implying that other women find you desirable. Women crave the chemical rush that comes from suspicion and indignation. If you don’t provide it, they’ll happily get it from tabloids, romance novels, The View, Tyra Banks or otherwise living vicariously through their single girlfriends.

其次，在进入长期关系（LTR）之前及之后，你需要培养自己的不可预测性。始终牢记 POOK 的格言：完美即乏味。女性会为渴望可靠先生而流泪，转头却投入激情先生的怀抱。在 LTR 中，你需要同时兼具两者，而非牺牲其一。太多已婚男士因担心性生活受影响而不敢与妻子制造惊喜，他们的性福悬于迁就她及她既定的框架之上。你必须每日提醒她，为何你既有趣、不可预测又充满激情，不仅对她如此，对其他女性亦然。这需要巧妙暗示其他女性对你抱有好感。女性渴望由猜疑与愤慨带来的化学刺激。若你不提供这些，她们会乐意从八卦杂志、言情小说、《观点》节目、泰拉·班克斯秀或通过单身闺蜜的生活中获得这种体验。

By playfully staying her source of that rush you maintain the position of stimulating her imagination. Married men, who were defeated before they committed, don’t think that elements of Game apply to marriage out of fear of upsetting their wives frame, when in fact C&F and Negs and many other aspects of Game work wonderfully. Just kicking her in the ass or busting her chops, playfully, is sometimes enough to send the message that you’re fearless of her response. You can break her frame with cockiness and the imaginings that come with it.

通过巧妙地保持这种刺激的源泉，你维持了激发她想象力的地位。已婚男士，在承诺之前就已败下阵来，往往因害怕破坏妻子的框架而不认为游戏中的元素适用于婚姻，而实际上，挑战与顺从、否定以及其他许多游戏中的策略都能发挥出色。只需轻松地踢她一脚或调侃几句，有时便足以传达出你无惧她反应的信息。你可以用自信和随之而来的想象打破她的框架。

Breaking from an established, predictable familiarity is often a great way to fire her imagination. Married guys will report how sexual their wives become after they get to the gym and start shaping up after a long layoff (or for the first time). It’s easy to pass this off as looking better makes women more aroused (which is true), but underneath that is the breaking of a pattern. You’re controllable and predictable so long as you’re pudgy and listless – what other woman would want you? But start changing your patterns, get into shape, make more money, get a promotion, improve and demonstrate your higher value in some appreciable way and the imagination and competition anxiety returns.

打破既定的、可预测的熟悉感，往往是激发她想象力的绝佳方式。已婚男士们会讲述，他们的妻子在长时间休息后（或首次）开始健身并塑形后，变得多么性感。人们很容易将此归因于外表改善使女性更兴奋（这确实没错），但更深层次的原因在于打破了固有模式。只要你肥胖且无精打采，你就是可控且可预测的——还有哪个女人会对你感兴趣呢？但一旦你开始改变模式，锻炼身材，增加收入，获得晋升，以某种可感知的方式提升并展示你的高价值，她的想象力和竞争焦虑便会重新被激发。

Social Matching Theory

How to spot a rich guy 如何识别富豪

We laugh our asses off at this joke, but why is it funny? It is funny because human beings, like many other higher order animals, have the innate ability to make cognitive comparisons on a subconscious level. The reason it’s humorous is because we see an imbalance in a system and make deductive conclusions with regard to individual conditions. This is the basis of the Social Matching Theory.

我们被这个笑话逗得捧腹大笑，但为何它如此滑稽？其幽默之处在于，人类与其他高等动物一样，拥有一种与生俱来的能力，即在潜意识层面进行认知比较。这种幽默感的来源，是因为我们察觉到了系统中的不平衡，并据此对个体状况做出推断性结论。这便是社会匹配理论的基石。

Social Matching Theory, in essence, is defined as follows: All things being equal, an individual will tend to be attracted to, and are more likely to pair off with, another individual who is of the same or like degree of physical attractiveness as themself.

社交匹配理论，实质上可定义如下：在所有条件相同的情况下，个体往往倾向于被与自己外貌吸引力相当或相似的另一人所吸引，并更有可能与之配对。

Just as an aside, this is a well recognized social psychology theory, not something manufactured by Game theorists. However, in a nutshell it outlines the sexual marketplace dynamic, before adding variables like Game, status, provisioning, etc.

顺便提一下，这是一个广受认可的社会心理学理论，并非由博弈论者所杜撰。简而言之，它概述了性市场的动态，随后才引入诸如博弈、地位、供养等变量。

This is a naturally occuring commonality among many specific aculturations and societies. The trick to this theory is of course that ‘All Things’ are rarely equal. However, my point to this isn’t to naively assume that attraction and sexual pairing happen in a vacuum – far from it. It is to illustrate an underlying psycho-biological principle that operates beneath our consciousness that prompts other psychological schemas from an intimately personal (micro) level to the social psychology of an entire (macro) culture.

这是许多特定文化适应和社会中自然存在的共性。这一理论的诀窍在于，“万物”很少是平等的。然而，我的观点并非天真地假设吸引和性配对发生在真空中——远非如此。而是为了阐明一个潜藏在我们的意识之下，从个人亲密（微观）层面到整个（宏观）文化社会心理的心理生物学原理，它促使其他心理模式得以形成。

As I’ve posted in several forum threads with regard to “Why Women Cheat” or why men are so compelled toward sex with archetypically attractive women, the root of this desire is a psychologically evolved opportunism that is founded on our ability to make and assess these natural comparissons in order to better facilitate our own survival and the survival of our offspring. It has served our species so well over millennia that this natural comparisson making capacity has become an autonomous and subconscious aspect of experiencing our environment. We understand that eating a large apple is preferable, from a survial standpoint, to eating the small one. We have a tendency to want what our biologies compel us towards and develop idealizations based on what we think would best satisfy these ends.

正如我在多个论坛帖子里关于“女性为何出轨”或男性为何如此迷恋典型美女的问题上所提到的，这种欲望的根源是一种心理上进化的机会主义，它建立在我们能够进行并评估这些自然比较的能力之上，以便更好地促进我们自身及后代的生存。这种自然比较的能力经过千百年的演化，已成为我们体验环境时一种自主且潜意识的部分。从生存角度来看，我们知道吃一个大苹果比吃一个小苹果更有利。我们倾向于追求生物本能驱使我们想要的东西，并根据我们认为最能满足这些需求的事物来形成理想化的观念。

As I stated, I understand that attraction and intersexual relations do not happen in a vacumm and there are many (generally predictable) variables that influence this, but Social Matching Theory isn’t about the process of attraction or pairing so much as the motivations for selection. I’m often asked about the importance placed on physical appearance, prowess, etc. bearing influence on attraction, and I can speak from my own experience saying yes, it absolutely does. A fat guy is simply not going to attract a Fitness America competitor without some very unique circumstances influencing this attraction. Neither would I support this attraction being based in a qualitative, genuine physical desire for the fat male. It is an imbalance in a system.

正如我所言，我理解吸引与两性关系并非在真空中发生，存在诸多（通常可预测的）变量影响这一过程，但社会匹配理论更多关注的是选择动机，而非吸引或配对过程本身。我常被问及外貌、体能等因素对吸引力的影响程度，我可以根据个人经验肯定地说，确实有显著影响。一个肥胖的男性若非在极其特殊的情境下，是难以吸引到健身比赛选手的。同样，我也不认为这种吸引是基于对肥胖男性的真正身体欲望。这实际上是系统中的失衡现象。

All things being equal; socio-economic, intellectual, emotional levels etc. you will have a tendency to attract and be attracted to people of similar physical presence as yourself. This is the root of the psychological schema many men and women apply when they follow the “He/She’s out of my leauge” mentality. They are manifesting this subconscious understanding that the prospects of another person of a more idealized physical presence being attracted to them or pairing with them would be an unlikely match. They self-perceive this imbalance and thus limit themselves to opportunities that have a better likelihood of success in gratifying their need – in this case sex.

在所有条件相同的情况下，包括社会经济、智力、情感水平等，你往往会吸引并被那些与你拥有相似外貌特征的人所吸引。这是许多男女在遵循“他/她超出了我的范畴”心态时所应用的心理模式的基础。他们正表现出这种潜意识的理解：一个外貌更理想化的人被他们吸引或与之配对的可能性不大。他们自我感知到这种不平衡，因此限制了自己在更有可能成功满足需求——在此情况下是性——的机会。

Look at the ‘Rich Guy’ picture again. The woman in this imbalance we might presume is a ‘Golddigger’. This too is inspired by an innate understanding of the Social Matching Theory. Why else would an (arguably) attractive woman in comparatively good shape, wearing a thong (indicating sexual availability), be with a morbidly obese male if he didn’t posess some other redeeming variable to inspire the match? We see a picture and laugh, and women make the internalized rationalization that she’s not genuinely interested in the guy, but is ‘in love’ with his provisioning means. Superficial? Perhaps, but it still illustrates this comparative instinct we have, particularly when we know nothing about individual circumstance. The possibility does exists that this woman genuinely loves the guy, or is attracted to him, but this isn’t our first impression. In fact it takes significant, trained, mental effort to consider the possibility because the Social Matching comparison IS our natural default.

再看那张“富豪”照片。我们或许会推测，在这段不平衡关系中的女性是个“拜金女”。这同样源自对社会匹配理论的内在理解。否则，一个（可以说）有魅力的、身材相对姣好的女性，穿着丁字裤（暗示性开放），怎会与一个病态肥胖的男性在一起，除非他拥有其他可弥补的特质来促成这段关系？我们看到照片会发笑，而女性内心则合理化地认为她并非真心喜欢这个男人，而是“爱上”了他的供养能力。肤浅吗？或许，但它仍揭示了我们这种比较本能，尤其是在对个体情况一无所知时。确实存在这种可能：这位女性真心爱着这个男人，或被他吸引，但这并非我们的第一印象。实际上，要考虑这种可能性需要大量的、经过训练的思维努力，因为社会匹配的比较是我们自然的默认思维。

Finally, I should add that the Social Matching Theory is also one of the primary foundations upon which AFCism and ONEitis is based. This natural fear of rejection associated with both of these schema stem from a subconscious understanding of this theory. ONEitis in particular can be traced back to this self-perception of imbalance leading to the “I’ll never find a better woman/man than this person” mentality in so much as it represents a limitation of opportunism. In other words, it becomes preferable for a person to stay and accomodate an otherwise intolerable relationship if that person has internalized the understanding that their relationship represents an imbalance in this Social Matching. Abuse endured from the more idealized mate becomes preferable to rejection from anonymous, less idealized sources of intimacy.

最后，我必须补充，社会匹配理论也是 AFC 主义和 ONEitis 的主要基础之一。这两种模式所关联的天然拒斥恐惧，源自对这一理论的潜意识理解。特别是 ONEitis，可以追溯到这种自我认知的不平衡，导致“我再也找不到比这个人更好的人”的心态，因为它代表了机会主义的局限。换句话说，如果一个人内化了这种社会匹配中的不平衡关系，那么即使一段关系原本难以忍受，他们也更倾向于留下来适应。忍受来自更理想化伴侣的虐待，变得比被匿名、不那么理想的亲密来源拒斥更可取。

At this point you may be wondering what brought this post to the surface. I recently got into a debate with a self-described feminist who entirely rejected notion that a sexual marketplace should even exist in contemporary human society. It wasn’t that she was denying the underlying dynamic of the sexual marketplace, but rather that it was an antiquated and dehumanizing influence in the human condition. Up until this conversation, I’d always taken the idea of a sexual marketplace and sexual market value as applied to individuals as a given. The SMP was a recognized universal framework in which we maneuver – some successfully, others with difficulty. The rejection of this idea, or the desire to alter it sociological, seems absurd to me, even though I would agree that it is a brutal game we play. My counterargument with her was that the SMP is actually more representative of our humanity, in that it’s healthier to accept that the way we evolved as a successful species was due to the harsh reality of the SMP. She wouldn’t hear it.

此时此刻，你或许会好奇是什么让这篇文章浮出水面。最近，我与一位自称为女权主义者的人展开了一场辩论，她完全否定了在当代人类社会中应存在性市场的观念。她并非否认性市场的底层动态，而是认为这一概念在人类境况中是一种过时且非人化的影响。在这次对话之前，我一直将性市场及个人性市场价值的概念视为理所当然。性市场体系（SMP）是我们公认的普遍框架，我们在此中运作——有些人游刃有余，有些人则步履维艰。对我而言，否定这一概念或试图从社会学角度改变它，似乎显得荒谬，即便我认同这是一个我们参与的残酷游戏。我的反驳是，SMP 实际上更体现了我们的人性，因为承认我们作为成功物种的进化之路是基于 SMP 的严酷现实，这更为健康。但她对此充耳不闻。

Alpha

The Alpha Buddah, Corey Worthington. 阿尔法·布达，科里·沃辛顿。

What I’m about to type here is not going to make me any new friends. I know because any discussion of what constitutes Alpha characteristics in a Man always becomes clouded by the self-perceptions of how well we think we align with them. As I’ve covered in prior postings, the ‘community’, the ‘manosphere’, the new understanding of gender relations that’s picked up momentum for the last 12 years has always generated it’s own terminologies for more abstract concepts. The danger in this is that these terms lack real, universal definition. For purposes of illustrating a concept these terms are usually serviceable – we have a general understanding of what makes for a ‘Beta’ or a Herb, or a man who falls into a ‘provider’ mentality. Even ‘Alpha’ in a specific context is useful as an illustrative tool, when the subject isn’t directly about ‘Alpha-ness’. It’s when we try to universally define what constitutes Alpha that the sparks start to fly. So before you continue on reading further, think about what you believe makes a guy Alpha. Got it in your head now? Good, now put all of that aside, purge that from your head, and read the next few paragraphs from the perspective that you don’t know anything about Alpha.

我即将在此输入的内容不会为我赢得任何新朋友。我知道这一点，因为任何关于男性 Alpha 特质构成的讨论总是被我们对自己与这些特质相符程度的自我认知所模糊。正如我在之前的帖子中所述，“社群”、“男性圈”以及过去 12 年里势头渐起的性别关系新理解，总是为更抽象的概念创造自己的术语。这种做法的危险在于，这些术语缺乏真正普遍的定义。为了说明一个概念，这些术语通常是可行的——我们对什么是“Beta”或“草本”，或陷入“供养者”心态的男性有一个大致的理解。即使在特定情境下，“Alpha”作为一个说明工具也是有用的，尤其是当话题并非直接关于“Alpha 特质”时。正是当我们试图普遍定义什么是 Alpha 时，争议才开始四起。因此，在你继续阅读之前，思考一下你认为什么使一个男人成为 Alpha。现在脑海中有答案了吗？ 好的，现在请将这些内容暂时搁置，从脑海中清除，并从对 Alpha 一无所知的角度阅读接下来的几段文字。

I was first introduced to the Alpha Buddah courtesy of Roissy and this post “Umm, sorry?” You can go ahead and read this from the Chateau’s perspective, and I think the analysis is pretty good. I call Corey the Alpha Buddah not in the hopes that men will aspire to his almost Zen like ‘being’ in Alpha, but rather to provide an example of Alpha in it’s most pure form. He literally IS Alpha, unclouded by pretense, afterthought, or conscious awareness of any influence that could have a hope of prompting introspection about his state.

我首次接触到 Alpha Buddha 这一概念，得益于 Roissy 以及这篇博文“嗯，抱歉？”你可以从 Chateau 的角度去阅读并理解，我认为其分析相当到位。我将 Corey 称为 Alpha Buddha，并非期望男性们去模仿他那种近乎禅宗般的 Alpha 存在状态，而是旨在展示 Alpha 本质的最纯粹形态。他简直就是 Alpha 的化身，不受任何矫饰、事后思考或自觉意识的影响，这些因素本可能引发对他自身状态的反思。

Corey Worthington is a piss poor example of a human being, but he’s a textbook example of Alpha. I could use a lot of adjectives to describe this kid, but “beta” wouldn’t be one of them. What’s funny, and a bit ironic, is this kid has probably never come across Mystery Method or “the community” or even heard of ‘peacocking’ and he gets naturally what millions of guys pay small fortunes at PUA seminars to acquire over the course of a lifetime. He’s a selfish little prick, but what makes him insulting to ‘normal’ men is his having the natural, internalized Alpha bravado so many AFCs wish they had. If you could bottle and sell this Alpha essence, you’d be rich beyond imagine.

科里·沃辛顿是一个糟糕透顶的人类样本，但他却是阿尔法（Alpha）的典型范例。我可以用许多形容词来描述这个孩子，但“贝塔（Beta）”绝不在其中。有趣且略带讽刺的是，这孩子可能从未接触过《神秘方法》或“社区”，甚至没听说过“孔雀开屏”，却自然而然地掌握了无数男性花费毕生精力在 PUA 研讨会上追求的技能。他是个自私的小混蛋，但他对“正常”男性的侮辱之处在于，他天生就拥有许多挫男（AFC）梦寐以求的内在化阿尔法自信。如果能将这种阿尔法特质装瓶出售，你将富可敌国。

Right about now all of those self-affirming preconceptions you had about Alpha-ness (that I told you to stow away before reading this) are probably yelling to be let out of the mental box you put them in. “,..but, but Rollo, how can you possibly think this arrogant douchebag kid could ever be an example of anything remotely Alpha?!” You’ll be pleased to know I fully empathize your outrage. You work hard to be a “better man”, you put in the self analysis, you paid your dues coming to terms with unplugging and reinventing yourself. You’re a success, Corey is fuck-up. Corey’s not a better Man than you are, however, he understands Alpha better than you do.

就在此刻，你心中那些关于 Alpha 特质的自我肯定的预设（我之前让你在阅读本文前先搁置一边）可能正大声疾呼，想要从你心里的那个小盒子里挣脱出来。“但是，但是，Rollo，你怎么可能认为这个自大狂妄的小子能成为任何接近 Alpha 特质的例子呢？！”你将会高兴地知道，我完全理解你的愤怒。你努力成为一个“更好的男人”，你进行了自我剖析，你付出了代价，接受了自我重塑的过程。你是成功的，而 Corey 是个失败者。Corey 并不比你更优秀，然而，他比你更懂得 Alpha 的含义。

Alpha is mindset, not a demographic. 阿尔法是一种思维方式，而非特定人群。

Alpha is as Alpha does, it isn’t what we say it is. There are noble Alphas and there are scoundrel Alphas, the difference is all in how they apply themselves. There’s a tendency to approach every “Alpha” argument from what a guy thinks is righteousness; ergo, his personal definition of Alpha is what appeals best to his sense of virtue. He earned his Alpha cred, played by the rules, and by God people (women) should respect that. However, the sad truth is that prisons are full of Alpha males who simply channeled their drive toward destructive and anti-social endeavors. There are plenty of examples of indifferent Asshole Alphas who you wouldn’t say are upstanding moral leaders at all, yet women will literally kill each other (or themselves) in order to bang them because they exude a natural Alpha-ness. Just as Corey does here. There are Alpha drug dealing gang leaders, and there are Alpha husbands, fathers and leaders of industry. It’s all in the application. Genghis Khan was Alpha as fuck, and a leader-of-men, but probably would be on most people’s douchebag list for that era. Here’s an illustration: 阿尔法的行为定义了阿尔法，而非我们口中的定义。有高尚的阿尔法，也有卑鄙的阿尔法，区别全在于他们如何运用自己。人们往往从个人认为的正义角度来解读每一个“阿尔法”争论；因此，他个人对阿尔法的定义最能迎合他的道德感。他凭借规则赢得了阿尔法的声誉，人们（尤其是女性）理应对此表示尊重。然而，可悲的现实是，监狱里满是那些将动力导向破坏性和反社会行为的阿尔法男性。不乏冷漠的混蛋阿尔法，你绝不会认为他们是道德楷模，但女性们却会为了与他们发生关系而争斗甚至自残，因为他们散发着自然的阿尔法气质。正如科里在这里所展现的。有贩毒团伙的阿尔法头目，也有阿尔法的丈夫、父亲和行业领袖。一切都取决于应用方式。成吉思汗无疑是极具阿尔法特质的领袖，但他很可能在当时大多数人眼中是个混蛋。这里有个例子：

Guy’s like Corey infuriate men who have invested their self-worth in the accomplishments of what they think ought to be universally appreciated and rewarded. So when they’re confronted with a natural Alpha being undeservedly rewarded for brazenly acting out of accord with what they think the rules ought to be, they seethe with resentment. The natural response in the face of such an inconsistency is to redefine the term ‘Alpha’ to cater to themselves and their accomplishments as “real men” and exclude the perpetrator. The conflict then comes from seeing his new definition of Alpha not being rewarded or even appreciated as well as a natural Alpha attitude and the cycle continues. Your respect (or anyone else’s) for an Alpha has nothing to do with whether or not he possess an Alpha mindset. 3 failed marriages and 100+ lays has nothing to do with his having or not having an Alpha mindset. There are many well respected betas who’ve never had a passing thought of infidelity, or may have 300 lays either with prostitutes or because they possess fame or stunning good looks and women come to him by matter of course.

像 Corey 这样的人会激怒那些将自我价值投资于他们认为应得到普遍赞赏和回报的成就上的男性。因此，当他们面对一个自然 Alpha 因公然违反他们认为应遵守的规则而未受应得奖赏时，他们会充满怨恨。面对这种不一致，自然的反应是重新定义“Alpha”一词，以迎合他们自己及其作为“真正男人”的成就，并排除肇事者。冲突随之而来，因为他们看到自己对 Alpha 的新定义未得到奖赏或甚至未得到与自然 Alpha 态度相同的赞赏，循环往复。你对一个 Alpha 的尊重（或任何人的）与他是否拥有 Alpha 心态无关。三次失败的婚姻和超过 100 次的性经历与他是否拥有 Alpha 心态无关。有许多备受尊敬的 Beta，他们从未有过不忠的念头，或者可能与妓女或因拥有名声或惊人美貌而自然吸引女性有过 300 次性经历。

The take home message here is that you are not Alpha because of your achievements, you have your achievements because you are Alpha. You possess a mindset you either had to develop or it came naturally to you. I constantly field questions from young men asking me whether some action or behavior they displayed to a woman was Alpha, or Alpha enough. The real answer is that Alpha behaviors are manifestations of an Alpha mindset. And just like Corey the Alpha Buddah, the introspect required to wonder if something was or wasn’t Alpha wouldn’t ever be a consideration enough to ask. You almost need to have a childlike understanding to really appreciate what Alpha really is. Kids get Alpha. Even the picked on, introverted, beta-to-be kid has a better understanding of Alpha than most adult men do because he lacks the abstract thinking required to rationalize Alpha for himself. Most men, by our socialization, and to varying degrees, lose this in-born Alpha mindset over time. The naturals, the Corey’s of the world, have a better grasp on it’s usefulness and repurpose it; either to their adulthood advantage or their detriment.

这里的核心观点是，你并非因为成就而成为阿尔法，而是因为你是阿尔法才取得那些成就。你拥有一种心态，要么是后天培养的，要么是与生俱来的。我经常收到年轻男性的询问，想知道他们对女性展现的某种行为或举止是否足够阿尔法。真正的答案是，阿尔法行为是阿尔法心态的体现。就像阿尔法佛陀科里一样，那种需要反思是否某事是否阿尔法的念头，根本不值得去问。你几乎需要像孩子一样纯真的理解力，才能真正领悟阿尔法的真谛。孩子们懂得阿尔法。即使是那些被欺负、内向、即将成为贝塔的孩子，他们对阿尔法的理解也比大多数成年男性更深刻，因为他们缺乏抽象思维来为自己合理化阿尔法。随着时间的推移，大多数人在社会化的过程中，或多或少地失去了这种天生的阿尔法心态。那些天生的，比如科里这样的人，更懂得其价值并加以利用；无论是在成年后发挥优势还是带来不利。

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Plate Theory

Spin more plates. 多转几只盘子。

A lot of people get confused when I use this analogy and I thought it prudent to write a post on just what I mean in this regard.

很多人在我使用这个比喻时会感到困惑，我认为有必要写一篇文章来阐明我在这方面的意思。

A Man needs to have a lot of simultaneous prospects spinning together. Think of each plate as a separate woman you are pursuing. Some fall off and break, others you may wish to stop spinning altogether and some may not spin as fast as you’d like, but the essence of plate theory is that a man is as confident and valuable as his options. This is the essence of the abundance mindset – confidence is derived from options.

一个男人需要同时拥有许多正在发展的机会。将每个盘子视为一个你正在追求的独立女性。有些会掉落并破碎，有些你可能希望完全停止旋转，还有一些可能不会如你所愿地快速旋转，但盘子理论的精髓在于，一个人的自信和价值取决于他的选择。这就是富足心态的本质——自信源自选择。

This principle is the key to solving so many of the problems that dog the heels of beta AFCs and recovering AFCs. In fact I would say that this ideology should be the cornerstone to success for a man in many facets of life, not simply attracting and keeping women. A man with options has power, and from these options and this sense of power, a natural sense of confidence will manifest itself. A man without options becomes necessitous and this leads to a lack of confidence and a scarcity mentality. Necessitous men are never free.

这一原则是解决众多困扰着 Beta 型 AFC 以及恢复期 AFC 问题的关键。事实上，我认为这种理念应成为男性在生活多方面取得成功的基石，而不仅仅是吸引和留住女性。拥有选择权的男人拥有力量，而这种选择权和力量感会自然地转化为自信。没有选择的男人则变得迫切需要，这导致缺乏自信和稀缺心态。迫切需要的男人永远无法自由。

The Cardinal Rule of Relationships

关系中的基本原则 In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least. 在任何关系中，拥有最大权力的人往往是那个最不需要对方的人。

When a man spins more plates, when he has irons in the fire, when he is pursuing multiple women simultaneously, when he has options equally worth exploring, a man will have a natural, subconscious (but not exclusively) understanding that if one prospect does not expand, others very well may. This understanding has manifestations in a man’s behavior that women key on covertly. There are mannerisms and attitudes that a man with options will subconsciously convey to prospective women that they interpret, and give this man a value as a commodity to be competed for with other females.

当一个人同时处理多项事务，手头有多项计划，同时追求多位女性，拥有同样值得探索的选择时，他会自然而然、潜意识地（但不仅限于此）明白，如果一个前景无法拓展，其他前景很可能会有所发展。这种理解会在男性的行为中体现出来，而女性会暗中注意到这些迹象。拥有选择权的男性会不自觉地向潜在的女性传递某些举止和态度，这些女性会解读并赋予这位男性作为商品的价值，使其成为与其他女性竞争的对象。

On various sites in the PUA community, men are taught to emulate this behavior since it is a key element in attraction and interest. Cocky-Funny is one such technique that trains a confidence behavior that (more often than not) essentially masks a deficit of options. In other words, C&F is a natural behavior for men with options that must be compensated for by those who don’t have an apptitude for it. This is why the ‘natural’ Alpha male seems to exude C&F effortlessly while those without the benefit of more plates spinning (or the confidence in the ability of spinning more) struggle with simple things like eye contact or initiating approaches. This is also a fundamental principle in the “I don’t give a fuck” mentality that pervades community technique – it’s much easier to actually not “give a fuck” if you have other prospects going simultaneously.

在 PUA 社区的各个网站上，男性被教导模仿这种行为，因为它是吸引力和兴趣的关键要素。Cocky-Funny 就是这样一种技巧，它训练出一种自信行为，这种行为（多半时候）实质上掩盖了选择匮乏的缺陷。换句话说，C&F 对于有选择权的男性来说是自然行为，而那些不具备这种天赋的人则必须通过补偿来实现。这就是为什么‘天生’的 Alpha 男性似乎能毫不费力地展现出 C&F，而那些没有更多选择（或对旋转更多选择的能力缺乏信心）的人则在简单的行为如眼神接触或主动接近上感到困难。这也是“我不在乎”心态在社区技巧中普遍存在的一个基本原则——如果你同时有其他潜在对象，那么真正做到“不在乎”会容易得多。

Shotgun Logic 霰弹逻辑

One very important benefit that Plate Theory provides for a man is that it greatly curbs the propensity for ONEitis both in and out of an LTR.

盘理论为一个人带来的一个极其重要的好处是，它极大地抑制了在长期关系内外对单一对象的过度执着倾向。

Outside of an LTR, most guys subscribe to what I call the Sniper mentality. This is the AFC that applies all of his time, effort and resources to patiently waiting out his target, waiting for that perfect opportunity to summon enough courage in the most precise of conditions to take his one shot at the girl, who by then is the focus of his ONEitis. This process can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years in extreme cases, but all the while he voluntarily sacrifices his most valuable of resource – potential opportunity. The man who subscribes to Plate Theory can more easily avoid this situation as he goes hunting for women with a Shotgun; scattering as much influence across the broadest area possible. While the AFC fishes with a single line and a single hook, the Plate Theorist fishes with a trolling net, selecting the fish worth keeping and tossing back those who aren’t.

在长期关系(LTR)之外，大多数男性遵循我所称的“狙击手心态”。这是那种普通追求者，他将所有时间、精力和资源都投入到耐心等待目标上，等待那个完美时机，在最为精准的条件下鼓足勇气，对那个女孩——那时已成为他唯一的执念——发起一次尝试。这个过程可能持续几周到极端情况下甚至几年，但在此期间，他自愿牺牲了他最宝贵的资源——潜在的机会。而遵循“盘子理论”的男性则更容易避免这种情况，他们像用猎枪一样去追求女性；尽可能广泛地散布影响力。当普通追求者用单线单钩钓鱼时，盘子理论者则用拖网捕鱼，挑选值得保留的，将不合适的放回。

Inside an LTR, Plate Theory becomes more specified. The AFC placates and identifies with his partner because the balance has shifted to her advantage since he reinforces her understanding that she is his only source of intimacy. I can’t think of a better recipe for ONEitis since he become progressively more dependent on her as his only source of intimacy. The man that maintains, at the very least, the covert perception of options, either professionally or on an intersexual level (i.e. social proof that other women will compete for him) maintains this power balance. Most successful men have an innate understanding of this and this explains their popular reservations for committing to marriage, In an LTR, Plate Theory becomes a subtle dance of perception and recognizing how your partner interprets understanding a particular man’s options, but regardless, it reduces a guy’s tendency to regress into ONEitis in an LTR from his own self-perception and the confidence int inspires.

在长期关系（LTR）中，板块理论变得更加具体化。AFC（平均挫男）会安抚并认同他的伴侣，因为平衡已向她倾斜，他强化了她作为他唯一亲密来源的认识。这无疑是“唯一症”（ONEitis）的绝佳配方，因为他会逐渐变得更加依赖她，视她为唯一的亲密来源。那些至少在潜意识里保持选择余地的男性，无论是在职业上还是在异性交往层面（即其他女性会为他竞争的社会证明），都能维持这种权力平衡。大多数成功的男性天生就理解这一点，这也解释了他们为何普遍对婚姻承诺持保留态度。在长期关系中，板块理论变成了一场微妙的感知之舞，需要识别伴侣如何解读一个特定男性的选择，但无论如何，这减少了男性在长期关系中因自我认知和由此激发的自信而退化为“唯一症”的倾向。

Natural Selection 自然选择

As I illustrated in the fishing net analogy, spinning more plates allows you more opportunity to select from the largest pool of prospective choices and date them or drop them as you see fit. This has two benefits. First, it serves as valuable, though non-committed, experience for learning what a man requires for his own personal satisfaction. Experience teaches harsh, but it teaches best and the breadth of experience serves a man well. Who’s insight is more beneficial, the man who’s sailed the world over or the man who’s never ventured beyond a lake? Secondly, opportunity and options make a man the PRIZE. Rock stars, professional athletes and movie stars aren’t irresistible to women because of their celebrity, but because they blatantly, and with the highest form of social proof, prove they have options that other women will jealously compete for as well as the confidence that this unconscious knowledge naturally manifests itself in them.

正如我在渔网比喻中所阐述的，旋转更多的盘子让你有机会从最大的潜在选择池中挑选，并根据你的意愿约会或放弃。这有两个好处。首先，它提供了宝贵的、尽管非承诺性的经验，用于学习一个男人为了个人满足所需的条件。经验虽然严酷，但教导得最为深刻，而经验的广度对一个人大有裨益。谁的洞察力更有益，是那个环游世界的男人，还是那个从未离开过湖泊的男人？其次，机会和选择使一个男人成为奖赏。摇滚明星、职业运动员和电影明星对女性来说并非不可抗拒，因为他们是名人，而是因为他们公然地、以最高形式的社会证明，证明他们有其他女性也会嫉妒地竞争的选择，以及这种无意识知识自然在他们身上展现出的自信。

What Plate Theory is not

什么是板块理论不是

My critics will often take a binary stance in their arguments with this idea citing that “they could never be with more than one woman at a time out of respect for her” or “so I should just lie to her and see other girls on the side?” To which I’d argue that these are feminized social conventions that attempt to thwart a man’s options in order to establish women as the prime selectors in intersexual relations. If it can be conditioned into a boy/man to ‘feel bad’ about seeing more than one woman at a time, it only better serves the female-as-chooser dynamic. To be sure, women are naturally the filters for their own intimacies, but it is essentially men who do the sexual selection. These convention’s latent purpose are designed to put selection of intimacy on a conditional basis that favors women, and as long as men will internalize this women will have a pre-constructed social high-ground.

我的批评者常常在辩论中采取二元立场，引用这样的观点：“出于对她的尊重，他们不可能同时与多个女性交往”，或者“所以我应该对她撒谎，同时与其他女孩交往吗？”对此，我会辩驳说，这些是试图限制男性选择、以确立女性在两性关系中为主要选择者的社会规范。如果能让男孩/男人对同时与多个女性交往感到“内疚”，这只会更有利于女性作为选择者的动态。诚然，女性自然地成为自身亲密关系的筛选者，但本质上进行性选择的仍是男性。这些规范的潜在目的旨在将亲密关系的选择置于有利于女性的条件基础上，只要男性内化这一点，女性就会拥有预先构建的社会优势地位。

The way to circumvent this dynamic is brutal honesty and a commitment to truthful, non-exclusivity with the plates you’re spinning. If you keep your options above board and are honest with any one girl and yourself about your choice to be non-exclusive, you not only remove the teeth from this convention, but you also reinforce yourself as a man with options (or at least perceived options). Further, critics will offer “well gee, if I did that with any woman she’d push off and dump me” to which I’ll refute – not if you establish this honestly from the outset. Most guys who’ve swallowed the ‘female power’ convention are too afraid or to preconditioned to even consider this as an option for seeing women. Letting a woman know, or covertly perceive, that you wont be exclusive to her pushes your commodity level up and implies options and potential success she’ll compete with other women to be associated with.

要绕过这种动态，需要的是坦诚和承诺，即对你正在旋转的盘子保持真实、非排他性。如果你公开自己的选择，并对任何一位女孩以及你自己诚实，表明你选择非排他性，你不仅削弱了这种惯例的威力，还强化了自己作为一个有选择（或至少被认为有选择）的男人的形象。此外，批评者可能会说：“哎呀，如果我对任何女人这样做，她会推开我并甩了我。”对此我会反驳——如果你从一开始就真诚地建立这种关系，情况并非如此。大多数接受了“女性力量”观念的男人过于害怕或过于先入为主，以至于根本不会考虑将这种方式用于与女性交往。让女性知道或隐约感知到你不会对她专一，会提升你的价值地位，暗示你有其他选择和潜在成功，这将促使她与其他女性竞争，以与你建立联系。

Plate Theory is also, most definitely not, a license to be indiscriminate with women. Just because you can spin a plate doesn’t necessarily mean you should spin that plate. Some aren’t worth spinning and a man with options should have no reservation about letting one go for a better one or two. In fact a man ought to be more discriminating in this regard since it affords him the best available from the largest selection.

板块理论也绝非意味着可以对女性不加选择。仅仅因为你能旋转一个板块，并不意味着你就应该旋转那个板块。有些并不值得旋转，一个有选择权的男人应该毫不犹豫地放弃一个，去追求更好的一两个。事实上，一个男人在这方面应该更加挑剔，因为这使他能从最大的选择范围中获得最佳选项。

Plate Theory II: Non-Exclusivity

Women would rather share a high value Man than be saddled by a faithful loser.

女性宁愿与一个高价值男性分享，也不愿被一个忠诚的失败者拖累。

*“I just started applying Plate Theory, and I have to say with all honesty that this is probably the best thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. The feeling of having options is addictive; the whole idea that you don’t come from a necessitous emotional state is genius, and in fact the more options you have, the more attractive you become to women (through the unconscious changes in your behavior), the more women become attracted to you, and the more options you have. Once you get it started, it’s hard to stop it.

“我刚开始运用板块理论，老实说，这可能是我一生中做过的最棒的事情。拥有选择的感觉令人上瘾；那种你并非出自需求情感状态的理念真是天才之举，事实上，你拥有的选择越多，通过你行为中潜移默化的改变，你对女性的吸引力就越大，反过来，吸引的女性越多，你的选择也就越多。一旦开始，就很难停下来。”

Recently I’ve been Spinning Plates with some success, but there comes a point when I risk one girl finding out about another. How do I handle this without the risk of losing one of my plates? Should I even bother with the effort of spinning plates that aren’t as high a value as others?”

最近我在同时处理多段关系方面取得了一些成功，但总有一个时刻，我担心一个女孩会发现另一个的存在。我该如何处理这种情况，以避免失去其中任何一个？我是否还应该费心去维持那些价值不如其他的盘子呢？

Real options are the cornerstone of confidence, so try not to think of it in terms of risk – as in you’re risking the loss of “a great girl”. Most guys get to a point where Game and plate spinning give them their first taste of real options to select from or fall back on when another doesn’t pan out. The problem arises when they spin enough plates successfully to the point where they think they’ve maxed out to their “best” option and the old scarcity mentality returns. Most times a guy who newly practices Game and plate spinning never really spins plates per se; he uses it for the first monogamous opportunity that’s been eluding him for so long and calls it quits. He never actualizes and internalizes an abundance mentality.

实物期权是信心的基石，因此尽量不要从风险的角度去思考它——比如你冒着失去“一个好女孩”的风险。大多数男性在游戏和盘旋中达到一定程度时，会首次尝到真正的选择，无论是从中挑选还是作为备选。问题出现在他们成功地旋转足够多的盘子，以至于认为自己已经达到了“最佳”选择，而旧有的稀缺心态再次回归。很多时候，一个新接触游戏和盘旋的男性实际上并没有真正旋转盘子；他只是利用它来抓住那个长期逃避他的第一次一夫一妻制机会，然后就放弃了。他从未实现和内化一种丰盛的心态。

Spinning Plates doesn’t necessarily mean you’re fucking all of your plates. It’s more of a spreading out of your efforts across a wider pool of subjects. Some will reciprocate, and those you entertain. Others will not, or prove to be less desirable, and those you let fall. This isn’t as difficult as it sounds once you’ve established your own resolve to be non-exclusive. At some point women will attempt to corner you into exclusivity and this is where your resolve will be tested. Women love to say how they have Rules, well you must have Rules as well. This means not shacking up with a woman, not slipping into any routine with her, not calling her more than necessary to set up another sporadic date, saving your weekends for women who’ve had a proven IL in you (i.e. sex or intimacy) and relegating those who haven’t to Tuesdays & Wednesdays, etc. This may seem like a lot of micromanagement, but once you put it into practice in as pragmatic a way possible to accomodate your life you’ll find that the decisions you make regarding the plates you are choosing to spin will become automatic.

旋转盘子并不一定意味着你与所有盘子都有性关系。它更多的是指将你的精力分散到更广泛的群体中。有些会回应，那些你便与之交往；另一些则不会，或显得不那么吸引人，那些你便任其落下。一旦你确立了自己非独占的决心，这并不像听起来那么难。在某些时候，女性会试图将你逼入独占关系，这时你的决心将受到考验。女性喜欢说她们有规则，那么你也要有自己的规则。这意味着不与女性同居，不与她陷入任何常规，不必要时不要频繁打电话给她以安排另一次随机的约会，将周末留给那些已证明与你有过亲密接触（如性或亲密关系）的女性，而将那些没有的女性安排在周二和周三等。这可能看起来像是大量的微观管理，但一旦你以尽可能务实的方式将其融入你的生活，你会发现关于选择旋转哪些盘子的决定将变得自动化。

If you feel that you have something to lose with a particular girl, you’re no longer spinning plates – you’re thinking and approaching dating in terms of exclusivity. POOK’s great quote: “women would rather share a high value Man than be saddled by a faithful loser” A lot of guys (and almost every woman) have a big problem with the truth of this because they take it too literally. POOK was never suggesting that you overtly declare that you’ll be open to other options and that your girls should consciously be expected to accept this. Every woman takes this quote in this way, and with good reason because they don’t want to seem like an easy mark. When it’s on the table like that it unsurprisingly becomes an affront to their pride and self-worth. However, in practice, non-exclusivity has to be covert. It needs to be implied, not declared. Thus you see the truth in POOK’s observation – women’s behavior will bear him out. Imagination and competition anxiety paired with implied non-exclusivity are the tools for successful plate spinning.

如果你觉得与某个女孩有所得失，那么你已不再是单纯地旋转盘子——你是在以排他性的思维来思考和接近约会。POOK 有句名言：“女性宁愿分享一个高价值的男人，也不愿被一个忠诚的失败者束缚。”许多男性（以及几乎所有女性）对此真理感到困扰，因为他们过于字面理解。POOK 从未建议你公开宣称自己会开放选择，并期望你的女孩们自觉接受这一点。每位女性都这样解读这句话，这有其合理性，因为她们不想显得容易被利用。当这种观点被摆上台面时，它自然会冒犯到她们的骄傲和自我价值感。然而，在实践中，非排他性必须是隐秘的。它需要被暗示，而非声明。因此，你看到了 POOK 观察的真实性——女性的行为将证实他的观点。想象力和竞争焦虑加上暗示的非排他性，是成功旋转盘子的工具。

Become the commodity she’s looking for. 成为她所寻找的商品。

A high value Man can spin plates, and sometimes those plates suspect there are, or know there are other plates in his rotation. They’ll tolerate it so long as he remains high enough value (or effectively presents that perception) or hypergamy wil move them along to another high value Man. As I state in Plate Theory, some plates fall off to be replaced by new plates. You must be willing and confident enough to let some of them fall. This is a tough reality for recovering chumps new to Game to accept. Deprivation has conditioned them to hang onto a “sure thing” and this becomes all the more difficult when the plate they happen to drop was the first woman they’d ever successfully applied Game to, or was hotter than any girl they’d previously been with.

一个高价值的男人能够同时应对多个女性，有时这些女性会怀疑或知道他还有其他交往对象。只要他保持足够高的价值（或有效地呈现这种认知），她们就会容忍这种情况，否则她们会通过择偶升级转向另一个高价值的男人。正如我在“盘子理论”中提到的，有些盘子会掉落，被新的盘子取代。你必须愿意并且有信心让其中一些掉落。对于刚接触游戏并试图摆脱失败者心态的人来说，接受这一现实是艰难的。长期的匮乏感使他们习惯于抓住“确定的事物”，当他们不小心放手的盘子是他们第一个成功运用游戏策略的女性，或是比以往任何交往过的女孩都更迷人时，这种困难尤为明显。

As I stated earlier, you don’t have to be sexual with every one of the plates you’re spinning (this used to be called “dating” in the days before serial monogamy became the fashion). It’s the potential in knowing that you could be, or that there are women who will value your attention that prompts a competitive anxiety in women – often when you don’t even know you’re doing it. If you are sexual with some of the plates you’re spinning, so much the better since you know that they’re proven commodities and if one isn’t performing as you’d like, you have the unconscious knowledge that others will, or you have the proven ability to generate more options for yourself.

正如我先前所述，你不必与每一个正在交往的女性发生性关系（这在连续一夫一妻制成为潮流之前被称为“约会”）。正是这种知晓自己可能与她们发生关系，或是知道有些女性会珍视你关注的潜在可能性，激发了女性的竞争焦虑——往往在你甚至未察觉自己在这样做时。如果你与其中一些女性发生了性关系，那就更好了，因为你已确认她们是可靠的，如果某一个不如你所愿，你潜意识里知道其他人会，或者你有能力为自己创造更多选择。

Monogamy is a byproduct, not a goal. 一夫一妻制是副产品，而非目标。

One of the biggest hurdles guys have with Plate Theory is breaking themselves of this ‘LTR-as-Goal’ mentality. Obviously I’m not anti-monogamy, however monogamy should never be a goal, it should be a by-product of Plate Theory, but only when you’ve properly filtered through enough plates to understand how options play into confidence and controlling the frame. If a woman is unwilling to be non-exclusive with you (i.e. “she’ll leave me if I see other girls” fear) she isn’t a plate to spin. This seems counterintuitive to a guy with an LTR-As-Goal mentality and it is, but the guy who can fearlessly, and honestly stay above-board with his intent is the one who’ll be spinning more plates. Most guys (AFCs in particular) are deathly afraid of losing that ONE perfect girl and so never even attempt to spin more than one plate, much less have any others to compare her ‘perfection’ to in the first place. I’ve even seen PUAs do exactly this. They’re so impressed with the success of newly perfected techniques that they settle for the ONE ‘dream girl’ and find that their attentions become valueless to her because she perceives she is his only option for intimacy, his script gets flipped on him, and he gets marginalized. It’s not a failure in technique, but rather a failure in his mindset.

男性在理解“板块理论”时面临的最大障碍之一，是摆脱“以长期关系为目标”的心态。显然，我并不反对一夫一妻制，但一夫一妻制绝不应成为目标，而应是“板块理论”的副产品，前提是你已充分筛选过足够多的“板块”，从而理解选择如何影响自信和掌控局面。如果一个女性不愿与你保持非独占关系（即“如果我与其他女孩交往，她会离开我”的恐惧），那么她就不应被视为一个可旋转的“板块”。这看似与“以长期关系为目标”的思维相悖，确实如此，但那些能无畏且坦诚地表明自己意图的男性，才是能旋转更多“板块”的人。大多数男性（尤其是 AFC 们）极其害怕失去那唯一完美的女孩，因此从未尝试过同时旋转多个“板块”，更不用说有其他“板块”来比较她的“完美”了。我甚至见过 PUA 们也这么做。 他们对新近完善的技术所取得的成功印象深刻，以至于满足于仅拥有一位“梦中情人”，却发现他们对她的关注变得毫无价值，因为她意识到自己是他亲密关系的唯一选择，他的剧本被翻转，而他则被边缘化。这并非技术上的失败，而是他心态上的失败。

So what do you do to establish your plates and be truly, and successfully, non-exclusive with women? Initially I’d suggest doing exactly what most women have perfected for the better part of their lifetimes, stay intentionally ambiguous. Women practice Plate Theory by default – they play the Coquette (hard to get), they know how to be ambiguous enough to keep their options open, but not so much as to let a guy’s interest fail. They naturally know that we only chase what runs away from us. They never commit fully, but still keep the carrot in front of the donkey.

那么，你该如何确立自己的“盘子”，真正且成功地与女性保持非排他性关系呢？首先，我建议你效仿大多数女性在她们大半生中精通的策略：保持有意模糊。女性默认实践“盘子理论”——她们扮演难以捉摸的“娇羞女郎”（难以接近），懂得如何保持足够的模糊性以保持选择开放，但又不会过度以至于让男性的兴趣消退。她们本能地知道，我们只会追逐那些逃避我们的事物。她们从不完全投入，却始终让希望在前方牵引着追求者。

Women communicate COVERTLY, with gesture, with looks, with veiled meanings – you have to communicate your intent to be non-exclusive COVERTLY. Never OVERTLY tell a woman you’ve got other plates than her spinning. Allow her to discover this by your mannerisms, your behaviors, and definitely by your availability to her. Create value through scarcity, don’t be so available to her, but just enough to keep her interest and allow her mind to consider that maybe you have other options. Even when you don’t, fomenting this anxiety is a VERY useful tool for you while you do get more plates to spin. Even the ambient confidence that comes from knowing you have a past, proven, ability to generate more sexual options for yourself will manifest itself in your personality and trigger this competition anxiety.

女性以隐晦的方式交流，通过手势、眼神和含蓄的含义——你必须隐秘地传达出你非独占的意图。绝不要直接告诉一位女性你还有其他选择在旋转。让她通过你的举止、行为，尤其是你对她的可得性来发现这一点。通过稀缺性创造价值，不要对她过于可得，但要恰到好处以保持她的兴趣，并让她心中考虑或许你还有其他选项。即便你并没有，制造这种焦虑在你获取更多选择时是一个极其有用的工具。甚至那种源自知晓自己过去曾证明有能力为自己创造更多性选择的自信，也会在你的个性中显现，并触发这种竞争焦虑。

At some point a woman will resort to OVERT communications when she’s run out of options in her COVERT communications tool set. This is the point the anxiety becomes unbearable and the need for security forces her to be OVERT. This is usually the stage at which she’s ask something like “where is this going?” or “am I your girlfriend?” or she may even give you an ultimatum. See this for what it is, she feels powerless and this is a press to commit. This is the point at which you will end up as a “cheater” or you’ll continue to spin plates. You actually have a lot of options in this situation, in fact more than you will ever have with any individual woman. You can of course take the coward’s path and just agree to exclusivity with her, but in doing so you lose all options (for as far as you’re willing to commit) as she intently becomes your only means of intimacy. She becomes the broker for your sexuality and you lose power, whereas before YOU were in control of your sexual availability.

在某些时候，当一个女人在她的隐性沟通工具箱中用尽所有选项后，她会转向显性沟通。这是焦虑变得难以忍受，对安全感的迫切需求迫使她变得显性的时刻。通常在这个阶段，她会问一些问题，比如“我们这是在往哪儿发展？”或“我是你的女朋友吗？”甚至可能给你一个最后通牒。要明白这是怎么回事，她感到无能为力，这是在逼你做出承诺。在这个节点上，你最终可能成为“骗子”，或者继续同时与多人保持关系。实际上，在这种情况下你有很多选择，事实上比与任何单一女性相处时都多。当然，你可以选择懦夫的路径，仅仅同意与她独占关系，但这样做你会失去所有其他选项（只要你愿意承诺的程度），因为她将专注成为你唯一的亲密途径。她成为你性行为的经纪人，你失去了权力，而之前是你控制着自己的性可得性。

You could continue to spin her as well, but bear in mind she’s resorted to OVERTLY confronting you about it and it wont be the last you hear of it. Depending on how long you’ve had her around, you may simply just let her drop. You might also keep her going, but let her cool a bit and come back to her in a few week’s time. Again, this seems counterintuitive, but your attention will either wildly increase in her value of it or she’ll simply bug out in which case it wasn’t worth pursuing and you aren’t wasting your time and effort on a woman with less than 100% IL.

你也可以继续与她周旋，但请记住，她已公然向你提出质疑，这不会是你最后一次听到此事。根据她在你身边的时间长短，你或许可以直接让她离开。你也可能选择继续维持关系，但先让她冷静一段时间，几周后再重新接触。这看似有违直觉，但你的关注要么会极大地提升她对此的重视，要么她会直接放弃，那样的话就不值得追求，你也不会在一个连 100%投入都没有的女人身上浪费时间和精力。

Confidence is derived from options. 信心源自选择。

Don’t think of plate theory as a filter so much as it is a means to reinforce confidence. If you were to step into the ring with a professional UFC fighter right now it’d probably be suicide for you. But train for a few years, spar with other fighters and win a few bouts and you’ll probably be confident enough in your past performances that you know you can hold your own in the ring. That’s the idea, confidence derived from the options of non-exclusive women in hand and from having successfully generated those options in the past.

不要将板块理论视为过滤器，而应将其视为增强自信的手段。假设你现在步入八角笼与一位职业 UFC 选手对决，那对你来说无异于自寻死路。但若经过几年的训练，与他人实战切磋并赢得几场比赛，你很可能就会因过往的表现而信心满满，深知自己能在笼中一展身手。这就是板块理论的精髓所在：自信源自手中握有的非排他性女性选择权，以及过去成功创造这些选择权的经历。

It’s not a numbers game, it’s a non-exclusivity game. The goal isn’t racking up as many women as humanly possible in order to sift through the throng and find that one little golden flower. In fact that’s the key to disaster. There is no Quality Woman, that’s an idealization. Some are better than others of course, but you don’t find the perfect woman, you make the perfect woman. There is no needle in the haystack – that is Scarcity / ONEitis thinking – the point is to mold yourself and any woman who you do exclusively end up with into your own frame. This is a process that should come before you commit to exclusivity, not after. The world is filled with guys forever trying to catch up, control the frame and be the Man they should’ve been long before they entered an LTR. They spend the better part of their LTRs/Marriages trying to prove that they deserve their GF’s / Wife’s respect when they’d have done better in letting her come to that conclusion well before the commitment through a healthy dose of competition anxiety.

这不是数字游戏，而是非排他性游戏。目标并非竭尽所能地积累尽可能多的女性，以便从人群中筛选出那一朵小小的金花。事实上，那正是灾难的根源。并不存在所谓的优质女性，那只是一种理想化。当然，有些女性优于其他，但你不会找到完美的女人，而是要塑造出完美的女人。没有藏在稻草堆里的针——那是稀缺/唯一症思维——关键在于塑造你自己以及你最终独占的任何女性，使之符合你的框架。这一过程应在承诺独占之前进行，而非之后。世界上充斥着那些永远试图追赶、掌控框架并成为他们本应在进入长期关系前就成为的男人。他们将大部分时间花在长期关系/婚姻中，试图证明自己配得上女友/妻子的尊重，而更好的做法是通过适度的竞争焦虑，让她在承诺之前就得出这个结论。

Plate Theory III: Transitioning

You cannot help anyone until you’ve first helped yourself. 在你帮助别人之前，必须先帮助自己。

The following was posted with permission from a consult I did. 以下内容经咨询后获得许可发布。

Hi Rollo, my name is Akash and I am big fan of your posts. They are always lucid, logical, and insightful. 嗨，罗洛，我叫阿卡什，是你文章的忠实粉丝。它们总是清晰、有逻辑且富有洞见。

I discovered the community about 5 months ago after yet another failed relationship characterized by highly AFC behavior on my part. I ended it with a tremendous amount of guilt as I felt that because she was a “good person” I ought to have made it work even though I wasn’t in love with her. I am 27 years old. 大约 5 个月前，在又一次因我极度缺乏恋爱技巧而导致的关系失败后，我发现了这个社区。我带着巨大的内疚感结束了这段关系，因为我感到，既然她是个“好人”，我就应该努力维持，尽管我对她没有爱情。我今年 27 岁。

Based on your posts I would really appreciate your advice on two issues: 根据您的帖子，我非常希望能得到您对两个问题的建议： (1) how to make the best use of my impending return to school in May for a second undergraduate degree and;

(1) 如何充分利用我即将在五月重返校园攻读第二个本科学位的时机；

(2) how to overcome the cognitive dissonance I feel about pursuing women outside the confines of a committed relationship as I still suffer from social conditioning that tells me I will hurt women by pursuing primarily sexual relationships with them and so it is immoral to do so.

(2) 如何克服我在追求非承诺关系之外的女性时所感受到的认知失调，因为我仍受到社会条件的制约，认为我主要追求与她们的性关系会伤害女性，因此这样做是不道德的。

If you would like to post a reply on the forum, rather than by a PM, for the benefit of others that is fine with me. I wanted to direct these queries to you though as I believe I could benefit from your worldy wise opinion.

如果您愿意在论坛上发表回复，而不是通过私信，以便让其他人受益，我对此没有意见。不过，我想直接向您提出这些问题，因为我相信我能从您丰富的人生智慧中获益。

Sincerely look forward to hearing from you.

衷心期待您的回复。

Best, 最好的， Akash 阿卡什

I’ll give you a run down of what I can gather from your initial post, but understand that what you’ve given me here is pretty limited as far as information is concerned. I can only assume certain things from the very brief description of your life so take what I write with that in mind. In the future give me a better account of what your AFC behaviors were, how your relationships have ended, family background, where you live, why you’re pursuing a second degree, etc. I can be more accurate and avoid assumptions this way.

我会根据你的初始帖子，概述我能收集到的信息，但请理解，你所提供的内容在信息方面相当有限。我只能从你简短的生活描述中做出某些假设，因此请带着这个前提阅读我的文字。未来，请更详细地描述你的 AFC 行为、恋爱关系如何结束、家庭背景、居住地、追求第二学位的原因等。这样我能更准确，并避免做出假设。

To begin with, you’ve only been involved in the “community” for the past 5 months so the first thing I’m going to tell you is that it takes time to mold your personality and unlearn mental schemas you’ve become conditioned to consider integral parts of your current personality. One of the biggest obstacles most men have with accepting the fundaments of a positive masculine mindset is the attitude that personality is static and uncontrollable by them. A lot of this “that’s just how I am” mentality comes from this basic conditioning and needs to be addressed from the outset since this almost universally is an ego-investment on the part of a guy who’s probably emotionally distressed, confused and/or frustrated.

首先，你仅在过去 5 个月中参与了“社区”，因此我要告诉你的第一件事是，塑造你的个性并摒弃那些你已习惯视为当前个性不可或缺部分的思维模式需要时间。大多数男性在接受积极男性心态的基本原则时遇到的最大障碍之一，就是认为个性是静态的，且不受他们控制。这种“我就是这样的”心态很大程度上源于这种基本条件反射，需要从一开始就加以解决，因为这几乎普遍是那些可能情感困扰、困惑和/或沮丧的男性在自我投资上的表现。

Understand now that personality is ultimately what YOU determine it to be. This isn’t to say that external factors don’t influence personality; indeed these variables and outside influences are exactly the reason men such as yourself do seek out the community. However, it is you who determine what is comfortable for you and what will constitute the traits that makes your personality your own. You are most definitely not a blank slate, but you have the capacity to erase parts you don’t like or are unusable and rewrite new parts that you like and prove efficient.

现在明白，个性最终是由你自己决定的。这并不是说外部因素不会影响个性；事实上，这些变量和外部影响正是像你这样的人寻求社群的原因。然而，是你决定什么对你来说是舒适的，以及哪些特质构成了你个性的独特之处。你绝非一张白纸，但你拥有擦除不喜欢或无用的部分，并重写新部分的能力，这些新部分你喜欢且证明有效。

(1) how to make the best use of my impending return to school in May for a second undergraduate degree (1) 如何充分利用我即将在五月开始的第二个本科学位的返校学习

This all depends on what your own personal goals are. The best use you can make of this time is to devote yourself completely to achieving the purpose for which you decided to pursue a second degree in the first place. I can only assume you are working for this degree with a set outcome in mind, but is this what you truly want? I ask this because I know far too many men who’ve altered the course of their lives to better accommodate the women in their lives or to facilitate their insecurities and fear of rejection. It’s not an unfamiliar story to me to hear of how a guy opted for a certain university or a career path because he’d convinced himself that it would sustain a relationship that he was fearful of loosing or he felt was his “responsibility as a man” to be supportive of her ambitions at the sacrifice of his own. The conclusion of this scenario, more often than not, ends with a bitter man, mad at himself with the long term results of his choices after the woman he’d strived so long to accommodate leaves him for another man who held fast to his own identity and ambition – which is exactly what makes him attractive.

这一切都取决于你个人的目标是什么。你在这段时间内能做的最佳利用，就是全身心投入到实现你最初决定攻读第二学位所追求的目标上。我只能假设你为了这个学位设定了明确的结果，但这是你真正想要的吗？我这样问是因为我见过太多男性为了更好地适应生活中的女性，或是为了缓解自己的不安全感与对拒绝的恐惧，而改变了自己的人生轨迹。对我来说，听到某人选择某所大学或职业道路，因为他自认为这能维系一段他害怕失去的关系，或是他觉得作为男人有责任支持她的抱负，而牺牲了自己的，并不陌生。这种情景的结局往往是一个苦涩的男人，对自己长期选择的结果感到愤怒，尤其是当他曾努力迎合的女人最终离开他，投入一个坚守自我与抱负的男人的怀抱时——而这恰恰是那个男人吸引她的原因。

I’m not sure how or if this fits into your conditions, but let it serve as an illustration for reclaiming and remolding your own personality. Only you have the hindsight to assess why you made certain decisions in your life. I’m only asking you to be as brutally critical of your true motivations for making them. Maybe it’s time you review why you decided to pursue a second degree?

我不确定这如何或是否符合您的条件，但愿它能为重塑您个人特质提供一个例证。唯有您能凭借后见之明，评判自己一生中某些决策的缘由。我仅是恳请您，对这些决策背后的真实动机进行毫不留情的自我审视。或许，现在是时候回顾一下，当初为何决定攻读第二个学位了？

(2) how to overcome the cognitive dissonance I feel about pursuing women outside the confines of a committed relationship as I still suffer from social conditioning that tells me I will hurt women by pursuing primarily sexual relationships with them and so it is immoral to do so.

(2) 如何克服我在追求非承诺关系之外的女性时所感受到的认知失调，因为我仍受到社会条件的制约，认为我主要追求与她们的性关系会伤害女性，因此这样做是不道德的。

Akash, any reasonably attractive woman knows you’d like to have sex with her. It’s a primal, chemical instinct and to be bluntly honest, there’s nothing wrong with it. In certain Muslim sects men are allowed to take “temporary” wives for a set period of time in addition to their “permanent” wives so long as they support them financially. Some Mormons practice open polygamy in a similar fashion. Some men marry and divorce multiple times (and support them congruously). All of these practices are considered, to a greater or lesser degree, moral. The dissonance occurs when the rationalizations for a behavior conflict with the motivations for it and the associative psycho-social stigmas that get attached to it. Sorry for the $10 words here, but your feelings of guilt or hesitancy in a desire to explore multiple relationships is a calculated result of a very effective social conditioning with a latent purpose meant to curb a natural impulse.

阿卡什，任何相貌尚可的女性都知道你想与她发生性关系。这是一种原始的、化学性的本能，坦率地说，这并无不妥。在某些穆斯林教派中，男性除了“永久”妻子外，还可以拥有“临时”妻子一段时间，只要他们能经济支持她们。一些摩门教徒以类似方式实行开放的多妻制。有些男性多次结婚又离婚（并相应地提供经济支持）。这些做法在不同程度上都被视为道德的。当行为的合理化与动机相冲突，以及与之相关的社会心理污名附着其上时，就会产生不协调。这里用了些高级词汇，但你对探索多重关系感到的内疚或犹豫，是社会有效条件作用的结果，其潜在目的在于抑制一种自然冲动。

Recognizing this is the first step to progressing beyond it and actually using it (responsibly) to your own advantage. As men, our biological impetus is to have unlimited access to unlimited sexuality with females bearing the best physical attributes. This is a rudimentary fact and on some level of consciousness both men and women understand this. No amount of proselytizing or social conditioning will erase what God and evolution hard-coded into our collective bio-psychological desires and behaviors. Admittedly, social conventions have historically made a good run at limiting this drive, but it can never (nor should it ever) purge this, because in essence it is a survival-ensuring attribute for us.

认识到这一点是超越并实际利用它（负责任地）为自己谋利的第一步。作为男性，我们的生物本能驱使我们渴望无限制地接触拥有最佳身体特征的女性。这是一个基本事实，在某种意识层面上，男性和女性都理解这一点。无论多少布道或社会教化都无法抹去上帝和进化在我们集体的生物心理欲望和行为中植入的印记。诚然，社会规范历来在限制这一冲动方面表现出色，但它永远无法（也不应）根除这一点，因为本质上，这是确保我们生存的特质。

I wont argue against the utility in the latent purpose of absolute monogamy. No other method proves more valuable in parental investment and developing a strong masculine and feminine psyche in a person than that of a committed, opposite sex, two-parent family. I feel it’s necessary to add here that I am thoroughly unconvinced that gender identity is exclusively a set of learned behaviors as many in the mainstream would try to convince us of. There is simply too much biological evidence and the resulting psychological/behavioral response to gender differences to accept this, making it vitally important that a child (and later a healthy adult) be taught a healthy appreciation for both the masculine and feminine influences in their psyches.

我不会反对绝对一夫一妻制潜在目的中的实用性。没有其他方法比承诺的、异性、双亲家庭更能证明在父母投资和培养一个人强大的男性与女性心理方面更有价值。在此，我觉得有必要补充一点，我完全不相信性别认同仅仅是主流观点中许多人试图让我们相信的一套习得行为。生物学上的证据实在太多，以及由此产生的心理/行为对性别差异的反应，使得接受这一点变得至关重要，即必须教导孩子（以及后来的健康成年人）对心理中男性和女性影响都持有健康的欣赏态度。

The genders were meant to be complimentary, not adversarial. I certainly would never condone infidelity based on just this principle alone since it seems the most beneficial for healthy adults. It’s when this healthy monogamy becomes clouded by infantile, emotionality and insecure romanticisms with the resulting expectations that are derived by them that it becomes necessary for a man to cultivate an attitude of being the PRIZE. Adopting this mindset broadens his selection of opportunities for monogamy to his greatest advantage prior to committing to monogamy. In other words, if you are essentially sacrificing your capacity to pursue your biological imperative (unlimited access to unlimited sexuality), pragmatically, you’ll want to choose a partner of the highest quality from the broadest pool of potential you are capable of attracting.

性别本应是互补的，而非对立的。我当然不会仅基于这一原则就赞同不忠行为，因为它似乎最有利于健康成年人。然而，当这种健康的单一伴侣关系被幼稚的情绪化、缺乏安全感的浪漫主义及其衍生出的期望所蒙蔽时，一个男人就有必要培养一种“自己是奖品”的态度。采纳这种心态能让他最大限度地扩大选择范围，从而在承诺单一伴侣关系之前获得最大优势。换句话说，如果你实际上是在牺牲追求生物本能（无限接近无限性行为）的能力，那么从实际出发，你会希望从你能吸引到的最广泛的潜在伴侣中，选择一个质量最高的伴侣。

The downside of this proposition is twofold. First, your ability to attract a sizable pool of quality ‘applicants’ is limited by factors you immediately have available. At 37, if all goes well, you’ll be more financially stable and mature than you are at 27. The 37 year old Akash will, in theory, be more attractive to a long term prospect than the 27 year old Akash. Secondly, women’s sexual value decreases as they age, meaning there is no guarantee that your beautiful, vivacious, 27 year old bride will remain so at 37. In fact the odds are she wont.

这一提议的弊端是双重的。首先，你吸引大量优质“申请者”的能力受限于你当前可利用的因素。在 37 岁时，如果一切顺利，你的财务状况将更加稳定，心智也更为成熟，相较于 27 岁的你，理论上对长期伴侣的吸引力会更大。其次，女性的性价值随着年龄增长而下降，这意味着无法保证你那美丽活泼的 27 岁新娘到了 37 岁依然保持同样的魅力。事实上，她很可能不会。

All of this makes betting your biological imperative on monogamy critically important and thus deserving of the widest possible selection.

这一切使得将你的生物本能押注于一夫一妻制变得至关重要，因此值得拥有最广泛的选择。

Men literally live and die according to their options, so it stands to reason they ought to entertain a prolonged period in their lives where they are open to exploring the most options they have access to while concurrently developing and improving themselves prior to making a commitment of this magnitude.

男人们实际上是根据他们的选择而生与死，因此，他们理应在生活中留出一段较长的时期，在这段时间里，他们可以敞开心扉，探索尽可能多的选择，同时在此之前不断提升和完善自己，以便做出如此重大的承诺。

And this is precisely where most men fail. They buy into and internalize psychological social contrivances (i.e. ONEitis) that are little more than effective means of inculcating a self-expectation of accountability and liability to make this commitment, irrespective of maturity level or personal success (not simply financial success). The saddest ones, the AFC ones are the pitiable men who carry these contrivances into marriage and even old age without ever understanding that they had more potential which they squandered due to an inability to see past these contrivances and learn to be selective based on experience.

而这正是大多数男性失败的地方。他们接受并内化了心理社会机制（如“唯一症”），这些机制不过是有效手段，用以灌输一种自我期望的责任感和义务感，促使他们做出承诺，而不考虑成熟度或个人成就（不仅仅是财务上的成功）。最可悲的是那些 AFC（平均挫男），他们是可怜的男人，将这些机制带入婚姻甚至老年，却从未意识到自己本有更大的潜力，却因无法看透这些机制并基于经验学会选择而白白浪费。

A truly powerful Man jealously guards his most precious resources; his independence and his ability to maneuver. In other words his options and his ability to exercise them. True power isn’t controlling others, but the degree to which you control the course of your own life and your own choices. Commitment to anything ALWAYS limits this. When you step through one door, a hundred more close behind you. You’re free to do what you want, right? You can always quit a job, divorce a wife, change your school, etc., but how many men do you know who are what they are today as a result of their own real doing, unfettered by how their choices impact their GF, wife, kids, parents, etc.? By comparison, how many guys do you know who dutifully stick with a dead-end job that’s slowly killing them because it’s better than dealing with the consequences and backlash it would have on his family? Are they free to quit? Sure, but not without an impact on their families and relationships.

一个真正强大的人会小心翼翼地守护他最宝贵的资源：他的独立性和应变能力。换言之，是他选择的余地以及行使这些选择的能力。真正的力量并非控制他人，而是你能在多大程度上掌控自己生活的轨迹和选择。对任何事物的承诺总是会限制这一点。当你推开一扇门，身后可能关闭了上百扇。你可以自由地做你想做的事，对吧？你总能辞去工作、离婚、转学等等，但你知道有多少人今天之所以是他们自己，是因为他们真正自主的选择，不受其选择对女友、妻子、孩子、父母等的影响所束缚？相比之下，你又认识多少男人，他们忠实地坚守着一份慢慢扼杀他们的死胡同工作，只因这比面对其对家庭带来的后果和反弹要好？他们能自由辞职吗？当然可以，但这样做会对家庭和关系产生影响。

So where does this leave you? You have 2 paths as I see it. You can sarge and explore your options with multiple LTRs and, should you decide to become sexually involved, do so while maintaining non-exclusivity with them. Put off and unlearn the expectations you’ve been conditioned to accept through (feminine beneficent) social contrivances and truly explore your opportunities while bettering your own conditions in anticipation for becoming monogamous at some later point. Or, you can remain in your sense of moral doctrine (no shame in this) and still non-exclusively date and explore your options while you continue to better yourself with the caveat that you know you’ll be limiting your depth of experience. I wont denigrate a decision to opt for this, but far too few religious men have the perseverance to stay objective in their decision to ‘hold out’ and overlook major character flaws in women they’d like to be their spouse in a furious rush to marry them and get to “the sex part.” Better to fall short in conviction than make hurried decisions that will alter your life.

那么，这对你意味着什么呢？在我看来，你有两条路可走。你可以尝试与多人建立长期关系并探索各种可能性，若决定发展性关系，则保持非独占性。摆脱并摒弃那些通过（女性恩惠型）社会机制灌输给你的期望，真正探索机会的同时，改善自身条件，为将来某个时刻步入一夫一妻制做好准备。或者，你可以坚守自己的道德准则（这无可厚非），在不独占的前提下继续约会并探索选项，同时不断提升自我，但需意识到这将限制你经验的深度。我不会贬低选择这条路的人，但遗憾的是，太多虔诚的男性缺乏坚持客观判断的毅力，他们在决定“坚守”时，往往忽视了心仪女性身上的重大性格缺陷，急于结婚并迅速进入“性”阶段。与其信念不坚，不如避免仓促决策，以免影响一生。

And perhaps this isn’t even what you’re driving at? I don’t know if it’s a religious conviction or an internalized social contrivance that passes for one that’s the cause of your hesitancy, but isn’t it interesting that both are so closely associated? I know devout atheists who still believe in the fallacy of the ONE or the soulmate myth. Most women (and far too many men) look at me as if I’d denied the existence of God when I elaborate on why I think their eHarmony, induced fantasy of a soulmate is hogwash and psychologically damaging on a social scale.

或许这甚至不是你想要表达的？我不确定是宗教信仰还是内化的社会观念，这种被当作信仰的东西，是导致你犹豫不决的原因，但这两者如此紧密相关，难道不有趣吗？我认识虔诚的无神论者，他们仍然相信“唯一”的谬论或灵魂伴侣的神话。大多数女性（以及太多男性）在听我详细阐述为何我认为他们由 eHarmony 引发的灵魂伴侣幻想是胡说八道且在社会层面上具有心理伤害时，看我的眼神仿佛我否认了上帝的存在。

Regardless, whatever your reasons, women should only ever be a compliment to a man’s life, never the focus of it. When you start living for a woman you become that woman. Never again compromise your own identity to receive the ever-changing approval she grants you. You have to be the PRIZE at all times, not just while you’re single. In fact, it’s imperative that you remain so into an LTR. My suggestion to you is not to even entertain the idea of monogamy until you are established in your career for 2 years, after your college is complete. Play the field, do whatever, but do not commit even to a girlfriend. Rather make a commitment to yourself, promise yourself you wont allow yourself to let emotionality and conditioned expectations of monogamy dictate what your goals will be or how you’ll achieve them.

无论如何，无论出于何种原因，女性应始终只是男性生活中的点缀，而非焦点。当你开始为某个女人而活，你便成了那个女人。永远不要为了获得她那不断变化的认可而牺牲自己的身份。你必须始终是那个奖品，而不仅仅是在单身时。事实上，在长期关系中保持这一点至关重要。我的建议是，在你大学毕业后至少在职业生涯中稳定两年之前，不要考虑一夫一妻制。尽情享受单身生活，做任何你想做的事，但不要对任何女友做出承诺。相反，向自己承诺，保证不会让情感和一夫一妻制的固有期待左右你的目标或实现目标的方式。

It’s called enlightened self-interest; you cannot help anyone until you’ve first helped yourself.

这被称为开明的利己主义；在你帮助别人之前，首先得帮助自己。

Plate Theory IV: Goal-State Monogamy

Whenever a guy uninitiated to the concept of spinning plates reads the theory for the first time his first response is usually rejection of it because it conflicts with their monogamy-as-goal mindset. Understand, this is always going to be a tough stretch for any AFC of course, but also the ‘natural’ guy who doesn’t have much trouble attracting women. Monogamy-as-a-goal is a feminine imperative social contrivance, but it also has roots in our natural desire for security, so it makes anything even remotely like plate spinning counterintuitive. The feminine imperative pounds into men’s collective consciousnesses over the course of a lifetime that monogamy will cure loneliness, make them responsible, provide them with a constant supply of sex, and a host of other things that assures them it’s “the right thing to do” and in their own best interest. This then leads the more option-less individuals to develop and practice AFC methods and rationales in accordance with what they believe (and have been told by) women is required of them in order to achieve their monogamous intimacy.

每当一个未接触过“旋转盘子”概念的男性初次阅读这一理论时，他的第一反应通常是拒绝，因为它与他们以一夫一妻制为目标的心态相冲突。理解这一点，对于任何 AFC（平均水平男性）来说，这总是一个艰难的跨越，对于那些自然吸引女性并无太大困难的“天生”男性也是如此。以一夫一妻制为目标是一种女性主导的社会构造，但它也植根于我们对安全感的自然渴望，因此，任何与旋转盘子稍有相似的行为都显得反直觉。女性主导的观念一生都在不断灌输给男性的集体意识，即一夫一妻制能治愈孤独，使他们负责任，为他们提供持续的性供应，以及其他诸多保证，让他们相信这是“正确的事情”，并符合他们的最佳利益。这导致那些选择较少的人根据他们所相信（以及被女性告知）的，为了实现一夫一妻制的亲密关系，而发展和实践 AFC 的方法和理由。

So understandably when the principle of being non-exclusive is presented to them in a rational way (in stead of a ridiculed way as it’s normally passed off as) it conflicts with this perceived path to happiness in monogamy. The very idea that any man would be better off with more options in this arena of life, or could feasibly and logistically pull it off seems foreign. As a counter to this he makes up rationales as to why it wont work or wont work for him.

因此，当以理性方式（而非通常被嘲笑的方式）向他们提出非排他性原则时，这与他们所认为的通向一夫一妻制幸福的路径产生了冲突。任何男人在这个生活领域中拥有更多选择会更好，或者在实际操作和逻辑上能够实现这一点的想法，似乎都显得陌生。作为对此的反驳，他会编造出一些理由，解释为什么这行不通，或者对他来说行不通。

Logistics 物流

“I can’t spin plates because I have too little time, I can’t manage more than one without the other finding out, etc.”

“我无法同时处理多件事，因为时间太少，我无法同时管理多个事务而不让其他事情察觉到，等等。”

If you are indeed spinning plates in a healthy, upfront, non-exclusive way this should never be an issue. There are Game-aware Men with less time than most who manage 4-5 different girls in a week without having them consume all their leisure and business time. I don’t suggest that you go this route per se, because for the better part PUAs rely on a dishonesty in non-exclusivity. However, the reason they are capable of this is because they’ve perfected plate spinning effectively enough to have the plates spin themselves.

如果你确实以健康、坦诚、非独占的方式在转盘子，这应该永远不会成为问题。有些时间比大多数人少的游戏意识强的男性，一周内能管理 4-5 个不同的女孩，而不让她们占用全部的休闲和商务时间。我并不建议你走这条路，因为大多数 PUA 依赖于非独占性中的不诚实。然而，他们能做到这一点的原因是，他们已经将转盘子技巧磨练得足够好，以至于盘子能自行旋转。

Most uninitiated AFCs reason that they MUST, at all costs, apply a constant effort to each and every girl they encounter at risk of losing a “good one.” Besides this being indicative of ‘soul-mate thinking’, what they fear is losing a plate because they are unaccustomed to having the leisure to do so. This is evidence of a scarcity mentality that is a result of their monogamy-as-goal preconditioning. Plate Theory necessitates an attitude of fearlessness – not carelessness, fearlessness. When you’re practicing Plate Theory your plates should call you. You are the PRIZE and the Prince who’s time is valuable and sought after. You should be the object of women’s pursuit. That said, you still have to make an effort to see them and keep the attention you do apply to them valuable, but this must be done with the attitude that if one plate falls you’re confident in your other options or your ability to generate new options.

大多数未入门的 AFC（平均挫男）认为，他们必须不惜一切代价，对遇到的每一位女性都持续付出努力，以免错失“好女孩”。这不仅表明了他们“灵魂伴侣”的思维模式，他们还担心失去一个盘子，因为他们不习惯有闲暇去这样做。这是由于他们将一夫一妻制作为目标的预设条件导致的稀缺心态。盘子理论要求一种无畏的态度——不是粗心大意，而是无畏。当你实践盘子理论时，应该是你的盘子主动联系你。你是奖赏，是时间宝贵、备受追捧的王子。你应该成为女性追求的对象。尽管如此，你仍需努力去见她们，并确保你对她们的关注有价值，但这种努力必须建立在你自信于其他选择或创造新选择的能力上，即使一个盘子掉落也不影响大局。

Personality Type 人格类型

“I’m just not like that. I don’t want to be considered a playah. I could never do that to a woman. How can anyone be like that?”

“我就是不像那样。我不想被视为花花公子。我绝不会那样对待一个女人。怎么有人能那样呢？”

This rationale is a common one and not limited just to AFCs. There are plenty of otherwise confident, positively masculine men who’d still think they owe it to women to allow them to set the frame of their relationships without any fear of competition anxiety. Players are men who’re dishonest – they are not spinning plates because they are isolating each plate independent of the other, and this goes back to logistics. Of course you can’t find time for anything else if all you do is try to coordinate each individual story with each plate for fear that they discover each other. The plate spinning Man has no need for this, because he NEVER IMPLIES EXCLUSIVITY TO ANY PLATE. Either they accept this or they’re not a plate to consider. Done in a frank, honest, yet indirect above-table way you will not be a ‘Player’ and you will establish yourself as Man who’s attention is worth competing for.

这种逻辑很常见，并非仅限于 AFC（平均水平的男人）。许多原本自信、阳刚气质十足的男人，仍会认为他们应该让女性主导关系框架，无需担心竞争焦虑。所谓“玩家”，指的是那些不诚实的男性——他们并非在同时经营多段关系，而是将每段关系孤立开来，这归根结底是关于资源调配的问题。如果你整天忙于协调每段关系，生怕它们相互揭露，自然无暇顾及其他。而擅长“转盘子”的男人则无需如此，因为他从不向任何一方暗示排他性。要么对方接受这一点，要么就不算作他考虑的“盘子”。以坦诚、直接但又不失礼貌的方式行事，你便不会沦为“玩家”，而会树立起一个值得他人争夺关注的男性形象。

Women would rather share a successful man than be saddled with a faithful loser. This perfectly sums up Plate Theory vs. Monogamy-as-Goal mindsets. Men in general gravely underestimate the power of female competition anxiety and how useful it really is. As I’ve said before, women are natural plate theorists – they are accustomed from a very early age to mitigate multiple sex-interests, they simply learn how to balance their indirect communications with that anxiety in their own plate spinning. Anxiety in women is good for men. Even when they make no effort to use it or would never consider it if they knew it’s usefulness it is ALWAYS present. Everything a woman does on a daily basis is colored by competition anxiety. Make up, clothing, shoes (God, the SHOES!), indirect communications with men and women, social contrivances, comparing and evaluating dates and possible suitors, EVERYTHING is bourn from this competitive desire to achieve security with the best possible guy and make damn sure the girl next door doesn’t get him first. This anxiety is analogous to men’s consummate fear of rejection and all of the myriad rationales he’ll create and the Buffers he’ll devise to avoid it.

女性宁愿分享一个成功的男人，也不愿背负一个忠诚的失败者。这完美地概括了盘论与一夫一妻制目标心态之间的对比。男性普遍严重低估了女性竞争焦虑的力量及其真正效用。正如我之前所说，女性天生就是盘论者——她们从小便习惯于应对多重性兴趣，并学会如何在旋转盘子时平衡自己的间接沟通与这种焦虑。女性的焦虑对男性有益。即便她们无意利用它，或即便知晓其效用也从未考虑过，这种焦虑始终存在。女性日常所做的一切都受到竞争焦虑的影响。化妆、服饰、鞋子（天哪，那些鞋子！）、与男女的间接沟通、社交手段、比较和评估约会对象及潜在追求者，所有这一切都源于这种竞争欲望，即力求与最优秀的男性获得安全感，并确保隔壁女孩不会捷足先登。这种焦虑类似于男性对拒绝的终极恐惧，以及他们为避免拒绝而创造的各种理由和设计的缓冲机制。

Bear in mind that monogamy is a dictate of the feminine imperative. It is the social contract that the feminine ultimately needs in order to quell a constant desire for security in a very chaotic world. When you are predisposed to monogamy-as-goal thinking, or trying to break yourself of this, understand that this is a tool of the feminine imperative. That’s not to discount the overall merits of monogamy, but it is to make you aware of how it’s acculturated into men as a responsibility to providing monogamy. Men who find themselves in a state of internal conflict about abandoning monogamy-as-goal are really confronting a fundamental shift in their prior conditioning.

请记住，一夫一妻制是女性主导原则的指令。这是女性最终需要的社会契约，以便在一个极度混乱的世界中平息对安全感的持续渴望。当你倾向于将一夫一妻制视为目标的思维，或试图摆脱这种思维时，要明白这是女性主导原则的工具。这并不是要否定一夫一妻制的整体优点，而是要让你意识到它如何被文化塑造为男性提供一夫一妻制的责任。那些发现自己内心冲突于放弃一夫一妻制目标的男性，实际上正面临其先前条件作用的基本转变。

Plate Theory V: Lady’s Game

I had a good amount of response on last Friday’s Plate Theory post asking for a more complete idea of women being natural Plate Theorists, so I thought I’d elaborate on this.

上周五关于板块理论的帖子收到了不少回应，许多人希望更全面地了解女性作为天然板块理论家的概念，因此我想对此进行详细阐述。

Female Plate Theory 女性板块理论

$$For as often as I’ve mentioned women being natural plate theorists, I don’t think I’ve ever gone into detail about it. I think it’s pretty well established that I completely disagree with idea that women will only fuck one guy at a time. I could outline several women I know from experience in this, but really, observing behavior will bear this out fairly predictably. I will however agree that they are predisposed to, and are socially encouraged to, seek monogamy, but as in all things female the talk rarely matches the behavior. Sexuality is a woman’s first, best agency and even the homeliest woman know this – even when they’re just complaining about other women using it.

尽管我多次提到女性天生是板块理论家，但我似乎从未详细阐述过这一点。我认为，我完全不同意女性一次只会与一个男性发生关系的观点，这一点已经相当明确。我可以列举几个我亲身经历过的女性例子，但实际上，观察她们的行为就能相当可预测地证实这一点。然而，我同意女性天生倾向于，并且社会鼓励她们追求一夫一妻制，但正如所有女性行为一样，言辞与实际行动往往不符。性是女性最首要、最有效的手段，即便是相貌平平的女性也深知这一点——即使她们只是在抱怨其他女性利用这一点。

The principle that a woman’s first priority is to seek out security is true, and we’d be wise to bear this in mind when evaluating motives for behavior, but their methodology is what’s in question here. There is an understandable confusion for guys in this respect. On one hand women present a constant facade that the fear of being perceived as a slut (i.e. concurrently fucking more than one guy at a time) is primary to their self-respect and respectability. However, this has to be tempered with the desire to experience a variety of men in order to ensure the security/provisioning from the best among them. So in order to facilitate this women must practice a kind of calculated hypocrisy that is socially reinforced by the gender as a whole as well as some men (usually those so optionless as to excuse the behavior in order to get to her sexuality, or guys so conditioned that they overlook it as normal).

女性将寻求安全感视为首要原则是正确的，我们在评估行为动机时明智的做法是牢记这一点，但这里所质疑的是她们的方法。在这方面，男性感到困惑是可以理解的。一方面，女性始终展现出一种表象，即害怕被视为荡妇（即同时与多个男性发生关系）是她们自尊和受人尊敬的首要因素。然而，这种表象必须与体验不同男性的欲望相平衡，以确保从他们中最优秀者那里获得安全感或供养。因此，为了促成这一点，女性必须实践一种经过计算的虚伪，这种虚伪被整个性别群体以及某些男性（通常是那些为了接近她的性而对此行为予以原谅的无可选择者，或是那些已习惯性地视之为常态的男性）所社会化地强化。

It is socially acceptable for a woman to blatantly spin plates.

在社交场合，女性公然表演转盘子是被接受的。

Does this sound outrageous? While a woman who makes her sexual practices a bit too overt runs the risk of being perceived as a slut (which is dubious in this age as it is), most relatively attractive women covertly have a constant bullpen of starters ready to go to bat at any one time – these are also known as ‘Orbiters’. These are the attention providers, the “maybe” guys. And it makes little difference in terms of available options which she chooses at any given time, the very fact that she has five or six of them pursuing her is enough to boost her sense of self-worth, her social status within her same-gender peers, and give her the confidence to drop any one of her plates at a moments notice for any reason knowing that 2 or 3 more guys (or 20 more on facebook) stand ready to take his place, no questions asked and prepared rationalizations at the ready.

这听起来是否有些离谱？尽管一个女性若将她的性行为表现得过于明显，可能会被视为放荡（在这个时代，这一标签本身就颇具争议），但大多数相对有魅力的女性暗中总有一群备胎随时待命，准备出击——这些人也被称为“卫星者”。他们是提供关注的人，是那些“或许”先生。无论她在任何时候选择谁，对她可选择的对象数量影响甚微，她拥有五六个追求者这一事实本身，就足以提升她的自我价值感、在同性朋友圈中的社会地位，并赋予她随时因任何理由放弃某段关系的自信，因为她知道有两三个（或是在 Facebook 上的二十个）男性随时准备接替，无需多问，且已备好合理的解释。

In addition, this practice is socially reinforced by women doing the same thing and the social conventions constructed to excuse the behavior. It’s the unspoken rule of a woman’s prerogative; she can always change her mind. This is a powerful tool for women – in any situation, if a woman doesn’t choose to be sexual it is necessarily forced (or obligated), even when it’s after the fact. Either the “Jerk” forced her, physically or emotionally, or she had thought she wanted to, but later reconsidered – it makes little difference. In all social situations the default is to side with the feminine, the “weaker sex” – women, from sympathy or empathy, and men, from a desire to eventually become intimate with them. Dalrock expertly describes this convention in his “Don’t hit me, I’m a girl” post.

此外，这种行为通过女性之间的相互强化以及为其开脱的社会习俗而得到社会层面的加强。这是女性特权的不言而喻的规则；她随时可以改变主意。这对女性而言是一种强大的工具——在任何情况下，如果女性不选择性行为，那么这一行为必然是被迫（或义务性的），即便是在事后。无论是“混蛋”对她施加了身体或情感上的强迫，还是她曾以为自己愿意，但后来重新考虑了——这几乎无关紧要。在所有社交场合中，默认立场都是偏向女性，即所谓的“弱势性别”——出于同情或同理心，人们会站在女性一边，而男性则出于最终与她们亲密接触的愿望。Dalrock 在其“别打我，我是女孩”一文中精辟地描述了这一习俗。

In either instance, the feminine prerogative is socially reinforced. That’s important to understand because even by my focusing on it here as a male, my motives for doing so become suspect. That’s how embedded this dynamic is – to question it risks ostracization. However, I also understand that for the greater part of women, this plate spinning dynamic isn’t a conscious effort on their part. In fact I’d suggest that it’s so thoroughly recognized that women default to it autonomously. Also, this is a good example of the first principle of power – when you have power, always feign powerlessness.

在任何情况下，女性的特权都受到社会的强化。这一点至关重要，因为即使我作为一个男性在此关注它，我的动机也会受到质疑。这种动态的根深蒂固程度可见一斑——质疑它可能会招致排斥。然而，我也明白，对大多数女性而言，这种盘旋不定的动态并非她们有意识的努力。实际上，我倾向于认为，这种行为已被女性内化至无需思考便能自主执行的程度。此外，这也是权力第一原则的一个良好例证——当你拥有权力时，永远要假装无力。

Free Reign 自由驰骋

So, with a firm understanding that their behaviors will for the most part be excused, they are free to practice the feminine form of plate theory unhindered by social reprisal. The feminine plate spinning involves much more than sex though. Remember that attention is the coin of the realm in female society. The capacity to command attention determines self-esteem, peer status, sexual selectivity, and a host of other factors in a woman’s life, so spinning plates becomes more than just a “which guy am I gonna bang tonight” prospect. This dynamic and these factors are what makes women natural plate spinners. Even when a woman has no intention of ever becoming sexual with a “maybe” guy, his attention still has some value to her. It appeals to the long term prospective for security that’s a continuous subroutine running in her hindbrain. This is the rudimentary psychology behind hypergamy.

因此，在深刻理解其行为大多会得到宽恕的前提下，她们得以无拘无束地实践女性版的“盘子理论”，免受社会报复的阻碍。然而，女性盘旋的技艺远不止于性。记住，在女性社会中，关注即是流通的货币。能否吸引注意力，决定了自尊、同伴地位、择偶选择以及女性生活中的诸多其他因素，因此，旋转盘子超越了单纯的“今晚我该和哪个男人共度”的考量。正是这种动态和这些因素，使得女性天生擅长旋转盘子。即便一位女性无意与某个“可能”的男性发生性关系，他的关注对她仍具有一定价值。这迎合了她后脑中持续运行的、对长期安全保障的潜在需求。这便是超偶选择背后的基本心理学原理。

Now, combine all of this with women’s native language – covert communication – and it’s natural for a man to assume that a woman will only ever become sexual with one guy at a time. This serves the latent purpose of keeping him in a kind of stasis. If he assumes women will only be sexual under the precondition of commitment she is free to spin plates (essentially weighing options) as she pleases and sample at will what she sees as in her hypergamic best interest at the time. If the carrot looks good enough the guy will patiently pull the cart until such time as another, better carrot comes along. Either way he’s in that stasis. If a guy were to see her social and psychological machinations for what they are, he’d never pull the cart – so it serves women best that men think commitment should always be required for intimacy, even in the face of her behavior directly contradicting this.

现在，将这一切与女性的母语——隐秘沟通相结合，男性自然会认为女性只会同时与一个男性发生性关系。这实际上起到了一种让他保持停滞状态的作用。如果他认为女性只有在承诺的前提下才会发生性行为，那么她就可以自由地“旋转盘子”（本质上是在权衡选择），随心所欲地尝试她当时认为符合自己最佳利益的事情。如果胡萝卜看起来足够诱人，这个男人会耐心地拉着车，直到另一个更好的胡萝卜出现。无论哪种情况，他都处于那种停滞状态。如果一个男人能看清她的社交和心理策略的本质，他就永远不会拉车——因此，对女性最有利的是让男性认为亲密关系总是需要承诺的，即使她的行为直接与此相矛盾。

Plate Wars 板块战争

Lastly, this social dynamic serves as a very effective weapon for women against each other. As I stated in the last Plate Theory post, competition anxiety between women is something men can exploit for their own plate spinning, but the reason it is useful is because women so readily use it against each other. For a woman to say another is a “slut” translates into an overt betrayal of this unspoken social contrivance. She essentially is saying, “the rules are that women require commitment for sex, but here’s one who’ll never be worthy of any guy’s commitment because she wont play by the rules you suckers think she will.”

最后，这种社会动态成为女性相互对抗的非常有效的武器。正如我在上一篇 Plate Theory 文章中所说，女性之间的竞争焦虑是男性可以利用来为自己转盘子的，但之所以有用，是因为女性很容易用它来对付彼此。一个女性称另一个女性为“荡妇”，实际上是对这种未言明的社会机制的公然背叛。她本质上是在说：“规则是女性需要承诺才能发生性关系，但这里有一个永远不会值得任何男性的承诺，因为她不会遵守你们这些傻瓜认为她会遵守的规则。”

She is tacitly disqualified for a man’s commitment and is, at least in the accusing woman’s mind, a reduced threat in this feminine competition. She becomes exposed in the same game they’re all playing and in being so loses attention and therefore status and personal esteem. It seems petty to guys, but it’s really intra-gender warfare. Think of how many times an exceptionally attractive woman, that is completely anonymous to a group of women you happen to be with, berate her based on appearance alone. “She’s must be a tramp if she dressed like that.” These are the same women who’ll berate a man for basing his estimation of a woman on her outer appearance. This is feminine competition anxiety. Ask a woman to name the most attractive female actress they can think of. Odds are it will be a woman (who as a guy you’d never think of) who presents the least threat of this anxiety.

她被默认为不具备男性的承诺能力，至少在指责她的女性心中，她在这种女性竞争中威胁程度降低。她在这场她们都在参与的游戏中暴露无遗，也因此失去了关注，进而失去了地位和个人自尊。这在男性看来可能显得小气，但实际上是性别内部的战争。想象一下，有多少次一个对一群女性来说完全陌生的极具吸引力的女性，仅凭外表就被她们批评。“她穿成那样，肯定是个荡妇。”这些女性同样会因为一个男人仅凭外表来评价一个女性而批评他。这就是女性竞争焦虑。让一个女性说出她们能想到的最具吸引力的女演员。很可能是一个（作为男性你从未考虑过的）女性，她呈现出的这种焦虑威胁最小。

Gentlemen, as I’m fond of saying, women will fuck. They may not fuck you, they may not fuck me, but they will fuck someone. The girl who bangs the hot guy at the foam party in Cancun on Spring Break within 5 minutes of meeting him is the same girl who want’s you to believe that they’ll only fuck one guy at a time and then after commitment. All women are sexual, you just need to be the right guy at the right time for the job.

先生们，正如我常说的，女人会做爱。她们可能不会和你做，也可能不会和我做，但她们会和某个人做。那个在春假坎昆泡沫派对上，五分钟内就和性感男子上床的女孩，也是那个想让你相信她们一次只会和一个男人上床，然后才会在承诺之后的女人。所有女人都有性欲，你只需要在正确的时间成为那个正确的男人。

Plate Theory VI: Abundance & Scarcity

Law 16: Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

过多曝光导致价值下降：你越频繁地出现在他人视野和耳语中，你的形象就越显平凡。若你已在某个群体中确立地位，适时地暂时退出，反而能引发更多讨论，甚至更受敬仰。你必须学会何时抽身。通过稀缺性创造价值。

Plate Theory is for your benefit, not for women’s. That might sound harsh, but it’s a method intended to increase your value as a commodity that works on two levels. First, the external – by practicing honest, non-exclusive dating you communicate to your prospective plates that you are in demand. I’ve gone so far as to tell men to foster this sense by never answering the phone from Friday to Sunday evening, even when they have no other plans. The perception that your attention is sought after increases it’s value – it’s when men are too eager to get with a woman that their attention becomes worthless and IL declines. Nothing serves a man better than having 3 or 4 women competing for his exclusive attention and fostering in them that feminine competitivie anxiety in as subtle and covert a way as possible. It’s a real art that women are all too familiar with. Women are natural plate theorists, they simply use their varying degrees of physical attractiveness to line their plates up.

板块理论是为了你的利益，而非女性的。这听起来可能有些刺耳，但它是一种旨在从两个层面提升你作为商品价值的方法。首先，是外在层面——通过实践诚实、非独占性的约会，你向潜在的板块传达出你备受追捧的信息。我甚至建议男性培养这种感觉，从周五到周日晚上不接电话，即便他们没有其他安排。你的关注被渴望的认知提升了其价值——当男性过于急切地想要接近女性时，他们的关注就变得一文不值，吸引力水平也随之下降。没有什么比拥有三四个女性竞争他的独占关注更能彰显男性魅力，并以尽可能微妙和隐蔽的方式激发她们的竞争焦虑更有效了。这是一门真正的艺术，而女性对此再熟悉不过。女性天生就是板块理论家，她们只是利用自己不同程度的身体吸引力来排列她们的板块。

Secondly, plate theory is for a man’s own internal benefit. As I said in my original thread, it’s much easier for a man not to give a shit if he truly doesn’t give a shit. It’s far easier to deal with women on the basis of indifference when you have a subconscious knowledge that there are at least 3 other women who’ll be happy to have your attention if one plays games with you.

其次，板块理论是为了个人内在利益。正如我在原帖中所说，如果一个人真的不在乎，那么他更容易不放在心上。当你潜意识里知道至少还有另外三位女性会因得到你的关注而高兴，如果其中一位对你耍花样，那么以冷漠的态度对待女性会容易得多。

You will invariably pass most shit tests in this fashion. The reason men fail most shit tests is because they subconsciously telegraph too much interest in a single woman. Essentially a shit test is used by women to determine one, or a combination of these factors:

你将以这种方式必然通过大多数的考验。男性在大多数考验中失败的原因，是因为他们在潜意识中对单一女性流露出过多的兴趣。本质上，女性使用考验来确定一个或多个因素的组合：

a.) Confidence – first and foremost a.) 信心——首要之务 b.) Options – is this guy really into me because I’m ‘special’ or am I his only option? b.) 选项——这家伙真的因为我“特别”而喜欢我，还是我只是他的唯一选择？ c.) Security – is this guy capable of providing me with long term security? c.) 安全——这个人能否为我提供长期的安全保障？

By practicing Plate Theory, your mental attitude will be such (or should be such) that you will pass most shit test based simply on this practice. Abundance thinking is the root of Plate Theory. A lot has been written about approaching women (and really life in general) from a position of Abundance. People often make the mistake of assuming that having a wide variety of choices tends to cheapen the commodity, and to a degree this is accurate, but it also allows for a better, learned awareness of which choice amongst the pool is common and which is of higher quality. 通过实践板块理论，你的心态将变得如此（或应当如此），即仅凭这一实践，你便能通过大多数的考验。丰盛思维是板块理论的根基。关于如何以丰盛的心态接近女性（乃至生活中的方方面面），已有大量论述。人们常犯的错误是，认为拥有广泛的选择会降低商品的价值，这在某种程度上是准确的，但它同时也促进了更深入、更有见识的辨识能力，从而区分出众多选择中哪些是普遍的，哪些是更优质的。

,…but Rollo, I’m so busy that I have no choice but to ignore and postpone. They sense it and seek me out. I worry that I’ll create crazies. My weekends are jammed. At what point do we stop? 但是，Rollo，我实在太忙了，别无选择只能忽视和推迟。他们察觉到了，便找上门来。我担心这会制造出麻烦。我的周末都排满了。我们何时才能停下来？

This is a the best problem you can have. You’ve successfully flipped the script; you’ve gotten to a point where it becomes instinctive and your plates actively seek out your attention. By default, you’re creating value by scarcity. At what point do you stop? How old are you? If you’re under 30 stay in the game. If you’re over 30, stay in the game, but cool things off occasionally – the only time a man should even contemplate monogamy is after experiencing abundance. If you’re innundated with women occupying your weekends, consider hooking up with a proven plate on a Thursday evening and reserve your weekends for your other pursuits. 这是你能拥有的最佳问题。你已成功扭转局面；你已达到一种本能的境界，你的盘子们会主动寻求你的关注。默认情况下，你通过稀缺性创造价值。何时该停下？你多大了？如果你未满 30 岁，继续游戏。如果你已过 30 岁，继续游戏，但偶尔降温——一个男人只有在体验过丰盈之后，才应考虑一夫一妻制。如果你被占据周末的女性淹没，不妨考虑在周四晚上与一位可靠的盘子约会，将周末留给其他追求。

Also, don’t be afraid to clear your schedule to hang out with friends or do other things that interest you. Remember, scarcity increases value. Too many guys think that plate spinning is something that needs a constant effort, it doesn’t. In fact applying yourself equally across all your active plates only pushes you closer to settling for one or two. Most guys think that they have to continually spin their plates, you don’t; if you’re doing it correctly they’ll spin themselves for you. The anxiety is that if you don’t keep applying attention to any one plate she’ll lose interest and fall off. Sometimes this is the case and you have to be prepared to accept it, some plates have to break in order to spin more, and that’s OK. More often than not however, your scarcity will create value and mystique, thus they will pursue you for their affirmation. 此外，不要害怕清空日程去与朋友相聚或做其他你感兴趣的事情。记住，稀缺性会提升价值。太多人认为盘旋需要持续的努力，其实不然。事实上，在所有活跃的盘子上均匀分配精力只会让你更倾向于安定于一两个。大多数人认为他们必须不断旋转盘子，你不必；如果做得对，它们会自行旋转。焦虑在于，如果你不持续关注任何一个盘子，她会失去兴趣并掉落。有时确实如此，你必须准备好接受，有些盘子必须破碎才能旋转更多，这没关系。然而，更常见的是，你的稀缺性会创造价值和神秘感，从而她们会追求你以获得肯定。

Plate theory of course can be a means to an LTR, but bear in mind that it’s essential that you practice it long enough and effectively enough to determine what a quality woman means to you and how to recognize her. As with most Game skills, the AFC will use them to some degree of success up to the point that he finds his idealized “girl of his dreams” and launch into a self-destructive LTR because his idealization was based on juvenile impressions rather than a mature understanding of what a quality woman’s characteristics are. This is all due to a lack of concrete experience. 板块理论当然可以成为实现长期关系的一种手段，但请记住，关键在于你必须足够长时间且有效地实践它，以确定对你而言优质女性的含义以及如何识别她。与大多数游戏技能一样，初级者在一定程度上运用它们会取得成功，直到他找到理想化的“梦中女孩”，然后因理想化基于幼稚印象而非对优质女性特质的成熟理解，而陷入自我毁灭的长期关系。这一切都源于缺乏具体经验。

Spin plates for as long as possible, because once you do commit to an LTR, even with the tightest of Game you will lose a measure of the competitive anxiety that made your attentions valuable to any one woman. All your plates fall off AND the girl you’re engaged in an LTR with relaxes. This is root of why men find that the woman they had hot sweaty monkey sex with when they were dating becomes more sexually reserved a few months after they’re a couple. The competitive anxiety is relieved and therefore sexual frequency and quality is no longer a proving trait for her. That’s not to say there aren’t methods to stoke this anxiety in an LTR, but, by comparisson to being single, the frame of the relationship doesn’t have to be contested when she and you understand that she is your only source of intimacy and sex. In a committed relationship, you simply cannot spin plates. 尽可能长时间地旋转盘子，因为一旦你决定投身长期关系（LTR），即便你拥有最精湛的技巧，也会失去一部分让女性珍视你的竞争性焦虑。所有盘子都会掉落，而与你处于 LTR 中的女孩也会放松下来。这就是为什么男人发现，在约会时与他们有过激情性爱的女人，在成为情侣几个月后变得更为性保守。竞争性焦虑的缓解使得性频率和质量不再成为她的证明特质。这并不是说在 LTR 中没有方法来激发这种焦虑，但相较于单身状态，当她和你都明白她是你的唯一亲密和性来源时，关系的框架无需再被争夺。在一段承诺的关系中，你无法再旋转盘子。

This is a Blank Page.

Enter White Knight

The following was a timely question by SoSuave member “OnTheWayUp”; 以下是 SoSuave 会员“OnTheWayUp”提出的一个及时问题；

• Just wanted to find out: who do you talk to about aspects of game with off this site? I’m talking here about “game” in the broadest sense of the term, so pick-up, but also self-esteem, how to keep a relationship healthy, the roles of men and women in society etc.* 只是想了解一下：关于游戏方面的内容，你通常会与谁交流，而不局限于此网站？我这里所说的“游戏”是指该词最广泛的意义，包括搭讪技巧、自我价值感、如何维持健康关系，以及男女在社会中的角色等。

My experience with voicing the views advocated on here in public has nearly always been negative. I have 3 – 4 good male friends who are interested in pick-up (one has read the Mystery Method, for example), and they love it. But these friends are the exception rather than the rule. My parents (beta dad, controlling mum) think my attitude towards women is sexist and my opinion of ONSs “disgusting.” Just about everybody I know subscribes to the Disney/ soulmate view of relationships, and some of my contemporaries (I’m 21) are even starting to settle down and get married. God help them. Talking to girls in bed about what they find attractive in a man is interesting, if only to see the extent to which they delude themselves, but ultimately counter-productive, since a woman (tacitly) expects a man to know how to express his sexuality.

在公开场合表达这里所倡导的观点，我的经历几乎总是负面的。我有三四个对搭讪感兴趣的好朋友，其中一位甚至读过《谜男方法》，他们对此非常热衷。但这些朋友只是少数。我的父母（温和的父亲，控制欲强的母亲）认为我对女性的态度带有性别歧视，对一夜情的看法“令人作呕”。我认识的几乎每个人都信奉迪士尼式的灵魂伴侣关系观，甚至我的一些同龄人（我 21 岁）已经开始安定下来步入婚姻。愿上帝保佑他们。与床上的女孩讨论她们对男性吸引力的看法颇有趣味，尽管这能揭示她们自我欺骗的程度，但最终却适得其反，因为女性（默许地）期望男性懂得如何表达自己的性魅力。

Can we as men ever talk about these things in public? What are your experiences?

我们作为男性能在公共场合谈论这些事吗？你的经历是怎样的？

Before I begin, let me say that I think it’s encouraging to see such an insightful question posed by so young a Man.

在我开始之前，请允许我表达，看到如此年轻的人提出这样有见地的问题，我感到非常鼓舞。

Morpheus: The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it. 墨菲斯：矩阵是一个系统，尼奥。那个系统是我们的敌人。但当你身处其中，环顾四周，你看到了什么？商人、教师、律师、木匠。正是这些我们试图拯救的人的头脑。但在我们做到之前，这些人仍然是那个系统的一部分，这使他们成为我们的敌人。你必须明白，这些人中的大多数还没有准备好被拔除。而且他们中有许多人已经如此习惯，如此绝望地依赖于这个系统，以至于他们会为之战斗，保护它。

Every random chump within earshot of your conversation about Game, about your ‘changed’ way of seeing inter-gender relations, about your most objective critical observations of how women ‘are’, etc. – understand, that chump waits everyday for an opportunity to “correct” you in as public a way as he’s able to muster. That AFC who’s been fed on a steady diet of noble intent, with ambitions of endearing a woman’s intimacy through his unique form of chivalry; that guy, he’s aching for an opportunity to prove his quality by publicly redressing a “villain” like you for your chauvinism. Even under the conditions of relative anonymity (like the internet), he’ll still cling to that want of proving his uniqueness just on the off chance that a woman might read his rebuff and be fatefully attracted to him.

每个偶然听闻你关于游戏、关于你“改变”的性别关系视角、关于你对女性“本质”最客观批判观察的闲人——请明白，那个闲人每天都在等待机会，以他能聚集的最大公众方式来“纠正”你。那个一直接受高尚意图熏陶、梦想通过其独特骑士精神赢得女性亲密的 AFC；那个家伙，他渴望有机会通过公开纠正你这样的“恶棍”来证明自己的品质，因为你表现出的大男子主义。即使在相对匿名的条件下（如互联网），他仍会坚持证明自己独特性的欲望，只因万一有女性读到他的反驳，可能会被命运般地吸引。

This is the bread and butter of the White Knight beta. It’s best to assume that most guys who pick up on just your Game vibe, to say nothing of overtly talking about it, are going to side with the feminine imperative by default. For practitioners of Beta Game (which is to say the better part of 90% of guys) this is an organic opportunity to identify with women and engage in the same shaming conventions women use without the fear of having it seem contrived.

这是白骑士测试版的核心内容。最好假设，大多数仅凭你的游戏氛围，更不用说公开谈论它的人，默认情况下都会支持女性主导原则。对于贝塔游戏（即大约 90%的男性）的实践者来说，这是一个自然的机会，可以与女性产生共鸣，并采用她们使用的相同羞辱惯例，而不必担心显得做作。

Now this is the mechanics of it, but the rabbit hole goes deeper than that. For the Beta Game that our noble white knight is so invested in to work, he depends on an assumed system. He depends upon reaffirming his assumed understanding of how to best achieve a woman’s intimacy (sex). He must reaffirm that presumption BY defending it and looking for opportunities to show he adheres to the feminine imperative (or the version of the imperative he’s been taught to believe). His Game, his ego-invested identity IS literally dependent upon that system. So not only is he defending his Game and his ego, be he’s also defending the social architecture that makes his Beta Game even possible.

现在，这是其机制，但这个兔子洞比那更深。为了让我们的高贵白骑士如此投入的 Beta 游戏运作，他依赖于一个假定的系统。他依赖于重申他对如何最好地获得女性亲密（性）的假定理解。他必须通过捍卫这一假设并寻找机会展示他遵守女性主导原则（或他所学到的原则版本）来重申这一假设。他的游戏，他自我投入的身份实际上依赖于那个系统。因此，他不仅在捍卫他的游戏和自我，还在捍卫使他的 Beta 游戏成为可能的社会架构。

You see, when an AFC clings to the mental schemas that make up an AFC mindset it requires a constant need for affirmation and reinforcement, particularly in light of a glaring lack of verifiable success with women while clinging to, and behaving in accordance with the mindset. AFCs are like crabs in a barrel – once one gets to the top to climb out another drags him back in. The AFC needs other AFCs to affirm his blatantly obvious lack of success. He needs other AFCs to tell him, “don’t worry just be yourself” or “she’s just not a quality woman because she can’t see how great a guy you are.”

你看，当一个 AFC（平均失败者）坚持那些构成 AFC 心态的心理模式时，他需要不断的肯定和强化，尤其是在面对与女性交往中明显缺乏可验证成功的情况下，仍然坚持并按照这种心态行事。AFC 们就像桶里的螃蟹——一旦有一个爬到顶端试图逃脱，另一个就会把他拖回去。AFC 需要其他 AFC 来肯定他显而易见的失败。他需要其他 AFC 告诉他，“别担心，做你自己就好”或者“她不是优质女性，因为她看不到你有多棒。”

So when an AFC finally does get a second date and then finally does get laid it becomes the ultimate validation for his mindset. “See, you just have to be a patient nice guy and the right ONE really does come along.” This is when the self-righteous phase begins and he can begin telling his PUA friends that Beta Game does work, and he’s “getting some” now without all the Positive Masculinity claptrap. In actuality he rationalizes away all of the conditions that lead up to him getting the girlfriend and the fundamental flaw that he’s settling for a woman “who’d fuck him”, but this doesn’t stop him from claiming a moral high ground. His long wait is over and he’s finally hit White Knight pay-dirt.

因此，当一个 AFC 最终获得第二次约会并最终成功上床时，这成为他心态的终极验证。“看，你只需做一个耐心的好人，对的那个人真的会出现。”这时，自以为是阶段开始，他可以开始告诉他的 PUA 朋友们，Beta 游戏确实有效，他现在“有所收获”，而不需要那些正向男性气质的废话。实际上，他合理化了自己获得女友的所有条件和根本缺陷，即他满足于一个“愿意和他上床”的女人，但这并没有阻止他宣称道德高地。他漫长的等待结束了，他终于达到了白骑士的回报。

Average Frustrated Chump

In the “community” there’s a lot of want for better terms. One of the major obstacles in the average guy’s path to unplugging is really coming to terms with the ‘terms’ we use. Somewhere on the net I’m sure there’s a glossary of the common acronyms used in the “manosphere” (I hate that term too) outlining the various shorthand we use. Some of these terms have gone mainstream and I’m beginning to see even “legitimate” online journalists use LTR (long term relationship) or ONS (one night stand) somewhat regularly, meaning there’s a common perception that others will already know what they mean.

在“社群”中，人们普遍渴望更恰当的术语。普通人在脱离束缚之路上的主要障碍之一，实际上是真正理解我们所使用的“术语”。我确信在网络的某个角落，存在着一个关于“男性领域”（我也讨厌这个称呼）常用缩略语的词汇表，概述了我们使用的各种简写。其中一些术语已经进入主流，我开始看到甚至“正规”的网络记者也相对频繁地使用 LTR（长期关系）或 ONS（一夜情），这意味着人们普遍认为其他人已经知道它们的含义。

The reason this is a hurdle for a lot of plugged-in guys is because it seems almost juvenile, like a treehouse club for preteen boys. For me to draw comparisons of an acculturated, feminine social paradigm to the central plot of the Matrix movies, admittedly, on the surface that seems kind of silly. It’s an apt comparison and a useful allegory when you understand the concepts behind it, but for a guy just coming to grasp it while being immersed in a feminine-primary socialization for his whole life, it dosen’t click. And predictably, women invested in that same socialization see the terminology as little more than little boys holed up in their treehouse, throwing rocks at the girls below.

这个障碍对许多沉浸在社交中的男性来说存在的原因，是因为它看起来几乎像是幼稚的，就像是为青春期前的男孩们准备的树屋俱乐部。对我来说，将一个文化熏陶下的、女性主导的社交范式与《黑客帝国》系列电影的核心情节相提并论，坦白说，乍看之下似乎有些荒谬。然而，当你理解其背后的概念时，这是一个恰当的比喻和有用的寓言。但对于一个一生都在女性主导的社会化环境中成长，刚刚开始理解这一点的男性来说，这并不容易理解。可以预见的是，那些同样投入于这种社会化的女性，会将这些术语视为不过是躲在树屋里的小男孩，向楼下的女孩们扔石头。

However, like any new developing science or art or technology there is always going to be a need to codify abstract concepts. We lack better terms so we’re forced to create new ones to represent new concepts.

然而，如同任何新兴发展的科学、艺术或技术一样，总需要将抽象概念规范化。由于缺乏更恰当的术语，我们被迫创造新词来表达新概念。

The AFC – average frustrated chump – was coined almost a decade ago with Mystery method. It’s seen a lot of modification over the years, becoming almost synonymous the use of the term Beta (beta male) or Herb (herbivorous male). In fact, although I use it often, I rarely read AFC in PUA blogs, forums or the ‘community’ at large. Regardless of the terminology, the concept is really the crux of the term. Most AFCs, most guys looking in from the outside, can relate to the idea of what an average frustrated chump is – they can identify with it. Once they begin unplugging, the AFC idea comes into better focus and, usually with some discomfort, they realize how that term applies to themselves:

AFC——即平均挫败者——这一术语几乎在十年前随着神秘方法诞生。多年来，它经历了诸多变化，几乎与“贝塔男”或“草食男”等词汇同义。事实上，尽管我经常使用它，但在 PUA 博客、论坛或整个社区中，我很少看到 AFC 这个词。无论术语如何变化，其核心概念才是关键。大多数 AFC，即那些从外部观察的普通男性，都能理解平均挫败者的含义——他们能产生共鸣。当他们开始觉醒时，AFC 的概念变得更加清晰，通常伴随着些许不适，他们意识到这个术语是如何适用于自己的：

Qualities of an AFC AFC 的特质

• ONEitis – First and foremost. 单恋症 - 首要且关键。
• Subscribes to feminine idealizations. 追求女性理想化形象。
• Supplication is supportive. To comply with gender equalism she must increase, so he must decrease, regardless of how subtly this is realized. 恳求是支持性的。为了遵循性别平等主义，她必须增加，而他必须减少，无论这一过程实现得多么微妙。
• The Savior Schema –reciprocation of intimacy for problems solved. 救世主模式——以亲密回报解决的问题。
• The Martyr Schema – the more you sacrifice the more it shows devotion. 烈士模式——牺牲越多，越显忠诚。
• The ‘Friends’ Debt – LJBF and the pseudo-friendship as a means to prospective intimacy. “朋友”债务——LJBF 与作为潜在亲密关系手段的伪友谊。
• Primarily relies on dating and social skills (or lack thereof) developed during adolescence and early adulthood 主要依赖于青春期和成年早期所形成的约会和社交技能（或缺乏这些技能）
• A behavioral history that illustrates a mental attitude of ‘serial monogamy’ and the related insecurities that accompany it. 一段行为历史，描绘了“连续一夫一妻”的心理态度及其伴随的不安全感。
• A belief that women infallibly and consciously recognize what they want, and honestly convey this to them, irrespective of behaviors that contradict this. Uses deductive reasoning in determining intent and bases female motivations on statements rather than objectively observing behavior. Believes women’s natural propensity is for rational rather than emotional thought. 一种信念，认为女性总能准确且自觉地识别自己的需求，并诚实地向他人传达，不受与之相悖的行为影响。在判断意图时采用演绎推理，将女性的动机建立在她们的话语上，而非客观观察其行为。相信女性天生倾向于理性而非感性思考。
• An over-reliance on rejection Buffers. 过度依赖拒绝缓冲区。 Believes in the Identification Myth. The more alike he is, or can make himself, with his idealized female the better able he will be to attract and secure her intimacy. Believes that shared common interests are the ONLY key to attraction and enduring intimacy. 相信身份认同的神话。他越相似，或能让自己与理想化的女性更接近，就越能吸引并获得她的亲密。他认为共同的兴趣爱好是吸引和持久亲密的唯一关键。
• Believes and practices the “not like other guys” doctrine of self-perceived uniqueness, even under the condition of anonymity. 相信并践行“不像其他家伙”的自我认知独特性原则，即使在匿名状态下亦是如此。
• Considers LDRs (long distance relationships) a viable option for prolonged intimacy. 认为远距离关系（LDRs）是维持长期亲密关系的可行选择。
• Maintains an internalized belief in the qualifications and characterizations of women that coincide with his ability (or inability) to attract them. Ergo, he self-confirms the “ she’s out of my league” and the “she’s a loose slut” mentalities on-the-fly to reinforce his position for his given conditions. 维持着一种内化的信念，即女性的资质与特质与他吸引她们的能力（或无能）相吻合。因此，他即兴地自我确认“她超出我的范畴”和“她是个放荡的荡妇”的心态，以强化自己在特定条件下的立场。
• Harbors irrational (often socially reinforced) fears of long term solitude and alters his mind-set to accommodate or settle for a less than optimal short term relationship – often with life long consequences. 港口对长期孤独怀有不合理的（常受社会强化的）恐惧，并改变心态以适应或满足于一段不够理想的短期关系——往往伴随终身后果。
• The AFC will confirm a belief in egalitarian equality between the genders without consideration for variance between the genders. Ergo, men make perfectly acceptable feminine models and women make perfectly acceptable masculine models. Due to societal pressures he unconsciously self-confirms androgyny as his goal state. 亚足联将坚定地确认性别间的平等，不考虑性别间的差异。因此，男性完全可以成为合格的女性形象，而女性同样可以成为合格的男性形象。由于社会压力，他无意识地自我确认将双性化作为其目标状态。

This is anything but a comprehensive list. There are far more, but my intent here isn’t to provide you with a list of criteria that qualifies an AFC (“you might be a chump if,..”), rather it’s to give you some basic understanding to clarify the term, and round out the idea of what an AFC is. Needless to say these mental schema are some of the impediments to unplugging, or helping another man unplug, from his old way of thinking. As I’m fond of repeating, unplugging chumps from the Matrix is dirty work. Expect to be met with a LOT of resistance, but understanding what dynamics you may harbor yourself or those that a friend might cling to will help you in moving past the years of social conditioning. It’s thankless work, and more often than not you’ll also be facing a constant barrage of shit tests (from both women and feminized men) and ridicule in your efforts. Be prepared for it. Unplugging chumps is triage – save those you can, read last rites to the dying.

这绝非一份详尽无遗的清单。实际上远不止这些，但我的目的并非提供一份符合 AFC（“你可能是傻瓜如果……”）标准的评判标准列表，而是旨在为您阐明这一术语，并完善对 AFC 概念的理解。毋庸置疑，这些心理模式是阻碍人们摆脱旧思维模式，或帮助他人摆脱的障碍之一。正如我常说的，从矩阵中解救傻瓜是艰巨的任务。你将面临巨大的阻力，但了解自己可能持有的动态或朋友可能坚守的观念，将有助于你超越多年的社会教化。这是一项吃力不讨好的工作，而且你往往会遭遇来自女性及女性化男性的持续不断的考验和嘲笑。对此要有心理准备。解救傻瓜如同急救——尽力拯救那些尚有机会的，对濒死者则给予最后的慰藉。

Letting Go of Invisible Friends

I’m sorry to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a long distance relationship. That’s correct, you have no relationship. An LDR simply does not meet the criteria necessary for it to be considered a legitimate relationship. There is no reciprocity of anything more than words passing over a phone line or an IM text. Understand me here – you have no relationship. You have self-assumed accountability, self-assumed liability and internalized responsibilities to be loyal to this person. You are entertaining a commitment to fidelity with an idealization, and ignoring what everyone outside of your LDR will regularly tell you is insanity. LDRs are one of the more insidious forms of ONEitis. 很抱歉要告诉你这个事实，但所谓“异地恋”并不存在。没错，你并没有真正的恋爱关系。异地恋根本不符合被视为合法关系所需的必要条件。除了通过电话线传递的话语或即时消息文本，双方之间没有任何实质性的互惠。请理解我的意思——你并没有恋爱关系。你只是自认为有责任、自担风险，并内化了忠诚于对方的义务。你正沉溺于对一个理想化形象的忠诚承诺，却忽视了外界对异地恋的普遍看法——这简直是疯狂。异地恋是单相思中更为隐蔽的一种形式。

LDRs are the most easily identifiable form of ONEitis, and it would be laughable if it weren’t so damaging to a guy’s life progression. The LDR man generally sacrifices years of his life in this pitiable effort to pursue his ‘soulmate’ across the planet or even a hundred miles away. The very thought of refuting the idea that an LDR can work is equatable to denying his belief this fantasized ONEitis fueled idealization that he’s swallowed for the better part of his life. It’s easy to criticize an LDR in the terms of questioning either party’s earnestness and fidelity in entertaining an LDR and this is usually the tact that most people giving advice on LDRs follow. One or both parties are or will ‘cheat’ on the other over the course of time, its true, but LDRs are far more telling of a mentality that results in much more damaging consequences as a result of deeply conditioned self-expectations and fears. 远距离恋爱（LDRs）是最容易识别的“唯一症”（ONEitis）形式，若非其对男性生活进程的破坏性，这本可一笑置之。陷入远距离恋爱的男性往往在这可悲的追求中牺牲数年光阴，只为追逐他心目中的“灵魂伴侣”，哪怕相隔千里甚至仅百里之遥。质疑远距离恋爱能否成功的想法，无异于否认他多年来深信不疑、由“唯一症”幻想所驱动的理想化信念。从质疑双方在远距离恋爱中的真诚与忠诚度来批评远距离恋爱固然容易，这也是多数人在给出远距离恋爱建议时所采取的策略。确实，随着时间的推移，一方或双方可能会对另一方不忠，但远距离恋爱更揭示了一种心态，这种心态源于根深蒂固的自我期待与恐惧，其导致的后果远为严重。

I can’t begin to list the number of otherwise intelligent and ambitious men I’ve known who’ve drastically altered the course of their lives to follow their ONE. Men who’ve changed their majors in college, who’ve selected or switched universities, men who’ve applied for jobs in states they would never have considered, accepted jobs that are sub-standard to their ambitions or qualifications, men who’ve renounced former religions and men who’ve moved across the planet all in an effort to better accommodate an idealized woman with whom they’ve played pseudo-boyfriend with over the course of an LDR; only to find that she wasn’t the person they thought she was and were depressive over the gravity that their decisions played in their lives. 我无法一一列举那些原本聪明且有抱负的男性，他们为了追随心中的唯一，不惜彻底改变自己的人生轨迹。这些男性中，有的在大学更换专业，有的选择或转学至不同大学，有的申请了从未考虑过的州的工作，接受了与其抱负或资历不符的职位，有的甚至放弃了原有的宗教信仰，还有的跨越全球迁居，只为更好地适应那位在长期异地恋中扮演着伪男友角色的理想化女性；然而最终却发现她并非心目中的那个人，因自己决策对生活产生的重大影响而陷入抑郁。

An LDR is akin to a LJBF, but writ large and festering in a man’s life. You play surrogate boyfriend, voluntarily accepting and internalizing all of the responsibilities and accountabilities of being a woman’s exclusive, monogamous partner with no expectation of reciprocating intimacy or sexuality in the immediate future. However an LDR is worse than a LJBF arrangement since it pervasively locks a man into a success or failure mentality with regards to the relationship actually being legitimate. After all, she’s agreed to remain his girlfriend (from miles away) and if he’s the one to falter it’s his lack of perseverance in this ONEitis ego-investment that dooms them. Once the LDR inevitably ends he’s the one left with the self-doubt, he’s the one beating himself up over wasting time, money and effort and he’s the one feeling guilty whether he or she is the true ‘cheater’. 异地恋类似于“就这样做朋友吧”，但规模更大且在男人的生活中溃烂。你扮演着代理男友的角色，自愿接受并内化了成为女性唯一、一夫一妻制伴侣的所有责任和义务，却对短期内获得情感或性方面的回报不抱任何期望。然而，异地恋比“就这样做朋友吧”的安排更糟糕，因为它普遍将男人锁定在一种成功或失败的心态中，关于这段关系是否真实有效。毕竟，她同意（从远处）继续做他的女朋友，如果他动摇了，那么他在这段“唯一”的自我投资中缺乏坚持，将导致他们关系的终结。一旦异地恋不可避免地结束，他便是那个留下自我怀疑的人，他因浪费时间、金钱和精力而自责，无论谁是真正的“背叛者”，他都感到内疚。

An LDR is like having an invisible friend with whom you’re constantly considering the course of your actions with. Consider the personal, romantic, familial, educational, career, personal maturity and growth opportunities that you’ve limited yourself from or never had a chance to experience because of this invisible friend. When you finally divorce yourself from this invisible friend, will it have all been worth it? Guys cling to LDRs because they’ve yet to learn that Rejection is better than Regret. AFCs will nurse along an LDR for years because it seems the better option when compared with actually going out and meeting new women who represent a potential for real rejection. They think its better to stick with the ‘sure thing’, but it’s the long term regret that is the inevitable result of an LDR that is life damaging. Nothing reeks of desperation or verifies a lack of confidence more than a guy who self-righteously proclaims he’s in an LDR. Women see you coming a mile off, because you are a guy without options, clinging to his one previously realized option. In fact the only reason a man entertains an LDR is due to a lack of options. If you had more plates spinning an LDR would never look like a good idea. 异地恋就像拥有一个无形的朋友，你时刻都在考虑与他的行动方向。想想那些因这个无形朋友而错过的个人、浪漫、家庭、教育、职业、个人成熟和成长的机会。当你最终摆脱这个无形朋友时，这一切是否都值得？男人们执着于异地恋，因为他们尚未明白拒绝总好过后悔。AFC（平均水平男）会维持异地恋多年，因为与真正走出去结识可能带来真实拒绝的新女性相比，这似乎是更好的选择。他们认为坚持“确定的事”更好，但长期后悔才是异地恋不可避免的、对生活有害的结果。没有什么比一个自以为是地宣称自己处于异地恋的男人更能散发出绝望或验证其缺乏自信了。女性一眼就能看穿你，因为你是一个没有选择的男人，紧紧抓住曾经实现过的唯一选项。事实上，一个男人考虑异地恋的唯一原因就是缺乏选择。 如果你有更多盘子在旋转，异地恋看起来绝不会是个好主意。

And finally, it’s not uncommon to see the “not in my case” defense offered about how you actually DO see your invisible friend once every 4 or six months. To this I’ll say again, what opportunities are you censoring yourself from experiencing by playing house with a woman you only see this often? Do you honestly think you’re the exception to the rule? The truth is you’re molding your lifestyle around what you hope your relationship will be in the future – that’s no way to live. 最后，你可能会提出“我的情况不同”的辩解，声称实际上每四个月或六个月你确实会见到你的那位隐形朋友。对此，我要再次强调，你因为与一位如此不常见面的女性“过家家”而错过了哪些体验的机会？你真的认为自己是个例外，能打破常规吗？事实上，你正围绕着对未来关系的期望来塑造自己的生活方式——这不是一种明智的生活态度。

Playing Friends 玩伴

Women have boyfriends and girlfriends. If you’re not fucking her, you’re her girlfriend. 女性既有男朋友也有女朋友。如果你没有与她发生性关系，那你就是她的女朋友。

“Rollo, how do I get out of the Friend-Zone?” Never allow yourself to get into it. “Rollo，我如何才能走出‘朋友区’？”永远不要让自己陷入其中。

Women have used the LJBF (“let just be friends”) rejection for a hundred years because it serves an ego preservation function for her. To a greater or lesser degree, women require attention and the more they have of it the more affirmation they experience, both personally and socially. The LJBF rejection is a Social Convention that has classically ensured a woman can reject a man yet still maintain his previous attention. It also puts the responsibility for the rejection back on his shoulders since, should he decline the ‘offer of friendship’, he is then responsible for entertaining this ‘friendship’.

女性使用“只是朋友”（LJBF）这一拒绝方式已有百年历史，因为它对她具有自我保护的功能。或多或少，女性需要关注，而她们获得的关注越多，个人和社会层面的肯定就越丰富。LJBF 拒绝是一种社会惯例，传统上确保女性可以拒绝男性，同时仍能维持他之前的关注。此外，这种拒绝方式还将拒绝的责任推回给男性，因为如果他拒绝“友谊的提议”，那么他就得承担起维系这段“友谊”的责任。

This of course has the potential to backfire on women these days since the standard AFC response will be to accept an LJBF rejection in the mistaken hope of ‘proving’ himself worthy of her intimacy by being the perfect ‘surrogate boyfriend’ – fulfilling all her attention and loyalty prerequisites with no expectation of reciprocating her own intimacy. I should also point out that this situation is analogous to men using women as “fuck buddies” – fulfilling all his sexual availability needs with no expectations of reciprocating commitment. Needless to say this merely positions the new “friend” into being the ’emotionally supportive’ Beta counterpart to the indifferent Alpha she’ll consistently bang and then complain about – also popularly known as the Emotional Tampon.

当然，这种情况如今对女性而言可能适得其反，因为标准的 AFC（Average Frustrated Chump，即普通挫败者）反应往往是接受 LJBF（Let's Just Be Friends，即只做朋友）的拒绝，错误地希望通过成为完美的“替代男友”来“证明”自己值得她的亲近——满足她所有的关注和忠诚前提，却不期望她回报自己的亲近。我还要指出，这种情形类似于男性将女性当作“炮友”——满足他所有的性需求，却不期望对方回报以承诺。毋庸置疑，这只会将这位新“朋友”定位为冷漠的阿尔法男性（Alpha Male）的“情感支持”贝塔角色（Beta Counterpart），她会持续与之发生关系，然后抱怨——也就是俗称的“情感创可贴”。

The LJBF rejection also serves as an ego preservation for her in that having offered the false olive branch of ‘friendship’ to him in her rejection she can also sleep that night knowing that she (and any of her peers) wont think any less of herself. After all, she offered to be friends, right? She is absolved of any feelings of personal guilt or any responsibilities for his feelings if she still wants to remain amiable with him.

LJBF 拒绝对她而言也是一种自我保护，因为在拒绝中她以虚假的“友谊”橄榄枝向他示好，这使她能安心入睡，知道她（以及她的任何同龄人）不会因此看轻自己。毕竟，她提出要做朋友，对吧？如果她仍希望与他保持友好，她就能免除任何个人内疚感或对他情感的责任。

Men get a LJBF rejection because of a process. These are the “friends first” mindset guys; the guys who put far too much emphasis on a solitary woman and wait her out until the perfect moment to attempt to escalate to intimacy, at which point her most comfortable rejection (Buffer) is to LJBF. This is made all the more easy for her because of the process the guy used to get to that point. 男性因一种过程而遭遇 LJBF 拒绝。这些是持有“先做朋友”心态的男士；他们过分重视某一位女性，耐心等待至自认为合适的时机才试图推进亲密关系，而此时女性最感舒适的拒绝方式（缓冲）便是 LJBF。这一切对她而言更为容易，因为男性达到这一阶段所采用的过程。

Virtually all guys who get to the point of a LJBF rejection come to it because they fall in line with some variation of what I call a Sniper Mentality. They patiently wait for their one target, to the exception of all others, constantly attempting to prove their quality in doing so – meaning they emphasize a comfort level and try to be friends before lovers. In essence they believe that desexualizing themselves will make them more attractive (by virtue of not being like “other guys”) because they’ve bought into the idea that a woman must be comfortable with them first before they initiate intimacy. Once the AFC gets to a point where he’s mustered enough courage to initiate, and he feels she ‘should’ be comfortable enough to appreciate him as boyfriend material, the Sniper takes his shot. 几乎所有到达“让我们只做朋友”拒绝阶段的男性，都是因为他们遵循了我称之为“狙击手心态”的某种变体。他们耐心等待他们的唯一目标，排除所有其他可能，不断试图证明自己的品质——这意味着他们强调舒适感，试图先做朋友再做恋人。本质上，他们相信去性化自己会使他们更具吸引力（因为不像“其他男人”），因为他们接受了这样的观念：女性必须首先对他们感到舒适，然后才能开始亲密关系。一旦这位缺乏经验的男性鼓起勇气发起行动，并感觉她“应该”已经足够舒适，能够欣赏他作为男友的潜质时，狙击手便扣动了扳机。

The problem with this process is that it bypasses essential stages of attraction and the necessary discomfort and sexual tension necessary for intimacy and proceeds directly to a warm familiar, comfortable, (and ultimately anti-seductive) rapport, the exact opposite of arousal. If you think about this in terms of sex, this is the stage right after climax when she wants to cuddle, spoon and be wrapped up in her nice, secure oxytocin induced comfort. This is the opposite of the testosterone fueled, sweaty, anxious and uncomfortable stage of arousal and intercourse before that release. So in terms of “friendship” and the Sniper mentality, you’ve skipped arousal and gone straight to comfort. You’re perceived as a stuffed animal she can hug and then put back on the bed. Thus, when that previously platonic stuffed animal uncharacteristically gets a hard-on and says “I think we ought to be intimate” her reaction is to think that everything you’ve done for her up to that point has been a grand ruse. “My God, all you wanted was sex this whole time?” 这一过程的问题在于，它绕过了吸引的关键阶段以及亲密关系所需的必要不适和性紧张，直接进入了一种温暖、熟悉、舒适（最终反诱惑）的融洽关系，这与激发恰恰相反。如果从性的角度思考，这正是高潮后她想要依偎、拥抱并沉浸在由催产素带来的安全感中的阶段。这与之前由睾酮驱动、汗水淋漓、焦虑不安的激发和性交阶段形成鲜明对比。因此，在“友谊”和狙击手心态的语境下，你跳过了激发阶段，直接进入了舒适区。你被视为一个她可以拥抱然后放回床上的玩偶。因此，当那个原本纯真的玩偶出乎意料地勃起并说“我觉得我们应该亲密”时，她的反应是认为你之前为她所做的一切都是一场精心策划的骗局。“天哪，你一直想要的只是性吗？”

Her most predictable response is then the LJBF rejection. The field has already been tilled by you, it’s only one, very easy step for her to stay in that suspended comfort – “can’t we just be friends?” And then the cycle repeats. The AFC believes the LJBF is a genuine offer (not a rejection) and then falls back into the Sniper mentality. He mustn’t have been convincing enough to prove his worth to her and therefore returns to further proving himself as the perfect boyfriend until he once again presses his intent of intimacy after another period. All this goes on apace until she becomes intimate with a ‘real’ boyfriend and/or he acquires a new target after realizing his efforts with the LJBF girl aren’t bearing fruit.

她最可预见的反应便是 LJBF 拒绝。你已为她耕耘了这片田地，对她而言，停留在那种悬而未决的舒适中仅是一步之遥——“我们不能只做朋友吗？”随后，循环往复。AFC（挫男）误以为 LJBF 是真诚的提议（而非拒绝），于是重陷狙击手心态。他未能充分证明自己的价值，因此再次努力展现自己作为完美男友的形象，直到一段时间后再次表达亲密意图。这一切都在按部就班地进行，直到她与“真正”的男友发生亲密关系，或者他意识到对 LJBF 女孩的努力毫无成果后，转而寻找新的目标。

The problem with a lot of the ‘friend-zone’ advice women tend to offer is that they cast doubt on whether a LJBF rejection is in fact a rejection and not a genuine offer of friendship. To which I’ll say, the only reason the ‘friend-zone’ is such a common issue among men & women for so long is because it’s been repeated so regularly and the outcome so predictable as a rejection. A woman’s behavior is always the only gauge of her intent, and thus when a rejection like LJBF has been so consistently met with the same outcome and behavior (as evidenced by thousands of identical stories from men) it’s only prudent for a Man to behave in kind.

许多女性倾向于提供的“朋友区”建议存在的问题在于，它们让人怀疑所谓的 LJBF 拒绝是否真的是拒绝，而非真诚的友谊邀请。对此，我要说，“朋友区”之所以成为男女间长期存在的普遍问题，正是因为它被反复提及，且结果如出一辙地被视为拒绝。女性的行为始终是她意图的唯一衡量标准，因此，当像 LJBF 这样的拒绝一再遭遇相同的结果和行为（如成千上万男性讲述的相同故事所示）时，男性采取相应的行为是明智之举。

A man’s default response should always be to excuse him from the LJBF situation. The reason for this is because it serves his best interest whether she is testing him or is rejecting him. If he is confident enough in himself to walk away from the sexually tense environment, he proves himself as decisive enough to put himself above being ‘played’ like this. Ergo, he leaves her with the impression that he is the PRIZE, possibly has contacts with better prospective women and is confident enough to take away his attentions from her and thus passes any shit test she might have implied, while placing the responsibility of a re-connection on her (where it should be anyway). If she has in fact had a change of heart (her prerogative, remember?) and is using the LJBF as a means to reject him, he still benefits from all of the above and plants the ‘seed of doubt’ in her about her initial estimation of his acceptability for her intimacy. And even if she is truly not interested in the guy, he walks away on his feet and not his knees, by playing “friend” with her and wasting still more time that could be far better spent with more productive prospects. 一个男人在面对“只是朋友”（LJBF）局面时，默认的反应应当始终是设法让自己从中解脱。这么做的原因在于，无论她是出于考验还是真的拒绝，这都符合他的最佳利益。如果他有足够的自信从这种充满性张力的环境中抽身，他便证明了自己有足够的决断力，能够超越被“玩弄”的境地。因此，他留给她的印象是他是个“奖品”，可能与更优秀的潜在女性有联系，并且有足够的自信将注意力从她身上移开，从而通过了她可能暗示的任何“测试”，同时将重新建立联系的责任置于她身上（这本应如此）。如果她确实改变了心意（记住，这是她的权利），并利用 LJBF 作为一种拒绝手段，他仍然从上述所有方面获益，并在她心中种下对她最初对他亲密接受度的“怀疑之种”。即使她真的对这位男士不感兴趣，他也能以朋友的身份与她相处，而不是浪费更多本可以与更有成效的潜在对象共度的时间，从而保持尊严地离开。

It is really one of the few win-win Game situations for a guy to make a wholesale withdrawal of his attentions when he is confronted with an LJBF. Women know all too well how an LJBF places social pressure on a guy to accept what basically amounts to an ultimatum of negative social proof, and that’s a hell of a shit test no matter what her real intent is. If the guy turns down her offer of friendship, he’s the dickhead, not her. But the guy that can do what common sense and gut instinct points out to him will be the one to succeed, with her, other women and himself.

面对 LJBF（Let's Just Be Friends，我们只做朋友）时，一个男人若能果断撤回他的关注，这确实是少数几项双赢的游戏局面之一。女性深知 LJBF 给男性带来的社交压力，它本质上是一种负面社交证明的最后通牒，无论她的真实意图如何，这都是一个极其棘手的考验。如果男性拒绝她的友谊提议，他便成了那个不识趣的人，而非她。然而，那些遵循常识和直觉行事的男人，将会在与她、其他女性以及自身的关系中取得成功。

Human being’s natural inclination is to avoid confrontation. When a man makes an approach to intimacy with a woman this becomes confrontational. If she is unsure of a man’s sexual acceptability for her intimacy she must resort to psycho-social, learned behaviors to diffuse this confrontation. Preferably these techniques should be reinforced beforehand and proven to diffuse just such a confrontation, thus the LJBF response is acted out through generations of women across many different cultures – quite simply it works more often than not. You can also apply this to the Boyfriend Disclaimer; women who not-so-nonchalantly weave into their casual conversation that they have a boyfriend in a preemptive effort to diffuse a potential suitor’s interests. It’s basically a proactive LJBF rejection.

人类的本能倾向是避免对抗。当男性向女性寻求亲密关系时，这种行为就具有了对抗性。如果女性对男性的性接受度存疑，她必须借助心理社会学上的习得行为来化解这种对抗。这些技巧最好事先得到强化并证明能有效化解此类对抗，因此，LJBF（Let's Just Be Friends，仅做朋友）的回应方式便在不同文化背景下的女性中代代相传——简而言之，它往往能奏效。同样，你也可以将此应用于“男友声明”；那些看似不经意间在闲聊中透露自己已有男友的女性，其实是在预先努力化解潜在追求者的兴趣。这本质上是一种主动的 LJBF 拒绝方式。

It’s the guy who is unwilling to accept these conventions that makes the most lasting impressions of confidence with women. It goes against what our common human heritage dictates for us – avoid conflict, don’t make waves, be her friend, etc. By not accepting a LJBF you emphatically make known that you are good at confrontation, you have an understanding of her motives and you’re confident enough in yourself to make it known. Not only does this impress her with potential for security provision it also implies future confidence. The problem for most guys is enacting this and making it a default behavior when our biology would have us move away from conflict rather than engage in an unacceptable social dynamic that is subtly damaging to his own interests.

正是那个不愿接受这些常规的男人，给女性留下了最持久的自信印象。这违背了我们共同的人类遗产所规定的——避免冲突、不要制造风波、成为她的朋友等。不接受“让我们做朋友”的态度，你明确地表明了自己擅长应对冲突，理解她的动机，并且有足够的自信去表明这一点。这不仅让她感受到你潜在的安全保障能力，还暗示了未来的自信。对大多数男人来说，问题在于如何实践这一点，并在我们的生物本能驱使我们远离冲突时，将其变为默认行为，而不是参与一种微妙地损害自身利益的不被接受的社会动态。

The Honor System

“An unfamiliar feeling for one of you, but a horribly familiar feeling for the other.”

The concept of Honor that men began has been made to serve a feminine purpose. I have no doubt that the principle of honor dates back from as long ago as we can track human civilization, but like so many other social foundation Men have instituted, the feminine will covertly position them to their own purpose. 男性所开创的荣誉概念已被改造以适应女性的目的。我毫不怀疑荣誉原则可以追溯到我们所能追溯的人类文明之初，但就像许多其他由男性建立的社会基础一样，女性会巧妙地将它们重新定位以服务于自己的目的。

In the introduction to the Art of Seduction author Robert Greene explains why there was an original need for seduction to be developed into an art. For this we can look back to ancient civilizations where women were essentially a commodity. They had no OVERT external power to control their fates, but they excelled (and still do) at COVERT psychological internal power, and this of course finds a parallel in men and women’s preferred communication methods. The feminine’s primary agency has always been sexuality and manipulating influence by its means. 在《诱惑的艺术》引言中，作者罗伯特·格林阐述了为何最初需要将诱惑发展成一门艺术。我们可以回顾古代文明，那时女性实质上是一种商品。她们没有明显的外部力量来掌控自己的命运，但她们在隐秘的心理内在力量方面表现卓越（至今依然如此），当然这一点在男女偏好的沟通方式中也得到了体现。女性的主要手段一直是性魅力及其通过此手段施加的影响力。

Much in the same way that each gender communicates, so too is their method of interacting within their own gender. As Men we’re respected when we keep our word, sacrifice ourselves for a worthy cause (even to the point of disposability), solve problems rationally, our word is our bond, and a whole host of other qualifiers that make us respectable and worthy of integrity. We must be OVERT and above board; and when we encounter a man who is COVERT in his dealings we call him ‘shifty’ and think him untrustworthy. Even for the most noble of purposes, practicing the art of misdirection is not something men are respected for – at least not publicly. 与每种性别沟通的方式类似，他们在自己性别内部互动的方法也是如此。作为男性，当我们信守承诺、为有价值的事业牺牲自己（甚至到可牺牲的程度）、理性解决问题、言出必行，以及其他诸多品质使我们受人尊敬并值得信赖时，我们便赢得了尊重。我们必须公开透明、光明磊落；而当我们遇到一个在其事务中隐秘行事的男性时，我们会称他为“狡猾”，并认为他不可信赖。即便出于最高尚的目的，练习误导的艺术也不是男性所受尊敬的——至少在公开场合不是。

It’s just this overt masculine interactive nature that women are only too ready to exploit. In combination with their sexual agency and influence they use this overt male social interactive dynamic to position themselves in places where they can use indirect power. Cleopatra was an excellent example of this – sending armies to war by appealing to powerful men’s pride and honor, while reserving her sexuality as a reward. Virtually every Feminine Social Convention is rooted in appealing to, or attacking male social institutions – a dedication to an idealistic sense of honor being chief among them. The obvious example is of course “shaming” and the “do-the-right-thing” social contract. 正是这种显而易见的男性互动特质，女性们早已准备好加以利用。结合她们的性自主权与影响力，女性运用这种明显的男性社交互动动态，将自己置于能够运用间接权力的位置。克利奥帕特拉便是一个绝佳的例证——通过激发有权势男性的骄傲与荣誉感来派遣军队征战，同时将自身的性魅力保留为奖赏。几乎每一种女性社交惯例都植根于对男性社会机构的迎合或攻击，其中对理想化荣誉感的执着尤为突出。显而易见的例子当然包括“羞辱”和“做正确之事”的社会契约。

In fact to be a “Man” has become synonymous with living up to a feminine imperative that’s cleverly disguised as masculine Honor. It’s not that women created Honor, but rather that they’ve recreated it to serve their purpose. In the Biblical Ten Commandments we’re told not to commit adultery – don’t sleep with another man’s wife – which probably wasn’t too hard to abide by when polygamy was the norm. In fact multiple wives was a sign of affluence, it used to be the conspicuous consumption of the epoch. Why then is polygamy a social perversion now? What changes occurred that made polygamy honorable (even enviable) into a very evil taboo? 事实上，成为一个“男人”已变得与迎合一个巧妙伪装成男性荣誉的女性命令同义。并非女性创造了荣誉，而是她们重新塑造了它以适应自己的目的。在《圣经》的十诫中，我们被告诫不可犯奸淫——不可与他人的妻子同眠——这在多妻制盛行的时代或许并不难遵守。实际上，拥有多位妻子曾是财富的象征，它曾是那个时代显而易见的消费方式。那么，为何如今多妻制成了社会畸形现象？是什么变化使得原本光荣（甚至令人羡慕）的多妻制变成了极其恶劣的禁忌？

Along with language and culture, social conditions evolve. What we think of as Honorable today are the result of centuries molding. It’s very easy to romanticize about times when Honor among Men reigned supreme, and then lament the sad state of society today in comparison, but doing so is a fools errand. Honor in and of itself is, and should be, a foundation for Men, but it’s only useful when we understand it in the perspective of how it can be used against us. 与语言和文化一样，社会状况也在不断演变。我们今天所认为的荣誉，是历经数世纪塑造的结果。人们很容易对那个荣誉至上的时代心生浪漫情怀，然后对比当下社会的状况而感到悲哀，但这样做无异于徒劳无功。荣誉本身，且应当是男性的基石，但只有在我们从如何被其利用的角度理解它时，它才具有实际意义。

Man Up or Shut Up – The Male Catch 22 男人，要么坚强，要么闭嘴——男性的第二十二条军规

One of the primary way’s Honor is used against men is in the feminized perpetuation of traditionally masculine expectations when it’s convenient, while simultaneously expecting egalitarian gender parity when it’s convenient. 荣誉被用来对付男性的主要方式之一，是在方便时延续传统的男性期望，同时又在方便时要求性别平等。

For the past 60 years feminization has built in the perfect Catch 22 social convention for anything masculine; The expectation to assume the responsibilities of being a man (Man Up) while at the same time denigrating asserting masculinity as a positive (Shut Up). What ever aspect of maleness that serves the feminine purpose is a man’s masculine responsibility, yet any aspect that disagrees with feminine primacy is labeled Patriarchy and Misogyny.

过去 60 年间，女性化趋势在社会规范中构建了一个完美的自相矛盾的陷阱，针对一切男性特质；一方面期望男性承担起作为男人的责任（挺身而出），另一方面又贬低宣扬男性气概为积极品质的行为（闭嘴不言）。任何服务于女性目的的男性特质被视为男性的责任，然而任何与女性主导地位相悖的方面则被贴上父权制和厌女的标签。

Essentially, this convention keeps beta males in a perpetual state of chasing their own tails. Over the course of a lifetime they’re conditioned to believe that they’re cursed with masculinity (Patriarchy) yet are still responsible to ‘Man Up’ when it suits a feminine imperative. So it’s therefore unsurprising to see that half the men in western society believe women dominate the world (male powerlessness) while at the same time women complain of a lingering Patriarchy (female powerlessness) or at least sentiments of it. This is the Catch 22 writ large. The guy who does in fact Man Up is a chauvinist, misogynist, patriarch, but he still needs to man up when it’s convenient to meet the needs of a female imperative.

本质上，这一惯例让男性中的“贝塔男”陷入不断追逐自己尾巴的永恒循环。他们一生中被灌输的思想是，自己因男性气质（父权制）而受诅咒，但当符合女性主导需求时，仍需“挺身而出”。因此，西方社会中半数男性认为女性主宰世界（男性无力感），而与此同时，女性则抱怨父权制的持续影响（女性无力感）或至少有此感受，这便是那个著名的“第 22 条军规”的放大版。那个确实挺身而出的男人，被视为沙文主义者、厌恶女性者、父权主义者，但在满足女性主导需求时，他仍需适时地挺身而出。

In contemporary society we have a very different understanding of what Honor was, or was intended to be initially. One of the psychological undercurrents I see in most AFCs is a strong, self-righteous dedication to a very distorted conviction of Honor. A main tenet being an unearned, default respect for women; essentially an unearned Honor placed on a woman for no other reason than she’s female. We learn this (usually) from the time we’re children, “never hit a girl”. Naturally, this has only been ferociously encouraged by the feminine since Victorian times because it served a latent purpose right up until on demand (feminine exclusive) birth control was offered, and then prompted the sexual revolution.

在当代社会，我们对荣誉的含义或其最初意图有了截然不同的理解。在我观察到的大多数 AFC（平均失败者）中，一个显著的心理潜流是对荣誉的强烈、自以为是的执着，这种执着基于一种严重扭曲的信念。其主要信条之一是对女性的无条件、默认的尊重；本质上，这是一种无故赋予女性的荣誉，仅仅因为她是一名女性。我们通常从小就被灌输这种观念，“永远不要打女孩”。自然，自维多利亚时代以来，女性一直激烈地鼓励这一点，因为它一直服务于一个潜在目的，直到按需（女性独享）避孕措施的出现，随后引发了性革命。

Today, we still have women using the anachronism that is male Honor in a manner that serves their interests, but it’s contrasted with a sexually emphasized opportunism. A Man’s responsibility should be “Honoring” her as ‘the fairer sex’ while recognizing her ‘independence’. The AFC gobbles this stuff up and in an effort to better identify himself with her ideals he begins to convince himself that he’s unique in that he better exemplifies this false-virtue, this feminine defined sense of Honor than “other guys”.

如今，仍有女性利用过时的男性荣誉观念来谋取私利，但这种做法与强调性的机会主义形成鲜明对比。男性的责任应是“尊重”她作为“较温柔的性别”，同时承认她的“独立性”。AFC（Average Frustrated Chump，即普通挫败者）对此深信不疑，为了更好地认同她的理想，他开始说服自己，他在这方面比“其他男人”更能体现这种虚假的美德，这种由女性定义的荣誉感。

This is a Blank Page.

The 5 Stages of Unplugging

I read an article this morning about the 5 stages of grief (confronting death) and how they apply to coming into acceptance of a previously rejected truth. Yes, I know, there’s no end to the ridiculous interpretations of this played-out pop-psych list, but I was curious about how this might apply to an AFC coming to grips with unplugging from the Matrix, so I did a bit of searching and what did I find on my blog roll search but this:

今早我读了一篇文章，关于悲伤的五个阶段（面对死亡）以及它们如何适用于接受一个先前被拒绝的真相。是的，我知道，这个被过度使用的流行心理学列表有着无穷无尽的荒谬解读，但我好奇这如何适用于一个 AFC（平均普通男）面对从矩阵中解脱的现实，所以我做了一些搜索，结果在我的博客滚动搜索中发现了这个：

1. Denial – Still Plugged -In: “These game guys are a bunch of clowns, there’s no way this works on women. Women aren’t stupid. What a bunch of misogynists.”

否认 – 依然沉浸其中：“这些游戏玩家不过是一群小丑，绝不可能对女性起作用。女性并不愚蠢。真是群厌恶女性的人。”

2. Anger – Post-Red Pill: “This is ridiculous! Why should I have to jump through all these hoops for women? I just want to be myself. Why couldn’t I have been a Natural Alpha®? I blame my parents/siblings/teachers/God/liberals/feminists/media/society, maybe George Sodini, Andres Breivik, James Holmes wasn’t so crazy after all.”

愤怒 - 红丸后：“这太荒谬了！为什么我得为女人跳这么多圈套？我只想做我自己。为什么我就不能天生是个自然阿尔法男®呢？我怪我的父母/兄弟姐妹/老师/上帝/自由派/女权主义者/媒体/社会，也许乔治·索迪尼、安德斯·布雷维克、詹姆斯·霍姆斯也没那么疯狂。”

3. Bargaining – Unplugged: “Well maybe it does have some good points…but, forget the hot girls, they’re way outta my league. I’ll give it a try if it can help me get around the bases with a plain Jane. Do I have to wear the fuzzy hat and black nail polish?”

讨价还价——原声版：“嗯，或许它确实有些优点……不过，别提那些辣妹了，她们完全不是我的菜。如果它能帮我搞定一个普通女孩，我会试试的。我得戴那顶毛茸茸的帽子和涂黑色指甲油吗？”

4. Depression – Bitter Taste of the Red Pill: “Wow, women really respond to this puffed-up act? And guys spend big bucks on it and wind up with more ass than a toilet seat? And I just joined up for this? The world is sad and so am I…”

抑郁——红色药丸的苦涩滋味：“哇，女性真的对这种虚张声势的表演有反应吗？男人们为此大把花钱，结果得到的关注比马桶座还多？而我竟然加入了这个行列？世界是悲哀的，我也同样感到悲哀……”

5. Acceptance – Game Awareness: “Maybe this IS the way things really work. I guess I should give up the gender relations mythology I’ve been holding onto…hey, what do you think of these negs I came up with?” 接受——游戏意识：“也许这确实是事物运作的真正方式。我想我应该放弃我一直坚持的性别关系神话……嘿，你觉得我这些否定策略怎么样？”

6. Jaded – MGTOW Permutations: “Fuck learning all these rules. Sex isn’t worth it and women aren’t that fun anyway. The last thing I want to do is learn routines or the 5 stages of pickup. There’s too many websites, too much to read, I can’t remember it all much less sort it all out. Who has all that time to go out and chat up women anyway? It’s not like I see any women under 40 at work at my engineering job to practice on. Video games and porn are more fun and more available. I just haffta look good and let the women come to me”

疲惫* - MGTOW 的变奏：“去他妈的学习所有这些规则。性爱不值得，而且女人也没那么有趣。我最不想做的就是学习套路或搭讪的五个阶段。网站太多，要读的东西太多，我记不住也理不清。谁有那么多时间出去和女人搭讪呢？我在工程工作中也见不到 40 岁以下的女性来练习。电子游戏和色情片更有趣，也更易得。我只需要看起来不错，让女人来找我就行了。”

• This is a late addition to the list, hardly original and arguably relevant, but I added it for precautionary measures.

• 这是列表中的一个后期添加项，几乎不具原创性，且可能存在争议的相关性，但我出于预防措施考虑而将其加入。

Before I get the predictable howls of “someone did this before you” (h/t Badger) allow me to put my spin on it. I get a ton of PMs from forum members, and read threads about guys with friends or relatives in, or just getting over, horrible relationships and how they’ve tried to unplug them only to run into stiff resistance. Looking at this process to acceptance it’s no wonder why.

在我听到那句可预见的“有人在你之前就这么做了”（感谢 Badger）之前，让我来谈谈我的看法。我收到了大量来自论坛成员的私信，也阅读了许多关于那些朋友或亲戚正处于，或刚刚走出糟糕关系的人的帖子，他们尝试帮助这些人摆脱困境，却遭遇了强烈的抵触。从接受这一过程的角度来看，这并不奇怪。

So my discussion question for today is this; how did you unplug? Was there some moment of clarity that opened your eyes? Did you go through a process like the one described here? Are you maybe still struggling with a certain phase?

那么，我今天想讨论的问题是：你是如何摆脱束缚的？是否有过某个让你豁然开朗的时刻？你是否经历了类似这里描述的过程？或许你仍在某个阶段苦苦挣扎？

The Bitter Taste of the Red Pill

A lot gets made of the Dark Triad or the Dark Side of Game where a skillful player can sadistically use his newly learned red-pill super powers for evil instead of for the greater good of mankind. Game-aware women – the ones who have been forcibly exhausted of all pretense of maintaing the illusion that Game is a lie – feel as though it’s owed to them, in their concession of Game’s reality, that Men should use Game to women’s benefit. Even to the last effort women still cling to the tools of a feminized acculturation;

关于黑暗三元组或游戏中的黑暗面，人们有很多讨论，其中技巧娴熟的玩家可能会残忍地运用其新掌握的红药丸超能力为恶，而非造福人类。那些深谙游戏之道的女性——她们已被迫耗尽所有维持游戏是谎言这一假象的伪装——感觉，既然她们承认了游戏的真实性，那么男性就应该利用游戏来造福女性。即便到了最后关头，女性依然紧握着女性化文化熏陶下的工具；

“Yeah, OK, you got us, Game is really what women want, hypergamy is the law of womankind, but now it’s your responsibility that you use it for the better benefit of society by molding a new breed of improved Betas to accommodate fem-centric monogamy. You owe us our security for having admitted to the grand illusion that’s kept you in thrall for so long.”

“是的，好吧，你抓住了我们，游戏确实是女性所追求的，高攀是女性的天性法则，但现在你有责任利用它为社会的更好利益服务，通过塑造新一代改良版的贝塔男性来适应女性中心的单配偶制。你欠我们一个保障，因为你承认了那个长久以来让你沉迷的宏大幻象。”

It’s an indictment of Game-aware women, and sympathizing men, that they should feel a need to delineate some aspects of Game into good camps (pro woman, pro feminized monogamy) and bad camps (manipulative, polygynous, male-centered). Even in the admission of the truth that Game has enlightened Men of, the feminine imperative still seeks to categorize the application of Game to its own end. That Men might have some means of access to their own sexual strategy is too terrible a Threat; Game must be colored good or bad as it concerns the imperatives of women and a fem-centric societal norm.

这是对游戏意识女性及同情男性的一种控诉，他们竟感到有必要将游戏的一些方面划分为好的阵营（亲女性、亲女性化一夫一妻制）和坏的阵营（操纵性、多妻制、男性中心）。即便在承认游戏所启迪男性的真相时，女性主导原则仍试图将游戏的应用归类为其自身目的。男性可能拥有一些获取自身性策略的手段，这一威胁太过可怕；游戏必须根据女性的主导原则和以女性为中心的社会规范被标定为好或坏。

As the default, socially correct and virtuous concern, women have an easier time of this. As Game becomes increasingly more difficult to deny or misdirect for the feminine, the natural next step in accepting it becomes qualifying its acceptable uses. While hypergamy is an ugly truth, the characterization of it becomes “just how women are” –an unfortunate legacy of their evolution. However for Men, the characterizations of the harsher aspects of Game in its rawest form (contingencies for hypergamy) are dubbed “the dark arts”.

作为默认的、社会认可的美德关怀，女性在这方面相对容易应对。随着游戏对女性而言越来越难以否认或误导，接受它的自然下一步就是限定其可接受的用途。尽管择优婚配是一个丑陋的真相，但其特征被描述为“女性就是这样”——这是她们进化过程中不幸的遗产。然而对于男性来说，游戏中最严酷方面的原始形态（择优婚配的权宜之计）被冠以“黑暗艺术”的称号。

Myth of the Dark Arts

黑魔法传说

According to common definition, the Dark Triad is a group of three personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy, all of which are interpersonally aversive. Depending upon context, that may be a convenient assessment of a sociopathic personality, but it is hardly an accurate assessment of Game as a whole. In its desperation to come to terms with a more widespread acceptance of Game, the feminine imperative had to make some effort to disuade the common man (see Beta) from embracing the means to his release from the feminine Matrix. Associating Game with Dark Triad personality traits makes this qualification process much easier, since the feminine imperative owns the definition authority of what is social and what is anti-social.

根据普遍定义，黑暗三合一指的是三种人格特质：自恋、马基雅维利主义和精神病态，这些特质在人际关系中均具有排斥性。在特定情境下，这或许是对反社会人格的一种便捷评估，但远非对整个游戏策略的准确评价。为了应对游戏被更广泛接受的局面，女性主导原则不得不努力劝阻普通男性（如贝塔男）采纳解脱女性矩阵束缚的方法。将游戏与黑暗三合一的人格特质相联系，使得这一甄别过程变得容易许多，毕竟女性主导原则掌握着社会与反社会定义的权威。

The problem then becomes one of defining what acceptable use of Game is social and anti-social. Predictably Game-accepting women will want to cast Game into terms that suit them individually and accommodating for their own personal conditions as well as the priorities of their particular phase of life. However, because of such diverse conditions, consequently there is a lot of disagreement amongst Game-accepting women about what contextually constitutes appropriate use, thus a pick-and-pull form of rationalization about aspects of Game gets thrown about in their internal debates.

问题于是转化为界定游戏使用的社会性与反社会性。可以预见，接受游戏的女人们会倾向于将游戏解读为符合她们个人需求，并适应她们自身条件以及特定生活阶段优先级的概念。然而，由于这些条件的多样性，导致接受游戏的女人们之间对于何为情境下的恰当运用存在大量分歧，因此，她们内部争论中充斥着对游戏各方面进行选择性解读和拉扯的合理化过程。

For feminized men this is a very confusing debate. It’s difficult enough for them to accept that women love Jerks (despite being told the contrary for half their lives by women), but for the Game-accepting women they still think are ‘quality’ it’s a bitter pill to swallow when these women debate the aspects of acceptable, lovable Jerk-like qualities and the evil, user, manipulative, ‘dark art’ Jerk that only contextually misaligns with their present conditions and priorities. For both the plugged-in and the freshly unplugged this is an incongruency that they have a tough time reconciling against the ideals of moralism that a fem-centric society has unwittingly convinced them of.

对于女性化的男性来说，这场辩论非常令人困惑。他们已经很难接受女性喜欢“混蛋”这一事实（尽管半生以来一直被女性告知相反的情况），但对于那些他们仍认为是“优质”、接受“游戏”规则的女性来说，当这些女性讨论可接受的、可爱的“混蛋”特质与邪恶、利用、操纵的“黑暗艺术”混蛋之间的区别时，这种辩论无疑是一剂苦药。对于那些深陷其中或刚刚觉醒的人来说，这种不一致性让他们难以与道德主义理想相调和，而一个以女性为中心的社会无意中让他们深信这些理想。

While a broader understanding of hypergamy and Game make for useful tools for enlightened single men, the Game-accepting Beta plug-in will still see it strictly as a means to satisfying the female imperative – long-term provisional monogamy. Any deviation from this narrative, any guy using Game for personal gain, personal pleasure or to enact his own sexual strategy is guilty of crimes against (feminized) society. Since the societal Greater Good has been defined by the feminine imperative, anything counter to it is definitively evil, counterproductive, anti-social and manipulative sociopathy.

虽然对一妻多夫制和游戏策略的更广泛理解对开明的单身男性来说是实用的工具，但接受游戏观念的贝塔男仍会将其严格视为满足女性主导需求的手段——长期临时一夫一妻制。任何偏离这一叙事的行为，任何利用游戏策略谋取个人利益、个人享乐或实施自身性策略的男性，都被视为对（女性化）社会的犯罪。既然社会的大善已被女性主导需求所定义，那么与之相悖的一切无疑就是邪恶、反生产、反社会和操纵性的社会病态行为。

The Bitter Taste of the Red Pill 红色药丸的苦涩滋味

The truth will set you free, but it doesn’t make truth hurt any less, nor does it make truth any prettier, and it certainly doesn’t absolve you of the responsibilities that truth requires. One of the biggest obstacles guys face in unplugging is accepting the hard truths that Game forces upon them. Among these is bearing the burden of realizing what you’ve been conditioned to believe for so long were comfortable ideals and loving expectations are really liabilities. Call them lies if you want, but there’s a certain hopeless nihilism that accompanies categorizing what really amounts to a system that you are now cut away from. It is not that you’re hopeless, it’s that you lack the insight at this point to see that you can create hope in a new system – one in which you have more direct control over.

真相会让你自由，但它不会减轻真相带来的痛苦，也不会让真相变得更美好，更不会免除真相所要求的责任。在摆脱束缚的过程中，男性面临的最大障碍之一是接受游戏强加给他们的残酷真相。其中之一是承担起认识到长期以来你被灌输的所谓舒适理想和充满爱的期望实际上是负担的重担。如果你想称之为谎言，那就随你吧，但将这些实际上是你现在脱离的体系归类为谎言，会伴随着一种绝望的虚无主义。并非你无望，而是你此刻缺乏洞察力，看不到你可以在一个新体系中创造希望——一个你能更直接掌控的体系。

There are no “Dark Arts”, this is simply one last desperate effort of the feminine imperative to drag you back into the Matrix. There is only Game and the degree to which you accept it and are comfortable in using it in the context that YOU define. If that context is under the auspices of a mutually beneficial, mutually loving, mutually respecting LTR monogamy of YOUR choosing, know that it’s the fundaments of Game that are at the root of its success or failure. If that context is in terms of spinning multiple plates, liberating the affections of women from other men, and enjoying a love life based on your personal satisfactions, also understand that it lives and dies based on your understanding the fundaments of Game.

不存在所谓的“黑暗艺术”，这只是女性迫切需要的最后一次绝望尝试，试图将你拖回矩阵。只有游戏，以及你在多大程度上接受它并在你定义的情境中自如运用它。如果这个情境是在你选择的、互惠互利、互爱互敬的长期一夫一妻制关系下，要知道，游戏的基本原则是其成功或失败的根本。如果这个情境涉及同时维持多段关系、从其他男人那里解放女性的情感，并享受基于个人满足的爱情生活，同样要明白，它的存亡取决于你对游戏基本原则的理解。

Just as Alpha is not inherently nobel or deplorable, Game is neither inherently good nor evil – the Devil is in the details and whomever’s defined context in which you use it. In the introduction section of the 48 Laws of Power, author Robert Greene explains the same about power. Power is neither good nor evil, it simply is, and your capacity to use power, your comfort in using it, doesn’t invalidate the principles of power. Likewise, your discomfort or inability to accept those principles does not excuse you from the consequence of having that power used upon you.

正如 Alpha 本身并无高贵或可鄙之分，游戏亦非天生善恶——魔鬼藏在细节中，取决于你使用的定义情境。在《权力的 48 条法则》的引言部分，作者罗伯特·格林对权力进行了同样的阐述。权力本身并无善恶之分，它只是存在，而你运用权力的能力、使用它的舒适度，并不否定权力的原则。同样，你对这些原则的不适或无法接受，并不能使你免于权力施加于你的后果。

The unwritten, 49th Law of Power, is denying the utility of power itself, or demonizing its use both moralistically and socially. With the wide dispersion of Game theory this has been the reactionary tact of the feminine imperative; appeal to the deeply conditioned moral, ethical, honorable, virtuous ideals engrammatically planted in men by a fem-centric society, while redefining the acceptable use of the same Game the imperative demonizes for its own purposes.

未成文的第 49 条权力法则，即否认权力本身的实用性，或从道德和社会角度妖魔化其使用。随着博弈论的广泛传播，这种反应性策略已成为女性主导原则的应对手段；它诉诸于女性中心社会在男性心中根深蒂固的道德、伦理、荣誉和美德理想，同时为了自身目的重新定义博弈论的正当使用，而这一博弈论正是主导原则所妖魔化的。

Dispelling the Magic

Women get the men they deserve. 女人得到她们应得的男人。

One point I try to make in my roaming about blogs dedicated to intergender dynamics is reading articles from many different perspectives. When I have the time, I actively hunt down articles that I know I will disagree with. I think it’s far too easy to get locked into the habit of seeking out bloggers, articles and statistics that reaffirm our own particular views. Even within the circles with which we’d be inclined to agree with there will often be a lot of conflicting viewpoints – such as the recent conflict pitting the MRAs vs. the PUAs, or Game vs. MGTOW.

在我游走于探讨两性动态的博客时，我努力做到的一点是从多种不同视角阅读文章。如果有空闲，我会积极寻找那些我知道自己会持异议的文章。我认为，人们很容易养成只寻找那些强化我们个人观点的博主、文章和统计数据的习惯。即便在我们倾向于认同的圈子里，也常常存在许多相互冲突的观点，比如最近的冲突，即男性权益活动者（MRAs）与搭讪艺术家（PUAs）之间的对立，或是游戏理论（Game）与男性走自己的路（MGTOW）之间的争论。

I began this blog with the intent of studying the reasons why intergender social and psychological dynamics evolve, what functions they serve, and develop contingencies or actionable methods of bettering one’s life using this information – really this is the core of Game. The problem inherent in this, and really unplugging in general, is that it often comes with a healthy dose of disillusionment. Once you strip away the heady fantasies of soul-mates and expectations of ‘happily ever afters”, and replace it with a more practical understanding based on reasonably reliable, empirical explanations, what you’re left with looks a lot like nihilism. Even for the most staunch realists among the ‘community’ there’s still a desire to want to apply, however slightly, some kind of mysticism to the process of connecting with another human being. With other Men it may be some esoteric desire to cast their association in terms of honor, integrity or respect – with women it comes as idealization or predestination.

我开设此博客的初衷，是探究两性间社会与心理动态演变的原因，它们所承载的功能，并基于这些认识发展出改善生活的策略或可操作的方法——这实际上是“游戏”的核心所在。然而，这一探索过程及其普遍的“觉醒”现象，往往伴随着一定程度的幻灭感。一旦剥离了灵魂伴侣的迷思和“从此幸福生活”的期待，取而代之的是基于合理可靠实证解释的务实理解，所剩下的便颇具虚无主义色彩。即便在“社群”中最坚定的现实主义者，也难免怀揣一丝将某种神秘主义融入与他人连接过程的渴望。对于男性而言，或许是某种深奥的荣誉、正直或尊重的追求；而对女性来说，则表现为理想化或宿命论的倾向。

I’m not saying this desire to spiritualize these connections is without merit, but I can’t help but see the conflict it has in coexisting with the practicality of what we’re learning about ourselves. Just in the last 30 years we’ve come to understand the biochemical natures of our emotions. We know a hormone like oxytocin induces feelings of trust and promotes nurturing. We know that the endorphin / dopamine profile associated with feelings of infatuation, lust and love is chemically similar to that of heroine. Poof! There goes the magic. We have an understanding of women’s ovulatory cycles and the resulting sexual behavioral habits that are induced by them. Only the generations of the late 20th and 21st are privy to this information. Evo-Psychology has only risen to prominence as a field of study in the past 15 years.

我并非认为这种将人际关系精神化的愿望毫无价值，但我无法忽视它与我们对自己实际认知的现实性之间的冲突。仅在过去 30 年间，我们就已深入理解了情绪的生物化学本质。我们知道，像催产素这样的激素能引发信任感并促进关怀行为。我们也了解到，与迷恋、欲望和爱情相关的内啡肽/多巴胺模式在化学上与海洛因相似。瞧，魔法就这样消失了。我们对女性的排卵周期及其引发的性行为习惯有了深入了解。只有 20 世纪末和 21 世纪的这几代人掌握这些知识。进化心理学作为一门学科，仅在过去的 15 年里才崭露头角。

Discomfort and Disillusion 不适与幻灭

All of this makes for some very uncomfortable realizations, particularly when men become aware of the social schemas established to keep them in a female-centric reality. Game is a recent countermeasure developed by men to better adapt to this feminine primacy, but it was only possible through advances in both communication technologies, access to globalized information and new socio-psychological theory. Prior to these advancements, and with the rise of feminization from the late 60s to the late 90s men were clueless as to their social predicament. From the start of the sexual revolution until the beginning of this millennia, western masculinity (and femininity) has been subjected to the greatest deliberate social and psychological restructuring, any generation has ever known. And I shouldn’t limit that exclusively to western culture; now we see this effect filtering into Asia, Japan, even traditionally masculine Latin cultures. As westernization spreads, so too does it’s feminization.

这一切都带来了一些令人不安的认知，尤其是当男性意识到那些为了维持以女性为中心的现实而建立的社会模式时。游戏是男性近期发展出的一种对策，旨在更好地适应这种女性主导地位，但这一对策的实现得益于通信技术的进步、全球化信息的获取以及新的社会心理学理论。在此之前，从 60 年代末到 90 年代末，随着女性化趋势的上升，男性对于自身的社会困境一无所知。从性革命开始到本世纪初，西方男性气质（及女性气质）经历了前所未有的有意识的社会和心理重构。我并不应将此局限于西方文化；如今，这一影响正逐渐渗透到亚洲、日本，甚至传统上以男性为主导的拉丁文化中。随着西方化的扩散，其女性化特征也随之蔓延。

What have men been left clinging to? The pseudo-guilt we’ve been taught to be ashamed of as part of our past “patriarchy” to be sure, but more importantly we were left with the vestiges of that magical thinking. In the face of a yet undefined hypergamy, we wanted to still believe in the ‘Sugar & Spice’ myth, the respect her wishes motive, the marriage goal – all of which were (are) still actively reinforced by a feminine imperative that knew its time had come and men were too stupid in their romanticism to know it. That is until the Meta Game was established.

男人们被留住了什么？我们被教导要为过去的“父权制”所伴随的虚假罪恶感感到羞愧，但更重要的是，我们保留了那种神奇思维的痕迹。面对尚未明确定义的超婚配，我们仍想相信“糖与香料”的神话，尊重她的愿望的动机，婚姻的目标——所有这些仍被一个女性主导的意识形态积极强化，它知道自己的时代已经到来，而男人们太愚蠢，沉迷于浪漫之中，无法察觉。直到元游戏的确立，这一切才发生了变化。

The great and powerful Oz that was feminization is finally having the curtain pulled back on it. In this new age of communication men can globally “share notes” and come to their own conclusions – and women shriek all the louder as we hit closer to the truth. Thanks to its relative anonymity, no longer is there any social stigma to fear from even broaching the subject of how best to deal with women. The great wailing we hear and read from women is less about current social implications and more about having the 30 year social program of feminization being exposed for what it truly was. Yet even in the face of men seeing the Empress with no clothes, they still make appeals to the romantic, magical association men clung to before they became aware of a hypergamy enabling feminization. We read cries of Man-Up! Accept your previous responsibilities of being a husband and leader, but don’t be overbearing and crush our spirits. And in the back row a new generation of women, the 22 year olds, scream “where’s the party?” as they upload a fresh set of nudes shot in the bathroom from their cell phones.

那个曾经伟大而强大的女性化奥兹终于被揭开了帷幕。在这个新的交流时代，男性可以全球“分享笔记”并得出自己的结论——而随着我们越来越接近真相，女性们的尖叫声也愈发响亮。多亏了相对的匿名性，现在甚至触及如何最好地应对女性的主题也不再有任何社会污名需要畏惧。我们听到和读到的女性的巨大哀嚎，与其说是关于当前的社会影响，不如说是关于长达 30 年的女性化社会计划被揭露其真实面目。然而，即使面对男性看到赤裸裸的皇后，他们仍然诉诸于男性在意识到助长女性化的超婚主义之前所依附的浪漫、神奇的联想。我们听到“振作起来！接受你作为丈夫和领导者的先前责任，但不要过于强势，压垮我们的精神”的呼声。而在后排，新一代女性，那些 22 岁的女孩们，尖叫着“派对在哪里？”同时从手机上传着在浴室里新拍的一组裸照。

Women get the men they deserve. For all the crowing and publicity of feminine triumphalism, there’s still a wonderment at why men are increasingly less and less motivated to play along in their feminine reality. As tough as it is for men to disabuse themselves of their romanticism, it’s even more so for women to accept their own natures in the shadow of the experiment that was 20th century feminization. They’re reaping the whirlwind that the Matriarchy of the sexual revolution has sown. It’s all the more ironic to read the same mothers who created this generation of men lament how their daughters are unmarried and childless at 35.

女性得到她们应得的男性。尽管女性胜利主义的喧嚣与宣传不绝于耳，人们仍不禁疑惑为何男性越来越不愿参与她们构建的女性现实。对男性而言，摆脱浪漫主义的束缚固然艰难，但女性在 20 世纪女性化实验的阴影下接受自身本性则更为不易。她们正承受着性革命母权制所播下的风暴。更具讽刺意味的是，那些塑造了这一代男性的母亲们，如今却在哀叹她们 35 岁的女儿们未婚无子。

Compensation

One of the higher orders of physical standards women hold for men is height. There are countless threads in the community that address this, but I think that for the better part it’s not difficult to observe this in the ‘real world’. I should also add that this is one characteristic that is central to the Social Matching Theory in that human’s are sensitive to asymmetrics and imbalances.

女性对男性身体标准中较高的一项是身高。社区中有无数帖子讨论这一点，但我认为，在“现实世界”中，这一点不难观察到。我还应补充，这是社会匹配理论的核心特征之一，因为人类对不对称和不平衡非常敏感。

Now, before I get told in so many ways that this isn’t always the case or the “not all girls are like that” exceptions to the rule, let me start by saying that this isn’t the point of this thread. I don’t want to debate the logistics of why women prefer a taller mate or the tendency for like to attract like in this respect. No, what I’m on about is really the root of the infamous “short man’s disease.” That’s right, you know who I’m talking about; the ultimate in compensation for inferiority, the dreaded ‘short man’s disease.’ You know the guy. About 5′ 6″, pounding out the weight on the bench press. Bad ass attitude, hangs with the bigger guys (which is pretty much all of them) and throws his ego around. What a tool, right?

现在，在我被各种方式告知这并非总是如此，或者被提醒“并非所有女孩都那样”的例外情况之前，请允许我先声明，这并非本帖的主旨。我不想争论为何女性偏爱更高大的伴侣，也不想探讨在这一方面相似相吸的倾向。不，我关注的是那个臭名昭著的“矮个男病”的根源。没错，你们知道我在说谁；这是对自卑感的终极补偿，令人闻风丧胆的“矮个男病”。你肯定认识这种人。大约 5 英尺 6 英寸高，在卧推器上拼命举重。态度嚣张，与更高大的家伙们混在一起（基本上是所有人），四处炫耀他的自尊。真是个工具，对吧？

But if you think this is only limited to short men (or women), you’re making a mistake. You see, in so many ways we all compensate for deficiencies. I recently read a thread on another “non-community” forum that saw fit to start a topic asking why men lie and it got me to thinking why any of us lie, man or woman. I’ve also been fielding a lot of questions regarding issues we kind of take for granted after having discussed them to death in the manosphere; one of those being the nature of personality and one’s ability to change their own or have it changed by circumstance, or often both. I think it’s a tragic miscalculation on our part to think of personality as static, unchangeable or to question the ingenuousness of that change, but more tragic is the doubting ourselves for that change.

但如果你认为这仅限于矮个子男性（或女性），那你就错了。你看，在许多方面，我们都在弥补自身的不足。最近，我在另一个“非社区”论坛上读到一条帖子，该论坛认为有必要开启一个话题，探讨男性为何撒谎，这让我思考起我们任何人，无论男女，为何会撒谎。同时，我也收到了许多关于一些议题的提问，这些议题在男性圈子里已被反复讨论到几乎成为共识；其中之一便是性格的本质以及个体是否有能力改变自己的性格，或受环境影响而改变，又或两者兼而有之。我认为，将性格视为静止不变或质疑这种改变的真诚性，是我们的一种悲剧性误判，但更可悲的是，我们因这种改变而自我怀疑。

One simple truism that a lot of people love to use as their convenient escape clause is the JBY (just be yourself) notion. This of course is just what ones says as advice when they really don’t know what else to say. Given that though, what is it that makes a personality shift ‘genuine’. Any number of us probably know an individual who began acting differently at some point in their life. This can be the result of some kind of tragedy or trauma (think PTSD) or it can be that the individual felt a need to change their fundamental way of thinking and made the change of their own accord. Usually in these cases we think of them as posers or try-hards, trying to be something they’re not. They reflect this change in their appearance, their regular practices, their friends or the people they associate with, attitudes, behaviors etc. And this is what’s jarring for people who knew their prior personality.

一个许多人喜欢用作方便的免责条款的简单真理是“JBY（做你自己）”的概念。当然，这只是在他们真的不知道该说什么时给出的建议。然而，是什么让一个人格转变显得“真实”呢？我们中许多人可能认识某个在生命中的某个时刻开始表现得不同的人。这可能是某种悲剧或创伤（如 PTSD）的结果，或者是个体感到需要改变他们基本的思维方式，并自愿做出改变。通常在这些情况下，我们认为他们是装模作样或过分努力，试图成为他们不是的那种人。他们在外表、日常习惯、朋友或交往的人、态度、行为等方面反映出这种变化。这对那些了解他们之前性格的人来说是令人震惊的。

From the 48 Laws of Power: 来自《权力的 48 条法则》：

Law 17: Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability 法则 17：保持他人悬而未决的恐惧：培养一种不可预测的氛围

Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.

人类是习惯的生物，对在他人行为中寻找熟悉感有着难以满足的需求。你的可预测性给予他们一种掌控感。反过来：刻意变得不可预测。看似缺乏一致性或目的性的行为将使他们失去平衡，他们会因试图解读你的举动而精疲力尽。极端运用此策略，甚至能产生威慑与恐吓的效果。

What makes us doubt the sincerity of a personal change is what’s at issue. If their change is something we agree with or generally think of as positive, we are less inclined to doubt the ingenuousness of this change. But when their change conflicts with our own interests, when it dramatically clashes with what we’ve come to expect of that individual, this is where we doubt their sincerity. We say “dude, stop trying to be something you’re not”, we tear it down, we fall back on JBY platitudes because it clashes with our interpretations. And in this doubt, we fish for reasons as to why a person would want that change; essentially, what are they compensating for? It may be funny to presume someone driving a monster truck down the highway is making up for a small penis, but the root of that ‘compensating’ is what makes us feel uncomfortable in our own internal compensating.

是什么让我们怀疑一个人改变的真诚性，这才是问题的关键。如果他们的改变是我们认同的，或普遍认为是积极的，我们就不太会质疑这种改变的真诚度。但当他们的改变与我们的利益相冲突，当它与我们对该个体的预期发生剧烈冲突时，我们便开始怀疑其真诚性。我们会说：“伙计，别再试图成为你不是的那种人。”我们否定它，我们回归那些陈词滥调，因为这与我们的理解相悖。在这种怀疑中，我们寻找一个人为何想要这种改变的原因；本质上，他们在弥补什么？假设某人开着巨型卡车在高速公路上行驶是为了弥补小尺寸的不足，这或许显得滑稽，但这种“弥补”的根源正是让我们在自己内心的弥补中感到不适的原因。

It’s a difficult enough task for an individual to critically assess their own personality, and even more so to effect a change in it, but the final insult is to have other’s doubt the veracity of it. What others fail to see is that at some point in the development of their own personalities, they themselves had to compensate for deficiencies, discontentments and prompts to grow and mature. This is a gigantic hurdle for most AFCs wanting to transition to being something more. On SoSuave we’ve always called that being a DJ (Don Juan), but that doesn’t encompass the entirety of maturing. I like the term positive masculinity, but the crux of all that is the ingenuousness of the actual change. Why are you changing?

对于个人而言，批判性地评估自己的性格本就是一项艰巨的任务，更遑论要对其进行改变，但最令人沮丧的是，他人竟质疑这一改变的真实性。他人往往忽视了一点：在自身性格发展的某个阶段，他们也曾不得不弥补缺陷、化解不满并响应成长的号召，以走向成熟。对于大多数渴望从“永远的失败者”（AFC）转变为更优秀存在的人来说，这是一个巨大的障碍。在 SoSuave 论坛上，我们常称之为成为“唐璜”（Don Juan），但这并不涵盖成熟的全部内涵。我倾向于使用“积极阳刚”这一术语，但这一切的核心在于实际改变的真诚性。你为何要改变？

There is a saying that AFCs are like a bunch of crabs in a barrel. As soon as one is about to climb out there are always half a dozen ready to pull him back in again. Add to this a self-doubt from societal conditionings that tell him to stay the same, not to aspire to more, he’s doing it right, and it’s amazing that any AFC becomes a DJ. This has been termed the ‘Societal Cockblock’; they tell him he’s compensating, and in a way they’re right, but for the wrong reason. PUA skills, DJ psychology, Positive Masculinity are all compensations for deficiencies. They go beyond behavior modification – that’s the easy answer. PUAs teach a set of behaviors and scripts to be aped in order to mask a deficit. These are easy pickings for the JBY apologists because they are actions that generally don’t match a person’s prior personality. They’re not “really” like that, so they’re posers, or worse, they’ve been duped by guys hawking the PUA brand of self-help tools. What they don’t see is the genuine desire to change and the reasons for it.

有句俗语说，AFC 们就像一桶螃蟹，每当有一只快要爬出去时，总会有半打准备把它拉回来。再加上社会条件作用下的自我怀疑，告诉他要保持现状，不要追求更多，他做得对，令人惊讶的是，任何 AFC 能成为 DJ。这被称为“社会阻挠”；他们告诉他这是在补偿，某种程度上他们没错，但出于错误的原因。PUA 技巧、DJ 心理、积极阳刚之气都是对缺陷的补偿。它们超越了行为修正——那是简单的答案。PUA 教导一套行为和剧本供模仿，以掩盖不足。这对 JBY 辩护者来说是容易攻击的目标，因为这些行为通常与一个人先前的个性不符。他们“不是真的”那样，所以他们是装模作样，或者更糟，被兜售 PUA 自我提升工具的家伙欺骗了。他们没看到的是真正想要改变的愿望及其原因。

When we compensate, we improvise, we fake it till we make it; but who determines when we’ve stopped faking it? We do. I read all kinds of articles doubting the realized capacity a person has to adopt ‘natural Game’ into their personality. It’s an internalization process for sure, but there has to come a point of transition where a Man’s default response IS his Game response. That’s who he IS now. 当我们补偿时，我们即兴发挥，我们假装直到成功；但谁来决定我们何时不再假装？我们自己。我阅读了各种质疑一个人将“自然游戏”融入其个性的实现能力的文章。这无疑是一个内化过程，但必须有一个过渡点，即一个人的默认反应就是他的游戏反应。这就是他现在的样子。

Identity Crisis Identity Crisis 身份危机

Below is a response I gave to a guy I was counseling and I thought it sufficiently insightfull to post here in regards to a pretty common topic that comes up here. I think you’ll agree.

以下是我对一位正在辅导的男士的回应，我认为它足够有见地，可以在此发布，以应对这里经常出现的一个相当普遍的话题。我想你会同意的。

Rollo, is it possible to identify with women without compromising yourself?

罗洛，在不妥协自我的前提下，有可能与女性产生共鸣吗？

If it is a conscious effort on the guy’s part, no.

如果是他有意为之，不。

You bring up a good topic though, obviously when I refer to ‘identifying’ with a woman, this could use some explanation. What exactly is ‘identifying’ with a woman? The root of this word is ‘identity’, meaning who you are and what characteristics, traits and interests constitute your individual personality. ‘Identity’, in a way, is a pretty subjective and esoteric term – kind of like trying to define what art is – it can be argued that ‘identity’ is what you make of it. While at university, my field of specialization in behavioral psychology was personality studies, and I can tell you there are a lot of theories and interpretations of what constitutes identity. However, one article that is agreed upon almost universally is that identity and personality are never static and are malable and changeable by influencing variables and conditions. A very pronounced illustration of this would be soldiers retuning from combat with post traumatic stress disorder, a very identifiable and verifiable form of psychosis. These men are changed individuals and their identities are altered from the time they were subject to the psychological rigors of warfare to returning back to a normalized life. Some have the resiliencne to adjust their personalities back to a somewhat norlamized state, others sadly do not. Yet in each case the change was influenced by conditions and environment.

你提出了一个很好的话题，显然，当我提到“认同”一个女人时，这需要一些解释。究竟什么是“认同”一个女人？这个词的根源是“身份”，指的是你是谁，以及哪些特征、特质和兴趣构成了你的个人性格。“身份”在某种程度上是一个相当主观和深奥的术语——有点像试图定义什么是艺术——可以说“身份”是你自己塑造的。在大学期间，我的行为心理学专业方向是人格研究，我可以告诉你，关于构成身份的理论和解释有很多。然而，几乎普遍认同的一点是，身份和人格绝不是静止不变的，它们会受到各种变量和条件的影响而变化。一个非常明显的例子是士兵从战场归来后患有创伤后应激障碍，这是一种非常明显且可验证的精神病形式。这些人的个体发生了变化，他们的身份从经历战争的心理压力到回归正常生活的过程中发生了改变。 有些人具备恢复力，能将性格调整回较为正常的状态，而另一些人则不幸未能如此。然而，在每种情况下，这种变化都受到条件和环境的影响。

Likewise, most young men are subject to their own set of personal conditions and environments, and their personalities and identities reflect this accordingly. The guy who’s naturally “lucky with the ladies” is going to reflect this in his identity. The young man who doesn’t receive regular female attention for whatever reasons is going to manifest this condition in his identity. The guy who is focused on his own ambitions is going to reflect this in his own personality as well, but for all, when conditions are such that they feel deprived of certain experiences in their own life, this creates a conflict between a former identity and the altering of, or forming of a new one to meet the need for this experience. Couple this with the natural chemical/hormonal deisire for sexual experience and you can see how powerful an influence deprivation becomes.

同样，大多数年轻男性也受制于各自的个人条件和环境，他们的性格和身份也相应地反映出这一点。那些天生“受女性青睐”的男性会在其身份中体现这一点。无论出于何种原因，那些不常受到女性关注的年轻男性也会在其身份中显现出这种状况。专注于自身抱负的男性也会在其性格中反映这一点，但对于所有人来说，当他们感到在某些生活经历上有所缺失时，这会在原有的身份与为了满足这种经历需求而改变或形成的新身份之间产生冲突。再加上对性经历的自然化学/激素欲望，你可以看到缺失的影响力变得多么强大。

Far too many young men maintain the notion that for them to receive the female intimacy they desire they should necessarily become more like the target of their affection in their own personality. In essence, to mold their own identify to better match the girl they think will best satisfy this need. So we see examples of men compromising their self-interests to better accomodate the interests of the woman they desire to facilitate this need for intimacy (i.e. sex). We all know the old adage women are all too aware of, “Guys will do anything to get laid” and this is certainly not limited to altering their individual identities and even conditions to better facilitate this. It’s all too common an example to see men select a college based on the available women at that college rather than academic merit to fit their own ambitions or even choose a college to better maintain a pre-existing relationship that a woman has chosen and the young man follows. In order to justify these choices he will alter his identity and personality by creating rationales and new mental schema to validate this ‘decision’ for himself. It becomes an ego protection for a decision he, on some level, knows was made for him.

太多年轻男性持有这样一种观念：为了获得他们渴望的女性亲密关系，他们必须在自己的个性上变得更像他们心仪的对象。本质上，他们试图塑造自己的身份，以更好地匹配他们认为最能满足这一需求的女孩。因此，我们看到了男性为了更好地迎合他们渴望亲密关系（即性）的女性的兴趣，而牺牲自身利益的例子。我们都知道女性非常清楚的一句老话：“男人为了上床什么都愿意做”，这当然不仅限于改变他们的个人身份和条件来更好地促成这一点。看到男性根据大学里可获得的女性资源而不是学术价值来选择大学，以符合自己的抱负，甚至为了维持女性选择的现有关系而选择大学，这种情况太常见了。为了证明这些选择，他会通过创造理由和新思维模式来改变自己的身份和性格，以自我验证这一“决定”。 这成为他在某种程度上明知是他人代为做出的决定时，保护自我的一种方式。

This is just one glaring example of this identification, but thousands more subtle ones exist that men (and women) pass off as social mores and contrivances. The guy stuck in the ‘Friend Zone’ who got the LJBF (“lets just be freinds”) line when he attempted to become intimate with his target, will happily listen to her drone on for hours on the phone in order to find out how better to alter himself to fit her conditions for intimate acceptability. He will readily “change his mind” about even his own personal beliefs if it will better fit what he perceives as her criteria for compatibility with her. This is the compromise of identity – to fundamentally and voluntarily alter one’s own personality to achieve the acceptability of another. When we are directly and overtly faced with this sort of challenge to our beliefs we naturally recoil – you are your own person and would resist were your employer or parents to tell you how you should vote (political belief), but when it comes to personality and sexual/intimacy interests, and done voluntarily it’s suprising to see the limits of what men (and to an extent women) will do. Men will entertain the idea that a long distance relationship (LDR) is a desirable arrangement even if intimacy has never occured because the potential of that intimacy is perceived. These same guys will espouse every reasoning they can conceive as to why their “relationship is different” and that they ‘believe’ that “love conquers all” only to come full circle when he or she ‘cheats’ or breaks off the relation and the man comes back to his prior (though he thinks new) understanding that LDRs are in fact a bad prospect. His identity changed and then changed again to accomodate his conditions.

这只是身份认同的一个明显例子，但还有成千上万更为微妙的例子，男男女女们将其视为社会习俗和人为安排。那个被困在“朋友区”的男子，在试图与心仪对象亲密时收到了“让我们只做朋友”的回应，他会乐意在电话里听她唠叨数小时，只为更好地改变自己以符合她对亲密关系的接受条件。他会毫不犹豫地“改变主意”，甚至改变自己的个人信仰，只要他认为这能更好地符合她所认为的与她相容的标准。这就是身份的妥协——从根本上自愿改变自己的个性以获得他人的认可。当我们直接面对这种对我们信念的挑战时，我们自然会退缩——你是独立的个体，如果雇主或父母告诉你该如何投票（政治信仰），你会抗拒，但当涉及到个性和性/亲密兴趣时，尤其是自愿的情况下，令人惊讶的是，人们（尤其是男性，一定程度上也包括女性）会做到何种程度。 即使从未发生过亲密关系，男性仍会认为异地恋（LDR）是一种理想的安排，因为他们感知到了这种亲密关系的可能性。这些男性会竭尽所能地提出各种理由，解释为何他们的“关系与众不同”，并坚信“爱能战胜一切”，然而当对方“出轨”或关系破裂时，他们又会回到之前（尽管他认为这是新的）的认识，即异地恋实际上是一个糟糕的前景。他的身份随之改变，然后又再次改变以适应新的境况。

However, it’s not that he never truly changed or had the belief in the first place. Were these guys to take a polygraph test at the time they would indeed pass when asked if this was what they actually accepted as truth. Men will do what most deductively solves a problem and in this he is only following the tenants of pragmatism. “I need sex + women have the sex I want + I must discover what women want to give me sex + ask women + women want X = I will do X to get sex and alter my own identity in order to better facilitate X.” It should be this easy, but that’s rarely the case since more often than not women are unaware of what X really is, or X is subject to constant change depending on her own conditions.

然而，这并非说他从未真正改变或一开始就没有这种信念。如果当时这些人接受测谎测试，当被问及这是否是他们真正接受的事实，他们确实会通过。男人会做最合乎逻辑的事情来解决问题，而在这方面，他只是遵循实用主义的原则。“我需要性+女人拥有我想要的性+我必须发现女人想要什么来给我性+问女人+女人想要 X=我会做 X 来获得性，并改变自己的身份以更好地促成 X。”这本应如此简单，但实际情况却很少如此，因为女人往往不知道 X 到底是什么，或者 X 会根据她自身的情况不断变化。

Now, after all of this, is it possible that a man and a woman may in fact share genuine common interests? Of course. You may indeed find a perfectly beautiful woman that enjoys Nascar or Hockey as much as you. You may find a woman you’re attracted to who genuinely shares your passion for deep sea fishing. It’s not uncommon to share common interests, it’s when you alter your interest to better facilitate a connection that you force it. Making this determination of genuine interests and created interests is the hair that needs splitting. I’ve personally counseled guys who have literally changed careers to be in a better place to proposition a girl they fancied. I know men who’ve moved thousands of miles to live closer to women who’ve never reciprocated their interest in them, yet they continued to attempt to identify themselves with her. I know 65 year old men in 40 year marriages, who even after intimacy was resolved years ago with the woman, are still attempting to identify with their wives because they’ve internalized this identity compromise as a standard means to getting sex from her. Her expectations of him have become his identity and at 65 this mental schema has become so ego-invested that no amount of shedding light on his conditions will ever convince him anything to the opposite.

经过这一切之后，男女之间是否可能真正共享真实的共同兴趣呢？当然可能。你或许会遇到一位同样热爱纳斯卡赛车或冰球的美妙女子。你也可能遇到一位让你心动不已、真正与你共享深海钓鱼热情的女性。拥有共同兴趣并不罕见，但当你为了更好地建立联系而改变自己的兴趣时，那便是强求了。区分真实兴趣与刻意营造的兴趣，正是需要细分的细微之处。我曾亲自辅导过一些男士，他们为了能更好地向心仪的女孩求爱，竟然改变了职业。我也认识一些男人，他们搬到千里之外，只为离那些从未回应过他们兴趣的女性更近，却依然试图与她产生共鸣。我还知道一些 65 岁的男士，尽管与妻子在多年前的亲密关系已解决，却仍在努力与妻子保持一致，因为他们已将这种身份妥协内化为从她那里获取性爱的标准手段。 她对他的期望已成为他的身份，而到了 65 岁，这种心理模式已变得如此自我投入，以至于无论多少关于他状况的揭示都无法说服他改变看法。

The most ironic thing about this ‘Identity Crisis’ is that the least attractive thing to most women is a man who is willing to compromise any part of his identity to placate to her, much less a wholesale sell out of it. Women are naturally attracted to that masculine independence as it represents a very strong cue of security and the potential to provide that security to her (and any children she may have). Women don’t want a man who’ll “do everything she says” because this sends the message that this man can be bought with even the prospect of a sexual encounter. Why would that indicate anything more than insecurity and a lack of confidence? Women want to be told “No”, and constantly test a man’s resolve to say this to her (i.e. shit testing) in order to affirm that she’s made the right choice (even in marriage) of a guy who’ll put his sexual impulse (knowing full-well how powerful it is with men) on hold to hold fast to his own self-interest, beliefs and ambitions. It covertly communicates to a woman that his goals and determination trump her one power over him – her sexuality. That is the man who is the PRIZE, the ‘great catch’, the male to be competed for with other women.

关于这场“身份危机”最讽刺的事情是，对大多数女性来说，最不吸引人的是愿意为了取悦她而妥协自身身份的男人，更不用说彻底出卖自我了。女性天生被那种男性独立性所吸引，因为它代表着强烈的安全感信号，以及为她（以及她可能拥有的孩子）提供这种安全感的潜力。女性不想要一个会“对她言听计从”的男人，因为这传递出这样的信息：这个男人可以用性接触的前景轻易收买。这除了显示出不安和缺乏自信外，还能说明什么呢？女性希望被说“不”，并不断测试一个男人是否有决心对她说不（即废物测试），以确认她做出了正确的选择（即使在婚姻中），选择了一个能够克制自己的性冲动（深知这对男人有多强烈），坚守自身利益、信念和抱负的男人。这向女性隐晦地传达了一个信息：他的目标和决心胜过了她对他唯一的影响力——她的性吸引力。这样的男人才是真正的奖赏，是“抢手货”，是其他女性会为之竞争的男性。

Dream Girls & Children with Dynamite

“Self-love is not so great a sin as self-neglect." – Henry V “自爱并不如自我忽视那般罪恶深重。——亨利五世”

Pride is one thing that people get very confused about. It’s a healthy thing to have pride of oneself, to be proud of our accomplishments; it’s a very real source of self-confidence. Humility is an admirable quality, don’t get me wrong, but humility is only genuine when you’re confident of your own abilities. It takes a humble Man to walk away from a fight that he knows he could win, but chooses not to engage in. Generally humility is only self-gratifying, because only rarely will others appreciate it as humility (those familiar with your abilities) and not view it as cowardice, or at best a lack of confidence. Pride often appears arrogant because people of lesser accomplishments become envious, and people of better accomplishments think less of them than you do. It’s very important not to appear too perfect, but it’s equally important not to seem spineless.

骄傲是人们常常感到困惑的一个概念。拥有自我骄傲，为自己的成就感到自豪，是一种健康的心态，也是自信的真正源泉。谦虚固然是一种令人钦佩的品质，但请不要误解，只有当你对自己的能力有信心时，谦虚才是真实的。一个谦逊的人会从一场明知能赢却选择不参与的战斗中走开。通常，谦虚只是自我满足，因为很少有人会真正欣赏这种谦虚（那些了解你能力的人），而不会将其视为懦弱，或顶多是缺乏自信。骄傲常常显得傲慢，因为成就较低的人会心生嫉妒，而成就较高的人则认为他们不如你。非常重要的一点是不要显得过于完美，但同样重要的是不要显得软弱无骨。

It’s quite another thing to be “prideful”and this is where the disconnect comes for a lot of AFCs, particularly ones with strong ego-investments in morality, chivalry, honor, etc. My old AFC self used to struggle with this as well. The AFC sublimates himself; he self-deprecates because he believes, erroneously, that this ideology will separate him from the herd, make him “not-like-other-guys”. He mistakenly believes that he’s unique in this when actually he’s in the majority. Why? For the answer all you need do is look at the most common threads from guys just recently discovering the community.

“骄傲”是另一回事，而这正是许多 AFC（平均挫男）感到困惑的地方，尤其是那些在道德、骑士精神、荣誉等方面有强烈自我投入的人。我曾经的 AFC 自我也曾为此挣扎。AFC 会自我升华；他自我贬低，因为他错误地认为这种理念能让他与众不同，使他“不像其他男人”。他误以为自己在这方面是独特的，实际上他属于大多数。为什么呢？要找到答案，你只需看看那些刚刚发现这个社区的男人们最常见的帖子。

I have no doubt that there are some guys who go from zero to PUA and then parley that into some kind of seducer-hood. I would also argue that they are the rare exceptions. Guys don’t search out community forums or blogs like this because they’re getting too much pussy. They search it out because what they’ve been doing isn’t producing the results they want. When you think about this, they’ve been doing exactly what others criticize Game for – they’re working from a script. We like to point out the flaws in autonomously adhering to a script with regards to PUA techniques; you become a social robot, not “yourself”. But from an opposite side, what you’re doing now, or have done, as an AFC (Beta Game) is equally as scripted. The only difference, and far more insidious, is that they’ve internalized these AFC “scripts” that society on whole has conditioned into them as personal investments over the course of a lifetime.

我毫不怀疑，有些家伙从零基础迅速成为 PUA 高手，并借此跻身某种诱惑者的行列。我也认为他们是少数例外。男人们并非因为性事过多而寻求社区论坛或此类博客，他们之所以搜索这些资源，是因为他们以往的做法并未带来期望的结果。细想之下，他们正是在做其他人批评“游戏”时所指出的行为——他们遵循着一套剧本行事。我们乐于指出，在 PUA 技巧上机械地遵循剧本的缺陷：你会变成一个社交机器人，而非真实的“自我”。但从另一个角度看，你现在所做或曾经作为 AFC（即 Beta 游戏玩家）的行为，同样也是按剧本行事。唯一的区别，且更为隐蔽的是，他们将这些社会整体长期灌输给他们的 AFC“剧本”内化为自己的一生投资。

After dropping your AFC mindset for a one based on self-interest, what happened? You probably began to see results. You can hook up with women the calibre of which were previously unavailable to you before, and all it took was replacing your chump behavior and mentality with one of self-concern and self-priority. You might’ve felt like an asshole, people may have said you’ve changed or become bitter, or you’re being someone you’re not, but you couldn’t argue with the results.

在摒弃了以他人为中心的心态，转而以自我利益为导向后，发生了什么？你很可能开始看到了成效。你能与之前无法企及的高质量女性建立联系，所需要的只是将懦弱的行为和心态转变为自我关注和自我优先。你或许会觉得自己像个混蛋，人们可能会说你变了，变得刻薄，或者你正在变成另一个人，但你无法否认这些成果。

One of the biggest dangers of the PUA ideal is that it does nothing to address the root problem of AFCism (for lack of a better term). AFCs don’t want to stop being AFCs. Largely, they just want their ONEitis (or their “dream girl”) to hook up with them long term and then drift back into a comfortable ‘just being themselves’. According to The Game even Mystery, with all his PUA prowess, degenerates into a simpering, borderline suicidal chump when he realizes that his PUA scripts do nothing in an LTR with Katya (his ONEitis). The most notorious PUA in modern history was still an AFC, because he hadn’t killed that mentality, that AFC internalization – he hadn’t killed his inner AFC.

PUA 理念最大的危险之一在于，它并未触及 AFC 主义（暂且如此称呼）的根本问题。AFC 们并不想停止成为 AFC。很大程度上，他们只是希望自己的“唯一”（或“梦中情人”）能与他们长期交往，然后他们便可以回归到那种舒适的“做回自己”的状态。根据《游戏》一书所述，即便如 Mystery 这般拥有高超 PUA 技巧的人物，在意识到自己的 PUA 剧本在长期关系中对 Katya（他的“唯一”）毫无作用时，也沦为了一个近乎自杀边缘的懦弱者。这位现代史上最臭名昭著的 PUA，依然是一个 AFC，因为他没有根除那种心态，那种内化的 AFC 思维——他未能消灭内心的 AFC。

Another very common occurrence is the “reformed” AFC who makes progress toward becoming more Game savvy, and as a result gets his “dream girl”, only to lose her after reverting back into an AFC frame once he’s in an LTR with her. I’m not a big Ross Jefferies fan, but he did say something very profound once, he said “teaching PUA skills to these chumps is like giving dynamite to children.” This is probably truer than he realized, because the potential for disaster is much higher. Most guys want that silver bullet, the magic formula that will get them the girl, but it does nothing to prepare them for the idyllic LTR their beta nature has fantasized about for so very long. They don’t become Men, they become children with dynamite. So are we really surprised when the guy who finally gets his Dream Girl as a result of learning Game becomes despondent and suicidal when he loses the “best thing he’ll ever have” when she leaves him? Are we shocked when his ONEitis turns out to be a BPD girl and his life’s ambitions fall into a death-spiral because he was unprepared to deal with a post-Game LTR?

另一种常见情况是，那位“改过自新”的 AFC（失恋挫男）在向着更懂游戏的境界迈进，并因此赢得“梦中情人”，却在进入长期关系（LTR）后重蹈 AFC 覆辙，最终失去她。我虽非罗斯·杰弗里斯（Ross Jefferies）的拥趸，但他曾言一句颇为深刻：“向这些蠢蛋传授 PUA 技巧，无异于将炸药交给孩童。”此言或许比他所意识到的更为真切，因为潜在的灾难性后果风险更高。多数男性渴望那颗银弹，那个能助他们赢得佳人的神奇公式，但这并未让他们为长久以来由其贝塔（顺从）本性所幻想的田园诗般 LTR 做好准备。他们未成为真正的男人，反倒成了手持炸药的孩童。因此，当一个通过学习游戏技巧终于赢得梦中情人的男子，在失去“此生至爱”后变得绝望乃至有自杀倾向时，我们真的感到惊讶吗？当他的唯一执念对象实为一位边缘型人格障碍（BPD）女孩，而他的人生志向因未能应对游戏后的 LTR 而陷入死亡螺旋时，我们又何以震惊？

The problem with just employing PUA skills to get any woman is that sometimes it actually gets you ANY woman. There’s no vetting process, no discernment, taught as part of technique. AFCs get so impressed with their new found PUA confidence and getting hotter women, getting their old friend-zone girl interested, or getting women at all, that they have no motivation to think about who they should get involved with. They’re unprepared for emotionally manipulative women, and particularly when they’re more attractive than anything they’d ever had before. They obsess. They predictably get ONEitis, but they develop a ONEitis and in such an extreme case they can be suicidal about a woman they’d previously never been able to attain.

仅仅运用 PUA 技巧去追求任何女性存在的问题在于，有时这真的会让你得到任何女性。这里没有筛选过程，没有辨识能力的培养，这些都未被纳入技巧教学中。普通男性（AFCs）对于他们新获得的 PUA 自信以及能够吸引更迷人的女性、让曾经的朋友区女孩产生兴趣，或是能够吸引到女性本身，感到如此兴奋，以至于他们没有动力去思考应该与谁建立关系。他们对于情感操控型的女性毫无准备，尤其是当这些女性比他们以往所拥有的任何人都更具吸引力时。他们会沉迷其中，可预见地陷入“唯一病”（ONEitis），但在这种极端情况下，他们可能会对一个原本无法企及的女性产生自杀倾向。

PUA skills are tools, and valuable ones at that, but adopting a positive masculine mindset prepares an AFC for more. An AFC needs to divorce himself from deep set social and psychological schemas – he needs to unlearn the self-delusions that a lifetime has conditioned him to internalize into his personality. Giving an AFC Game skills before this transition will only condemn him to disappointment and despair in an LTR. The more important lesson is learned in the discarding of that old, beta, way of thinking, while understanding the tools and techniques to apply the new, confident, positive masculine mindset.

PUA 技巧是工具，且是宝贵的工具，但培养积极的男性心态为 AFC（平均挫男）准备了更多。AFC 需要从根深蒂固的社会和心理模式中解脱出来——他必须摒弃一生中被训练内化到性格中的自我欺骗。在转变之前传授 AFC 游戏技能只会让他陷入长期关系中的失望与绝望。更重要的教训在于摒弃旧有的、顺从的思维方式，同时理解并运用新工具和技术来培养自信、积极的男性心态。

Appreciation

I’ve had a fantastic marriage for over 15 years now, but I’m not going to sugar coat the facts that marriage involves life changing sacrifices for men that no woman will ever fully understand or appreciate. I’m not anti-marriage. I’m anti- uninformed, pollyanna, shoulda’-saw-it-coming, ONEitis fueled, shame induced, bound for bankruptcy, scarred my children for life, marriage.

我拥有一段长达 15 年的美妙婚姻，但我不会粉饰事实，即婚姻对男性意味着改变生活的牺牲，这是女性永远无法完全理解或感激的。我并不反对婚姻本身。我反对的是那种缺乏了解、盲目乐观、本应预见、因单相思而加剧、羞愧驱使、注定破产、给孩子留下终身创伤的婚姻。

A woman loves you when she takes you for granted. That sounds odd I know, but it’s when she’s not fawning all over you and you’re in your 10th year of marriage and it’s just part of everyday conversation. “OK, love you, bye” is at the end of every phone call. You’re not thinking about it, because you don’t need to. If you’re asking the question “how do you know when she loves you?” You’re not in it. It’s only when that familiarity and regular comfort is removed that she can appreciate it. Once the commonness of love is established women will only rarely express it overtly – in fact the expression will be what’s expected of you – so you have to look for it covertly.

当一个女人对你习以为常时，她就是爱你的。我知道这听起来有些奇怪，但正是在她不再对你百般讨好，你们结婚十年，爱情已成为日常对话的一部分时。每次电话结束时，她都会说“好的，爱你，再见”。你不会去多想，因为你不需要。如果你还在问“如何知道她爱你？”那说明你还未真正感受到。只有当那份熟悉与日常的舒适感消失时，她才会意识到它的珍贵。一旦爱情的常态确立，女性很少会直接表达，实际上，表达爱意已成为对你的期待——所以你得从细微之处去寻找。

All the flowery crap you read in your Hallmark card on Valentines Day or your Anniversary was written by someone else. And while it’s nice to have these gestures of appreciation occasionally, it’s more important to see the forest for the trees. It’s not individual acts of affection or appreciation so much as it is the whole of what you both do on a regular day-to-day basis. It’s what you and she are all about after your three hundredth bowl of oatmeal together on a Saturday morning and your kids are fighting for control of the TV remote while you’re sitting across the breakfast table discussing which bills need to be paid first this month and how bad the lawn needs mowing that defines love and marriage. Yes, precisely the things you’ll never think about when you’re sarging her or considering moving her up in your plate spinning line up.

情人节或周年纪念日，你在贺卡上读到的那些花哨废话，都是别人写的。虽然偶尔收到这些表达感激之情的举动很美好，但更重要的是见树又见林。爱情和婚姻的真谛，并非单个的示爱或感激之举，而是你们日常每一天所做的一切。它体现在某个周六早晨，你们共进第三百碗燕麦粥时，孩子们争夺电视遥控器的吵闹声中；体现在早餐桌对面，你们讨论本月哪些账单需优先支付，以及草坪修剪得多么糟糕的时刻。没错，正是这些细节，当你在追求她，或考虑将她提升为你生活中众多事务的优先级时，你绝不会去思考的那些平凡瞬间，定义了爱情与婚姻的真谛。

This is what marriage is; not necessarily boring per se (although it certainly can be more often than not), but ordinary. It’s normal, common, or becomes so. Think about how many people who’ve lived, married and died on planet earth who did exactly the same things as you. That’s the real test of marriage that no one who hasn’t experienced it can really relate in any meaningful sense. The happy, Oprah-ized idea is that you have to “keep it fresh”, but even after a night of freshening it up and the Wal-Mart lingerie is in the clothes hamper, and you pick up the kids from spending the night at her sisters house the morning after, you go back to the day-to-day marriage you’ve always had. This is the shit no one tells you about when you’re being sold on the Marriage Goal – the “now what?” feeling that comes directly after you’ve found the ONE you’ve been looking for, or “did the right thing” with and married because she suddenly rediscovered religion AFTER you’d had marathon sex with her for 3 months straight and wouldn’t abort the pregnancy (and no, that didn’t happen to me).

这就是婚姻的本质；未必本身就无聊（尽管它确实常常如此），但平凡无奇。它普通、常见，或变得如此。想想地球上有多少人曾经生活、结婚并逝去，他们所做的与你如出一辙。这是婚姻真正的考验，未经此经历的人无法在任何有意义的层面上真正理解。那种快乐、被奥普拉化的观念认为，你必须“保持新鲜感”，但即便一夜激情过后，沃尔玛的性感内衣已躺在洗衣篮中，第二天早晨你从她姐姐家接回孩子，你又回到了一如既往的日常婚姻生活。这就是在你被推销婚姻目标时，无人告知你的那些事——在你找到一直在寻觅的那个人，或“做了正确的事”并与她结婚后，那种“现在怎么办？”的感觉随即而来，因为她在你与她连续三个月马拉松式性爱后突然重拾信仰，且不愿堕胎（不，那不是发生在我身上的事）。

Appreciation 赏识

I think what most men uniquely deceive themselves of is that they will ultimately be appreciated by women for their sacrifices. Learn this now, you wont. You can’t be because women fundamentally lack the ability to fully realize, much less appreciate the sacrifices a man makes to facilitate her reality. Even the most enlightened, appreciative woman you know still operates in a feminne-centric reality. Men making the personal sacrifices necessary to honor, respect and love her are commonplace. You’re supposed to do those things. You sacrificed your ambitions and potential to provide her with a better life? You were supposed to. You resisted temptation and didn’t cheat on your wife with the hot secretary who was DTF and ready to go? You were supposed to. Your responsibilities to maintaining a marriage, a home, your family, etc. are common – they’re expected. They are only appreciated in their absence.

我认为大多数男性独特地欺骗自己的是，他们最终会因为自己的牺牲而受到女性的赞赏。现在就明白这一点，你不会。你无法做到，因为女性从根本上缺乏充分认识，更不用说欣赏一个男人为了她的现实所做出的牺牲。即使是你所知道的最开明、最感激的女性，仍然在一个以女性为中心的现实中运作。男性为了尊重、爱护她而做出必要的个人牺牲是司空见惯的。你应该做这些事。你牺牲了自己的抱负和潜力，为她提供更好的生活？那是你应该做的。你抵制诱惑，没有和那位愿意且准备好的火辣秘书出轨？那也是你应该做的。维护婚姻、家庭、家园等责任是常见的——它们是被期待的。只有在它们缺席时才会被感激。

This is the totality of the feminine-centric reality. Men only exist to facilitate the feminine reality, and any man who disputes this (or even analyzes its aspects) is therefore not a ‘man’. It just IS. Even the most self-serving, maverick among men is still beholden to the feminine imperative in that he’s only defined as a rebel because he doesn’t comply with the common practices of ‘men’ in a female defined reality. And ironically it’s just this maverick who is appreciated by the feminine above those men who would comply with it (or even promote it) as a matter of course.

这就是女性中心现实的全部。男性仅作为促进女性现实的工具而存在，任何质疑这一点（甚至分析其方面）的男性因此便不再是“男人”。它就是这样。即便是最自私、最特立独行的男性，也仍受制于女性主导的规则，因为他之所以被定义为叛逆者，正是因为他不遵循女性定义现实中“男性”的常规做法。讽刺的是，正是这种特立独行者，在女性眼中超越了那些顺从（甚至推崇）这一现实的男性，从而得到她们的赞赏。

The concept of appreciation really dovetails into a lot of other aspects of intergender relations.

欣赏的概念确实与异性关系中的许多其他方面紧密契合。

For instance in The Mature Man thread; assume for a moment that a 40 y.o. Man with the options to pursue younger women “does the right thing” and seeks out a relationship with a woman his own age. Would he be appreciated for essentially giving an aged woman a new lease on life? Or would he be viewed as doing what is to be expected of him?

例如，在《成熟男人》主题帖中；假设一个 40 岁的男人在可以选择追求年轻女性时，“做了正确的事”，选择与同龄女性建立关系。他是否会因为实质上给予一位年长女性新的生活希望而受到赞赏？还是会被视为仅仅做了人们预期他会做的事情？

Would a man who marries a single mother and helps with the parental investment of another man’s child be appreciated more for having done so? Would it even factor into a woman’s estimation of his character, or would he simply doing what’s expected of a man? The question of appreciation is a real quandary for the White Knight.

一个娶了单身母亲并协助抚养另一个男人孩子的男人，是否会因此受到更多赞赏？这会不会影响女性对他品性的评价，还是他只是在履行一个男人的期望？对于“白骑士”而言，这个问题确实令人困惑。

Relationships aren’t work.

关系并非工作。

Familiarity does in fact breed contempt,..and mediocrity, and routine, and banality, and commonness,.. which is why so many marriages end up in the shit can. Men and women give up on themselves.

熟悉确实会滋生轻蔑，以及平庸、例行公事、陈腐和普通，这就是为什么许多婚姻最终走向破裂。男男女女放弃了自己。

The “Relationships are work” meme is a Social Convention. How often do you hear men say these words? This has filtered into popular consciousness even with men now. For the LTR men who subscribe to this I’d also speculate that many of them are in relationships where THEY are “doing the work” for the women who are giving them the ‘grade’ so to speak. And of the single men who subscribe to this mythology, each had to be conditioned to believe this is the case in LTRs by women. This is rooted in the mistaken belief that men’s actions and sacrifices can ever be appreciated by women.

“关系即工作”的梗是一种社会规范。你有多常听到男性说这些话？即便在男性中，这一观念也已深入人心。对于那些认同这一点的长期关系（LTR）中的男性，我猜测其中许多人正处在为女性“付出努力”的关系中，而这些女性则在给予他们所谓的“评分”。至于那些单身的、信奉这一神话的男性，他们每个人都被女性所塑造，相信在长期关系中必须如此付出。这一切都基于一个错误的信念：男性所做的行动和牺牲终将得到女性的赏识。

What would the best method be to get a man to live up to the idealizations a woman has as her perfect mate (however twisted and convoluted this may have been defined for her)? Women love the ‘fixer upper’. “He’d be such a great guy if only he would, _____” or she’ll say “I’m working on him.” It’s when the conditioning goes from “I’m working on him” to “We’re working on our relationship” that he has now internalized her frame control. This is where the mythology of Relationships-as-Work is derived from. How often is it the woman who needs the ‘work’ in the relationship? And if it is her, the terminology of the relationship and the associations change. ‘Work’ implies a man better conforming his identity to her ideal relationship, to better fit the feminine-centric reality. And what better way to initiate this than to psychologically condition him to want to embody her ideal – even before he’s ever met a woman or been involved in a relationship?

要让一个男人达到女人心目中完美伴侣的理想形象（无论这个形象在她心中是如何扭曲和复杂地定义的），最佳方法是什么？女性喜欢“改造潜力股”。她会说：“如果他能做到_____，他就会是个很棒的人。”或者“我正在改造他。”当这种改造从“我正在改造他”转变为“我们在努力改善我们的关系”时，他就已经内化了她的框架控制。这就是“关系即工作”这一神话的起源。在关系中，有多少次是女性需要“工作”呢？如果是她，关系的术语和关联就会发生变化。“工作”意味着男性需要更好地将自己的身份调整为符合她理想中的关系，以更好地适应以女性为中心的现实。而要启动这一过程，最好的方法莫过于在心理上训练他，让他渴望成为她理想中的样子——甚至在遇见任何女性或涉入任何关系之前。

Kill the Beta

Rational reader Paul recently sought out my guidance for probably the single most asked for advice I receive. 理性读者保罗最近寻求我的指导，这可能是我收到过的最常见的建议之一。

I’ve read through your blog entirely, and my biggest issue is, how do I kill the beta? Every girl I sleep with, or even fool around with, I end up developing feelings for. Even if it was a one night stand or the girl is cheating on a bf with me. It’s like I have no self control; like I’m a girl that agonizes over every guy she sleeps with.

我已经通读了你的博客，而我最大的困扰是，如何摆脱这种“备胎”身份？每次我和女孩发生关系，或是仅仅调情，最终都会对她们产生感情。即便只是一夜情，或是对方在与男友交往的同时与我出轨。我仿佛失去了自我控制力，就像一个为每个与她发生关系的男人而苦恼的女孩。

I wish I honestly had a definitive answer for Paul. If I could construct some step-by-step program, a universal template that men could all follow in order to kill their inner Beta, I’d be rich beyond my wildest dreams. Just as I said with about the Alpha Buddha, if I could find a way to bottle the essence of Alpha I’d be set for life. The real truth is that there is no simple answer to this, because each man’s conditions are unique to him. To be sure there are common roots to their problems, and common mindsets that form as results of attempting to formulate working sexual strategies (Beta Game) within the feminine Matrix, but undoing these mental schemas and reforming a better functional sexual strategy is unique to the individual.

我真心希望能给保罗一个明确的答案。如果我能构建一个步步为营的计划，一个通用模板，让所有男性都能遵循以消除内心的贝塔特质，我将富可敌国，梦想成真。正如我之前谈及阿尔法佛陀时所说，如果我能找到一种方法来提炼阿尔法本质，我将一生无忧。真正的真相是，对此没有简单的答案，因为每个人的情况都是独一无二的。诚然，他们的困境有共同的根源，尝试在女性矩阵中制定有效的性策略（贝塔游戏）时形成的共同心态，但解构这些心理模式并重塑更优的性策略则是个人化的过程。

I feel that this is the major reason Game is not taken as seriously as it should be – it’s a lot of work doing your own self-analysis and then creating a strategy to remake yourself. One of the reasons PUA gurus and the Game demigods of the last decade seem so cheap, like snake oil salesmen, is because they fail to take into account the degree of personalization necessary to truly kill the inner Beta that guys eventually have to confront. That’s an element of internalized Game that the guys doing seminars would rather not address because your degree of success, in truth how you even measure success, is entirely dependent upon you. Hooking up with girls you’d never had access to before may sell pick up DVDs; changing the inner workings of your personality is a much tougher order. If you ever look through the ‘self-help’ psychology section of a book store and wonder why there are so many books published in the topic, it’s exactly due to this dynamic – effecting a fundamental change in one’s life requires an effort that few people have the patience and perseverance for.

我认为这是游戏未被足够重视的主要原因——进行自我分析并制定重塑自我的策略是一项艰巨的工作。过去十年中，PUA 大师和游戏半神们显得廉价，如同卖蛇油的小贩，原因之一是他们未能考虑到个性化程度，这是真正消灭男性最终必须面对的内在贝塔所必需的。这是那些举办研讨会的家伙宁愿避而不谈的内在游戏元素，因为你的成功程度，甚至你如何衡量成功，完全取决于你自己。与以往无法接触的女孩搭讪或许能卖出搭讪 DVD；改变个性的内在机制则是一个更为艰巨的任务。如果你曾浏览书店的“自助”心理学区，并好奇为何该主题有如此多的书籍出版，这正是由于这一动态——实现生活中的根本改变需要大多数人缺乏的耐心和毅力。

So with all of this in mind, let me say right now, I don’t have a map for you – anyone telling you they do is selling you something – however, I will attempt to point you in the right direction. I can’t say what will work, only you can find that out on your own, but try to bear in mind that changing yourself is a process that takes time. Even for the guy’s who have an easier go of transitioning to an internal Game-state personality, it’s still an ongoing process. I’d like to think of myself as at least a lesser Alpha (by Roissy’s measure), but that doesn’t mean I don’t trip up at times. This is what I mean by the process; you’re not going to be bulletproof and pass every shit test ever thrown at you, but be encouraged in knowing you learn from what you do wrong and adjust for the next time. There is no grand arrival moment when you know you’re an Alpha, or if you don’t like that term, there is no definitive point at which you’ve internalized Game. You don’t get some certificate of Game completion. You can, however, definitively change your thinking, it’s always on-going.

因此，考虑到所有这些，我在此明确表示，我没有地图供你参考——任何声称拥有地图的人都是在向你兜售东西——然而，我会尽力为你指明正确的方向。我无法断言什么方法会奏效，只有你自己才能亲自发现，但请记住，改变自己是一个需要时间的过程。即便对于那些在转变为内在游戏状态人格时较为顺利的人来说，这仍然是一个持续进行的过程。我愿意认为自己至少算是一个较小的阿尔法（按照 Roissy 的标准），但这并不意味着我不会有失误的时候。这就是我所说的过程；你不会变得无懈可击，也不会通过每一次被抛出的考验，但要知道，你可以从错误中学习并调整以应对下一次。没有那种你确信自己成为阿尔法的辉煌时刻，或者如果你不喜欢这个术语，也没有一个明确的点标志着你已经内化了游戏。你不会获得某种游戏完成的证书。然而，你可以明确地改变你的思维方式，这是一个持续不断的过程。

Knowing is half the battle 了解是成功的一半

If there truly is a first step in internalization then it has to come from educating yourself. This is actually one of the most difficult tasks. If you’re a reader of my blog, or are at least peripherally aware of Game as a concept, this is going to seem pretty obvious, but remember that there’s an entire world of men who are still plugged in. Only a fraction of them will even be amenable to considering Game and positive masculinity, and fewer still will see its value. From our perspective it seems like a matter of course; we read the books/blogs, familiarize ourselves with the concepts, we pick what might work, experiment with ideas, evaluate the validity of them and adopt them or toss them. However what’s apparent to the unplugged seems like blaspheme to the plugged in.

如果内化的确存在第一步，那么它必然始于自我教育。这实际上是最艰巨的任务之一。如果你是我的博客读者，或至少对“游戏”概念有所耳闻，这听起来可能相当明显，但请记住，世界上仍有许多男性深陷其中。他们中只有少数人会愿意考虑“游戏”和积极男性气质，更少的人会认识到其价值。从我们的角度看，这似乎是理所当然的；我们阅读书籍/博客，熟悉相关概念，挑选可能有效的方法，尝试各种想法，评估其合理性，并采纳或摒弃。然而，对于未接触过的人来说显而易见的事物，在那些深陷其中的人看来却如同亵渎。

Your “education” doesn’t stop once you’ve unplugged. In fact I’d argue that it’s even more vital in internalizing a new mindset since you’re now putting things into practice. One thing I remind guys who spit the red pill back up is that there is no going back. A lot of frustrated guys who discover Game and fail to apply it because they lack the social skills or they convinced themselves that PUArtistry was their easy magic formula to fuck the girl of their dreams, they tend to want to regress back into the comfortable shell of their former ignorance of intergender social dynamics. Only they find that there is no return. They see the truth in the what they’d been blind to no matter where they turn. The social interactions, the feminization, the raw deal they’ve been conditioned to accept as normal – all of that subtly reminds them of the truth they’re avoiding and they hate it. They become hostile to it.

你的“教育”并不会在你断开连接后停止。事实上，我认为在实践中内化一种新思维方式时，它甚至更为关键。我经常提醒那些吐出红药丸的人，没有回头路。许多感到沮丧的男性发现了游戏规则却未能应用，因为他们缺乏社交技能，或者他们自欺欺人地认为 PUArtistry 是他们轻松搞定梦中女孩的魔法公式，这些人往往想要退回到他们以前对两性社交动态无知的舒适壳中。然而，他们发现无法回头。无论转向何方，他们都能看到曾经视而不见的真相。社交互动、女性化、他们被教导接受为正常的苛刻待遇——这一切都在微妙地提醒他们逃避的真相，这让他们感到厌恶。他们对这一切产生了敌意。

I add this because it’s a very real danger for guys transitioning into internalizing positive masculinity. In the same respect you now have become (or should become) more sensitive to Game truths and the unplugged reality you now find yourself in. There’s a point of departure from what you thought was normal to seeing the signs around you. An easy illustration is really contemplating any gender related issue in popular media. You’ll hear a song, watch a sit-com, overhear a conversation in the lunch room, and begin to realize how surrounded you are by basic presumptions of a culture remade by feminine primacy. Understanding what your position in all of this is is crucial to internalizing a new mindset or backsliding into your old frame of thinking.

我之所以添加这一点，是因为对于那些正在内化积极男性气质的过渡期男性来说，这是一个非常真实的危险。同样地，你现在变得更加（或应该变得更加）敏感，能够洞察游戏中的真相以及你所处的未加修饰的现实。从你认为的正常状态到开始察觉周围的迹象，这是一个转折点。一个简单的例子是深入思考流行媒体中的任何性别相关问题。你会听到一首歌、观看一部情景喜剧、在午餐室无意中听到一段对话，并开始意识到自己被女性主导文化重塑的基本假设所包围。理解你在这一切中的位置对于内化新思维模式或倒退回旧的思维框架至关重要。

Practicing the change 实践变革

It should be self-evident that applying what you’ve come to see as a new truth for yourself is vital. You need to get off the internet and field test the theories you learn here and elsewhere. Whether that means going to sarge at the clubs, or adopting a new attitude with your wife, or even the women you deal with at work, it’s really up to you. The hardest part of practicing change is the initial shock of having the people who know you question the validity of the new you. If you were to move to a new city, completely change your social circle and play the role of an asshole Alpha, no one is the wiser. However, make a radical shift in your personality with those who’ve known you for years and you’ll be a poser who’s “trying to be something he’s not”.

不言而喻，将你视为新真理的理念付诸实践至关重要。你需要离开网络，在现实中检验你在这里或其他地方学到的理论。无论是去夜店搭讪，还是以新态度对待你的妻子，或是与你工作中的女性打交道，这都取决于你。实践改变最难的部分是，那些了解你的人质疑新你的真实性所带来的初始冲击。如果你搬到一个新城市，彻底改变社交圈并扮演一个混蛋阿尔法角色，无人会察觉。然而，在那些认识你多年的人面前做出性格上的激进转变，你会被视为“试图成为不是自己的人”的装腔作势者。

Human beings need predictability – it gives them a sense of control over others. When you alter yourself, or have your personality altered by an outside force, this is a threat to that predictability, so the logical counter is for others to attempt to put us back into our places. Shaming comes as a natural tactic for women, but the push is always to get you back into their frame. And that’s essentially the threat others interpret, the new you is a frame grab. Do it all at once and people will accuse your personality of being a disingenuous reaction to having been burned. Do it subtly and persistently over a time and people will be more willing to accept the change as genuine. Always insist on change, but never too quickly.

人类需要可预测性——它赋予他们对他人掌控感。当你改变自己，或被外界力量改变性格时，这便对这种可预测性构成威胁，因此，他人逻辑上的应对便是试图让我们回归原位。羞辱成为女性自然的手段，但推动总是让你回到她们的框架内。这本质上就是他人所解读的威胁，新的你是一个框架捕捉。若一次性全部改变，人们会指责你的性格是对曾经受伤的虚伪反应。若微妙而持续地随时间改变，人们则更愿意接受这种变化的真实性。始终坚持改变，但切勿过快。

This is important to remember because your friends will be your biggest source of doubt in your transformation. They might mean well, but understand, that intent comes from a desire to see normalcy, not your best interest. The first time an old girl-friend you had a thing for calls the new you an “asshole”, it’s kind of a shock to the system. There’s always this stab at the old you who wants to set things rights, but you have to resist this impulse to take offense. It’s really hard to say “yeah, I am an asshole” as a point of pride when your whole prior life’s learning taught you not to offend others and particularly not girls you ever wanted to fuck. It’s counterintuitive to the beta in you. As sadistic as it sounds, you’ll be more consistently rewarded for your capacity to indirectly offend the women you want to get with, and the internal conflict this creates between the beta you and the burgeoning alpha you is the hardest part to reconcile. This is where most guys fail in transitioning, and this is primarily due to an unpracticed ability to keep their emotions in check.

这一点至关重要，因为你的朋友将成为你转变过程中最大的疑虑来源。他们或许出于好意，但请明白，这种意图源于对常态的渴望，而非对你的最佳利益。当你曾心仪的前女友首次称新生的你为“混蛋”时，这无疑是对心灵的冲击。总有一股力量试图唤醒旧日的你，希望你纠正这一切，但你须抵制这种冲动，不为此动怒。承认“没错，我是个混蛋”并以之为荣，对你而言极为艰难，因为你过往的人生教导你不要冒犯他人，尤其是那些你曾渴望亲近的女孩。这与你的内在顺从者（beta）本能相悖。尽管听起来有些残忍，但你会发现，通过间接冒犯那些你渴望接近的女性，你将获得更持续的回报，而这种行为在你内心顺从者与初露锋芒的领导者（alpha）之间引发的冲突，是最难以调和的部分。这正是大多数人在转变过程中失败的关键所在，主要原因在于他们缺乏控制情绪的实践能力。

Aesthetics vs. Social Robots

美学与社交机器人

As I’ve stated before, men are the True Romantics, women are simply the vehicles for that rarely appreciated romanticism. One of the biggest gripes the post-sexual revolution feminization had with men was some prepackaged notion that men weren’t in touch with their feminine sides. We were “out of touch with our feelings”. God curse Carl Jung’s rotten corpse to hell for ever convincing popular culture that each sex had equal, but unexpressed, measures of feminine and masculine energies. Western culture has been so saturated with Jungian theory that we don’t recognize it as such. It’s become normalized to believe an idealized goal-state is a genderless, androgynous society.

如我先前所述，男性才是真正的浪漫主义者，女性不过是承载这种鲜为人知的浪漫主义的载体。后性解放时代女性化思潮对男性的一大不满，在于某些预设观念认为男性未能触及自身的女性特质。我们被视为“情感脱节”。愿卡尔·荣格的腐朽遗骸在地狱中受诅咒，因为他竟说服大众文化相信，两性各自拥有相等但未表达的女性与男性能量。西方文化深受荣格理论浸染，以至于我们对此习以为常，不以为异。一个理想化的目标状态——无性别、雌雄同体的社会——已被视为常态。

Rants aside, up until the last 50 years, it has in fact been men who’ve been the sex with the most self-control regarding emotion. It’s been just this reservation that’s made Men more endearing to women. Either as enigmatic poets and artists to figure out, or as natural stoics who’s every measured expression of emotion is an event unto it’s self, it’s been Men’s classic reservation of emotional inaccessiblity that’s made women more interested in Men. In contemporary society, men are encouraged to express themselves as a primary way to accessing a woman’s intimacy – essentially killing any sense of mystery to unravel with full disclosure. Brain function gender differences aside, It would be my guess that men socially evolved a more reserved expression of emotion, not due to some juvenile insecurity, but rather because it so consistently worked in generating interest in women.

撇开抱怨不谈，直到最近 50 年，实际上一直是男性在情感控制方面表现出更多的自制力。正是这种克制，使得男性对女性更具吸引力。无论是作为神秘的诗人或艺术家，让人探究其内心，还是作为天生的坚忍者，他们每一次深思熟虑的情感表达都显得格外重要，男性对情感的典型保留态度，正是激发女性对男性兴趣的关键。在当代社会，男性被鼓励以表达自我为主要方式来接近女性的亲密感——这实质上消除了任何需要解开的神秘感，因为一切都已完全公开。抛开大脑功能性别差异不谈，我猜测男性在社交中演化出更内敛的情感表达，并非出于某种幼稚的不安全感，而是因为这种做法在激发女性兴趣方面一直颇为有效。

Not so in this age. At every instance boys and men are conditioned to think that emotional expression is a means to solving problems. Boys don’t cry, was instituted with a purpose. Unguarded easily expressed emotion is a feminine trait. It’s not that men should become social robots, deadened to all but the most intense emotion; it’s just become normalized to cheapen that expression by overuse. Displays of a Man’s emotions should be rarely given devine gifts for women who are generally lacking in true appreciation as it is. 在这个时代并非如此。男孩和男性在每个时刻都被引导去认为，情感表达是解决问题的一种手段。"男孩不哭"这一观念的形成有其目的。未经克制、轻易流露的情感被视为女性特质。这并不是说男性应该变成社交机器人，对除了最强烈情感之外的一切都麻木不仁；只是通过过度使用来贬低情感表达已成为常态。男性情感的展现，本应是难得的、赋予女性的神圣礼物，因为女性通常本身就缺乏真正的欣赏能力。

Unlearn what you have learned 忘却你所学的一切

It’s very difficult for a beta man, conditioned for so long to be emotionally available, to turn these emotions off. The good news is I’m not suggesting you do, I am suggesting you unlearn your reasons for developing emotional sentiments so easily. It’s easy to go emotionally cold as a result of being burned, it’s a much taller order to tamp that emotionality back into check when you’re really feeling good about it. Our emotions make us human and humane. It’s important to embrace that, but equally important to see how easily it’s used against you. You need to unlearn the reasons why you’re so easily emotional. Maybe it’s abandonment issues, maybe it’s a more deliberate conditioning in your upbringing.

对于一个长期被训练得情感丰富、易于表达的贝塔男来说，要关闭这些情感非常困难。好消息是，我并非建议你这么做，而是建议你摒弃那些轻易产生情感倾向的原因。因受伤而变得情感冷漠很容易，但当你真正感觉良好时，要重新控制住这种情感则更为艰难。我们的情感使我们成为有血有肉的人，珍视这一点至关重要，但同样重要的是认识到情感如何轻易被他人利用。你需要摒弃那些让你轻易动情的原因。或许是遗弃问题，或许是你成长过程中更为刻意的情感训练。

Remember in high school, in drivers ed class, when you were taught to turn into a skid rather than turn with the skid? When we’re driving and we find ourselves in a skid our natural impulse is to slam on the the breaks and/or, worse still, to turn with the skid. Everything in our self-preservation instincts tells us to do this, but all it does is aggravate an already precarious situation. However, when we’re taught, and we practice, not hitting the brakes and not turning into the skid, often enough we make this our default reaction and we find that the car rights itself, we avoid disaster and continue safely on down the road.

记得在高中时，在驾驶课上，老师教我们遇到侧滑时要顺着侧滑方向转弯，而不是逆着侧滑方向转弯吗？当我们开车时发现自己处于侧滑状态，本能反应往往是猛踩刹车，甚至更糟糕的是，顺着侧滑方向转弯。我们的自我保护本能告诉我们这样做，但实际上这只会加剧原本已经危险的局面。然而，当我们被教导并练习不踩刹车、不顺着侧滑方向转弯时，久而久之，这种做法会成为我们的默认反应，我们会发现车子会自行纠正，我们避免了灾难，并能安全地继续前行。

You have to unlearn the old behaviors and condition new ones in order to right your course. This takes practice and repetition – even in the face of conditions that you would impulsively think would need to be reacted to otherwise.There is no substitute for perseverance.

你必须摒弃旧有的行为模式，并培养新的习惯，以纠正你的方向。这需要练习和重复——即使在面对那些你本能认为需要立即反应的情况时也是如此。坚持不懈是无可替代的。

Changing your mind about yourself is the first step. This is actually the most difficult step for guys because most don’t want to believe they need to internalize a new way of thinking about themselves. Lethargy, for the most part, can be the primary reason most guys don’t want to change. It’s far easier to create rationales for oneself as to why they are happy in their present condition than it is to critically confront and initiate real change.

改变自我认知是第一步，对男性而言，这实际上是最具挑战的一步，因为大多数人不愿相信自己需要内化一种新的自我思考方式。大部分情况下，惰性可能是大多数男性不愿改变的主要原因。为自己创造理由，解释为何满足于现状，远比批判性地直面问题并启动真正的改变要容易得多。

Unfortunately, I can’t give you some standardized program to help you magically turn into the Man you hope to be. Only you can determine that course, but I will say this, the Man you wish to become requires you to take action. The goal posts for your own satisfaction will always keep moving away from you, and that’s a good thing. This is what inspires us to grow and mature and develop a capacity to overcome challenges. However, all this requires action on your part.

遗憾的是，我无法提供一个标准化的程序，助你神奇地蜕变成你所期望的模样。唯有你自己能决定这条道路，但我要说，你渴望成为的那个人需要你采取行动。你自我满足的目标标杆总会不断远离你，而这实为好事。正是这激励我们成长、成熟，并培养出克服挑战的能力。然而，这一切都需要你付诸行动。

You can pore through all of the advice and sift out the wisdom from this blog and the community at large, but none of it will amount to anything for you if you wont act. I can’t begin to recall all of the times I’ve counseled young guys, giving them all manner of advice and encouraging them to put it into practice, only to have them constantly bemoan that they can’t find the motivation. More often than not it takes some traumatic experience or they have to be reduced to having nothing left to lose before they’ll really have the fire lit under their asses to become more than they are.

你可以仔细研读这篇博客及整个社区的所有建议，从中提炼出智慧，但如果你不付诸行动，这一切对你都毫无意义。我无法一一回忆起曾多少次给年轻小伙子们提供各种建议，鼓励他们付诸实践，结果他们却总是哀叹找不到动力。通常情况下，只有经历了某种创伤性事件，或是到了一无所有、无路可退的境地，他们才会真正被激发出内在的火焰，从而超越现状。

I don’t consider myself a motivational speaker, but at some point you have to cross the abyss and change your mind about yourself.

我不自视为激励演讲者，但总有一天，你必须跨越深渊，改变对自己的看法。

Truth to Power

Denying the utility of Power, vilifying it’s usages, is in itself a a means of using Power. 否认权力的效用，诋毁其使用，本身就是一种运用权力的手段。

Real change works from the inside out. If you don’t change your mind about yourself you wont change anything else. Women can change their hair color, their makeup, clothes, breast size, and any number of cosmetic alteration on a whim or as they can afford them, but the constant discontent, the constant inadequecies they complain of are rooted in their self-perceptions, not how others perceive them.

真正的改变是由内而外发生的。如果你不改变对自己的看法，你就不会改变其他任何事情。女性可以随心所欲或根据经济能力改变发色、妆容、衣着、胸部大小以及进行各种整容手术，但她们不断抱怨的不满和不足，根源在于自我认知，而非他人对她们的看法。

This is an outside-in mentality; hoping the external will change the internal, and it’s just this mentality that lesser men apply to themselves – the only difference being the application. The AFC (for lack of a better term) has the same problem as the vain woman (OK, really any woman) – a lack of true self-understanding of their own problem. It’s very difficult to do self-analysis and self-criticism, particularly when it comes to questioning our own beliefs and the reasons our personalities are what they are. It’s akin to telling someone they’re not living their lives ‘correctly’ or that they’re raising their children ‘wrong’; only it’s more difficult because we’re doing the telling about ourselves to ourselves. Self-estimation (not self-esteem) NEVER happens spontaneously, there always has to be some crisis to prompt it. Anxiety, trauma and crisis are necessary catalysts to stimulate self-consciousness. A breakup, a death, a betrayal; tragically, it’s at these points in our lives that we do our best introspection, we have our ‘moments of clarity’ and yes, discover what abysmal, simpering chumps we’ve allowed ourselves to be molded into.

这是一种由外而内的思维方式；希望外部因素能改变内在，而正是这种思维方式，被那些不如我们的人应用于自身——唯一的区别在于应用的方式。AFC（暂且如此称呼）与虚荣的女性（好吧，实际上任何女性）面临着同样的问题——缺乏对自己问题的真正自我理解。进行自我分析和自我批评非常困难，尤其是在质疑我们自己的信念以及我们的性格为何如此时。这类似于告诉某人他们没有“正确”地生活，或者他们“错误”地抚养孩子；只是这更困难，因为我们是在对自己进行自我告诫。自我评估（非自尊）永远不会自发发生，总是需要某种危机来触发。焦虑、创伤和危机是激发自我意识的必要催化剂。分手、死亡、背叛；可悲的是，正是在这些人生节点上，我们进行了最深刻的内省，拥有了“清晰的时刻”，并发现我们竟允许自己被塑造成如此可悲、谄媚的懦夫。

Denial 否认

The first step to really unplugging from our preconditioning (i.e the feminine Matrix) is recognizing that this conditioning has led to the beliefs we think are integral to our personalities. The psychological term for this is called ‘ego-investment’. When a person internalizes a mental schema so thoroughly, and has become conditioned to it for so long, it becomes an integral part of their personality. So to attack the belief is to, literally, attack the person. This is why we see such a violent reaction to people’s political, religious, inter-social/inter-sexual, inter-gender, etc. expressions of belief – they perceive it as a personal attack, even when presented with irrefutable, empirical evidence that challenges the veracity of those beliefs.

真正摆脱我们预先设定的束缚（即女性矩阵）的第一步，是认识到这种设定导致了我们认为与个性密不可分的信念。心理学上称之为“自我投入”。当一个人如此彻底地内化了一种心理模式，并长期受其条件制约，它便成为其人格不可或缺的一部分。因此，攻击这种信念，实际上就是在攻击这个人。这就是为什么我们在面对人们关于政治、宗教、社会内部/性别间、性别间等的信念表达时，会看到如此激烈的反应——他们将其视为个人攻击，即便面对无可辩驳的实证证据，这些证据挑战了那些信念的真实性。

One common frustration that Game-aware Men express is how dificult it is to open an AFCs eyes as to why he’s not hooking up, why he’s not getting dates (or 2nd dates if he is), why he’s constantly getting LJBF rejections, etc., and all the flaws in what is really ego-investment internalizations. As I’m fond of saying, it’s dirty work unplugging chumps from the Matrix, and this is made all the more difficult when a person is in a catagorical state of denial.

游戏意识男人们常表达的一个挫败感是，如何让一个 AFC（平均挫败男）明白他为何无法成功搭讪、为何总是约不到会（或即使有初次约会也难有第二次）、为何屡遭 LJBF（仅限友谊）拒绝等等，以及他内心深处那些自我投资内化的种种缺陷。正如我常说的，将傻瓜从矩阵中解脱出来是件脏活，而当一个人处于绝对否认的状态时，这项任务就变得更加困难了。

People resort to denial when recognizing that the truth would destroy something they hold dear. In the case of a cheating partner, denial lets you avoid acknowledging evidence of your own humiliation. Short of catching a spouse in bed with your best friend, evidence of infidelity is usually ambiguous. It’s motivated skepticism. You’re more skeptical of things you don’t want to believe and demand a higher level of proof. Denial is unconscious, or it wouldn’t work: if you know you’re closing your eyes to the truth, some part of you knows what the truth is and denial can’t perform its protective function.

当人们意识到真相会摧毁他们珍视的事物时，往往会采取否认的态度。以伴侣出轨为例，否认使你得以回避承认自己遭受羞辱的证据。除非当场捉奸在床，否则出轨的证据通常是模糊不清的。这是一种有动机的怀疑，你对于不愿相信的事情更加怀疑，并要求更高标准的证明。否认是无意识的，否则它就无法发挥作用：如果你知道自己正对真相视而不见，那么你内心某处其实知晓真相，否认也就无法执行其保护功能了。

One thing we all struggle to protect is a positive self-image. The more important the aspect of your self-image that’s challenged by the truth, the more likely you are to go into denial. If you have a strong sense of self-worth and competence, your self-image can take hits but remain largely intact; if you’re beset by self-doubt (a hallmark of self-righteous AFC thinking), however, any acknowledgment of failure can be devastating and any admission of error painful to the point of being unthinkable. Self-justification and denial arise from the dissonance between believing you’re competent, and making a mistake, which clashes with that image. Solution: deny the mistake. Attribute it to an outside element (women won’t play by “the rules”) rather than resort to introspection (maybe I’m wrong about “the rules”?).

我们共同竭力维护的是积极自我形象。当真相挑战到你自我形象中越重要的方面，你就越可能陷入否认。若你拥有强烈的自我价值感和能力感，你的自我形象虽会受到打击但大体保持完好；然而，若你深受自我怀疑困扰（这是自以为是 AFC 思维的标志），任何对失败的承认都可能是毁灭性的，任何错误的坦白都痛苦到难以想象。自我辩护与否认源自于你认为自己有能力与犯错之间的不协调，这种冲突与你的形象相悖。解决办法：否认错误，将其归咎于外部因素（女性不遵守“规则”）而非内省（或许我对“规则”的理解有误？）。

Therefore we see AFCs tenaciously cling to a moralistic sense of purpose in their methods which is only reinforced by popular culture in our media, our music, eHarmony, our religion, etc.

因此，我们看到 AFC 们（平均水平的男性）在追求目标时，执着地坚守着一种道德主义的方法，这种执着在流行文化中得到了进一步强化，无论是在我们的媒体、音乐、eHarmony 交友平台，还是我们的宗教等领域。

Articles of Power 权力条款

The term Power has a lot of misapplied connotations to it. When we think of Powerful people, we think of influence, wealth, prestige, status and the ability to have others do our bidding – all of these are not Power. And as much as we’d like to convince ourselves that women are attracted to this Power, this is false. Because what I’ve described as aspects of Power here are really manifestations of Power. Here’s a cosmic secret revealed for you: "权力"一词承载着许多被误用的内涵。当我们想到有权势的人时，我们联想到的是影响力、财富、声望、地位以及驱使他人服从的能力——这些其实都不是真正的权力。尽管我们可能倾向于说服自己，女性会被这种权力所吸引，但这是错误的。因为我所描述的这些权力表象，实际上只是权力的体现。现在，让我为你揭示一个宇宙的秘密：

Real Power is the degree to which a person has control over their own circumstances. Real Power is the degree to which we control the directions of our lives. 真正的力量体现在一个人对其自身境遇的掌控程度。真正的力量是我们对人生方向的控制程度。

When we allow our thinking, our personality disorders and our mental schemas, combined with their accompanying behaviors, to determine the course of our decisions, we relenquish real Power. The man who succumbs, by force or by will, to the responsibilities, liabilities and accountabilities that are required of him by society, marriage, committment, family, fatherhood, career choice, etc. leaves him very little influence over the course of his own life. 当我们允许自己的思维、人格障碍和心理模式，以及伴随的行为，决定我们的决策方向时，我们便放弃了真正的力量。那个屈服于社会、婚姻、承诺、家庭、父亲身份、职业选择等所要求的责任、义务和问责的人，几乎无法掌控自己的人生轨迹。

The painter Paul Gaugin is one of history’s most powerful men. At middle age Paul was a “successful” banker, with a wife and children and by all appearances, a man of great merit and considerable wealth. Then one day Paul decided he’d had enough and wanted to paint. He left his wife, children and his money, and decided he would become a painter. He cast off his former life to live the life he chose, he had the power to assume control of it. Eventually he died in Tahiti, but not after having one of the most interesting of lives and becoming a world renowned painter. You may think, what a horrible man he was to abandon his responsibilities to selfishly pursue his own desires, but the fact remains that he had the Power within himself to do so that most men would shudder to even consider. So entrapped are we in our self-expectation and self-imposed limitations that we fail to see that we have always had the keys to our own prisons – we’re just scared shitless to use them.

画家保罗·高更，是历史上极具影响力的人物之一。中年时期的保罗，是一位“成功”的银行家，拥有妻儿，从各方面看，都是一位德高望重且相当富有的人。然而，某天保罗决定他受够了，渴望投身绘画。他抛下了妻子、孩子和财富，决心成为一名画家。他摒弃了过往的生活，选择了自己想要的人生，并拥有掌控这一切的力量。最终，他在塔希提岛离世，但在那之前，他度过了一段极为精彩的人生，并成为享誉世界的画家。你或许会认为，他是个多么可恶的人，为了自私地追求个人欲望而抛弃责任，但事实是，他拥有大多数男人连想都不敢想的力量去这么做。我们深陷于自我期待和自我设定的限制中，以至于未能意识到，我们一直握有打开自身牢笼的钥匙——只是我们害怕得要命，不敢使用它们。

This Power is the root of that all important ‘confidence’ we toss out every time we tell a 19 y.o. chump what women really want so he can get laid. It’s this ability to make our own decisions, right or wrong, and to confidently own them that separate us from “other guys.” It’s this self-guided Power that evokes a seemingly irrational confidence to Spin Plates, to assert ourselves and to be unafraid to make ourselves the PRIZE, and it’s just this Power that women want to be associated with.

这种力量是我们每次告诉一个 19 岁小伙子女性真正想要什么以便他能得手时所抛出的“自信”的根源。正是这种做出自己决定的能力，无论对错，并自信地拥有它们，将我们与“其他男人”区分开来。正是这种自我引导的力量激发了一种看似不合理的自信，去旋转盘子，去自我主张，去无所畏惧地将自己塑造成奖赏，而这正是女性想要与之关联的力量。

Lack of this Power is exactly what makes master PUAs revert to some of the most pathetic AFCs once they become involved in an LTR. They sell women on this idealization and the perception that they possess this Power only to discover the AFC insecurities these behaviors were meant to cover up once they’ve bought the act. This isn’t to devalue PUA skills as effective behavior sets, rather it’s meant to illustrate the behaviors that should be manifest as a result of effecting a real personal change. It should be that adopting a positive-masculine mental schema prompts these PUA skills as a result. Instead we have the cart before the horse in a mad rush to get that all important pussy we’ve been deprived of for so long, by masking our deficit in real Power and understanding with rote memorized PUA techniques hoping that by practicing them they’ll turn into “natural game” and we’ll mature enough to initiate a lasting personal change.

缺乏这种力量正是导致大师级 PUA 在进入长期关系（LTR）后退化为最可悲的 AFC（平均挫男）的原因。他们向女性兜售这种理想化形象，以及他们拥有这种力量的错觉，一旦女性相信了这套表演，就会发现这些行为原本是为了掩盖 AFC 的不安全感。这并不是要贬低 PUA 技巧作为有效行为集合的价值，而是旨在阐明应因真正个人变革而显现的行为。本应是采纳积极阳刚的思维模式自然而然地引发这些 PUA 技能。然而，我们却本末倒置，急切地用死记硬背的 PUA 技巧来掩饰我们在真正力量和理解上的不足，寄希望于通过练习这些技巧能转化为“自然游戏”，并促使我们成熟到足以启动持久个人变革的地步。

Have A Look

One of the hardest things to drive home for a freshly unplugged guy is their tendency towards absolutism. You can’t really blame a guy who’s been desperate for intimacy for so long to want to follow some prescribed program that will only solve his most immediate problem. “OK, what do I haffta do to get girls? Wear this? Say this? Act like so?,..” It’s exactly this type of literalistic, binary bent that makes most Plugins skeptical of the proponents of Game, and thus the veracity of Game itself.

对于一个刚脱离束缚的人来说，最难灌输的一点就是他们倾向于绝对主义。你不能真的责怪一个长期渴望亲密关系的人，希望遵循某个规定程序来解决他最迫切的问题。“好吧，我该怎么做才能吸引女孩？穿这个？说这个？表现得这样？……”正是这种字面化、二元化的倾向，使得大多数插件用户对游戏倡导者持怀疑态度，进而对游戏本身的可信度产生质疑。

Understanding the difference between Peacocking and having a style is one of these major entanglements. “Wear a funny top hat? Black nail polish? Get the fuck outta here!,..” Most guys new to Game tend to conflate the more extreme aspects of Peacocking with having a style or as Adam Carolla puts it here, having A look. This is a very awkward progression for ‘regular’ guys to make because for so long they’ve been told to Just Be Themselves. They find comfort in saying things like “I don’t want to be with a girl who doesn’t like me for who I am” yet wonder why they’re dateless virgins who’ve never kissed a girl at 29.

理解孔雀开屏与拥有个人风格之间的区别，是这些主要困惑之一。“戴一顶滑稽的高顶帽？涂黑色指甲油？滚开吧！...”大多数刚接触游戏的新手倾向于将孔雀开屏的更极端方面与拥有风格或如亚当·卡罗拉在此所说的“一种形象”混为一谈。对于“普通”男性来说，这是一个非常尴尬的转变过程，因为他们长期以来一直被教导要“做自己”。他们在说出“我不想和一个不喜欢真正的我的女孩在一起”这样的话时感到安慰，却又纳闷为何自己 29 岁了还是个没有约会经历、从未亲吻过女孩的处男。

A Look 一瞥

It’s important to have A Look. The basis of physical attraction is going to be conditional for any individual girl, but always bear in mind that A look is contextual. The archetypal “douchebag” with tats and an MMA appeal is a Look. Guyliner, black nail polish and Emo skinny jeans is a Look. The guy in a 3 piece Armani has a Look, and there are dozens more, but the point is that women are in fact like casting agents looking for the right character to fill a role.

拥有一种“形象”至关重要。对任何女孩而言，身体吸引的基础都是条件性的，但始终要记住，“形象”是具有情境性的。那种带有纹身和综合格斗魅力的典型“混蛋”形象是一种“形象”。涂着眼线、黑色指甲油以及穿着紧身牛仔裤的“情绪化”风格也是一种“形象”。身着三件套阿玛尼西装的男士同样拥有一种“形象”，这样的例子不胜枚举，但关键在于，女性实际上就像选角导演，在寻找适合角色的合适人选。

But, does “A” look really imply “any” look? Some of these men look so bizarre that it’s hard to imagine them conforming to an interesting character sought by a particular group of women. Can freakishness itself be a strong pivot in attracting women?

但是，“A”型外貌真的意味着“任何”外貌吗？这些男性中的一些人看起来如此怪异，以至于很难想象他们能符合某个特定女性群体所寻求的有趣角色。难道怪异本身就能成为吸引女性的强大因素吗？

“Freakishness” to some is mundane to others. Everyone is playing a role by order of degrees on any given day and in any given circumstance. Where I work I’m free to wear jeans and a t-shirt if I so desire, but I opt to dress much sharper than that, why? Because it commands a certain respect, even if it’s not necessarily legitimate. When I’m at a club, say, doing a new product launch, my persona and dress changes to match the environment.

“怪异”对某些人而言是寻常，对他人则不然。每个人在任何特定日子和情境下，都按程度扮演着角色。在我工作的地方，我可以随意穿着牛仔裤和 T 恤，但我选择打扮得更精致，为何？因为它能赢得某种尊重，即便未必是正当的。比如在俱乐部进行新产品发布时，我的形象和着装会随之调整以适应环境。

A guy like Mystery doesn’t go around wearing elevator boots and top hats to the 7-11 to buy a big gulp. I doubt he even wears that getup to clubs any longer; those shots were taken in his experimental phase. He still peacocks for sure, but it takes far less now because guys like him have distilled the principle down to what draws attention in various situations.

像 Mystery 这样的家伙不会穿着增高鞋和礼帽去 7-11 买大杯饮料。我怀疑他现在甚至不再穿那种装扮去夜店了；那些照片是在他的实验阶段拍摄的。他依然会通过装扮吸引眼球，但如今所需的程度已大大降低，因为像他这样的人已经将吸引注意力的原则提炼到了各种情境中。

Club hopping in full Gene Simmons stage attire isn’t impressing anyone, but that’s what a lot of guys without a Look like to poke fun at – the extremes. An extreme douchebag, an extreme Emo, an extreme Orange County Chopper style, etc. make for easy targets, but that’s not the point of having A look.

穿着全套吉恩·西蒙斯舞台装扮在夜店间穿梭并不会给人留下深刻印象，但许多没有独特风格的人却喜欢以此取笑——那些极端。极端的混蛋、极端的 Emo、极端的橙县摩托车手风格等等，都成了容易攻击的目标，但这并不是拥有独特风格的真正意义。

Peacocking 孔雀开屏

Peacocking is not a style, it is a functional PUA skill ( use of props actually). It takes a sense of style to know how to pull it off effectively, but peacocking as a skill is more about use-of-instance than it is about your overall look.

孔雀开屏并非一种风格，而是一项实用的 PUA 技巧（实际上是道具的运用）。要有效地运用这一技巧，需要一定的时尚感，但作为一项技能，孔雀开屏更侧重于场合的运用，而非整体外观。

When PUA studies were in their infancy, the idea of peacocking was pretty much a no-brainer. It’s not too hard a concept to follow since most socially intelligent people will want to set themselves apart from the mating herd. Truth be told, everyone peacocks to some degree. Just selecting a tie or a pair of shoes for an occasion may seem innocuous enough, but subconsciously you make choices and develop preferences for certain items in certain situations because you think they improve your appearance, and thus your odds for drawing attention to yourself.

在 PUA 研究初期，孔雀开屏的概念几乎是不言而喻的。这个概念并不难理解，因为大多数社交智商高的人都会想要在求偶群体中脱颖而出。事实上，每个人在某种程度上都会孔雀开屏。仅仅是为某个场合挑选一条领带或一双鞋子，看似无伤大雅，但潜意识里，你会在特定情境下做出选择，培养对某些物品的偏好，因为你认为它们能提升你的外观，从而增加吸引他人注意的几率。

The intent behind peacocking is more about having a subtle difference, or a conversation piece that draws a woman into your frame. Oddly enough (or not) I’ve found that nice expensive shoes seem to be a natural pull for some girls. This isn’t surprising considering most women’s obsession with shoes. One thing that’s important to remember is women’s sensitivity to covert subcommunication, body language, appearance, non-verbal cues, etc. In the briefest glance they’ll size one another up and come to operative conclusions about a woman’s status in their girl-hierarchy. It follows that they use the same tools with the Men they find attractive.

孔雀开屏的意图更多在于展现一种微妙的差异，或是一个能引发女性兴趣的话题，从而将她引入你的框架。奇怪的是（或并不奇怪），我发现一些女孩似乎对昂贵的好鞋有着天然的吸引力。考虑到大多数女性对鞋子的痴迷，这并不令人意外。需要记住的一点是，女性对隐性子沟通、肢体语言、外表、非言语信号等非常敏感。在短暂的目光交流中，她们就能相互评估，并就一个女性在其女性等级中的地位得出实际结论。因此，她们对吸引自己的男性也会运用同样的评判工具。

Most newly Game-aware men who are comfortable enough to venture using Peacocking don’t realize that a little goes a long way. Your Game isn’t peacocking, it’s just the flashy lure to get the fish to strike. It’s up to you to play the fish once it’s hooked.

大多数刚了解游戏并敢于尝试孔雀开屏策略的人并未意识到，适度即可事半功倍。你的游戏并非孔雀开屏本身，那只是吸引鱼儿上钩的闪亮诱饵。一旦鱼儿上钩，如何操控则全凭你的技巧。

I should add here that it sometimes helps if you can combine an element of Chick Crack to your flair item. Of all the strippers I’ve ‘dated’ every one subscribed to some form of non-mainstream spiritualism. This girl Angie I used to bang kept Tarot cards in her pink lady’s devotional Bible, another professed to be a psychic, etc. These types look for that connection in a guy. For instance I bought a very smal silver yin-yang ring that I’ve worn for almost 18 years now when I was in college. I don’t really have any eastern mystic beliefs, I just bought it from a street vendor at the time when I felt I needed a reminder to keep balance in my life. But damned if I haven’t had more women point it out and ask me about it, and have it be some karmic conversation starter since I got it. The thing is tiny, but that’s a cue that they gravitate towards.

我应该在这里补充一点，如果你能在你的魅力物品中融入一丝“小妞迷药”的元素，有时会大有裨益。在我“交往”过的所有脱衣舞女中，每一位都信奉某种非主流的灵性主义。比如，我曾交往的安吉，她将塔罗牌放在她那本粉红色的女士祈祷圣经里；另一位则自称是灵媒，等等。这类女性在寻找与男性的那种精神上的联系。举个例子，我在大学时买了一枚非常小的银质阴阳戒指，至今已佩戴了近 18 年。我并没有什么东方神秘信仰，当时只是觉得需要在生活中保持平衡，便从街边小贩那里买下了它。但自从戴上它后，确实有更多女性注意到并询问我关于它的故事，它成了开启心灵对话的契机。这戒指虽小，却是她们所倾向的信号。

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Beta Game 测试游戏

Before I launch into this proper, let me define a few terms in the fashion that I interpret them. With the popularity of Roissy’s blog and a few notable others, there’s been a new push with regards to using the terms Alpha and Beta (and sometimes Omega) when describing certain classifications of males in modern culture. Allow me to go on record as viewing these ideas as mindsets whereas terms such as AFC or DJ are really states of being. For instance, an Alpha can still be an AFC (called a ‘paper alpha’) with regards to women. A Beta male can still be as wealthy and astute in status as his conditions and fortune have placed him in (often by circumstance). Some states necessitate certain mindsets – a positive masculine state requires an Alpha mindset as a requirement – others do not. Also, don’t make the mistake of associating success (personal and career) with an Alpha mindset. There are plenty of Alphas on hotchickswithdouchebags.com, however that doesn’t necessarily make them well rounded individuals. I tend to think of the ideas Alpha and Beta as subconscious energies or attitudes that manifest themselves in our thoughts, beliefs and actions.

在我正式展开讨论之前，让我先以我的理解方式定义几个术语。随着 Roissy 博客及其他一些知名博客的流行，关于在现代文化中使用 Alpha、Beta（有时是 Omega）等术语来描述男性分类的新趋势应运而生。我在此声明，我将这些概念视为心态，而像 AFC 或 DJ 这样的术语则更像是存在状态。例如，一个 Alpha 男性在女性面前仍可能是一个 AFC（被称为“纸面 Alpha”）。Beta 男性则可能因其条件和运气而拥有相当的财富和地位上的精明（通常是出于偶然）。某些状态需要特定的心态——积极的男性状态需要 Alpha 心态作为前提——而其他则不然。此外，不要错误地将成功（个人和职业）与 Alpha 心态挂钩。hotchickswithdouchebags.com 上不乏 Alpha 男性，但这并不意味着他们就是全面发展的人。我倾向于将 Alpha 和 Beta 视为潜意识中的能量或态度，它们在我们的思想、信念和行动中得以体现。

Beta Game 测试游戏

Alright now, with this in mind I’d like to propose the idea of Beta Game. Since we’re using the Alpha and Beta terminology here, it’s important to grasp where it comes from. Anyone with even a cursory understanding about animal social hierarchies knows the principal of Alpha and Beta individuals within a social collective. Alphas tend to be the males who exhibit the best genetic characteristics and behavioral skills that put them at the top of the potential breeding pool. In fact Betas are rarely mentioned as such in scientific studies; the Beta term, in PUA lingo is really something of a novelty. Relating these terms to human social interactions, while at times a subjective stretch, isn’t to hard to find parallels in. We can see the similarity, and the applications in long term and short term breeding methodologies that mirror our own.

好了，考虑到这一点，我想提出“Beta 游戏”的概念。既然我们在这里使用 Alpha 和 Beta 的术语，理解其来源至关重要。任何对动物社会等级有初步了解的人都知道，社会集体中存在 Alpha 和 Beta 个体的主要原则。Alpha 通常是那些展现出最佳遗传特征和行为技能的雄性，使它们位于潜在繁殖池的顶端。事实上，Beta 在科学研究中很少被如此提及；在 PUA 术语中，Beta 一词实际上是一种新奇的说法。将这些术语与人类社会互动联系起来，虽然有时显得主观牵强，但不难找到相似之处。我们可以看到相似性，以及在长期和短期繁殖方法中与我们自身相映成趣的应用。

Like any other Beta animal, alternate methodologies had to be developed in order to facilitate human breeding under the harsh conditions of Alpha competition. In essence, and as found in the wild, Beta males have developed (evolved?) methods which attempt to ‘poach’ potential females from an Alpha’s harem, or at least in this case his perceived, potential harem.

与其他贝塔动物一样，为了在阿尔法竞争的严酷条件下促进人类繁殖，必须开发替代方法。本质上，正如在野外所发现的，贝塔雄性已经发展（进化？）出方法，试图从阿尔法的后宫中“偷猎”潜在的雌性，或者至少在这种情况下，从他感知到的潜在后宫中。

Identification 识别

Beta male game focuses primarily on identifying and assimilating themselves to be more like the women they hope to connect with, but it goes further than this. The methodology dictates that the Beta be perceived as being unique (or at least set apart) from the more “common” Alpha males whom his desired women naturally prefer. This is the beginning of the “not-like-other-guys” mental schema he hopes to evoke in his idealized woman.

贝塔男游戏主要关注于识别并同化自己，以更像他们希望与之建立联系的女性，但这远不止于此。该方法论要求贝塔男被视为独特（或至少与众不同），与那些他心仪女性自然偏爱的“普通”阿尔法男区分开来。这是他希望在其理想化女性心中唤起的“与众不同”心理模式的起点。

Due to his inability to compete with an Alpha competitor in the physical, he must fight a psychological battle on his own terms. This involves convincing his target that her best parental investment should be with him (as per her stated requirements) as he more closely embodies her long term prerequisites. The Beta likens himself to her (and women in general) in an effort to maximize his compatibility and familiarity with her and the feminine.

由于在体能上无法与阿尔法竞争者抗衡，他必须在心理层面按自己的条件展开较量。这包括说服目标对象，她最佳的亲职投资应投向他（根据她所陈述的要求），因为他更符合她的长期需求。贝塔男将自己比作她（及一般女性），以最大化与她及女性的兼容性和熟悉度。

This identification process is then further reinforced through the feminine social conventions he subscribes to. Feminine society (both beta men and women) rewards him for more closely assimilating its ideal – be more like an archetypal woman; sensitive, empathic, emotional, security-seeking, etc.. And not only this, but take de facto feminine offense when presented with anything to the contrary of a female-positive perspective. Lift women up, become less so they become more, and in reciprocation she’s more apt to breed with the Beta.

这一身份认同过程通过他所遵循的女性社会规范进一步强化。女性社会（包括贝塔男性和女性）奖励他更接近其理想形象——更像一个典型的女性；敏感、富有同理心、情感丰富、寻求安全感等。不仅如此，当面对任何与女性积极视角相悖的事物时，他还会实际表现出女性的反感。抬高女性，让自己变得不那么突出，以便她们更加闪耀，作为回报，她更倾向于与贝塔男繁衍后代。

That’s the principle, not necessarily the reality. In some ways it’s a Cap’n Save a Ho mentality written on a grand scale. The fallacy in this of course is that like should attract like. They fail to understand that opposites attract, and most women don’t want to marry other women, least of all a carbon copy of herself.

这是原则，未必是现实。在某些方面，它是一种大规模书写的“拯救失足女”心态。当然，这种谬误在于同类相吸。他们未能理解异性相吸，大多数女性并不想嫁给其他女性，更不用说与自己如出一辙的人了。

Disqualification 取消资格

When presented with a competitor of superior status, both sex’s innate, subconscious reaction is to disqualify that competitor from breeding in as expedient a method as possible. For animals this usually involves some kind of courtship performance or outright competitive hostility. And while the same could be said for human beings, our natural social impulse requires we take a bit more tact. “Look at that girl, she must be a slut to wear / act like that”, or “Yeah, he’s pretty good looking, but guys like that are usually fags” are an example of the standard social weapons people use to disqualify their respective sex. Disqualify the competitor on the most base level – question their sexuality. Literally cast doubt on competitor’s sexual fitness to breed with potential mates.

当面对地位更高的竞争对手时，两性天生的潜意识反应是尽快以最便捷的方式将其排除在繁殖之外。对于动物而言，这通常涉及某种求偶表演或直接的竞争敌意。虽然人类亦然，但我们的自然社交冲动要求我们采取更为圆滑的方式。“看那个女孩，她穿成/那样，一定是荡妇”，或“是啊，他挺帅的，但那种男人通常是同性恋”，这些是人们用来排除异性的标准社交手段。在最基本的层面上排除竞争对手——质疑他们的性取向。实际上是对竞争对手与潜在伴侣繁殖能力的性适应性提出质疑。

While most men (Alpha or Beta) will make similar attempts to disqualify, the Beta’s methodology ties back into his need for feminine identification in his disqualifying a competitor. Essentially he relies on feminine ways of disqualification by drawing upon his likeness to the women he hopes to emulate (thus furthering potential attraction as he thinks). The competitor may not be gay, but he must be cast as inferior to himself due to his competitor’s inability (or lessened ability) to identify and empathize with his desired female.

尽管大多数男性（无论阿尔法还是贝塔）都会尝试让对手失去资格，但贝塔男的方法论与其在让对手失去资格时需要女性认同的需求紧密相关。本质上，他依赖于女性化的让对手失去资格的方式，通过借鉴他希望模仿的女性特质（从而他认为这会进一步增加潜在的吸引力）。对手可能并非同性恋，但他必须被视为因无法（或能力减弱）识别和同情他心仪的女性而比自己低劣。

With Alpha competitors, the field has already been plowed for him by feminine social conventions, all he need do is plant the seeds. The fact that the Alpha tends to embody the masculine opposite of what he’s embraced also feeds this drive. Women aren’t attracted to the macho tough guy, they want a man who’s kind and thoughtful; a good listener. So the natural recourse is to amplify this disparity – he’s a 1950’s neanderthal throwback, he’s “bitter”, he’s a misogynist, he’s a child in a man’s body with a fragile ego only interested in fucking women and moving on. He’s unlike anything on women’s collective stated list of prerequisites for an acceptable male. He must be ridiculed – as all women ridicule – for his selfish hyper-masculinity.

在 Alpha 竞争者面前，女性社交惯例已为他铺平了道路，他只需播下种子。Alpha 往往体现了他所拥抱的男性对立面，这一事实也助长了他的动力。女性并不被粗犷的硬汉所吸引，她们渴望的是一个善良体贴、善于倾听的男人。因此，自然的反应是放大这种差异——他是 20 世纪 50 年代的原始人回归，他“苦涩”，他是厌女者，他是身体成熟但心智幼稚、自尊脆弱，只对玩弄女性并迅速抽身感兴趣。他与女性集体公认的合格男性标准格格不入。他必须被嘲笑——正如所有女性所嘲笑的那样——因为他自私的超男性气质。

Furthermore, the Beta needs to make the Alpha seem common, while making himself seem unique. In order to effectively AMOG an Alpha, the Beta has to show his empathy for the feminine, and she must appreciate it or it’s been all for nothing (which it usually is). Not only is this an ego preservation mechanism, but it’s also perceived as a tool for achieving the desired sexual reciprocation / appreciation he desires.

此外，贝塔需要让阿尔法显得普通，同时让自己显得独特。为了有效地压制阿尔法，贝塔必须表现出对女性的同理心，而她必须对此表示欣赏，否则一切努力都将白费（通常确实如此）。这不仅是一种自我保护机制，还被视为获取所期望的性互惠/欣赏的工具。

Interpretation 口译

All of this really just scratches the surface of how Beta game has evolved. I’m sure there’ll be more input as to different methods that Betas use to facilitate breeding – sexual fetishes / preferences come to mind. I will add though that all of these methods come back to a common root; the need to breed under the duress of competition. Most of what I’ve gone into here, and primarily the feminine identity association, become ego-invested and internalized over the course of a lifetime. It gets to the point that under the auspices of relative anonymity (like the internet) that the Beta will still cling to his mental model, even in the face of very rational, empirical evidence to the contrary, for no other reason than that a woman, a potential mate with whom he could identify, might read his post and may become attracted to him. The Game is never dropped for him, even in light of proving his errors. Beta game is like the boy who decides to play on the girls team when a boys vs. girls kick ball game is started. He thinks it will endear himself to them, when all it really does is make him another girlfriend to giggle with.

这一切实际上只是触及了 Beta 游戏演变的表面。我确信，随着不同方法的输入，Beta 们如何促进繁殖的讨论将更加深入——性癖好/偏好浮现在脑海。不过，所有这些方法都归结于一个共同根源：在竞争压力下繁殖的需求。我在这里探讨的大部分内容，尤其是女性身份的关联，随着一生中的积累，变得自我投入并内化。在相对匿名的庇护下（如互联网），Beta 仍会坚持他的心理模型，即便面对非常理性、实证的反面证据，也别无他因，只因一位女性，一位他可能认同的潜在伴侣，可能会读到他的帖子并被他吸引。游戏对他而言从未放下，即便在证明其错误之后。Beta 游戏就像男孩决定在男孩对女孩的踢球游戏中加入女孩队伍。他以为这会赢得她们的欢心，但实际上只是多了个一起傻笑的女朋友。

Everyone has a Game in some respect. We don’t live in a vacuum, our ideas about seduction (in whatever form) is influenced and / or learned externally. The validity of that Game may be more or less effective, but at some point a man is going to adapt to a methodology of seduction as per his conditions and environment warrant. Even mPUAs still need to adapt their Game for differing environments – different clubs, types of women, socio-economic levels, countries, etc. – there needs to be adaptation and improvisation. The same applies for Betas, but the disparity is that the Beta tends to think of a one size fits all approach. For all the complaints of worry about the Game community turning into scripted ‘social robots’, it’s actually the Beta who adopts a far more embedded script and is less likely to variate from it. Betas tend to stick with what worked for them, what was reinforced for them, in the past.

在某种程度上，每个人都有自己的游戏。我们并非生活在真空中，我们对诱惑（无论何种形式）的观念受到外界的影响和/或学习。这种游戏的有效性可能或多或少，但在某些时候，一个男人会根据他的条件和环境来适应诱惑的方法。即使是 mPUA（大师级诱惑者）也需要为不同的环境调整他们的游戏——不同的俱乐部、女性类型、社会经济水平、国家等——需要适应和即兴发挥。贝塔（Beta）也是如此，但不同的是，贝塔往往认为一种方法适用于所有情况。尽管有人担心游戏社区会变成按剧本行事的“社交机器人”，但实际上，贝塔更倾向于采用更为固定的剧本，并且不太可能从中变化。贝塔往往坚持过去对他们有效、被强化的方法。

Rewriting the Rules 重塑规则

Women would rather share a successful Man than be attached to a faithful loser – Pook

女人宁愿分享一个成功的男人，也不愿依附于一个忠诚的失败者——Pook

One of the most common things I’m asked on SS is “how do you keep a marriage fresh Rollo?” Among my responses to this is usually how, contrary to the advice column Oprah-standard answer, a good relationship should be effortless. All of this “marriage is a constant work” is bullshit meant to keep a husband in a constant state of qualifying for his wife’s intimacy intended for her long term frame retention. Women in marriage and LTRs want to push past that nagging competition anxiety, they want security, not just financial, but emotional, and the security that comes from a locked in commitment in knowing they are the only source of sex & intimacy for their spouse/partner.

在 SS 上，最常被问到的问题之一是：“Rollo，你是如何保持婚姻的新鲜感的？”我的回答通常是，与奥普拉式的建议专栏答案相反，一段良好的关系应该是毫不费力的。所有这些“婚姻需要不断努力”的说法都是胡扯，目的是让丈夫始终处于为妻子的亲密关系而努力的状态，以保持她长期的框架保留。已婚和长期关系中的女性想要摆脱那种持续的竞争焦虑，她们想要安全感，不仅是经济上的，还有情感上的，以及从锁定承诺中获得的安全感，即她们是配偶/伴侣唯一的性爱与亲密来源。

Pre-Commitment to Commitment 从预承诺到承诺

One of the reasons sexual frequency declines for women after a romantic commitment is that the urgency of sex that was necessary prior to the commitment is replaced with the agency of sex being a reward / reinforcer within that LTR. In single, uncommitted, non-exclusive life, sex, while being very enjoyable, becomes a proving ground for most women. In essence, it’s the free samples before the buy, and its urgency is fueled not only by (hopefully) genuine attraction, but also the at least subconscious knowing that she is in a sexual marketplace of competition. It’s one of the few times in life when a woman must qualify for a man’s approval. And admittedly, most men are so sex-deprived or so inexperienced early on in life that the sell is usually not a tough one for her. However, on some level of consciousness, even when the sell is virtually assured, she is aware that she could be replaced by a better competitor.

浪漫承诺后女性性频率下降的原因之一是，承诺前必要的性紧迫感被长期关系中性作为奖励/强化物的自主性所取代。在单身、未承诺、非独占的生活中，尽管性非常愉悦，但对大多数女性而言，它成为了一个证明的场所。本质上，这是购买前的免费样品，其紧迫性不仅由（希望是）真正的吸引力驱动，还至少潜意识地知道她处于一个充满竞争的性市场中。这是女性一生中必须争取男性认可的少数时刻之一。诚然，大多数男性在生命早期如此性匮乏或缺乏经验，以至于她的推销通常并不困难。然而，在某种意识层面，即使推销几乎确定成功，她仍意识到自己可能被更优秀的竞争者取代。

This then is the contrast for committed sexual interaction. The dynamic now shifts from qualification sex to utility sex. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, yes, sex is still enjoyable, it can still be passionate, and she can definitely want it, but the impetus shifts. Sex is now a tool. In her uncommitted sex life it was a tool for qualification; in her LTR life it’s a tool for compliance. This is pretty obvious, and it may be more or less extreme depending upon the woman’s disposition or how important a particular issue is to her, but make no mistake, there isn’t a woman on the planet who doesn’t take her sexual agency into account when dealing with her LTR / husband. That agency may be more or less valuable – dependent upon her looks, demeanor, sexual availability, etc. – in comparison to the sexual market value of the man she’s paired with.

这就是承诺性行为的对比。动态从资格性行为转变为实用性行为。在任何人急于下结论之前，是的，性行为仍然令人愉悦，仍然可以充满激情，她当然也可能渴望它，但动力发生了转变。性行为现在是一种工具。在她未承诺的性生活中，它是资格的工具；在她长期关系的生活中，它是服从的工具。这一点相当明显，而且根据女性的性格或某个特定问题对她的重要性，这种转变或多或少会显得极端，但请不要怀疑，地球上没有一个女人在处理她的长期关系/丈夫时不会考虑她的性自主权。这种自主权或多或少有价值——取决于她的外貌、举止、性可得性等——与她所配对的男性的性市场价值相比。

And this is where the Cardinal Rule of Relationships plays in. This is the constant interplay of vying for who is more dependent upon the other. Women have for the past 50+ years made a concerted effort, and using social conventions, to establish their sexuality as the end-all for men in power. Vagina = Authority and this is what all too many men parrot back and self-reinforce. “Change, do it, sublimate your desires, or there wont be any nookie for you tonight mister!” And on the surface it seems intuitive to ‘keep the peace’ and finish all the things on her honey-do list in the hopes that she’ll recover even a fraction of the desire she had when you were single, childless and getting blow jobs in the car after a date because she couldn’t wait to get home to fuck you.

这就是关系中的基本法则发挥作用的地方。这是双方不断争夺谁更依赖对方的过程。过去 50 多年来，女性通过社会规范，共同努力，将她们的性吸引力确立为权力男性不可或缺的要素。阴道即权威，这是太多男性不假思索地重复并自我强化的观念。“改变，照做，压抑你的欲望，否则今晚先生你就别想有鱼水之欢了！”表面上看，为了“维持和平”，完成她所有的待办事项，期望她能恢复哪怕一丝你们单身、无孩、约会后在车里就能得到口交时她对你的渴望，似乎是合乎直觉的。

The Upper Hand 上风

Well LTR gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that, yes, you do in fact have an intrinsic upper hand in this regard if you’re fearless and willing to exercise your power. What I described in the last paragraph seems to be the most intuitive – do what she says = get sex – so it should come as no shock that the answer to it is counterintuitive. You must find ways to, subtly, return back to the state of competition anxiety she had in the beginning. I emphasize subtly, because, as with most everything else female, doing so overtly will be met with hostility, resentment and at best, obligated compliance. To get more (any?) sex, to retain the frame, to inspire more respect in her, you must disengage from her. That doesn’t mean becoming arrogantly aloof, or sulking like a child, or becoming an instant asshole; those are OVERT signs and methods. What is needed is incremental reassertion of yourself as the primary AND that her sexual agency, while still welcomed, is not a motivator for your own decisions.

好吧，各位左先生们，我来告诉你们，是的，如果你无所畏惧并愿意行使你的权力，你在这方面确实拥有内在的优势。我在上一段中描述的情况似乎是最直观的——按她说的做=得到性——所以对此的答案是反直觉的，这应该不会让人感到惊讶。你必须找到方法，巧妙地，让她重新回到最初那种竞争焦虑的状态。我强调巧妙，因为，就像大多数其他女性相关的事情一样，如果公然这样做，将会遭到敌意、怨恨，最多也只能得到勉强的服从。为了获得更多（甚至任何）性，保持框架，激发她更多的尊重，你必须与她保持距离。这并不意味着变得傲慢冷漠，或像孩子一样闹情绪，或瞬间变成一个混蛋；这些都是明显的迹象和方法。需要的是逐步重新确立你作为主导者的地位，并且她的性自主权，虽然仍然受到欢迎，但不应成为你自身决策的动机。

I’m fond of saying no vagina is worth years of regret, yet this is exactly where most men find themselves, because they are either unwilling or unable to rock the vagina boat. They fail to understand that a woman’s imagination is the most powerful tool in the Don Juan toolbox. Now, the deductive and obvious way of stimulating that imagination would be to blurt out and say “look bitch, your pussy’s not made of gold and there are plenty of other girls ready to polish my nob if you don’t straighten up, see?” And this of course is met with either resistance or shame from her. What serves a Man better is to make incremental changes in himself that she will perceive as attractive to other women. Women want to be with Men who other women want to fuck, and other men want to be, but this cuts both ways. The more empowered he becomes, the better physical shape he attains, the more professional achievements he gathers, the more social proof and status he accrues, the more valuable he makes himself, the more anxiety is produce – and this is anxiety she can’t argue with.

我喜欢说，没有哪个阴道值得多年的悔恨，但大多数男人恰恰陷入了这种境地，因为他们要么不愿意，要么无法撼动那艘“阴道之舟”。他们未能理解，女人的想象力是唐璜工具箱中最强大的工具。现在，激发这种想象力的直接而明显的方式，就是脱口而出：“听着，贱人，你的下面不是金子做的，还有很多其他女孩愿意为我服务，如果你不端正态度，明白吗？”当然，这往往会遭到她的反抗或羞辱。对一个男人更有益的是，在他自己身上做出渐进式的改变，让她觉得这些改变对其他女人也具有吸引力。女人希望与那些其他女人想与之发生关系、其他男人想成为的男人在一起，但这同样适用于双方。他越有力量，身体状态越好，职业成就越多，社会认可和地位越高，他为自己创造的价值就越大，由此产生的焦虑——这种焦虑是她无法反驳的。

One of the first things I tell men trapped in a ‘her-frame’ relationship is to get to the gym, train hard, look better. This has two effects; first it makes her interest in fucking increase, and second it fires up that imagination. “Why is he doing this? He’s really looking better these days, I see it, other women must see it too. Maybe I need to start working out? Gosh those girls at the gym look so much better than me.” She can’t argue with a healthy desire to look better, feel better, and be concerned with your health. Getting in better shape is the easiest, most immediate change you can effect. You may have little influence in getting a promotion at work, but you CAN change your body habitus right now. Women, being the calculating gender, know all too well to hit the gym months prior to a break up – she’s not getting in shape for you, she’s getting ready to hit the ground running with the next guy she’ll be fucking. They know this, so your manifesting the same behavior ‘caffeinates the hamster’ since it hits home for them.

我告诉那些陷入“她主导”关系中的男人首先要做的第一件事就是去健身房，努力锻炼，让自己看起来更好。这会产生两个效果：首先，这会让她对你的性趣增加；其次，这会激发她的想象力。“他为什么要这么做？他最近真的看起来更好了，我看得出来，其他女人肯定也注意到了。也许我也该开始锻炼了？天哪，那些在健身房的女人们看起来比我好多了。”她无法反驳对变得更美、感觉更好以及关注健康的渴望。改善体型是最简单、最直接的变化。你可能在工作晋升上影响力有限，但你可以立即改变你的体态。女性作为精于计算的性别，深知在分手前几个月去健身房锻炼的重要性——她不是为了你而健身，而是为了在下一段关系中与下一个男人上床时做好准备。她们明白这一点，所以你表现出同样的行为会“刺激她的思考”，因为这对她们来说触动很深。

Vagina is not authority 阴道不是权威

Don’t accept that her sexuality is the authority of the relationship. The better you make yourself the more authority you command, the more you abdicate to her the less authority (and respect) you command. Women need to be told “NO”, in fact they want you to tell them “NO”, especially in light of the 800 pound gorilla in the room – her sexual agency. When a woman controls the LTR frame with her vagina, it’s always going to color your dealings with her. THIS IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE. It becomes this ever-present, unspoken understanding that she can ultimately play the pussy card and you’ll comply. And while this may gratify her in the short term, you will lose her respect in the long term. She wants to be told “NO” in spite of you knowing she’s going to hold out on you. This is the ultimate repudiation of her sexual agency – “if he says “NO” with the foreknowledge that you know you wont be getting any, her sexual powers are devalued.” If her sexual agency is called into question it leaves room for doubt and opens the door once again for competition anxiety to creep back in.

不要接受她的性取向成为关系中的权威。你越是提升自己，就越能掌握更多的权威；你越是向她让步，就越会失去权威（和尊重）。女性需要被说“不”，事实上她们希望你告诉她们“不”，尤其是在房间里那只 800 磅的大猩猩——她的性自主权面前。当一个女人用她的阴道控制长期关系框架时，这总会影响你与她的交往。这不是一种长久的生活方式。这会形成一种持续存在、心照不宣的共识：她最终可以打出“性牌”，而你会顺从。尽管这可能在短期内让她满足，但从长远来看，你会失去她的尊重。她希望被说“不”，尽管你知道她会因此对你有所保留。这是对她性自主权的终极否定——“如果他明知你不会得到任何回报，却依然说‘不’，她的性力量就被贬低了。”如果她的性自主权受到质疑，就会留下疑虑的空间，再次为竞争焦虑的侵入敞开大门。

As I’ve said before, marriage is no insulation against the sexual marketplace, and no one knows this better than women who can rely on a society that rewards them for recognizing it. Use that to YOUR benefit now. Nothing is as simultaneously fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value. This is precisely why a feminized culture must continually confuse him, continually inspire doubt and humiliate him; feminization can’t afford men knowing their true value and potential.

正如我之前所说，婚姻并不能使你免受性市场的影响，对此没有人比那些能依靠社会奖励她们认清这一点的女性更清楚。现在，利用这一点为你自己谋利。对女性而言，没有什么比一个她怀疑对自己价值有自知之明的男人更令人既畏惧又兴奋的了。这正是为什么一个女性化的文化必须不断混淆他，不断引发怀疑并羞辱他；女性化无法承受男性了解他们真正的价值和潜力。

In the end, who cares if you don’t get laid for a week? It’s well worth the price for increasing her respect for you as a commodity, and increasingly, an authority. If you want to maintain that anxiety, you must perpetuate yourself as being a commodity women will compete for, even in the confines of commitment.

最终，谁在乎你一周没有性生活？为了提升她对你的尊重，将其视为一种商品，并逐渐成为权威，这个代价是值得的。如果你想保持这种焦虑，你必须让自己成为女性即使在承诺的约束下也会竞争的商品。

The Pheromonal Beta 信息素贝塔

You choke the chicken before any big date, don’t you?

你在大约会前会先解决一下个人问题，对吧？

Anyone who’s seen Something About Mary is pretty familiar with the now classic ‘Hair Gel’ incident.

看过《情迷玛丽》的人对如今经典的“发胶”事件应该相当熟悉。

Dom: You choke the chicken before any big date, don’t you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn’t flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That’s like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that’s why you’re nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you’ve had sex with a girl, and you’re lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you’re not, why?

多姆：你在任何重要约会前都会“掐鸡”，对吧？告诉我，你在任何重要约会前都会“拍猴”。哦，天哪，他不会在重要约会前“鞭打海豚”。你疯了吗？那就像带着一把上了膛的枪出去！当然，这就是你紧张的原因。哦，我亲爱的朋友，请坐，请坐。听着，嗯，在你和女孩发生关系后，你和她躺在床上，你会紧张吗？不，你不会，为什么？

Ted: Cause I’m tired… 泰德：因为我累了……

Dom: Wrong! It’s ’cause you ain’t got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will fuck you’re head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his load – now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you’re no longer trying to get laid, you’re actually… you’re thinking like a girl, and girls love that.

多姆：错了！那是因为你脑子里不再想着那些婴儿浆糊了！天哪，那玩意儿会把你脑子搞乱的！听着，一个男人一生中最诚实的时刻就是他射完后的那几分钟——这可是医学事实。原因在于，你不再试图上床，你实际上……你在像女孩一样思考，而女孩们喜欢这样。

Even if you’ve never seen the film, it’s likely you’re at least peripherally aware of the Beta Game principle Dom is explaining here. Can you spot the inconsistency?

即使你从未看过这部电影，你可能至少对多姆在这里解释的 Beta 游戏原则有所耳闻。你能发现其中的不一致之处吗？

“.. you’re thinking like a girl, and girls love that.” No, they don’t. Sorry Dom, they want a loaded gun.

“……你像女孩一样思考，女孩们喜欢那样。”不，她们不喜欢。抱歉，多姆，她们想要的是一把装满子弹的枪。

Desexualization as Game is one of the primary mistakes betas make. This is the ‘Something About Mary’ effect; the presumption that your biological impulse to desire sex is a hinderance to getting sex. From a rational standpoint this is ridiculous, but betas eat this idea up because it dovetails nicely into their misguided sexual conditioning that assumes like attracts like – identify more with the feminine to be more attractive to the feminine. Watching this movie is like an effort in deconstructing all the Beta Game tenets of the past 40 years.

去性化作为游戏是贝塔们常犯的主要错误之一。这就是“关于玛丽”效应；假设你对性的生物冲动是获得性的障碍。从理性的角度来看，这是荒谬的，但贝塔们却对此深信不疑，因为它与他们错误的性教育观念相吻合，即认为相似吸引相似——更多地认同女性特质以更吸引女性。观看这部电影就像是在努力解构过去 40 年来的贝塔游戏原则。

I apologize for not having the sources to site for this, but I can remember reading case studies on the bio-chemical effect of human sexual interaction doing grad work in college. I believe they were done by Dr. Martie Hasselton, but they outlined the endorphin and hormonal profiles present in healthy adults bloodstream’s while in various phases of attraction, arousal, pre-sex and post-sex interaction between couples. The most dramatic one to look up is the similarities in the chemical properties of dopamine and heroin for people experiencing “love” or “infatuation” depending on who’s doing the study.

我为无法提供相关资料来源而道歉，但我记得在大学攻读研究生期间读过关于人类性互动生物化学效应的案例研究。我相信这些研究是由 Martie Hasselton 博士完成的，它们详细描述了健康成年人在不同吸引、兴奋、前戏和后戏阶段，血液中内啡肽和激素的分布情况。最引人注目的是，研究显示，当人们经历“爱情”或“迷恋”时，多巴胺与海洛因在化学性质上的相似性，具体取决于研究者的角度。

Even more fascinating is the effects hormones play on portions of men’s brains when assessing sexual cues in a potential sex partner. Healthy testosterone levels literally causes men to perceive women as sexual objects; stimulating the same portions of our brains used for cognitive problem solving. However, testosterone is mitigated by oxytocin, the hormone secreted just post orgasm. While testosterone is responsible for sex drive and aggressive impulses (not to mention muscular development, deepening of voice and hair growth), oxytocin is linked to feelings of nurturing, trust, and comfort. Oxytocin is believed to be a primary influence in post-sex, and post pregnancy, emotional attachment in women who produce the hormone in much higher amounts than men. Postpartum depression is actually a withdrawal symptom triggered by the decrease in oxytocin (and progesterone) in post-birth women.The effect of post-orgasm oxytocin in men is similar to women, however in men it is also serves as a buffering agent to heightened dopamine and testosterone levels.

更引人入胜的是激素在男性大脑评估潜在性伴侣的性暗示时所起的作用。健康的睾酮水平实际上会让男性将女性视为性对象；刺激我们大脑中用于认知问题解决的相同区域。然而，睾酮受到催产素的调节，催产素是在高潮后分泌的激素。虽然睾酮负责性欲和攻击性冲动（更不用说肌肉发育、声音加深和毛发生长），但催产素与养育、信任和舒适感有关。催产素被认为是女性在性行为后和产后情感依恋的主要影响因素，因为女性产生的催产素量远高于男性。产后抑郁症实际上是由于产后女性体内催产素（和孕酮）水平下降而引发的戒断症状。男性高潮后催产素的影响与女性相似，但在男性中，它还充当高多巴胺和睾酮水平的缓冲剂。

Oxytocin plays a critical part in regulating a man’s testosterone levels. Just post-orgasm, the human body flushes oxytocin into the bloodstream to balance out the endorphin and dopamine high of sexual arousal. While this hormone promotes feelings of trust and comfort in men, it also serves to ‘calm the guy down’ sexually. Oxytocin is a testosterone buffer in men, thus resulting in you going limp for a while after busting a nut. From an evolutionary perspective this makes sense in that it ensures the sperm deposited stays in a woman’s vagina, thus increasing fertility odds, instead of being shoveled out by a still erect penis. Not only that, but oxytocin serves as a ‘pair bonding’ hormone in that it fosters feelings of protective trust in men. Oxytocin discharge in humans is also triggered by pheromonal and environmental prompts.

催产素在调节男性睾酮水平中起着关键作用。性高潮后，人体会迅速将催产素注入血液，以平衡性兴奋带来的内啡肽和多巴胺高峰。尽管这种激素能促进男性产生信任感和舒适感，但它也在性方面起到“让男人冷静下来”的作用。催产素是男性的睾酮缓冲剂，因此射精后你会暂时疲软。从进化角度看，这合乎情理，因为它确保了精子留在女性阴道内，从而提高受孕几率，而不是被仍然勃起的阴茎排出。不仅如此，催产素还作为“配对结合”激素，激发男性产生保护性的信任感。人类催产素的释放还受到信息素和环境因素的触发。

In addition to all of this, there’s the role that pheromones play in regard to sexual attraction and arousal. You can google these, but there are several pheromonal studies that indicate that men with differing scents from those of women tend to attract opposite scents in women. From an evolutionary perspective the conclusion drawn is one that people of similar genus or genotype (i.e. blood related family members) will be less aroused sexually by persons of the their own genotype, thus ensuring biodiversity (nature’s prevention plan against inbreeding). However in the same “sweaty t-shirt” studies, the perspiration of men with higher testosterone levels were deemed more sexually viable or arousing by women than men with lower T levels.

除了上述所有因素，信息素在性吸引和性唤起中的作用也不容忽视。你可以通过谷歌搜索这些信息，但有几项信息素研究表明，与女性气味不同的男性往往更能吸引女性。从进化的角度来看，得出的结论是，具有相似属或基因型（即血缘相关的家庭成员）的人对与自己基因型相同的人性唤起程度较低，从而确保了生物多样性（自然防止近亲繁殖的策略）。然而，在同样的“汗湿 T 恤”研究中，女性认为睾酮水平较高的男性汗液更具性吸引力或更易唤起，相比之下，睾酮水平较低的男性则不然。

You can attribute whatever legitimacy you want to studies like this, but the evidence points to higher testosterone levels as playing an influential part in sexual attraction. Also bear in mind that pheromones influence women living in close proximity to each other to synchronize their menstrual cycles – another evolutionary mechanism believed to ensure fertility and communal support for social animals.

你可以赋予这类研究你想要的任何合法性，但证据表明，较高的睾酮水平在性吸引力中起着重要作用。还要记住，信息素会影响生活在彼此附近的女性的月经周期同步——这是另一种进化机制，被认为能确保社会动物的生育能力和群体支持。

The Pheromonal Beta 信息素贝塔

From a bio-mechanical perspective, the indication is that men who consistently masturbate are essentially broadcasting their status as Pheromonal Betas – and women’s bio-chemical mechanics subconsciously registers this for them. Higher testosterone males manifest their sexual viability in both sexual assertiveness and scent. If you are chronically depleted of testosterone, and/or subjected to the calming effects of oxytocin your sexual viability is at a disadvantage. In fact, from an evolutionary standpoint, the beta males of our feral hunter-gatherer beginnings would be more prone to masturbation as a sexual release since, theoretically, they would’ve had less access to breeding opportunities than Alpha males. It would then follow that definitive, subconscious behavioral and chemical cues would evolve to aid females in selecting the best mate for parental investment.

从生物力学的角度来看，有迹象表明，那些持续自慰的男性实际上是在向外界传递他们作为信息素贝塔的信号——而女性的生物化学机制会潜意识地对此进行识别。高睾酮水平的男性通过性主动性和气味来展现他们的性活力。如果你长期睾酮水平低下，或受到催产素的镇静作用，你的性活力就会处于劣势。事实上，从进化的角度来看，我们野性狩猎采集时代的贝塔男性更倾向于通过自慰来释放性欲，因为理论上，他们比阿尔法男性拥有更少的繁殖机会。因此，可以推断，为了帮助女性选择最佳伴侣进行亲代投资，会进化出明确的潜意识行为和化学线索。

So, for as much as beta guys would like to have you believe that snapping your radish before a date will improve your chances of fucking the girl, odds are you’re shooting yourself in the foot. This stupid belief is rooted in the “Something about Mary” myth that women don’t want an overly sexualized man, but the biological truth is far from that. The myth is one that women need to be comfortable with a guy in order to sleep with him, so men will actively desexualize themselves in order to comply. However, all indications point to a need for sexual anxiety and tension in arousal to prompt sexual intercourse.

因此，尽管那些所谓的“贝塔男”可能想让你相信，在约会前折断你的萝卜会增加你与女孩上床的机会，但事实上你很可能是在自找麻烦。这种愚蠢的信念源于“关于玛丽的传说”，即女性不喜欢过于性感的男人，但生物学真相远非如此。这个传说的核心是，女性需要在与一个男人上床前感到舒适，因此男性会主动去性化自己以迎合这一需求。然而，所有迹象都表明，性焦虑和紧张感在激发性行为中是必要的。

Comfort and trust are post-orgasm conditions; anxiety, arousal and sexual urgency are pre-orgasm conditions – and both have their own unique hormonal signatures.

舒适与信任是高潮后的状态；焦虑、兴奋和性急迫则是高潮前的状态——两者各自拥有独特的激素特征。

Disclaimer 免责声明

And now for the disclaimer; I’m not a endocrinologist, biochemist or physician. I’ll admit this is a work in conjecture, but it’s plausible conjecture. For the record, it’s not about ‘less’ desirable pheromones, it’s about a lower incidence of any sex-cue pheromones due to depletion. It stands to reason that women would be more attracted to men motivated to being sexual with them, manifesting this in chemistry and behavior, than sexually unmotivated men manifesting signs of disinterest.

现在进入免责声明环节；我不是内分泌学家、生物化学家或医生。我承认这是一项基于推测的工作，但这是合理的推测。需要说明的是，这并非关于“不那么”理想的费洛蒙，而是由于消耗导致性暗示费洛蒙的减少。合乎逻辑的是，女性会更倾向于那些对她们有性动机的男性，这种动机通过化学反应和行为表现出来，而不是那些表现出不感兴趣迹象的性动机不足的男性。

I used to think that the primary issue with beating off was this feminine double standard – women masturbating is sexy, arousing and, nowadays, socially empowering. For men, masturbation is a perversion. It implies an inability to be ‘man enough’ to fuck a real woman; whacking off is failure for a man, but victory for a woman. Why would this social conditions exist, and what is it’s latent function?

我曾认为，打飞机的主要问题在于这种女性双重标准——女性自慰是性感、撩人且如今社会赋予力量的行为。而对男性而言，自慰则被视为一种堕落。它暗示着无法“足够男人”去与真实女性发生关系；对男人来说，打飞机是失败，但对女人来说却是胜利。为何这种社会条件会存在，其潜在功能又是什么？

I still see the double standard in all that, and while I think it’s valid, it kind of only brushes the surface of self-pleasure from a social convention perspective. Sigmund Freud once said, “all energy is sexual”, meaning that subliminally we will redirect our motivation for ungratified sexual impulse to other endeavors. Thus it’s men, being the sex with the highest amount of libido inducing testosterone, who must look for far more outlets to transfer this motivation to than women. So is it any real surprise that it’s historically been Men who’ve primarily been the empire builders, the conquerors, the creators, and destroyers who’ve (for better or worse) moved humanity the most significantly?

我依然察觉到其中的双重标准，尽管我认为它有其合理性，但某种程度上它仅触及了从社会习俗角度出发的自我愉悦的表层。西格蒙德·弗洛伊德曾言：“所有能量皆为性”，意指潜意识中，我们会将未满足的性冲动转化为其他追求的动力。因此，拥有最多激发性欲的睾酮的男性，必须寻找比女性更多的途径来转移这种动力。所以，历史上主要是男性成为帝国的缔造者、征服者、创造者与毁灭者，他们（无论好坏）极大地推动了人类的发展，这难道还有什么真正的意外吗？

Masturbation defuses this impulse. It kills that drive, or at least sublimates it. So wouldn’t it stand to reason that a global social convention that shames men for masturbation would be beneficial to a society interested in expanding? So the cultural meme becomes men who jack off are losers, and Men who don’t thereby prove their sexual viability (because if they’re not beating off they MUST be fucking women semi-regularly) AND become motivated to redirect that impulse to the betterment of themselves and/or society.

自慰化解了这种冲动。它扼杀了那种驱动力，或至少将其升华。因此，一个全球性的社会习俗，如果羞辱男性自慰，是否有利于一个渴望扩张的社会呢？于是，文化符号便演变为：自慰的男人是失败者，而那些不自慰的男人则证明了他们的性能力（因为如果他们不自慰，那必定是在定期与女性发生关系），并且他们会被激励将这种冲动转向自我提升或社会进步。

Meta-Game 元游戏

In the starting of this blog I’ve recently been contemplating the last 6 or so years I’ve spent on SoSuave. Every time I consider the things I’ve written for the ‘community’ I always need to put them into the perspective of where I’ve come from and what I’ve learned in that time. I just reviewed a ‘single-mommy’ story in an other forum thread, one that I learned from almost 20 years ago. I also go into how things were before the advent of the internet occasionally.

在这篇博客的开头，我最近一直在思考过去六年在 SoSuave 度过的时光。每次我回顾为“社区”所写的文章时，总需要将它们置于我成长和学习的背景中。我刚刚在另一个论坛帖子中重温了一个“单亲妈妈”的故事，这个故事是我近 20 年前学到的。我也偶尔会回顾互联网兴起之前的情况。

I think it’s really hard for a generation of young Men to fully appreciate the progress that guys in their mid-30s, mid-40s and even 50s have made in their respective times. It’s hard for mid 20s and teenage guys to relate to a time before the level of communication we take for granted today. There was no term for an AFC, beta or “herb” in 1995. I didn’t own a cell phone until 2002 and never texted anyone regularly until 2005. When guys in their 30s and 40s now were learning the lessons I relate here, there were no forums, no PUAs (formally anyway), and the phenomenon we call feminization and the ‘Matrix’ was at the peak of it’s influence by virtue alone of no one questioning, let alone being aware of, its influence. We lacked the male-to-male social communication, certainly the global communication, to really bring common experiences together and form ideas from those observations. We were in the dark. Remember, no Tom Leykis, no internet, and the “how to pick up girls” books were what losers ordered by mail from an ad they saw in the back of a Hustler magazine. In fact porn was only accessible by renting it from the back room of a VHS rental store, by magazine or pirating the Spice channel from cable. Good times.

我认为，对于年轻一代的男性来说，要完全理解 30 多岁、40 多岁甚至 50 多岁的男性在他们各自时代所取得的进步，确实非常困难。20 多岁和十几岁的年轻人很难与今天我们习以为常的沟通水平之前的时代产生共鸣。1995 年，还没有 AFC、beta 或“草食男”这样的词汇。我直到 2002 年才拥有手机，直到 2005 年才开始定期发短信。当现在 30 多岁和 40 多岁的男性在学习我提到的这些经验时，没有论坛，也没有正式的 PUA（搭讪艺术家），我们称之为“女性化”和“矩阵”的现象，仅凭无人质疑、甚至无人意识到其影响，就达到了影响力的巅峰。我们缺乏男性之间的社会沟通，尤其是全球性的沟通，无法真正将共同经历汇聚起来，并从中形成思想。我们处于黑暗之中。记住，没有汤姆·莱克斯，没有互联网，那些“如何搭讪女孩”的书，是失败者通过邮件从《花花公子》杂志背面广告订购的。 事实上，色情内容只能通过租借 VHS 租赁店后屋的录像带、购买杂志或从有线电视中盗取 Spice 频道来获取。美好的时光。

Now lets flash forward to 2011. I can’t go a day without having viagra or porn solicited to me in my email. Porn is now part of the utilities; it’s like hot and cold running water now, but moreover, so is the collected experience of literally a world of men considering the same nagging questions. Thanks to globalized, instant communications, a new generation of Men can collectively consider experiences and observations that were previously left unsaid. Where before there was a stigma of “not being man enough” just in asking questions and seeking relevant advice about women, now it’s been replaced by the ‘community’.

现在让我们快进到 2011 年。我每天都会收到推销伟哥或色情内容的电子邮件。色情内容如今已成为生活必需品的一部分；它就像现在的冷热水一样普遍，但更重要的是，全球男性共同面对的那些令人烦恼的问题也变得如此。得益于全球化、即时通讯的便利，新一代男性能够集体思考和分享那些过去未曾言说的经历和观察。以前，仅仅因为提问和寻求关于女性的相关建议就被贴上“不够男人”的标签，如今这种耻辱已被“社区”所取代。

The internet is to Men what the sexual revolution was for women.

互联网之于男性，犹如性革命之于女性。

The genie is now out of the bottle, and for better or worse the information is liberating. This is the Meta-Game. Lets consider it for a moment: Just last week I added my voice to a chorus of other men from around the world to help out a young man struggling with his AFC problems. I joined guys from Britain, Australia, Spain, Canada, New York, Los Angeles, and anywhere in between. A global collective of Men advised this kid. That’s pretty powerful stuff. This is one world of men advising a young man about his situation with a girl acculturated in a world influenced by women for five decades.

精灵已出瓶，无论好坏，信息已获得解放。这就是元游戏。让我们稍作思考：就在上周，我与其他来自世界各地的男性一同发声，帮助一位正与 AFC 问题斗争的年轻人。我与来自英国、澳大利亚、西班牙、加拿大、纽约、洛杉矶及各地的伙伴们联手。这是一群全球男性的集体智慧，为这个小伙子提供建议。这力量不容小觑。这是一个由男性组成的全球网络，为一位在女性主导影响下成长了五十年的世界中，与女孩相处有困惑的年轻人出谋划策。

This is the Meta-Masculine pushing back against the Meta-Feminized. We’re now aware that this Feminine Matrix is everywhere, and I think we all can appreciate how encompassing and pervasive it is. I know the LoveShack.orgs of the world are largely the antithesis of the Meta-Masculine. I didn’t say the mountain looked easy to climb. However, just the collectivity of the global community gives me hope. Every time we unplug a guy from the Matrix it’s a group effort. We are the collective fathers these sons never had.

这是元男性对元女性化的反击。我们现在意识到这种女性矩阵无处不在，我想我们都能体会到它的广泛性和渗透性。我知道像 LoveShack.org 这样的地方很大程度上是元男性的对立面。我并没有说攀登这座山看起来容易。然而，全球社区的集体性给了我希望。每次我们从矩阵中解救一个人，都是集体的努力。我们是这些儿子从未有过的集体父亲。

Yes, there’s differences of opinion. The community advocates, Game gurus, and theorists of the world are going to lock horns over priorities, but the bigger pictures is making Men aware. The global collective waking them up is the first and best benefit. It is dirty, filthy, work unplugging Men from the Matrix, but that’s the start.

是的，存在意见分歧。社区倡导者、游戏大师和世界理论家们将在优先事项上针锋相对，但更大的图景是让男性觉醒。全球集体唤醒他们是首要且最佳的益处。将男性从矩阵中解放出来是肮脏、污秽的工作，但这是起点。

If I’m optimistic about anything it’s in the hope that the next generation of men will at least have the opportunity to be made aware of the “code” in the Matrix – that simply didn’t exist when I was struggling to unplug myself. By that I mean that a younger generation of men will develop at least a capacity, or at least a sensitivity to acknowledge that certain feminine social conventions exist, and were the gender roles reversed they’d be accused of sexism. I’ve always felt that making these comparisons is the first real step in understanding what the Matrix is. I am far more attentive to the veiled, socially excusable, feminine sexism that we casually pass off in common culture today because I realize the latent function those conventions serve. Like G.I. Joe says, knowing is half the battle.

如果我对某事抱有乐观态度，那便是希望下一代男性至少有机会意识到《黑客帝国》中的“代码”——这在我在努力摆脱束缚时根本不存在。我的意思是，年轻一代的男性将至少培养出一种能力，或至少一种敏感性，以承认某些女性社会习俗的存在，并且如果性别角色互换，他们将被指责为性别歧视。我一直认为，进行这些比较是理解《黑客帝国》真正意义的第一步。我更加关注那些隐晦、社会可接受的、女性性别歧视，因为我们今天在大众文化中随意忽视的这些习俗，我意识到它们潜在的功能。正如 G.I.乔所说，了解是战斗的一半。

The main obstacle for the positive-masculine Meta Game is that a majority of the same men it would serve are the unwitting (or at least willfully ignorant) pawns of the feminized Meta Game. I think its wrong to think of these men – the betas, the AFCs, the naive Alphas – as “recruits” for the feminine imperative. I come to that because it takes an entire feminized society to condition a young man over the course of a lifetime to psychologically ego-invest himself in the feminine Meta Game as a means to achieving his best interests. They need to be raised and trained before the ego-investment becomes self-propagating, at which point only extremely traumatic experiences will open his eyes to that conditioning.

积极阳刚的元游戏面临的主要障碍在于，它所服务的多数男性实际上是不自觉（或至少是故意无知）地成为女性化元游戏的棋子。我认为将这些男性——贝塔男、AFC 男、天真的阿尔法男——视为女性主导力量的“招募对象”是错误的。我之所以得出这个结论，是因为需要一个完全女性化的社会，才能在一生中对一个年轻人进行心理上的自我投资训练，使其以女性化元游戏作为实现自身最佳利益的手段。在他们的心理自我投资变得自我传播之前，需要进行培养和训练，只有极其创伤性的经历才能让他看清这种条件反射。

I used the example of a typical rAFC or ‘seeking’ young man asking for advice from the collective at SoSuave. Almost universally the problems they want to solve are themes so tired and so thoroughly covered by the collective of men in the community that we’ll defer them to well-worn advice or rephrase old posts on the same topic. I do this myself, but think about the profundity of that for a moment. Here we have a questioning guy dealing with a problem I dealt with, sometimes, over 20 years ago, and men my senior dealt with 30 or even 40 years ago. The memes haven’t changed much in the past 60 years. I think a common missive is to think that the only reason guys seek out the community is to “get laid more” or “find the secret to getting their dream girl”. While that’s a definite motivator, so many more want solutions to relational problems that have existed in their current form for over half a century now. How do I get her back? Why did I just get LJBFed? Why does she fuck the Jerk, but tell me I’m a such a great guy? Do looks matter? How do I get my LTR to bang me now that we moved in together? There are countless others. Our Meta Game does a great disservice to ‘seekers’ when we dismiss them as just wanting to get their lay numbers up. Of course that’s only the recognizable motivator, but what they’re really searching for, what they’re unaware they’re searching for, is a real, positive, confidence in a masculinity that can rise above the chatter of the invectives of feminized Meta Game.

我以一个典型的 rAFC 或“探索”型年轻男子向 SoSuave 社区集体寻求建议为例。他们几乎无一例外地希望解决的问题，都是社区中男性集体早已深入探讨过的陈旧主题，因此我们往往会提供耳熟能详的建议，或者重新阐述同一话题的旧帖。我自己也这样做，但请思考一下这背后的深远意义。这里有一个正在面对问题的年轻人，他所遇到的问题，我有时在 20 多年前也经历过，而比我年长的男性则在 30 甚至 40 年前就已面对。过去 60 年来，这些主题几乎没有太大变化。人们常误以为，男性寻求社区帮助的唯一原因是为了“多上床”或“找到赢得梦中女神的秘诀”。虽然这确实是一个强大的动力，但更多的人希望解决那些已经存在了半个多世纪的关系问题。如何挽回她？为什么我刚被 LJBF（Let's Just Be Friends）了？为什么她选择和混蛋上床，却告诉我是个好人？外貌重要吗？我们同居后，如何让长期关系中的她现在就和我上床？这样的问题不胜枚举。 我们的元游戏对“探索者”造成了极大的伤害，当我们仅仅将他们视为想要增加性伴侣数量时。当然，这只是一个显而易见的动机，但他们真正在寻找的，他们未曾意识到自己在寻找的，是一种真实、积极的自信，一种能够超越女性化元游戏中谩骂声的男性气概。

When I see 5 pages of advice explaining to that noob the reasons he’s in the situation he finds himself in, and instructing him how best to deal with it based on collective experiences while opening his perspective up to consider the greater landscape he’s in, that is the masculine Meta Game pushing back. Think of that; a poor, isolated kid, frustrated by how to approach, how to deal with a LJBF, how to man-up, etc. pits the influence of a world-wide collective of men’s experience against the behaviors and mindset of an individual girl who’s been socialized and acculturated by the feminized imperative. That is the Meta Game.

当我看到 5 页的建议，向那个菜鸟解释他陷入当前境地的原因，并根据集体经验指导他如何最好地应对，同时开阔他的视野，让他考虑所处的更大环境时，这就是男性元游戏在发挥作用。想象一下；一个贫穷、孤立的孩子，因如何接近、如何处理 LJBF、如何变得更有男子气概等问题而感到沮丧。他将全球男性集体经验的影响力与一个被女性化社会化和文化熏陶的女孩的行为和心态相对抗。这就是元游戏。

Just Be Yourself 做真实的自己

We are who we say we are.

我们就是我们所说的我们。

Is the woman who applies make up everyday ‘being herself”? How about the woman with implants, is she ‘being herself’? What about the woman wearing high heels becasue it boosts her height 4 inches? Is the girl you see in nothing but party pics on FaceBook being herself? Lets turn it the other way, what of the woman wearing a business suit that emphasizes her shoulders with pads in the jacket is she ‘being herself’? If she colors her hair does this make her less genuine?

每天化妆的女人是在“做自己”吗？那么有植入物的女人呢，她是在“做自己”吗？穿高跟鞋因为能增高四英寸的女人呢？在 Facebook 上只看到她参加派对照片的女孩是在“做自己”吗？反过来想，穿着强调肩部线条的西装外套的女人是在“做自己”吗？如果她染了头发，这会让她变得不真实吗？

If being ourselves is an idealized state then I should reasonably be able to expect a like-minded fitness model to be attracted to me even if my greatest passion is to sit on my couch, eat a large pizza and wash it down with a 6 pack of Michelob while watching Monday Night Football, right? After all, I am just being myself – it’s who I am.

如果做自己是一种理想状态，那么我应该合理地期待一位志同道合的健身模特会被我吸引，即使我最大的热情是坐在沙发上，吃一大张披萨，配着六罐米勒啤酒，边看周一晚间橄榄球赛，对吧？毕竟，我只是在展现真实的自我——这就是我。

Believe and so you shall become

相信，你将成就自我

The hardest distinction the uninitiated have with the JBY (just be yourself) dynamic is that personality is malleable. Personality is always in flux. The person you are today isn’t who you were 2 years ago, nor the person you’ll be 2 years from now. There are traits and characteristics we may carry with us for a lifetime, but even these are subject to change depending upon circumstance. You define what being yourself is at any given moment and it’s relative to your personal conditions and environment. So where do you draw the line? When does a genuine change of character become legitimate rather than being ‘shallow’ or ‘superficial’? Those are just catch terms that women (and too many chumps) have used with success over the centuries and men have internalized as being states of perception that women think are undesirable, yet they never accurately define. Rather, they stay intentionally ambiguous and relative to an individual woman’s interpretation, while their behaviors indicate their own motivations.

对于未入门者来说，最难理解的是“JBY”（做你自己）理念中的一个关键区别：个性是可塑的。个性始终处于变化之中。今天的你与两年前的你不同，两年后的你也将与现在不同。有些特质和特征可能会伴随我们一生，但即便这些也会因环境而改变。你在任何时刻定义的“做自己”都是相对于你的个人状况和环境而言的。那么，界限在哪里？何时真正的性格转变才算合法，而非被视为“肤浅”或“表面”？这些不过是女性（以及太多傻瓜）几个世纪以来成功使用的标签，男性内化后认为这是女性认为不受欢迎的感知状态，却从未准确界定。相反，它们故意保持模糊，并根据个别女性的解读而相对变化，而她们的行为则透露出自己的动机。

You are who you believe you are, and you are who she perceives you to be.

你是你所相信的自己，也是她所认为的你。

One of the hardest things for anyone, male or female, to hear is that they need to change their lifestyle because it implies that their just ‘being themselves’ is in some way at fault for their present conditions. It’s analogous to telling someone they’re not living their lives ‘correctly’ or that they’re raising their kids wrong. If I have a friend that is shooting heroin and I actively encourage him to stop and make an effort to help him ‘clean up’, society calls me a hero or a savior. When I encourage my friend to quit smoking before she gets cancer, I’m a concerned good-friend helping my friend with a health risk behavior. But when I tell a friend he needs to change his approach to women and this is a reason for his unhappiness and he needs to change his outlook on, and approach with women, look better and feel better, then I’m a ‘shallow’ prick and insensitive to his ‘problem’. Worse still is even attempting to offer constructive criticism, in as positive a light possible, that a person can improve themselves by changing their outlook and modifying their behavior.

对于任何人，无论男女，最难接受的事情之一就是听到他们需要改变生活方式，因为这意味着他们“做自己”的方式在某种程度上导致了当前的状况。这类似于告诉某人他们没有“正确”地生活，或者他们养育孩子的方式有误。如果我有一个朋友在注射海洛因，我积极鼓励他停止并努力帮助他“戒毒”，社会会称我为英雄或救星。当我鼓励我的朋友在患癌前戒烟时，我是一个关心朋友的好朋友，帮助她应对健康风险行为。但当我告诉一个朋友他需要改变对待女性的方式，这是他不幸的原因，他需要改变对女性的看法和态度，让自己看起来更好、感觉更好时，我却被视为“肤浅”的混蛋，对他“问题”的敏感度不够。更糟糕的是，即使以尽可能积极的方式尝试提出建设性批评，指出一个人可以通过改变观念和调整行为来提升自己，也会遭到反感。

Personality is not only malleable, but it can change dramatically under specific conditions. An easy example of this is veterans with post traumatic stress disorder. These men were exposed to traumatic environments that fundamentally altered their personalities. While this is an extreme illustration it proves that becoming a ‘different person’ is a matter of conditions. If my conditions are such that I enjoy sitting at home eating a whole pizza, washing it down with a six pack of Budweiser and watching Anime on a Friday evening, can I realistically expect that hot fitness instructor at the gym to come on over and genuinely want to fuck my brains out? And why not? After all I’m only being myself and she should “love me for who I am”, right? If this were my case, the conditions that define my personality are incongruous with attracting and/or maintaining a relationship with someone whose conditions are not my own.

个性不仅具有可塑性，而且在特定条件下可以发生显著变化。一个简单的例子是患有创伤后应激障碍的退伍军人。他们经历了创伤性的环境，这些环境从根本上改变了他们的个性。虽然这是一个极端的例子，但它证明了成为“不同的人”取决于条件。如果我的条件是喜欢在周五晚上坐在家里吃一整张披萨，喝六罐百威啤酒，看动漫，我能指望健身房里那位火辣的健身教练过来，真心实意地想让我神魂颠倒吗？为什么不呢？毕竟我只是在做自己，她应该“爱我本来的样子”，对吧？如果这是我的情况，那么定义我个性的条件与吸引或维持与条件不同于我的人的关系是不相符的。

JBY is an operative social convention that aids hypergamy.

JBY 是一种操作性的社会习俗，有助于高攀婚姻。

Women are only too happy to endorse and reinforce JBY for the conscious reasoning that it ‘sounds like the right thing to say’. It’s an unassailable position; who wouldn’t want you to be you? If what counts is all on the inside then anyone telling you to change MUST be manipulating you for their own selfish reasons. This dovetails nicely into the popularized fat-acceptance self-acceptance mantra most women will fall back on when the impact of the Wall begins to manifest itself in their physiques and they want to be loved for “who they are” rather than what they used to look like. However, on a subconscious level, the latent purpose of fostering the JBY social convention in men is yet another sexual selection filtering mechanism. Actually it’s more of a filtering failsafe in that by socially mandating a genuineness in the general populace of men, women are more secure in the accuracy of their sexual assessment of men. If all men are Just Being Themselves and are encouraged to be the person they ‘truly are’, this then aids a woman in determining which man will best satisfy her hypergamy.

女性们非常乐意支持并强化“做自己”（JBY）的理念，因为这听起来“像是正确的事情”。这是一个无可辩驳的立场；谁不希望你做自己呢？如果内在的一切才真正重要，那么任何劝你改变的人必定是为了自己的私利而操纵你。这恰好与流行的“接受自我，包括肥胖”的自我接纳口号相契合，当女性开始感受到“墙”的影响在她们体型上显现时，她们会倾向于以此为借口，希望被爱的是“她们是谁”，而非她们曾经的外貌。然而，在潜意识层面，培养男性“做自己”的社会规范实际上是另一种性选择过滤机制。实际上，这更像是一种过滤保险，通过社会强制要求男性群体展现真实自我，女性在评估男性的性吸引力时更加自信。如果所有男性都只是做自己，并被鼓励展现真实的自我，这将有助于女性判断哪个男性最能满足她们的超偶标准。

As I’ve stated in many a prior post, women claim to want honesty from men, but no woman wants full disclosure. In a general sense I advise this because it serves to sustain a Man’s aura of mystery, only to be progressively discovered by women with the appropriate levels of interest and responsiveness to men. However, another reason to remain deliberately ambiguous is to defuse the JBY dynamic that women assume would be a man’s default psychology.

正如我在之前的许多文章中所述，女性声称希望男性诚实，但没有一个女人想要完全的坦白。从广义上讲，我建议这样做是因为它有助于维持男性的神秘感，只有那些对男性有适当兴趣和反应的女性才能逐渐发现。然而，另一个保持故意模糊的原因是为了化解女性认为男性默认心理中存在的 JBY 动态。

Iron Rule of Tomassi #8

托马西铁律 #8

Always let a woman figure out why she wont ƒuck you, never do it for her.

永远让女人自己琢磨她为什么不和你上床，千万别替她想。

An integral part of maintaining the feminine imperative as the societal imperative involves keeping women as the primary sexual selectors. As I’ve detailed in many prior comments and posts, this means that a woman’s sexual strategy necessitates that she be in as optimized a condition as her capacity (attractiveness) allows for her to choose from the best males available to satisfy that strategy.

维持女性至上作为社会至上原则的重要组成部分，涉及将女性作为主要性选择者。正如我在许多先前的评论和文章中所详述的，这意味着女性的性策略要求她在自身能力（吸引力）允许的范围内，处于最佳状态，以便从可获得的优质男性中进行选择，以满足其策略需求。

JBY is a tool in maintaining the feminine imperative as the social imperative. Furthermore JBY serves in optimizing hypergamy in aiding a woman’s sense of security about assessing which man will best suit her hypergamy. Ironically, the JBY dynamic gets upended once a monogamous relationship is established by a woman’s anxiety for ‘fixing’ her partner once in that relationship. What was once the pseudo-genuineness of just him being himself is replace by “I’m working on him” in order for him to become the ideal man to meet with her hypergamic approval – thus exposing the calculated nonsense JBY really is to begin with.

JBY 是一种维护女性主导作为社会主导的工具。此外，JBY 在优化一夫多妻制方面发挥作用，帮助女性在评估哪个男性最适合满足其一夫多妻需求时获得安全感。具有讽刺意味的是，一旦女性进入一夫一妻制关系，JBY 的动态就会被颠覆，因为她会因试图“改造”伴侣而感到焦虑。曾经他只是做自己的那种伪真实感，被“我在改造他”所取代，以便他能成为符合她一夫多妻认可的理想男性——从而揭示了 JBY 从一开始就是经过精心算计的无稽之谈。

We are who we say we are

我们就是我们所宣称的自己

We can alter our own personalities and have them altered by our conditions or any combination of the two, but to suggest that personality is static is a falsehood. The trap is to think that altering personality is in anyway disingenuous – there are certainly teriffic ‘actors’ or ‘poseurs’, and the like, that when we are confronted with them we sense (or even know) that they are pushing an envelope that they may not be entirely comfortable with, but there is merit to a ‘fake it till you make it’ doctrine. We only percieve it as being ‘false’, ‘superficial’ or as “trying to be something your not” when we have a concept or knowledge of a previous set of personality behaviors. If you met a likable cocky-funny guy at a club this weekend, how are you to know whether he’s the real deal or stretching the limits of his personality if you’ve never met him before?

我们可以改变自己的性格，也可以让环境或两者结合来改变性格，但若说性格是静止不变的，那便是谬误。陷阱在于认为改变性格在任何方面都是不真诚的——确实存在一些出色的“演员”或“装腔作势者”，当我们面对他们时，能感觉到（甚至知道）他们在推动自己可能并不完全舒适的界限，但“假装直到成功”的信条是有价值的。我们之所以认为这是“虚假”、“肤浅”或“试图成为不是自己的样子”，是因为我们对之前的一套性格行为有了概念或了解。如果你这周末在俱乐部遇到一个讨人喜欢的自大幽默男，你如何知道他是本色出演还是突破了性格的极限，如果你之前从未见过他？

Law 25: Re-Create Yourself

法则 25：重塑自我

Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define it for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions— your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life. 不要接受社会强加给你的角色。通过锻造新的身份来重塑自己，一个引人注目且永不令观众厌倦的身份。成为自己形象的主宰，而非任由他人为你定义。将戏剧性元素融入你的公共姿态和行动中——你的力量将得到增强，你的形象也将显得比生活更为宏大。

Three Strikes 三振出局

From European DJ on the SoSuave:

来自 SoSuave 的欧洲 DJ：

How many dates max, before you fuck her?

你最多约会几次，才会和她上床？

Let mé know your thought and an explanation.

请告知您的想法和解释。

Regards 此致

The problem inherent with coming up with hard and fast Game rules of engagement is that there’s always going to be a caveat or special conditions for a guy’s particular girl of focus at the time. Even when there’s not, guys are prone to think “there’s something special about this one.” Part of the reason that Plate Theory is integral to Game is that it encourages Men to disabuse themselves of their previous beta impressions of each woman they accidentally drew interest from as some unique little snowflake. It’s hard for your average chump to think of a woman showing base-line rudimentary IOIs (indicators of interest) and NOT think she’s predestined for him by virtue of his self-acknowledged scarcity mentality. When you’re starving in the desert, Saltine crackers seem like mana from heaven.

制定严格且固定的游戏规则时固有的问题是，总会有一个例外或特殊条件适用于某个特定时期某个男人关注的女孩。即使没有，男人们也倾向于认为“这个有点特别。”盘子理论在游戏中至关重要的部分原因在于，它鼓励男性摒弃自己对每个意外引起兴趣的女性的先前贝塔印象，不再视她们为独一无二的雪花。对于普通笨蛋来说，很难看到一个女人表现出基本的初步兴趣指标（IOI）而不认为她是因他自认的稀缺心态而注定属于他的。当你在沙漠中饥肠辘辘时，苏打饼干都像是天赐的甘露。

Risk & Reward 风险与回报

In Game, there is a subtle balance that needs to be recognized between risks of over-investing in a particular woman with regards to practicality and not throwing the proverbial baby out with the bath water and losing on a potentially rewarding opportunity. Women, as is particular to their own Game, will naturally come down on the side of casting doubt on a man’s valid assessment of a woman’s potential value, both in long term perspectives and potential sexual satisfaction. This presumption of doubt is a built in failsafe social convention for women; if only you’d been more patient, if only you invested a little bit more, you’d be rewarded with a great mother for your children and the best pussy of your life – don’t blow it now!

在游戏中，需要在实际性与不因噎废食之间找到微妙的平衡，即在特定女性身上过度投资的风险与不因小失大、错失潜在回报机会之间。女性，以其特有的游戏方式，自然会倾向于对男性对女性潜在价值的合理评估产生怀疑，无论是从长远角度还是潜在的性满足来看。这种怀疑的假设是女性内置的社会安全机制；如果你再耐心一点，再多投入一些，你就能得到一个伟大的孩子母亲和一生中最棒的性体验——现在别搞砸了！

The short version is that it’s not in women’s best sexual-strategy interests for a man to have sexual options. Women’s sexual strategy is very schizophrenic – ideally women want a Man that other women want to fuck, but in order to assess his sexual market value to other women he’s got to have exercisable options for her to compete against, or at least display indirect social proof to that effect. So, she needs to limit his options while simultaneously determining he has those options. Now add to this the hypergamous necessity of maintaining a reasonable pool of suitors suspended in doubt of her own SMV in order to determine the best one among them for short term sexual provisioning and long term security provisioning.

简而言之，对女性而言，男性的性选择并非最佳策略。女性的性策略颇为矛盾——理想情况下，女性希望拥有其他女性渴望的男性，但要评估他在其他女性眼中的性市场价值，他必须具备可供她竞争的选择，或至少展示间接的社会证明。因此，她需要限制他的选择，同时确认他确实拥有这些选择。再加上维持一定数量的追求者对其自身性市场价值的怀疑，以从中挑选出短期性供给和长期安全保障的最佳人选，这种超偶配的必要性使得情况更加复杂。

Pragmatism 实用主义

In light of understanding women’s sexual strategy, it’s important for Men to adopt an mental schema of pragmatism – in the SMP you’re really another commodity in hypergamy’s estimation. I realize the difficulty most guys (particularly younger guys) have with mentally training themselves for thinking this way, so let me state from the outset that I’m not suggesting you kill your romantic, artistic souls in favor of cold calculations. In fact it’s vital you do keep that side of yourself intact for the survival of any future relationship and a more balanced human experience. Plate Theory and, really, efficient Game can seem dehumanizing, but what Game denialists fail to grasp is that they’re already operating in a dehumanized environment – it’s the social conditioning of the feminine imperative that makes men believe that Game is inhumane, because the feminine imperative has made itself synonymous with humanity.

鉴于对女性性策略的理解，男性采用一种实用主义的心理框架至关重要——在性市场体系中，你实际上是超母性评估中的另一种商品。我意识到大多数男性（尤其是年轻男性）在心理上训练自己以这种方式思考的困难，因此让我从一开始就声明，我并不是建议你为了冷酷的计算而扼杀自己的浪漫和艺术灵魂。事实上，保持你这一面的完整性对于未来任何关系的生存和更平衡的人类体验至关重要。盘子理论，实际上，高效的策略可能会显得去人性化，但策略否认者未能理解的是，他们已经在一个人性化的环境中运作——正是女性主导的社会教化让男性认为策略是不人道的，因为女性主导已经将自己与人性等同起来。

Hypergamy doesn’t care if you’re a great, poetic soul. Hypergamy doesn’t care about your most sincere religious devotions. Hypergamy doesn’t care if you’re a great Father to your kids. Hypergamy seeks better than its own level, it wants the best commodity it’s capable of attracting and maintaining. Hypergamy is above all, practical, and thus Men, the True Romantics must be pragmatists to enact their own sexual strategy.

高攀择偶不在乎你是否拥有伟大的诗意灵魂，不在乎你最虔诚的宗教信仰，也不在乎你是否是孩子们的伟大父亲。高攀择偶追求的是超越自身层次的更优选择，它渴望吸引并维持所能达到的最佳伴侣。高攀择偶本质上极为务实，因此，男人们，作为真正的浪漫主义者，必须成为实用主义者，以实施他们自身的性策略。

Three Strikes 三振出局

I had a lot of shit slung at me when I offered up Wait For It? As I stated above, I had the predictable feminine doubt doctrine lobbed at me in response from the beginning. I expected that, but to answer European DJ’s question more definitively, be pragmatic.

当我提出《等待它？》时，我遭受了不少非议。如前所述，从一开始我就预料到会有女性怀疑论的教条向我袭来。我对此有所预期，但为了更明确地回答欧洲 DJ 的问题，还是务实些吧。

Put it this way, with just average Game, in 3 dates you should be able to determine if her desire level is high enough to want to fuck you.

这么说吧，只需一般水平的游戏，在三次约会后，你应该能判断出她的欲望程度是否足够高，以至于想和你上床。

In 3 dates you’ll know if her desire is genuine or if it’s mitigated by something else – another guy in rotation, sexual hangups, filibustering, etc.

在三次约会后，你就能判断她的欲望是否真诚，还是被其他因素所影响——比如有其他备选对象、性心理障碍、拖延战术等。

In 3 dates you’ll have had sex or you’ll have had the “I wanna wait / I need to be comfortable talk.”

在三次约会后，要么你已经发生了性关系，要么你已经进行了“我想等待/我需要感到舒适”的对话。

If you have sex on the 1st date or a same-night-lay, in all likelihood she’s really hot for, and into, fucking you based on physical criteria alone.

如果在第一次约会或当晚就发生性关系，那么她很可能仅仅基于身体条件就非常渴望并喜欢和你做爱。

If you have sex on the 2nd or 3rd date, she’s into fucking you and probably wants a relationship because she wanted to give you a token impression of her not being ‘easy’.

如果在第二次或第三次约会时发生性关系，她对你有兴趣，并且可能想要一段关系，因为她想给你留下一个她不是“随便”的印象。

If she fucks you after the 4th date, you’ll do as her first alternate.

如果她在第四次约会后与你发生关系，你将成为她的第一备选。

If you’re sexless after 5-6 dates you’ve probably been at it for over 6 weeks and The Medium is the Message. NEXT.

如果 5-6 次约会后仍无进展，你可能已经持续了超过 6 周，而“媒介即信息”。下一个。

Dread Games 恐惧游戏

I’m not exactly sure why, but somehow last week became the unofficial ‘dread’ week. I’ve had so many other irons in the fire both work-wise and blog-wise this month that I find it particularly annoying that my attentions should be distracted by this topic again, but I will admit that the comments about the evils of Men manipulatively employing a sense of dread in their LTRs has given me pause to analyze the dynamic in more detail. So, OK, I’ll bite, what’s all this dread about anyway?

我不太确定为什么，但不知何故，上周成了非正式的“恐惧”周。这个月我在工作和博客方面都有很多其他事情要处理，因此发现自己的注意力再次被这个话题分散，感到特别恼火，但我承认，关于男性在长期关系中利用恐惧感进行操纵的邪恶评论，让我停下来更详细地分析这种动态。好吧，我愿意探讨一下，这一切关于恐惧的讨论究竟是怎么回事？

The original huff about dread came in the wake of Roissy’s seminal post about instilling a sense of dread in a woman in order to help maintain a consistent frame control in a relationship. Naturally, women’s unconditioned response to this overt assertion of control was to demonize the whole idea of dread. When you think about it dread, as proposed, is really a sense of conceptualizing the potential outcome of a losing the intimacy of a partner and the resulting fallout (emotional, financial, familial, personal, etc.) from that loss. Such an overt declaration for promoting a sense of dread conjures melodramatic images of fiendish men blackmailing their women into emotional enslavement to their insecure whims.

关于恐惧的最初争议源于 Roissy 的一篇开创性文章，该文探讨了如何在女性心中植入恐惧感，以帮助在关系中维持一致的框架控制。自然地，女性对这种公然控制主张的本能反应是妖魔化整个恐惧概念。仔细思考，所提出的恐惧实际上是一种对失去伴侣亲密关系潜在后果的概念化，以及由此产生的各种影响（情感、经济、家庭、个人等）。这种公开宣扬恐惧感的做法，让人联想到戏剧性的画面：恶毒的男人通过情感勒索，将女性束缚于他们不安的突发奇想中。

I think what’s lost amongst all this sensationalism about dread – a very weak term for the concept – is the applicability dread has in a much broader scope (and particularly for women) than the overly dramatic characterization of it when men openly discuss using it themselves.

我认为，在所有关于恐惧的耸人听闻的讨论中——这个词对于该概念来说过于软弱——人们忽略了恐惧在更广泛范围内的适用性（尤其是对女性而言），远超男性公开讨论使用恐惧时所赋予的那种过度戏剧化的特征。

Faces of Dread 恐惧的面孔

I have a good friend, Jim, who’s just this side of 37. I love the guy, but Jim’s not much to look at. At around 30 he essentially gave up on himself. He got married far too young on the business end of a do-the-right-thing ‘accidental’ pregnancy, and from a personal standpoint that was the end of his window of opportunity to explore any other options he may’ve had. His wife let herself go just after the 2nd pregnancy, turned into a beach ball, and he followed suit. In actuality it wouldn’t take much for him to get back on top of his game, but he has no desire to.

我有个好朋友，吉姆，刚过 37 岁。我挺喜欢他，但吉姆的外貌实在不怎么样。大约 30 岁时，他基本上就放弃了自己。他在一次“意外”怀孕后，出于责任早早结了婚，从个人角度看，这关闭了他探索其他可能性的机会之窗。他的妻子在第二次怀孕后放任自流，身材走样，他也随之沉沦。实际上，他只需稍加努力就能重回巅峰，但他毫无此意。

Now, after detailing Jim’s situation you might think he’d be the last candidate to participate in anything resembling a manipulation of dread in a relationship, and you’d be right, but he, and guys like him are often the unwitting participants in their wives’ own dread-games. Although Jim isn’t going to spontaneously attract women with either his looks or due to his complete obliviousness to Game, he is an exceptional provider for his family. He regularly busts his ass as a programmer for a legal agency and is the sole breadwinner of the family – singlehandedly funding his wife’s nursing school. In addition he’s a very attentive father, husband and is somewhat of a handyman around the house. In spite of all this his wife tends to be a bit of a shrew, browbeating him on a regular schedule which has been passed onto the personalities of his teenage daughters who engage in the same heavy handedness their mother does.

现在，在详细描述了吉姆的情况后，你可能会认为他是最不可能参与任何类似在关系中操纵恐惧的人，而你是对的，但他和像他这样的男人往往无意中成为妻子自己恐惧游戏的参与者。尽管吉姆的外貌或对“游戏”的完全无知不会让他自发吸引女性，但他却是家庭的杰出供养者。他作为一家法律机构的程序员，经常拼命工作，是家庭的唯一经济支柱——独自承担妻子护理学校的费用。此外，他是一个非常细心的父亲和丈夫，在家务方面也颇有能耐。尽管如此，他的妻子往往有点泼辣，定期对他进行责骂，这种行为模式也传给了正值青春期的女儿们，她们同样采取母亲那种强硬的态度。

Yet for all the passive-aggressive derision, Jim’s wife is easily one of the most possessive women I’ve ever known. He literally lives in a constant state of surveillance as to his whereabouts. She calls to verify he is where he says he is, and continually suspects him of running off to a strip club (which to my knowledge he’s never set foot inside one) or engaging in anyway with another woman. It’s gotten to the point that it’s comical to think that she’d have any worry that he’d be snatched away by a better woman, but there it is, the dreaded competition anxiety prompting unease in an, albeit LSE, woman with no realistic possibility of it ever occurring.

尽管充满了被动攻击式的嘲讽，吉姆的妻子无疑是我所认识的最具占有欲的女人之一。他几乎生活在一种持续的监视状态中，关于他的行踪。她会打电话确认他是否真的在他说的地方，并且不断怀疑他偷偷溜去脱衣舞俱乐部（据我所知他从未踏足过那种地方）或与别的女人有任何瓜葛。事情发展到这种地步，想想她竟然还会担心有更优秀的女人把他抢走，简直有些可笑，但事实就是如此，那种令人畏惧的竞争焦虑在一个，尽管是伦敦政治经济学院毕业的，但毫无现实可能性的女人心中引发了不安。

“I can’t compete with that,..”

“我无法与之抗衡，……”

Some of the most neurotically possessive women I’ve ever known have been the girlfriends and wives of amateur circuit bodybuilders – my brother’s former GFs actually being among them. Most of these girls, even the fitness competitors, had to either be very self-assured or they resorted to controlling tactics and possessiveness due to the constant reminder of how desired their Men were by other women. Even when that was explicitly not the case, the perception of their desirability was enough to bring this out in them. They had the love and desire of very elite Men, but this still wasn’t enough to pacify that innate sense of dread.

我认识的一些最具神经质占有欲的女性，往往是业余健美运动员的女友和妻子——我哥哥的前女友们实际上也在其中。这些女孩中的大多数，即使是健身比赛的选手，要么必须非常自信，要么就采取控制手段和占有欲，因为她们的男人总是被其他女人渴望的提醒所困扰。即使事实并非如此，她们对男人吸引力的感知也足以引发这种行为。她们拥有非常优秀男人的爱和欲望，但这仍然不足以平息那种与生俱来的恐惧感。

Dalrock has blogged ad infinitum about the feminized notion of how a man’s viewing “using” porn is conflated with adultery. To say nothing about the constant push to pathologize the male condition, this is an easy out for women following the Eat, Pray, Love script wanting to exit a marriage with cash and prizes. However, the fundamental point in that conflation is a woman’s, often overstated, inability to compete with the “porn star ideal of physical perfection and sexual acrobatics that no normal woman could ever be comfortable with.” Considering the sheer variety of men’s sexual appetites this is ludicrous on the surface of it, but it is illustrative of the predominance dread plays in women’s psyches. It doesn’t matter what the particulars of his sexual appetites are, she feels inadequate in that competition and fears a loss of intimacy. 达洛克曾无数次撰文探讨女性化观念中，男性“使用”色情内容被等同于通奸的看法。更不用说不断试图将男性状况病理化的趋势，这对那些遵循《美食、祈祷、恋爱》剧本、希望带着金钱和奖品离开婚姻的女性来说，是一个简单的出路。然而，这种等同的根本点在于女性，通常是夸大的，无法与“色情明星所代表的完美体态和性技巧理想”竞争。考虑到男性性欲的多样性，这一观点表面上显得荒谬，但它揭示了恐惧在女性心理中的主导地位。无论他的性欲具体如何，她都感到在这场竞争中力不从心，并害怕失去亲密感。

Dread Games 恐惧游戏

I catch a lot of hostility from the femosphere for even suggesting a Man directly foster competition anxiety in his LTR, but the underlying reason for this venom is a preexisting condition of dread in women that can barely be tolerated when it’s under the surface, much less when it’s exposed. Dread, in this context, is an innate fear of loss of security that intensifies as a woman progresses further beyond the Wall and with her diminishing capacity to reestablish that provisioning security with a new partner. In fact it’s exactly this dread that is the root source of the gynocentric laws that award women cash & prizes in a divorce settlement. So powerful is this fear that legal assurances needed to be instituted to account for a woman’s lessened ability to secure long-term provisioning after a failed marriage, after the Wall, after pregnancies, etc.

我在女性圈子里因为提出让男性直接在其长期关系中培养竞争焦虑而招致大量敌意，但这种恶意的根本原因在于女性内心深处早已存在的恐惧，这种恐惧在潜伏时已难以忍受，更不用说暴露出来时了。在这种情境下，恐惧是一种与生俱来的对失去安全感的担忧，随着女性年龄增长越过“墙”，以及她与新伴侣重新建立供养安全的能力逐渐减弱，这种担忧会愈发强烈。事实上，正是这种恐惧成为了以女性为中心的法律的根源，这些法律在离婚时为女性提供金钱和奖赏。这种恐惧如此强烈，以至于需要制定法律保障措施，以应对女性在婚姻失败、年龄增长、怀孕等之后，确保长期供养能力的下降。

Dread, for lack of a better term, is a female condition.

恐惧，若要找一个更贴切的词，是一种女性境况。

Although I’ve suggested casually returning flirtations with other women as a means to amplifying desire and illustrating social proof, this is hardly the only, or best, means of fostering competition anxiety. Overt flirtations are a blunt means of stoking this anxiety, but often all it takes is a nuanced shift in a predictable routine to trigger that imagination. The idea isn’t to instill terror from fear of loss, but rather to demonstrate higher value; particularly when a woman’s attention is straying into comfortable, routine familiarity and she begins seeking indignation from other sources.

虽然我曾随意建议以回应其他女性的调情来增强欲望并展示社交认证，但这绝非培养竞争焦虑的唯一或最佳手段。公开的调情是激发这种焦虑的直接方式，但往往只需在可预见的日常中做出微妙变化，便能触发她的想象。目的并非通过失去的恐惧来制造恐慌，而是展现更高的价值；尤其是在女性注意力转向舒适、熟悉的日常，并开始从其他方面寻求不满时。

Sometimes all that’s necessary to provoke that imagination is to get to the gym, dress better, get a raise, travel for work, change your routine, adopt a Game mentality, hang out with a new (or old) friend, be cocky & funny with her – risk to offend her sensibilities. Most women believe that their pussies are sufficient to hold their men in thrall for a lifetime, but as a woman’s SMV declines and a Man’s appreciates their confidence in this form of leverage falls off, thus forcing them to adopt new schemas for controlling the fear of loss. When you head off to Las Vegas for that trade show and your wife fucks the ever-lovin’ shit out of you the night before you go, you’re experiencing one of those new schemas. It doesn’t take much, most times the lightest touch will do. Good dread game doesn’t even have to be initiated by you. Often enough, women will do it themselves.

有时，激发那种想象力的必要之举，不过是去健身房锻炼、穿得更得体、加薪、出差、改变日常习惯、采取游戏心态、与新（或旧）朋友交往、对她自信而幽默——冒着冒犯她敏感性的风险。多数女性相信，她们的私处足以让男人终身着迷，但随着女性自身吸引力的下降和男性吸引力的提升，她们对这种杠杆作用的信心逐渐减弱，从而被迫采用新的模式来控制失去的恐惧。当你前往拉斯维加斯参加贸易展，而你的妻子在你出发前夜与你激情缠绵，你便是在体验这些新模式之一。其实无需太多，很多时候，轻轻一触即可。良好的恐惧游戏甚至不必由你发起。通常，女性会自行实施。

In light of this ambient fear of loss women seek to avoid, one might be tempted to use a more sympathetic approach in order to allay a woman’s fears. This is hardly worth mentioning here since this is generally the tact that most men intuitively use in their LTRs anyway – a constant reassurance of love and devotion. Guy’s like my friend Jim will follow a perpetual strategy of appeasement in spite of themselves.

鉴于女性试图避免的这种普遍的失去恐惧，人们可能会倾向于采用更富有同情心的方法来缓解她们的恐惧。这一点几乎不值一提，因为这通常是大多数男性在长期关系中本能采用的策略——持续表达爱意和忠诚。像我的朋友吉姆这样的男性，即使不情愿，也会遵循一种永久的安抚策略。

Lets be clear, the vast majority of women are secure enough not to allow this condition to get the better of them, and it’s in the extreme cases I’ve used above that real neuroticism flourishes. Contrary to popular belief I’m not an advocate of the Dark Triad methodologies of Game. Not because I think they’re ineffective, but rather because, with the right art of Game they’re not even needed. Only in extreme cases are the dark arts to be employed, and if a situation necessitates their use it’s important for a guy to understand that a line has been crossed with a woman who necessitated their use.

让我们明确一点，绝大多数女性足够自信，不会让这种状况压倒她们，而我上面提到的极端情况才是真正神经质盛行的地方。与普遍看法相反，我并不提倡“黑暗三联征”的游戏方法。不是因为我认为它们无效，而是因为，在正确的游戏艺术中，它们根本不需要。只有在极端情况下才需要使用黑暗手段，如果一个情况需要使用它们，那么男人必须明白，与一个需要使用这些手段的女人之间已经跨越了一条界限。

So yes, you should be seeking to reassure an LTR of your love and devotion, but know that due to women’s intrinsic fear of security loss, you will never achieve an ideal state of contentment of it, and certainly not by relying solely on comfort and familiarity. She want’s you to rock the boat, it’s what makes her feel alive.

所以是的，你应该努力让长期伴侣感受到你的爱与忠诚，但要明白，由于女性天生的安全感缺失，你永远无法达到理想中的满足状态，更不能仅凭舒适和熟悉来实现。她希望你打破常规，这正是让她感到生机勃勃的原因。

Final Exam – Navigating the SMP 期末考试 – 驾驭 SMP

You know, there’s really no substitute for graphs, and charts, and data plot maps. Human beings, being essentially a visually oriented species, see a graphic heads-up display, a God’s eye view as it were, as essential to seeing the forest for the trees. You may not like being on a budget at home, but show a guy a graph of where all his money goes in a month and he’ll feel better about not pissing it away for a peck on the cheek over the course of a couple weekends.

你知道，图表、数据图和地图真的无可替代。人类本质上是视觉导向的物种，看到图形化的抬头显示，可以说是上帝视角，会觉得这是见树见林的关键。你可能不喜欢在家预算，但给一个人展示他一个月内所有开销的图表，他会感觉好些，不会为了几个周末的亲吻而挥霍掉。

So it was with this in mind that I took it upon myself to plot out a chronology of the little known and far too under-appreciated sexual marketplace (SMP) we presently find ourselves experiencing (at least since the sexual revolution). Bloggers in the manosphere (as well as other self-impressed pseudo-feminist gender pundits) often use the SMP in a context which presumes that readers are already familiar with their mental model of it, and understand the dynamics of the modern SMP. Personally I think this presumption is fraught with individual bias, both intended and unintended. And make no mistake, I’m about to define the SMP and sexual market values (SMV) from my own perception, but I fully recognize the want for defining these dynamics in a clear, understandable format, so I’ll beg forgiveness for this indulgence.

因此，我怀着这样的想法，着手绘制一个时间线，梳理我们当前所经历的、鲜为人知且远未得到应有重视的性市场（SMP）——至少自性革命以来。男性圈（manosphere）的博主们（以及那些自命不凡的伪女权性别评论家）常常在文章中使用 SMP 这一概念，似乎默认读者已对其心理模型了如指掌，并深谙现代 SMP 的运作机制。我个人认为，这种假设充满了有意或无意的个人偏见。请注意，我即将从个人视角定义 SMP 及性市场价值（SMV），但我完全理解，清晰易懂地阐述这些动态机制的需求，因此，我恳请读者原谅这种自我放纵。

Can I Graduate? 我能毕业吗？

As some of you know it’s about graduation time for many high school seniors, and with that comes a lot of pontification from ‘adults’ who want to impart some grand words of wisdom to the next genration as they launch headlong into a future of student debt and/or dismal employment prospects. This is a special time for parents and childless adults alike to reflect upon their own lives and ask themselves “what would I tell my younger self to do differently?” and hope against hope that the 18 year old they feel compelled to cast in the role of their younger selves will tear themselves away from texting their friends about who’s going to get whom to buy their prom night liquor long enough for it to sink in. So you’ll have to forgive me for playing the professor here for a moment while I make the same vain attempt.

正如你们中的一些人所知，现在是许多高中毕业生毕业的时候了，随之而来的是许多“成年人”想要向即将踏入充满学生债务和/或黯淡就业前景的未来的一代人传授一些宏大的智慧之言。对于父母和无子女的成年人来说，这是一个特别的时刻，他们可以反思自己的生活，问自己“我会告诉年轻的自己什么不同的做法？”，并怀着希望，希望那个他们感到不得不将其视为年轻自己的 18 岁少年，能够暂时放下与朋友讨论谁将为他们的毕业舞会之夜购买酒水，以便这些话能够深入其心。所以，请原谅我在这里扮演教授的角色，尝试同样的徒劳之举。

Not long ago I had a commenter tell me,..

不久前，有位评论者告诉我，...

“Rollo, I just wanted to say that your stuff has been truly groundbreaking for me. This material should be a graduation requirement for all high school seniors.”

“罗洛，我只是想说，你的作品对我来说真是开创性的。这些内容应该成为所有高中毕业生的必修要求。”

Well, far be it from Dr. Rollo J. Tomassi, Professor Emeritus, to be so remiss in his sacred charge of educating the next generation about the perils of the sexual marketplace they would otherwise so blindly stagger into. Challenge accepted. So please gather round the podium, turn off all your cellular devices (prom night liquor’s easy to come by), take a sheet of notebook paper from your Pee Chee folder and prepare to take notes on,..

好吧，罗洛·J·托马西博士，荣誉退休教授，绝不会在教育下一代关于他们将盲目步入的性市场危险这一神圣职责上有所疏忽。挑战已接受。所以，请围拢讲台，关闭所有手机（毕业舞会之夜的酒水易得），从你的 Pee Chee 文件夹中取出一张笔记本纸，准备记录……

Navigating the SMP 导航 SMP

Now class, if you’ll direct your attention to the display above (click on it for the larger version) I’ll explain the parameters of this graph. In the vertical column we have Sexual Market Value (SMV) based on the ubiquitous ten scale. Professor Roissy emeritus at The Chateau did us all the good service of elaborating upon individuated sexual market valuations for both men and women long ago, however for our purposes today it is important to note that these valuations are meant to encompass an overal sexual value based on both long and short term breeding prospects, relational desirability, male provisioning capacity, female fertility, sexual desirability and availability, etc. et. al.. Your milage may vary, but suffice it to say the ten scale is meant to reflect an overall value as individuated for one sex by the other. Outliers will always be an element of any study, but the intent is to represent general averages here.

现在，同学们，请将注意力转向上方展示的图表（点击它可查看更大版本），我将解释这个图的参数。在纵列中，我们展示了基于普遍的十分制的性市场价值（SMV）。已退休的 Chateau 教授 Roissy 多年前就为我们所有人详细阐述了针对男性和女性的个体化性市场估值，然而，今天我们需注意的是，这些估值旨在涵盖基于长期和短期繁殖前景、关系吸引力、男性供养能力、女性生育能力、性吸引力和可获得性等的综合性价值。你的体验可能有所不同，但简而言之，十分制旨在反映由另一性别为某一性别个体化的整体价值。任何研究中总会有异常值，但这里的目标是代表一般平均值。

On the horizontal metric we have a timeline based on the age of the respective sex. I’ve broken this down into stages of five year increments, but with notable ages represented for significant life-to-valuation phase for each sex to be detailed later in our lecture. As an aside here you may notice I began the SMV age range at 15. This is intentional as it is the baseline starting point for the average girl’s midrange desirability value as evaluated by the average high school boy of the same age. Also of note will be the age range between 23 and 36 which represents the peak span years between the sexes, also to be detailed later.

在水平度量上，我们基于各自性别的年龄建立了一个时间线。我将这一时间线细分为五年一个阶段，但特别标注了对于两性而言具有重要生命价值评估意义的年龄节点，这些将在后续的讲座中详细阐述。顺便提一下，您可能会注意到我将 SMV（性市场价值）年龄范围从 15 岁开始。这是有意为之，因为 15 岁是普通女孩在中等吸引力范围内被同龄普通高中男生评估的基准起点。此外，值得注意的是 23 岁至 36 岁这一年龄段，它代表了男女之间性市场价值的峰值跨度，这部分内容也将在后面详细讲解。

Lastly, I’ve color delineated each gender’s respective SMV range bell curve and indicated their crossover phases accordingly.

最后，我已用颜色区分了每种性别各自的 SMV 范围钟形曲线，并相应标示了它们的交叉阶段。

Women’s SMV 女性配偶价值

In various contexts, women’s SMV is without doubt the most discussed topic in the manosphere. Try as we may, convincing a woman that her sexual peak lay actually between 18 and 25 is always an effort in debating denial. For all the self-convincing attempts to redefine sexual valuation to the contrary, SMV for women is ultimately decided by Men. Thus this bell curve is intended to represent the sexual value of women based on men’s metrics, not as women (by way of ceaseless social engineering) would like to define desirability. Please see the Myth of Sexual Peak and Sexy for cross references.

在各种语境中，女性的配偶价值（SMV）无疑是男性圈子里最常讨论的话题。尽管我们尽力而为，要说服女性她的性高峰期实际上在 18 至 25 岁之间，总是一场与否认的辩论。尽管有种种自我说服的努力试图重新定义性价值，但女性的 SMV 最终还是由男性决定的。因此，这条钟形曲线旨在根据男性的标准来代表女性的性价值，而非女性（通过不断社会工程）所希望定义的吸引力。请参阅《性高峰的神话》和《性感》以作交叉参考。

As we continue along you can see that the peak years for women’s SMV tops out at around 23 years. Fertility, desirability, sexual availability and really overall potential for male arousal and attention reach an apex between 22 to 24 year of age. Remember this approximation isn’t an estimate of personal worth or character, or any metric beyond a baseline of desirability invoked in men. Ladies, on average, this is your best year. I don’t think I’m relating anything the cold truth of your hindbrain hasn’t woke you up at night over.

随着我们继续前行，可以看到女性社会价值（SMV）的巅峰期大约在 23 岁左右。生育能力、吸引力、性可获得性以及男性整体上的兴奋度和关注度在 22 至 24 岁之间达到顶峰。请记住，这种近似值并非个人价值或品格的估算，也不是超越男性所唤起的吸引力基准的任何指标。女士们，平均而言，这是你们最美好的年华。我不认为我在揭示什么冷酷的真相，这些真相或许早已在你们的潜意识中深夜唤醒过你们。

At no other phase in your life will you enjoy more affirmation or legitimate male attention more zealously applied for your sexual approval than this brief stretch. Once past the apex, every effort you spend on generating male arousal cues will be in trying to recapture the experiences of this phase. Every post-apex, pre-Wall (24 to 30) calorie you burn will be motivated by the memories of your SMV peak.

在你生命中的其他任何阶段，都不会像这段短暂时光一样，享受到如此多的肯定或男性为赢得你的性认可而如此热切投入的关注。一旦过了巅峰期，你为激发男性兴奋所做的每一份努力，都将是为了重温这段时期的体验。在巅峰期之后、“墙”（24 至 30 岁）之前，你燃烧的每一卡路里，都将由你巅峰期吸引力的记忆所驱动。

By the age of 27 women’s SMV decline has begun in earnest. That isn’t to say that women can’t remain stunningly attractive and vivacious in their post-peak years, but comparative to the next crop of 22-23 year olds, the decline progressively becomes more evident. Competition for hypergamously suitable mates becomes more intense with each passing year. The age’s between 27 and 30 are subliminally the most stressful for women as the realization sinks in that they must trade their ‘party years’ short term mating protocol for a long term provisioning strategy.

27 岁起，女性的配偶价值开始真正下降。这并非意味着女性在巅峰期后无法保持惊人的魅力与活力，但相较于 22 至 23 岁的新一代，这种下降趋势逐渐变得明显。随着年岁增长，争夺优质伴侣的竞争愈发激烈。27 至 30 岁间，女性潜意识中承受着最大的压力，因为她们逐渐意识到，必须将“派对岁月”的短期交配策略转变为长期供养策略。

It’s at this point that rationalizations of ‘living a new life’ or ‘getting right with herself’ begin to formulate; not as a result of guilt per se, but rather as a function of relieving the anxieties associated with the new reality that she will eventually no longer be able to compete effectively in the SMP. The writing’s on the Wall; either she must establish her own security and provisioning, or settle for as acceptable a provider as her present looks will permit to secure his long term provisioning.

正是在这一点上，“开始新生活”或“与自己和解”的合理化解释开始形成；并非出于内疚本身，而是作为缓解与新现实相关焦虑的一种功能，她最终将无法在性市场价值中有效竞争。墙上的字迹已清晰可见；她要么必须建立自己的安全和供养，要么满足于当前外貌所能允许的、尽可能好的长期供养者。

Men 男人们

It may seem dismally pessimistic to begin boys SMV at so low a starting point at 15, but recall that we’re looking at overall averages. A 15 year old girl will look at an 18-20 year old man’s sexual approval as more valuable than that of her same age peers. It’s not that notable boys’ attentions are worthless, but they are far more mundane to a mid teens girl, thus the evaluation starts much lower.

从 15 岁开始设定男孩的 SMV（性市场价值）如此之低，可能显得过于悲观，但请记住，我们关注的是整体平均水平。一个 15 岁的女孩会将 18 至 20 岁男性的性认可视为比同龄男孩更有价值。并非说同龄男孩的关注毫无价值，只是对于十几岁的女孩而言，这种关注显得更为平凡，因此初始评价自然较低。

In various contexts, women’s SMV is without doubt the most discussed topic in the manosphere. Try as we may, convincing a woman that her sexual peak lay actually between 18 and 25 is always an effort in debating denial. For all the self-convincing attempts to redefine sexual valuation to the contrary, SMV for women is ultimately decided by Men. Thus this bell curve is intended to represent the sexual value of women based on men’s metrics, not as women (by way of ceaseless social engineering) would like to define desirability. Please see the Myth of Sexual Peak and Sexy for cross references.

在各种语境中，女性的配偶价值（SMV）无疑是男性圈子里最常讨论的话题。尽管我们尽力而为，要说服女性她的性高峰期实际上在 18 至 25 岁之间，总是一场与否认的辩论。尽管有种种自我说服的努力试图重新定义性价值，但女性的 SMV 最终还是由男性决定的。因此，这条钟形曲线旨在根据男性的标准来代表女性的性价值，而非女性（通过不断社会工程）所希望定义的吸引力。请参阅《性高峰的神话》和《性感》以作交叉参考。

As we continue along you can see that the peak years for women’s SMV tops out at around 23 years. Fertility, desirability, sexual availability and really overall potential for male arousal and attention reach an apex between 22 to 24 year of age. Remember this approximation isn’t an estimate of personal worth or character, or any metric beyond a baseline of desirability invoked in men. Ladies, on average, this is your best year. I don’t think I’m relating anything the cold truth of your hindbrain hasn’t woke you up at night over.

随着我们继续前行，可以看到女性社会价值（SMV）的巅峰期大约在 23 岁左右。生育能力、吸引力、性可获得性以及男性整体上的兴奋度和关注度在 22 至 24 岁之间达到顶峰。请记住，这种近似值并非个人价值或品格的估算，也不是超越男性所唤起的吸引力基准的任何指标。女士们，平均而言，这是你们最美好的年华。我不认为我在揭示什么冷酷的真相，这些真相或许早已在你们的潜意识中深夜唤醒过你们。

At no other phase in your life will you enjoy more affirmation or legitimate male attention more zealously applied for your sexual approval than this brief stretch. Once past the apex, every effort you spend on generating male arousal cues will be in trying to recapture the experiences of this phase. Every post-apex, pre-Wall (24 to 30) calorie you burn will be motivated by the memories of your SMV peak.

在你生命中的其他任何阶段，都不会像这段短暂时光一样，享受到如此多的肯定或男性为赢得你的性认可而如此热切投入的关注。一旦过了巅峰期，你为激发男性兴奋所做的每一份努力，都将是为了重温这段时期的体验。在巅峰期之后、“墙”（24 至 30 岁）之前，你燃烧的每一卡路里，都将由你巅峰期吸引力的记忆所驱动。

By the age of 27 women’s SMV decline has begun in earnest. That isn’t to say that women can’t remain stunningly attractive and vivacious in their post-peak years, but comparative to the next crop of 22-23 year olds, the decline progressively becomes more evident. Competition for hypergamously suitable mates becomes more intense with each passing year. The age’s between 27 and 30 are subliminally the most stressful for women as the realization sinks in that they must trade their ‘party years’ short term mating protocol for a long term provisioning strategy.

27 岁起，女性的配偶价值开始真正下降。这并非意味着女性在巅峰期后无法保持惊人的魅力与活力，但相较于 22 至 23 岁的新一代，这种下降趋势逐渐变得明显。随着年岁增长，争夺优质伴侣的竞争愈发激烈。27 至 30 岁间，女性潜意识中承受着最大的压力，因为她们逐渐意识到，必须将“派对岁月”的短期交配策略转变为长期供养策略。

It’s at this point that rationalizations of ‘living a new life’ or ‘getting right with herself’ begin to formulate; not as a result of guilt per se, but rather as a function of relieving the anxieties associated with the new reality that she will eventually no longer be able to compete effectively in the SMP. The writing’s on the Wall; either she must establish her own security and provisioning, or settle for as acceptable a provider as her present looks will permit to secure his long term provisioning.

正是在这一点上，“开始新生活”或“与自己和解”的合理化解释开始形成；并非出于内疚本身，而是作为缓解与新现实相关焦虑的一种功能，她最终将无法在性市场价值中有效竞争。墙上的字迹已清晰可见；她要么必须建立自己的安全和供养，要么满足于当前外貌所能允许的、尽可能好的长期供养者。

Men 男人们

It may seem dismally pessimistic to begin boys SMV at so low a starting point at 15, but recall that we’re looking at overall averages. A 15 year old girl will look at an 18-20 year old man’s sexual approval as more valuable than that of her same age peers. It’s not that notable boys’ attentions are worthless, but they are far more mundane to a mid teens girl, thus the evaluation starts much lower.

从 15 岁开始设定男孩的 SMV（性市场价值）如此之低，可能显得过于悲观，但请记住，我们关注的是整体平均水平。一个 15 岁的女孩会将 18 至 20 岁男性的性认可视为比同龄男孩更有价值。并非说同龄男孩的关注毫无价值，只是对于十几岁的女孩而言，这种关注显得更为平凡，因此初始评价自然较低。

As men age you can see that their SMV tends to level off during their 20’s with a gradual rise up to age 30. This represents men’s slow build SMV as they become more valuable by metrics of physical prowess, social gravity, status, maturity, affluence, influence, and hopefully dominance. It’s a slow process and unfortunately, of a man’s significant maturing to his SMV, most of it occurs while women are reaching their own SMV peak. At age 23, while a girl is enjoying her prime SMP value, a man is just beginning to make his own gradual ascent.

随着男性年龄增长，可以看到他们的配偶价值（SMV）在 20 多岁时趋于平稳，并逐渐上升至 30 岁。这体现了男性随着体能优势、社交影响力、社会地位、成熟度、财富、影响力以及希望展现的支配力等指标的提升，其 SMV 的缓慢积累过程。这是一个渐进的过程，遗憾的是，男性 SMV 显著提升的大部分阶段，恰逢女性达到自身 SMV 巅峰期。在 23 岁时，当一位女性正享受着她最佳的配偶市场价值时，男性才刚刚开始自己的缓慢攀升。

By age 36 the average man has reached his own relative SMV apex. It’s at this phase that his sexual / social / professional appeal has reached maturity. Assuming he’s maximized as much of his potential as possible, it’s at this stage that women’s hypergamous directives will find him the most acceptable for her long-term investment. He’s young enough to retain his physique in better part, but old enough to have attained social and professional maturity.

到 36 岁时，普通男性已达到其相对性市场价值（SMV）的巅峰。此时，他的性吸引力、社交魅力及职业魅力均已成熟。假设他已尽可能发挥了自己的潜力，那么在这个阶段，女性的长期投资倾向会认为他最为理想。他既年轻到足以保持较好的体魄，又年长到足以拥有社会和职业上的成熟度。

Comparative SMV and the Peak Span Years 比较 SMV 与峰值跨度年份

One important note here is to compare men and women’s SMV decline. Women’s SMV being primarily based on the physical, has a much more precipitous decline than that of men’s. who’s decline is graduated upon a declining capacity to maintain his status as well as his health / looks. Since a man’s SMV is rooted in his personal accomplishments, his SMV degradation has much more potential for preservation. Women’s SMV burns hot and short, but men’s burns slow and long.

这里一个重要的观察点是对比男女社会价值（SMV）的下降趋势。女性的 SMV 主要基于外在的生理条件，其下降速度远比男性更为急剧。而男性的 SMV 下降则是渐进式的，与其维持社会地位及健康外貌的能力逐渐减弱相关。由于男性的 SMV 植根于个人成就，其价值衰减具有更大的保留潜力。女性的 SMV 如流星般短暂而炽烈，而男性的则如长夜中的篝火，缓慢而持久。

Now class, please address your attention to the critical 15-16 year span between a woman’s peak SMV and that of men’s. It should come as no surprise that this span is generally the most socially tumultuous between the sexes. The majority of first marriages take place here, single-motherhood takes place here, advanced degrees, career establishments, hitting the Wall, and many other significant life events occur in this life stage. So it is with a profound sense of importance that we understand the SMV context, and the SMP’s influence as prescribed to each sexes experience during this period.

同学们，请将注意力集中到女性峰值社会价值（SMV）与男性之间的关键 15-16 年差距上。这一时期通常是两性关系中最动荡的阶段，这一点并不令人意外。大多数首次婚姻发生于此，单身母亲现象、高级学位获取、职业生涯确立、遭遇“中年危机”以及许多其他重大生活事件也集中在这个人生阶段。因此，我们深刻认识到 SMV 背景及其在两性经历这一时期时所施加的配偶市场（SMP）影响，具有极其重要的意义。

At age 30 men are just beginning to manifest some proto-awareness of their sexual value, while simultaneously women are becoming painfully aware of their marked inability to compete with their sexual competitors indefinitely. This is the point of comparative SMV: when both sexes are situationally at about the same level of valuation (5). The conflict in this is that men are just beginning to realize their potential while women must struggle with the declination of their own.

30 岁时，男性刚刚开始显现出对自己性价值的初步意识，而女性则痛苦地意识到自己明显无法与性竞争对手长期抗衡。这就是比较性市场价值（SMV）的节点：当两性在情境中处于大致相同的估值水平（5）。其中的矛盾在于，男性才刚开始意识到自己的潜力，而女性则必须面对自身价值的下滑。

This is the primary phase during which women must cash in their biological chips in the hope that the best men they can invest their hypergamy with will not be so aware of their innate SMV potential that they would choose a younger woman (22-24) during her peak phase over her. I wrote about this in The Threat:

这是女性必须兑现其生物筹码的首要阶段，她们寄望于能与自己进行超母性投资的最佳男性不会过于意识到她们天生的配偶价值潜力，以至于选择在她们巅峰期（22-24 岁）的年轻女性，而非她们自己。我在《威胁》一书中对此有所阐述：

Nothing is more threatening yet simultaneously attractive to a woman than a man who is aware of his own value to women.

没有什么比一个深知自身对女性价值所在的男人更让女人感到威胁却又同时被吸引的了。

The confluence between both sexes’ comparative SMV is perhaps the most critical stage of life for feminine hypergamy. She must be able to keep him ignorant of his SMV potential long enough to optimize her hypergamy. In men’s case, his imperative is to awaken to his SMV (or his potential of it) before he has made life-altering decisions based on a lack understanding his potential.

两性间相对社会价值（SMV）的交汇点，或许是女性择偶策略中最为关键的人生阶段。她必须能够让他长时间对其 SMV 潜力保持无知，以最大化她的择偶策略。而对男性而言，他的当务之急是在基于对自身潜力缺乏理解的情况下做出改变人生的决定之前，觉醒并认识到自己的 SMV（或其潜力）。

Every man who I’ve ever known to tell me how he wished he’d known of the manosphere or read my writing before getting married or ‘accidentally’ knocking up his BPD girlfriend has his regret rooted in not making this SMV awareness connection. They tended to value women more greatly than their own potential for a later realized SMV peak – or they never realized that peak due to not making this awareness connection.

每个曾向我倾诉过遗憾的男人，都后悔没有在结婚或“意外”让患有边缘型人格障碍的女友怀孕之前，了解过男性空间或阅读过我的文章。他们的遗憾根源在于未能意识到自身性市场价值（SMV）的重要性。他们往往过于看重女性，而忽视了自己未来可能达到的 SMV 巅峰——或者因为未能建立这种认知联系，而从未意识到那个巅峰的存在。

Well, I’m afraid that’s all I have space for today class. I hope this brief intensive has given you some food for thought as you enter a feminized world legally and socially dedicated to the benefit of optimizing hypergamy. Just remember, as you see your illustrious manosphere instructors gazing proudly from the gallery in our professorial caps and gowns, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

嗯，恐怕今天的课程内容就到这里了。希望这次简短的深入探讨能为您在进入一个法律和社会上都致力于优化超婚配的性别化世界时，提供一些思考的素材。请记住，当您看到我们这些杰出的男性领域导师们自豪地从画廊中凝视着，身着教授的帽袍时，预防胜于治疗，一盎司的预防价值胜过一磅的治疗。

Class dismissed. 下课。

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The Medium is the Message 媒介即信息

I hate the term ‘Mixed Signals’ or ‘Mixed Messages’. “I dunno man, she sending me mixed messages” is a common refrain among many a Blue Pill man.

我讨厌“混合信号”或“混合信息”这样的说法。“我不知道，伙计，她给我发来混合信息”是许多蓝药丸男人常挂在嘴边的话。

More often than not there’s nothing ‘Mixed’ being communicated, rather it’s a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating to a man. The average guy tends to ‘get’ exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own interpretation.

很多时候，所谓的“混合”信息并不存在，而是一种（有意或无意的）失败，未能理解女性向男性传达的内容。普通男性通常能准确领会女性言辞中的暗示，但要解读她的行为并进一步练习自我控制，以将其应用于自己的理解中，则需要更多的实践。

When a woman goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message — she’s got buyers remorse, you’re not her first priority, she’s deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better Hypergamous prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. — the message isn’t the ‘what ifs’, the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? Flaking? strong interest to weak interest? This IS the message.

当一个女人从热情转为冷淡，再反复无常时，这传递的信息是——她心怀悔意，你不再是她的首要选择，她在权衡你与她认为更优越的择偶对象之间，她醉酒时你看起来更迷人，等等——信息不在于“如果”的假设，而是她自身的犹豫以及这种犹豫如何体现在她的行为中。10 次约会才发生关系？这就是信息。取消约会？爽约？从强烈兴趣到兴趣减弱？这就是信息。

Women with high interest level (IL) wont confuse you. When a woman wants to fuck you she’ll find a way to fuck you. If she’s fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It’s when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that’ll bring her around, that’s when you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attentions.

高兴趣水平（IL）的女性不会让你困惑。当一个女人想和你发生关系时，她会找到办法。如果她在你和不在你之间摇摆不定，暂时把她放在一边，去接触其他女性。如果她自己理清了思路并追求你，那么你仍然在你的框架内游戏，并保持对她注意力的价值。当你耐心地消磨时间，想知道什么神奇公式能让她回心转意时，那就是你屈服于她的框架。你需要她多于她需要你，她将决定她注意力的条件。

What most guys think are ‘mixed messages’ or confusing behavior coming from a woman is simply due to their inability (or refusal) to make an accurate interpretation of why she’s behaving in such a manner. Usually this boils down to a guy getting so wrapped up in a girl that he’d rather make concessions for her behavior than see it for what it really is. In other words, it’s far easier to call it ‘mixed messages’ or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle and random women are, when in fact it’s simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives. A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with him. Women of all ILs will test a man’s fitness (i.e. shit test), and men will pass or fail accordingly, but a test is more easily recognizable when you consider the context in which they’re delivered.

大多数男性认为的“混杂信息”或来自女性的令人困惑的行为，其实只是因为他们无法（或拒绝）准确解读她为何如此行事。通常情况下，这是因为男性过于沉迷于某个女孩，以至于他们宁愿为她找借口，也不愿看清事实。换句话说，当实际上这只是为了让自己保持“上钩”状态的借口时，称其为“混杂信息”或依赖于女性善变、随机的陈词滥调要容易得多，因为他们缺乏与其他女性交往的真正、可行的选择。一个在男性心中地位高的女性，无需（且动机更少）采取可能损害她在他心中地位的行为。无论地位高低，女性都会测试男性的适应性（即“废物测试”），男性会相应地通过或失败，但当你考虑她们传递信息的背景时，这些测试更容易被识别。

More often than not women tell the complete truth with their mannerisms and behaviors, they just communicate it in a fashion that men can’t or wont understand. As a behaviorist, I’m a firm believer in the psychological principal that the only way to determine genuine motivation and/or intent is to observe the behavior of an individual. All one need do is compare behavior and the results of it to correlate intent.

女性的举止和行为往往能完整地传达真相，只是她们以一种男性无法或不愿理解的方式进行沟通。作为一名行为学家，我坚信心理学原理：唯一能确定真实动机和意图的方法是观察个人的行为。只需将行为及其结果进行比较，就能推断出意图。

A woman will communicate vast wealths of information and truths to a man if he’s only willing to accept her behavior, not exclusively her words, as the benchmark. He must also understand that the truth she betrays in her behavior is often not what he wants to accept.

如果一个男人愿意将女人的行为而非仅仅她的言辞作为衡量标准，她将向他传递大量信息和真相。他还必须明白，她行为中所透露的真相往往并非他愿意接受的。

We get frustrated because women communicate differently than we do. Women communicate covertly, men communicate overtly. Men convey information, women convey feeling. Men prioritize content and information, women prioritize context and feeling when they communicate. One of the great obfuscations fostered by feminization in the last quarter-century is this expectation that women are every bit as rational and inclined to analytical problem solving as men. It’s the result of an equalist mentality that misguides men into believing that women communicate no differently than men. That’s not to discount women learning to be problem solvers in their own right, but it flies in the face how women set about a specifically feminine form of communication. Scientific study after study illustrating the natural capacity women have for exceptionally complex forms of communication (to the point of proving their neural pathways are wired differently) are proudly waved in by a feminized media as proof of women’s innate merits. Yet as men, we’re expected to accept that she “means what she says, and she says what she means.”

我们感到沮丧，因为女性与我们沟通的方式不同。女性沟通隐晦，男性沟通直白。男性传递信息，女性传递情感。男性在沟通时优先考虑内容和信息，女性则优先考虑情境和情感。过去二十五年中，女性化趋势带来的一个重大混淆是，人们期望女性与男性一样理性，同样倾向于分析解决问题。这种平等主义心态误导男性，让他们误以为女性沟通方式与男性无异。这并非贬低女性独立解决问题的能力，但确实忽视了女性特有的沟通方式。科学研究一再表明，女性天生具备极其复杂的沟通能力（甚至证明她们的大脑神经通路构造不同），这些研究被女性化的媒体自豪地用来证明女性的先天优势。然而，作为男性，我们却被要求接受她“言出必行，行必有果”的观念。

More than a few women like to wear this as a badge of some kind of superiority, however it doesn’t necessarily mean that what they communicate is more important, or how they communicate it is more efficient, just that they have a greater capacity to understand nuances of communication better than do men. One of the easiest illustrations of this generational gender switch is to observe the communication methods of the “strong” women the media portray in popular fiction today. How do we know she’s a strong woman? The first cue is she communicates in an overt, information centered, masculine manner.

不少女性喜欢将此视为某种优越性的标志，但这并不意味着她们所传达的内容更重要，或她们传达的方式更高效，只是她们在理解沟通的细微差别方面比男性更有能力。最简单的例证之一就是观察媒体在当今流行小说中所描绘的“强势”女性的沟通方式。我们如何知道她是强势女性？第一个线索是她以一种公开、信息为中心、男性化的方式进行沟通。

You don’t need to be psychic to understand women’s covert communication, you need to be observant. This often requires a patience that most men simply don’t have, so they write women off as duplicitous, fickle or conniving if the name fits. Even to the Men that are observant enough, and take the needed mental notes to really see it going on around them, it seems very inefficient and irrational. And why wouldn’t it? We’re Men. Our communications are (generally) information based, deductive and rational, that’s Men’s overt communication. Blunt, to the point, solve the problem and move on to the next. Feminine communication seems insane, it is a highly dysfunctional form of communication….,to be more specific, it’s a childish form of communication. This is what children do! They say one thing and do another. they throw temper tantrums. They react emotionally to everything. Yes, they do. And more often than not, they get what they’re really after — attention. Women are crazy, but it’s a calculated crazy.

你无需通灵便能理解女性的隐秘沟通，只需保持敏锐的观察力。这往往需要大多数男性所缺乏的耐心，因此他们若觉得合适，便会将女性视为狡诈、善变或阴险。即便对那些足够敏锐、用心记录以真正洞察周围动态的男性而言，这种沟通方式也显得极为低效且不合理。难道不是吗？我们是男性。我们的沟通（通常）基于信息、推理性且理性，这是男性的显性沟通。直截了当，解决问题，然后转向下一个。女性的沟通方式看似疯狂，实则是一种高度功能失调的沟通形式……更确切地说，这是一种幼稚的沟通方式。这就是孩子们的行为！他们说一套做一套，发脾气，对一切事物情绪化反应。没错，他们确实如此。而且，他们往往能得到真正想要的东西——关注。女性是疯狂的，但这种疯狂是经过精心计算的。

Covert communication frustrates us every bit as much as overt communication frustrates women. Our language has no art to it for them, that’s why we seem dumb or simple at best to women. We filter for information to work from, not the subtle details that make communication enjoyable for women. This is the same reason we think of feminine communication as being obfuscating, confusing, even random. The difference is that our confusion and frustration is put to their ultimate use. So long as women remain unknowable, random, irrational creatures that men can’t hope to understand (but can always excuse), they can operate unhindered towards their goals. “Silly boy, you’ll never understand women, just give up” is exactly the M.O. Once you accept this, she’s earned a lifetime of get-out-of-jail-free cards. The myth of the ‘Feminine Mystique’ and a woman’s prerogative (to change her mind) is entirely dependent upon this covert communication.

隐蔽的沟通方式让我们和女性在公开沟通中一样感到沮丧。我们的语言对他们来说毫无艺术性可言，这就是为什么我们在女性眼中显得愚蠢或至多简单。我们筛选信息以供工作，而不是那些让女性感到愉悦的微妙细节。这也是我们认为女性沟通方式含糊、混乱甚至随意的原因。不同的是，我们的困惑和挫折被她们用于最终目的。只要女性保持难以捉摸、随机、非理性的形象，让男性无法理解（但总能原谅），她们就能无阻碍地朝目标前进。“傻小子，你永远不懂女人，放弃吧”正是这种模式。一旦你接受这一点，她就赢得了终身免罪卡。“女性神秘感”的神话和女性改变主意的特权完全依赖于这种隐蔽的沟通。

Now as Men we’ll say, “Evil, immoral, manipulative woman! Shape up and do the right thing, saying one thing then doing another makes you a hypocrite!” and of course this is our rational nature overtly making itself heard and exposing a woman’s covert communication. An appeal to morality, that’ll get her, but,..it doesn’t.

现在，作为男性，我们会说：“邪恶、不道德、操纵人心的女人！改过自新，做正确的事，说一套做一套让你成了伪君子！”当然，这是我们理性本性的公开表达，揭露了女性的隐秘沟通。诉诸道德，这会让她改正，但是，……并没有。

This is because women instinctively know that their sexuality is their first, best agency, and covert communication is the best method to utilize it. Appeals to morality only work in her favor, because all she need do is agree with a Man’s overt assessment of her and suddenly he thinks he’s ‘getting through to her’. As Men, we have become so conditioned by the Feminine Mystique to expect a woman to be duplicitous with us that when she suddenly leans into masculine communication forms and resorts to our own, overt communication method and agrees with us, it seems she’s had an epiphany, or a moment of clarity. “Wow, this one’s really special, ‘high quality’, and seems to get it.” That is, so long as it suits her conditions to do so. When it doesn’t, the Feminine Mystique is there to explain it all away.

这是因为女性本能地知道，她们的性魅力是她们最强大、最有效的工具，而隐秘的沟通方式是利用它的最佳方法。道德上的呼吁只会对她有利，因为她只需同意一个男人的公开评价，他就会突然觉得自己“打动了她”。作为男性，我们已经被女性神秘感所影响，以至于期望女性对我们虚伪，当她突然采用男性化的沟通方式，采用我们自己的公开沟通方法并同意我们时，她似乎有了顿悟，或是一瞬间的清晰。“哇，这个真的很特别，‘高质量’，似乎明白了。”也就是说，只要符合她的条件。如果不符合，女性神秘感就会解释这一切。

Have you ever been in a social setting, maybe a party or something, with a girlfriend or even a woman you may be dating and seemingly out of the blue she says to you privately, “ooh, did you see the dirty look that bitch just gave me?!” You were right there in her physical presence, saw the girl she was talking about, yet didn’t register a thing. Women’s natural preference for covert communication is recognizable by as early as five years old. They prefer to fight in the psychological, whereas boys fight in the physical.

你是否曾在社交场合，比如派对上，与女友或正在约会的女性在一起，突然间她私下对你说：“哦，你看到那个贱人刚才对我的那种眼神了吗？！”你当时就在她身边，看到了她所说的那个女孩，却什么也没察觉到。女性天生偏好隐秘的沟通方式，这种倾向在五岁时就能显现出来。她们更倾向于在心理层面进行斗争，而男孩则更倾向于在身体层面。

Within their own peer group, little girls fight for dominance with the threat of ostracization from the group. “I wont be your friend anymore if,..” is just as much a threat to a girl as “I’m gonna punch you in the face if,..” is to a boy. This dynamic becomes much more complex as girls enter puberty, adolescence and adulthood, yet they still use the same psychological mode of combat as adults. Their covert way of communicating this using innuendo, body language, appearance, sub-communications, gestures, etc. conveys far more information than our overt, all on the table, way of communicating does. It may seem more efficient to us as Men, but our method doesn’t satisfy the same purpose.

在她们自己的同龄群体中，小女孩们通过被群体排斥的威胁来争夺主导地位。“如果你……，我就不再是你的朋友了”对女孩来说，与“如果你……，我就要揍你”对男孩的威胁一样大。随着女孩进入青春期、青少年期和成年期，这种动态变得更加复杂，但她们作为成年人仍然使用相同的心理战斗模式。她们通过暗示、肢体语言、外表、次级交流、手势等隐秘方式传达的信息，远比我们直接、公开的交流方式所传达的信息丰富得多。对我们男性来说，这似乎效率更高，但我们的方法并不能满足相同的目的。

Women enjoy the communication more than the information being transferred. It’s not a problem to be solved, it’s the communication that’s primary. When a chump supplies her with everything all at once we think, yeah, the mystery is gone, he’s not a challenge anymore, why would she be interested? This is true, but the reason that intrigue is gone is because there’s no more potential for stimulating that need for communication or her imagination. Too many men buy into the lie that ‘open communication’ is the key to a good relationship and do an ‘information dump’ believing their wives or girlfriends will appreciate it. In doing so a man denies his woman the satisfaction of communicating in teasing out the information.

女性享受的是交流本身，而非传递的信息。这不是一个需要解决的问题，交流才是首要的。当一个男人一次性满足她所有的需求时，我们会想，是的，神秘感消失了，他不再具有挑战性，她为何还会感兴趣？确实如此，但这种神秘感的消失，是因为不再有激发她交流需求或想象力的潜力。太多男人相信“开放沟通”是良好关系的关键，于是进行“信息倾倒”，以为妻子或女友会对此感激。然而，这样做却剥夺了女性通过交流逐步获取信息的满足感。

Nothing is more self-satisfying for a woman than for her to believe she’s figured a man out by using her mythical ‘feminine intuition’. This intuition is really just a name given to her preferred form of communication.

没有什么比女人相信自己通过神秘的“女性直觉”看透一个男人更让她自我满足的了。这种直觉其实只是她偏好的沟通方式的代名词。

Lastly, I should add that women are not above using overt communication when it serves their purposes. When a woman comes out and says something in such a fashion so as to leave no margin for misinterpretation, you can bet she’s been pushed to that point out of either fear or sheer exasperation when her covert methods wont work.

最后，我应该补充的是，女性在达到目的时并不排斥使用直接沟通。当一位女性以一种不容误解的方式明确表达时，可以肯定，她是因为恐惧或纯粹的恼怒而被逼到这一步的，因为她的间接手段已无法奏效。

“Can’t we just be friends?” is a covert rejection, “Get away from me you creep!!” is an overt rejection. When a woman opts for the overt, rest assured, she’s out of covert ideas and knows she must use men’s form of communication. This is an easy example of this, but when a woman cries on you, screams at you, or issues an ultimatum to you she is self-acknowledging that she is powerless to the point of having to come over to your way of communicating.

“我们不能只做朋友吗？”是一种隐晦的拒绝，“离我远点，你这个变态！！”则是一种直接的拒绝。当一个女人选择直接的方式，可以肯定，她已经没有隐晦的招数了，并且明白必须采用男性的沟通方式。这是一个简单的例子，但当一个女人在你面前哭泣、对你大喊大叫，或向你发出最后通牒时，她是在自我承认，她已经无能为力，以至于不得不转向你的沟通方式。

Likewise, men can and do master the art of covert communications as well. Great politicians, military generals, businessmen, salesmen to be sure, and of course master pickup artists all use covert communications to achieve their goals. It’s incorrect to think of covert communication as inherently dishonest or amoral, or even in a moral context. It’s a means to an end, just as overt communication is a means to an end, and that end whether decided by men or women is what’s ethical or unethical. The medium is the message.

同样，男性也能够并且确实掌握了隐秘沟通的艺术。伟大的政治家、军事将领、商人、销售员，当然还有顶级搭讪艺术家，都利用隐秘沟通来实现他们的目标。认为隐秘沟通本质上是不诚实或不道德的，甚至是道德层面的，这是不正确的。它是一种达到目的的手段，正如公开沟通是一种达到目的的手段一样，而这一目的，无论是由男性还是女性决定的，才是道德或不道德的。媒介即信息。

Qualities of the Prince 君主的品质

You know, I’m not quite sure if my readership is aware of this, but I’m a Prince. No really, I’m a Prince (stop laughing), or at least that’s the expectation I’ve come to have others recognize in me after sifting through women’s online profiles on such fantastical dating resources such as Plenty of Whales Fish and OK U-Bid Cupid. But don’t think I’m such a rare bird, because amazingly enough, if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably a Prince too! And you didn’t even realize it did you?

你知道吗，我不太确定我的读者是否意识到这一点，但我是个王子。真的，我是个王子（别笑），或者至少这是我通过筛选女性在诸如“鲸鱼鱼塘”和“OK 你竞拍丘比特”等奇幻约会资源上的在线资料后，让别人在我身上认定的身份。但别以为我是多么稀有的鸟儿，因为令人惊讶的是，如果你在读这篇博客，你很可能也是个王子！而你自己甚至都没意识到，对吧？

You see, virtually all the women you encounter on these Buffers online dating resources are simply undiscovered, under-appreciated jewels in the rough. They’re Princesses, and goddammit they deserve to be treated as such. Just reading through each profile is like going on safari and encountering a virtual cornucopia of rare and exotic animals (kind of like a zoo), each meticulously described in encyclopedic detail of their uniqueness and rarity of finding. What mere mortal man could possibly deserve to touch such feminine refinery?

你看，这些 Buffers 在线约会资源上几乎所有你遇到的女性，都是未经发掘、未被赏识的璞玉。她们是公主，该死的，她们理应被如此对待。仅仅浏览每个资料，就像踏上一场探险之旅，遇见一个虚拟的珍奇动物园（有点像动物园），每一种动物都以其独特性和稀有性被详尽地描述，仿佛百科全书般细致入微。这样的女性精致之美，凡夫俗子怎配触碰？

A few years ago the denizens of the SoSuave forum accidentally conducted one of the most humorous social experiments ever performed. A member by the handle of Bonhomme was a frequenter of Plenty of Fish and noticed an interesting trend in women’s profiles. Though most of the women using online dating run the gamut from hopelessly fat to 2-drink fuckability, the one thing most had in common was an entirely overblown sense of self-worth to compliment their grossly overrated self-impression of their sexual market value (SMV for those of you playing the home game). This is nothing shocking for unplugged Men; the ‘community’ has long held that social media and online Buffers work in tandem to convince a woman she’s 1 to 2 degrees higher on her SMV scale. What hadn’t been studied up to then was the descriptors and qualifications that online women used in both their “list of demands” and their own self-evaluations, or “the brochure of value added features” any man with common sense (see fem-centric conditioning) would ever be considered a ‘Man’ for appreciating in a woman.

几年前，SoSuave 论坛的居民们无意中进行了一项史上最幽默的社会实验。一位名为 Bonhomme 的会员频繁使用 Plenty of Fish，并注意到女性用户资料中一个有趣的趋势。尽管大多数使用在线约会的女性从绝望的肥胖到两杯酒后的可睡性不一而足，但她们有一个共同点：那就是对自己价值的高估，以及对自身性市场价值（SMV）的极度夸大。对于未被社会化的男性来说，这并不令人震惊；社区长期以来一直认为，社交媒体和在线缓冲器共同作用，让女性相信自己在 SMV 尺度上高出 1 到 2 度。在此之前，尚未研究的是在线女性在“需求清单”和自我评价中使用的描述词和资格，或者说，任何有常识（参见女性中心化条件）的男性会被视为“男人”，仅仅是因为欣赏女性所谓的“增值特征手册”。

The following is an example pulled from a typical profile:

以下是从典型档案中提取的示例：

Here is a well thought out idea of what kind of guy I am interested in… 5’10” or taller, lives near by, compassionate, intelligent, giving, VERY Attractive (someone other than your mother or sister has said so, lol) and in shape, prefer self employed, FAMILY orientated, open to new spontaneous things, likes to camp, likes to golf, wants children, would be a good father and faithful husband, a gentleman, gives me my space when I need it, not a nerd or too sarcastic, can take a hint, social, calls for no reason, remembers sending a note or a nominal gift IS romantic and necessary, respectful, sense of humor, and thinks the world of me. I am not interested in anyone older than 41 and anyone who makes less money than me since I do not plan on changing the lifestyle I have grown accustom to and hope to one day be a stay at home mom and furthermore… my children will never want for ANYTHING (but of course will not be spoiled brats either lol). You should also love animals I am not attracted to red heads at all lol sorry.

以下是我深思熟虑后对理想伴侣的描述…身高 5’10”或以上，居住在附近，富有同情心、智慧、慷慨，极具吸引力（非母亲或姐妹评价，哈哈），身材匀称，更倾向于自主创业，家庭观念强，乐于接受新奇与即兴之事，喜欢露营、打高尔夫，渴望拥有孩子，能成为好父亲和忠诚的丈夫，具备绅士风度，在我需要时给予空间，不沉迷于书呆子气或过于讽刺，能领会暗示，社交广泛，无故来电，记得送小纸条或小礼物是浪漫且必要的，尊重他人，幽默感十足，对我评价极高。我不考虑年龄超过 41 岁或收入低于我的人，因为我无意改变已习惯的生活方式，并希望有朝一日成为全职妈妈，同时…我的孩子将不会缺少任何东西（当然也不会被宠坏，哈哈）。你也应热爱动物 我对红发人士完全无感，哈哈，抱歉。

Wow! A rare find indeed. Thank heaven for the internet in providing men such a valuable resource that we might encounter such rational and strong women as this. This is one common example, but by far the most common self-references women made involved the word “Princess” – “I’m a Princess waiting for my Prince” or “I’ll admit it, I’m a Princess, I just need to find a man who can appreciate that and treat me right.”

哇！真是难得一遇。感谢互联网，为我们提供了如此宝贵的资源，让我们能遇到像这样理性且坚强的女性。这是一个常见的例子，但迄今为止，女性最常见的自我描述词是“公主”——“我是一位等待王子的公主”或“我承认，我是个公主，我只是在寻找一个能欣赏并善待我的男人。”

Well, far be it from Rollo J. Tomassi to deny these undiscovered royals their due! Quickly I began to craft a cunning profile of my own; one which these pouting Princesses would surely recognize as that of none other than the Crown Prince of Man-dom. Using their own profile’s jingoisms and idioms as a template, I established an idealized persona, one that any woman worth her equalist “common sense” salt would instantly be irresistible to,…

好吧，罗洛·J·托马西绝不会否认这些未被发现的皇室成员应得的地位！我迅速开始精心打造自己的狡猾形象；一个这些噘嘴公主们必定能认出，正是男儿国度中无可争议的皇太子身份。以她们自身简介中的口号和习语为模板，我塑造了一个理想化的自我，任何具备平等主义“常识”的女性都会立刻为之倾倒，……

Here is a well thought out idea of what kind of gal I am interested in…5′ 5″ or taller, but not over 6 feet (because while I don’t mind being eye to eye with you, I won’t ever be looking up to you), lives close enough to be at my house within 10 minutes after I make the call, genuinely passionate, intelligent enough to be good company, sexually available (preferably insatiable) and VERY attractive – we’re talking Jessica Alba, Keyra Augustina attractive – women with a body-fat percentage higher than 8% need not apply. Must be employed but not so well as you’ll interfere with our sexual activities, FAMILY oriented, but only after you’ve hit 30-33, open to spontaneous sex (you know, like outdoor stuff or a surprise 3 way with one of your hot girlfriends after our 2nd martini), likes to camp (in the nude), knows not to complain when I go play golf with the clients from work.

以下是我精心构思的理想伴侣类型…身高 5 英尺 5 英寸或以上，但不超过 6 英尺（因为虽然我不介意与你平视，但绝不会仰视你），居住地离我足够近，能在我打电话后 10 分钟内赶到我家，真诚热情，足够聪明以成为良伴，性方面开放（最好是欲壑难填）且极具吸引力——我们说的是像杰西卡·阿尔芭、凯拉·奥古斯蒂娜那样的魅力——体脂率高于 8%的女性请勿申请。必须有工作，但不要太成功以至于干扰我们的性活动，家庭导向，但仅限于 30-33 岁之后，乐于接受即兴性爱（比如户外活动或在我们喝第二杯马提尼后与你的火辣闺蜜来个惊喜的三人行），喜欢裸体露营，懂得在我与工作客户打高尔夫时不抱怨。

She must want children after 33 years of age if at all, and only after she’s proven to be a good mother and faithful wife, must be a lady with class and know when the right time is to speak and not to speak, not a prude or bitch, can take the first hint, sociable, unexpectedly texts me pictures of her wearing something new from Fredericks of Hollywood, understands that the best gift she can give me is expressing her desire to fuck me like a wild animal, and also understands that gifts for her are treats or rewards for desired behavior.

如果她真的想要孩子，那也必须是在 33 岁之后，并且只有在证明自己是一位好母亲和忠诚的妻子之后。她必须是一位有品位的女士，懂得何时该说话，何时该保持沉默，既不古板也不泼辣，能敏锐捕捉到第一个暗示，善于社交，偶尔会出乎意料地发给我她穿着好莱坞弗雷德里克新款的照片，明白她能给我的最好礼物就是表达她渴望像野兽般与我欢爱，同时也明白，给她的礼物是对她期望行为的奖赏或犒劳。

Must be respectful of my decisions being final, can’t take herself too seriously and thinks the world of me. I’m not interested in anyone over 31 (since this is most women’s expiration date anyway), she cannot have exorbitant spending habits or a credit debtload in excess of $1,000 since I do not plan on changing the lifestyle I have grown accustom to and hope to one day be able to send my own children to college (rather than pay for your student debt), and furthermore… my children will be taught to reasonably earn their achievements on their own and respect the decisions of their Father and mother (and absolutely will not be spoiled brats either). I’m very attracted to redheads, blondes, brunettes, Latinas, Asians, African-Americans, Pacific Islanders, etc., pretty much any woman that meets my physical requirements. I am not attracted at all to even slightly fat women no matter how much “inner beauty” you think you may possess. Hope to meet you soon, your Prince.

必须尊重我的决定为最终决定，不可过于自负，且对我满怀敬意。我对 31 岁以上的女性不感兴趣（毕竟这大多女性的保质期），她不能有奢侈的消费习惯或信用卡债务超过 1000 美元，因为我无意改变我已习惯的生活方式，并希望有朝一日能供自己的子女上大学（而非为你的学贷买单）。此外……我的孩子将被教导以合理的方式自行争取成就，并尊重父母（尤其是父亲和母亲）的决定（绝不会成为被宠坏的小孩）。我对红发、金发、棕发、拉丁裔、亚裔、非裔美国人、太平洋岛民等，几乎任何符合我外貌要求的女性都极具吸引力。我完全不吸引于哪怕略显肥胖的女性，无论你认为自己拥有多少“内在美”。期待早日遇见你，我的王子。

There! What woman could possible fail to appreciate all of the qualities of a Prince based on their very own template? Insidious, clever and witty. All I had to do was await what could only be a landslide of returned affection and positive responses. I contemplated how I would have to let down the poor cast off Princesses who failed to meet my humble criteria as the first response came in,… 看！哪个女人能不欣赏基于自身模板塑造的王子所具备的全部品质呢？狡黠、聪慧且机智。我只需静候那必然如山崩般涌来的爱意与正面回应。我思忖着，当第一条回复到来时，我该如何婉拒那些未能达到我谦逊标准的可怜落选公主们……

“I read your profile, and is any of it serious?????” “我看了你的简介，里面有哪部分是认真的吗？？？？”

A bit perturbed I reply, 我有些不安地回答道，

Why do you think it’s not serious? Am I not allowed to be a bit specific? 你为什么觉得这不严重？我不能稍微具体一点吗？

“Sorry not about to put up with your kind of shit.” “抱歉，我可受不了你这种破事。”

Strange and yet strange again. Here I’d learned that self-confidence and assertiveness were traits women admired in the land of gender-equalism. Ah, perhaps this Princess was a bit jaded by such a dearth of qualified Princes at her disposal. I waited a bit more and was rewarded by a Princess called ‘Lil Sweet Heart’ who’d randomly read my glowing self-description,..

奇怪而又再次奇怪。我曾得知，自信和果断是女性在性别平等主义之地所欣赏的品质。啊，或许这位公主因身边缺乏合格的王子而有些厌倦。我又等了一会儿，得到了一位名为“小甜心”的公主的回应，她偶然读到了我那光彩夺目的自我描述，……

“what a profile “多么出色的简介

see iam a strong willed person!!

看，我是一个意志坚强的人！！

i speak when i want to say what i want and when i want and the way ur profile sounds i dont we;d be a match and the part about raising a spoiled brat thats a hard one to over come depends what u see as spoiled sure my boys r a bit spoiled well a lot but thats the way i was raised and it did me no wrong my kids know that they have to work to earn their spending and treats but no reason why a parent cant buy something just because so maybe ur profile can off wrong but my feeling is not some one id wanna meet hmmmmm”

我想说我想说的话，想什么时候说就什么时候说，从你的个人资料来看，我觉得我们不太合适。至于养育宠坏的孩子，这确实是个难题，取决于你怎么看待“宠坏”。当然，我的孩子们有点被宠坏了，或者说相当宠坏了，但这是我成长的方式，对我并无害处。我的孩子们知道他们必须努力工作才能赚取零花钱和奖励，但父母买东西给他们并没有什么错。也许你的个人资料有些误导，但我的感觉是，我并不想见这样的人。嗯……

Egads! I respond, 天哪！我回应道，

“Honestly, I really tried to read your message to me, but all of the bastardized English and the run-on sentences made it virtually impossible to understand what you were trying to say.”

“老实说，我真的努力去读你发给我的信息，但那些被糟蹋的英语和冗长的句子让我几乎无法理解你想表达什么。”

I do say. Whomever this royal child’s au pair was is deserving of a public scourging! The thought of so ill-preparing a Princess for courtly discourse with the Man who will one day be her King is inexcusable. Bah, the blazes with this one, I’ll be patient on another,..

我确实这么说。无论这位皇室孩子的保姆是谁，都应受到公开鞭笞！如此不周到地为公主准备与未来国王的宫廷对话，实在是不可原谅。哼，算了，我会在另一个上耐心等待，…

“uh, yeah, i don’t think so. maybe your profile’s a joke (which would make it less sad), but i don’t find it amusing, not my sense of humour at all.and the fact that i’m even bothering to reply to say no, rather than just ignore you, should tell you how distasteful it is.happy hunting. (though you’d have better luck if you went back in time 100 years or so, have fun finding chics like that today)

“呃，是的，我不这么认为。也许你的个人资料是个笑话（那样会不那么悲伤），但我一点也不觉得好笑，完全不是我的幽默感。而我竟然还费心回复说‘不’，而不是直接忽略你，这足以说明它有多么令人反感。祝你狩猎愉快。（不过如果你能回到大约 100 年前，运气可能会更好，今天想找到那样的女孩可不容易）”

After checking out your profile, you are one of the rudest people i’ve even encountered. In your dreams…”

查看过你的资料后，你是我遇到过最粗鲁的人之一。做梦去吧……”

Hmm, I was beginning to see a flaw in my profile design. You see I had simply reworded the profile of my original Princess’ profile and changed the gender specific terms to the masculine, while adding a bit of my own desires to the outline of the ideal Princess I’d like to meet. After all, they all want to be treated like Princesses, I’m just asking to be treated like a Prince. But,..perhaps I’d been remiss in my waiting for the Princesses to respond. How unmanning of me – I would seek out my prize and pursue her. This profile caught my eye,…

嗯，我开始意识到我的个人资料设计中存在一个缺陷。你看，我只是简单地改写了原版公主的个人资料，将性别特定的词汇改为男性，并在理想公主的轮廓中加入了一些我自己的愿望。毕竟，她们都希望被当作公主对待，我只是要求被当作王子对待。但是，也许我在等待公主们回应时疏忽了。这让我显得不够男子气概——我会主动寻找我的目标并追求她。这份资料引起了我的注意……

“I am friendly, outgoing, generous, loyal, honest and adventurous. I work in a hospital. I also drive and have my own car.

“我性格友好、外向、慷慨、忠诚、诚实且富有冒险精神。我在医院工作，并且会开车，拥有自己的汽车。”

I love to get my nails done every two weeks. I love fashion and style. I care about pop culture and social issues.

我喜欢每两周做一次美甲。我热爱时尚与风格。我关注流行文化和社交议题。

I have an IQ of 146. I am extremely intelligent and educated.

我的智商为 146。我极其聪明且受过良好教育。

First Date: I dont want to meet Cheaters, users, players, haters, crumb bumbs, guys who want booty calls or fuk buddies… ya’ll dont let the door hit cha on the way out… I guess Im looking to meet someone around my own age, who is taller than me preferably caucasian, attractive, who likes to work out, has a unique, ghetto and sarcastic sense of humor like me.”

初次约会：我不想遇到骗子、利用者、玩家、仇恨者、卑鄙小人，也不想遇到那些只想约炮或找炮友的家伙……你们走好，别让门撞到你们。我想找的是与我年龄相仿的人，最好比我高，最好是白人，有吸引力，喜欢健身，拥有像我一样独特、街头且带点讽刺的幽默感。

Well, not the ideal prize I’d been seeking, but perhaps this was another jewel in the rough that just needed a bit of spit and polish. I respond in the affirmative to her brassy, assertive equalist nature. After reading my profile, she responds,..

嗯，虽然不是我一直在寻找的理想奖品，但或许这只是另一颗未经雕琢的宝石，只需稍加打磨。我欣然回应她那大胆、自信的平等主义特质。在阅读了我的资料后，她回应道，……

“i mak emy own moneya nd pay for own 5hit.. and for someone with such high standards take a good look in the mirror becuz these girls aka jessica alba are way out of ur league… if u want someone who is hot at least BE hot urself!”

“我自己赚钱，自己付账单……像你这样高标准的人，最好先照照镜子，因为这些女孩，比如杰西卡·阿尔芭，根本不是你的菜……如果你想要一个火辣的对象，至少你自己也得够火辣！”

I found this confusing since I had no picture on my profile at this point. I’d have to address that, but strange that the assumption was that my physical stature would necessarily be inadequate for her. I respond,..

由于此时我的个人资料上没有照片，这让我感到困惑。我得解决这个问题，但奇怪的是，她竟然认为我的体格必然不符合她的要求。我回复道，...

“Dear woman, for someone with such a high opinion of her intelligence your grammar, punctuation and syntax are far from reflecting this. You type like shite.”

“亲爱的女士，尽管您对自己的智慧评价甚高，但您的语法、标点和句法远未反映出这一点。您的打字水平实在糟糕。”

What I’d found most entertaining of this whole affair is that these women somehow feel compelled to respond to the profile. As if it were some personal affront to their sensibilities that it should need their attention to correct, rather than simply move on to the next profile. Judging from the frequency and intensity of the responses, how many men do you suppose responded to the original woman’s profile with the same fervor?

整个事件中最让我觉得有趣的是，这些女性不知为何感到必须回应这个简介。仿佛她们觉得这是对她们敏感性的个人冒犯，需要她们的关注来纠正，而不是简单地浏览下一个简介。从回应的频率和强度来看，你认为有多少男性会以同样的热情回应那位女性的原始简介呢？

One of the best ways to illustrate how insaturated feminization has become in society is to flip the gender script on certain gender-specific dynamics. As funny as all this was, it serves to show that women live and operate in gender assumptions that they simply take as normalized conditions. Were a Man to publicly expect the terms and demands for his own provisioning and intimate access that women demand without an afterthought, he’s instantly accused of misogyny at worst, comedy at best. There are many more dynamics that illustrate this fem-centric normalization. My critics get fits of hysteria when I describe the acculturated, feminine-centric undercurrent operating in society. Girl-world is the only world for them, so pulling back the iron-veil of the feminine reality like this is usually a hard revelation. Ironically it’s the vitriol engendered in the responses to my reworded profile that prove the point.

展示社会中女性化如何变得过度饱和的最佳方式之一，就是将某些性别特定的动态进行性别反转。尽管这一切听起来很有趣，但它表明女性生活在并按照她们视为正常条件的性别假设中运作。如果一个男人公开要求女性毫不犹豫地提出的供养和亲密接触的条件和要求，他立刻会被指责为最糟糕的厌女症，或最多被视为喜剧。还有许多其他动态可以说明这种以女性为中心的正常化。我的批评者在我描述社会中潜藏的、以女性为中心的文化影响时，会陷入歇斯底里的状态。对他们来说，女孩的世界就是唯一的世界，因此像这样揭开女性现实的铁幕通常是一个艰难的启示。讽刺的是，对我重新表述的简介的回应中产生的愤怒恰恰证明了这一点。

The Gift of Anxiety 焦虑的礼物

Well since Aunt Sue’s decided to click on the ‘echo chamber’ setting on her blog’s comment filters I thought I’d take the opportunity to retype my deleted response to her (once again) on my unmoderated blog. Aunt Sue has a big problem with competition anxiety, and since she secretly loves me, she can’t make it too obvious that she reads my blog posts regularly for inspiration. Hell, it’s almost a Friday tradition now! It’s OK dear, I’ll entertain you for the weekend. Roissy, Roosh and Dalrock send you their unrequited regards too,…

既然苏姨决定在她博客的评论过滤器上点击“回音壁”设置，我想趁机在我未受审查的博客上重新输入我被删除的回复（又一次）。苏姨对竞争焦虑有严重问题，而且由于她暗地里喜欢我，她不能太明显地表现出她经常阅读我的博客文章以获取灵感。天哪，这几乎成了周五的传统！亲爱的，没关系，周末我会让你开心的。Roissy、Roosh 和 Dalrock 也向你致以未被回应的问候，……

Dear Sue, you know instead of paraphrasing my perspective on this you could simply quote the bit in my post that set you off (again):

亲爱的苏，你知道吗，与其转述我对这件事的看法，你完全可以直接引用我帖子中让你再次感到不满的那部分内容：

Women don’t want a Man to cheat, but they love a Man who could cheat. Naturally you don’t want to appear to be seeking the flirtation – that would be OVERT – but rather playing along with it. I have encouraged or played along with casual flirtations with my wife present that leave her with the impression that other women find me desirable. When you’ve been together long enough and a strong emotional bond has formed, you will be surprised at how many shit tests and hypergamous evaluations you can avoid just by her perception of you being a commodity that other women are attracted to. Mrs. Tomassi has told me on at least a dozen occasions that she finds it flattering that other women would find me attractive. Always remember that your attractiveness to other women is an associative reflection on your spouse’s attractiveness to hold your sexual interest in the long term.

女人不希望男人出轨，但她们喜欢一个可能出轨的男人。自然地，你不想表现出在寻求调情——那会显得过于明显——而是要顺其自然地参与其中。我曾在我妻子在场的情况下，鼓励或参与过随意的调情，让她觉得其他女人觉得我有吸引力。当你和伴侣相处足够久，情感纽带足够牢固时，你会发现，仅仅因为她认为你是一个吸引其他女人的商品，就能避免许多考验和超偶价值的评估。托马西夫人至少有十几次告诉我，她觉得其他女人觉得我有吸引力是件令人高兴的事。始终记住，你对其他女人的吸引力，是对你配偶长期保持你性兴趣的吸引力的一种关联反映。

The trick to this is how you follow up after flirting. She has to be made to feel as though she’s still the one you choose to be with even though you have obvious, provable options. Women are always unconsciously evaluating the men they are with. Her self-worth is associated with his value. This is exactly why women in the stablest of relationships will still shit test. There are precious few ways for a Man in a long standing LTR to establish social proof and demonstrate higher value better than reciprocating a flirt with other women. Nothing stimulates a tired LTR like suspicion and jealousy. Her Imagination is the most important tool in your Game tool box. The hamster doesn’t stop spinning after marriage, but it’s incumbent upon you to make sure it keeps up the pace.

关键在于调情后的跟进方式。即使你有明显、可证实的选择，也要让她感觉自己仍然是你选择在一起的人。女性总是在无意识地评估她们所处的男性。她的自我价值与他的价值相关联。这正是为什么即使在最稳定的关系中，女性仍会进行废物测试。在长期关系中，男人通过与其他女性调情来建立社交证明和展示高价值，几乎没有比这更好的方式了。没有什么比猜疑和嫉妒更能刺激一段疲惫的长期关系了。她的想象力是你游戏工具箱中最重要的工具。仓鼠在婚后不会停止转动，但你有责任确保它保持节奏。

The problem you have with my take on this is that you see it in an absolutist, all-or-nothing in-your-face disrespectful frame. As if every aspect of an LTR would be overshadowed by a malevolent ‘dread’ of loss bordering on emotional blackmail. You might be surprised to know I don’t actually agree with the idea of using the impending doom of ‘dread‘ per se.

你对我的观点的质疑在于，你将其视为一种绝对主义、非此即彼、咄咄逼人的不尊重框架。仿佛长期关系（LTR）的每一个方面都会被一种近乎情感勒索的恶意“恐惧”所笼罩。你可能会惊讶地知道，我其实并不认同将即将到来的“恐惧”灾难作为核心观点。

If you could get past your taste for the melodramatic you’d realize that returning casual flirtations is actually a compliment to the woman a Man is with. It satisfies that internal, hypergamous doubt as to whether the guy a woman committed herself to years ago is still the Man other men want to be and other women want to fuck.

如果你能克服对戏剧性情节的偏好，你就会意识到，回应随意的调情实际上是对男人身边女人的一种赞美。它满足了女人内心深处那种超偶配对的不安，即她多年前承诺相伴的男人是否仍然是其他男人想要成为、其他女人想要与之共度的对象。

You see the problem with your perspective Sue is that you view intergender relations from a ‘security first’ priority. This is mostly due to your fem-centric conditioning, but also because you’re in a phase of life now where security means more to you than it did when you were in your 20’s or 30’s. It’s difficult to see the value of adding measured degrees of insecurity into an LTR when your long-term security becomes your paramount concern. After the Wall, women dread the idea of having to start over in a sexual market place in which they are grossly outmatched, so even the slightest deviation from the ‘security forever’ script becomes a major ego threat.

你看到苏你的观点的问题在于，你从“安全至上”的角度来看待两性关系。这主要源于你的女性中心化教育，同时也因为你现在处于一个阶段，安全对你来说比二三十岁时更为重要。当你将长期安全视为首要关注时，很难看到在长期关系中引入适度不安全性的价值。在“墙”之后，女性害怕不得不在一个她们明显处于劣势的性市场中重新开始，因此，即使是偏离“永远安全”剧本的微小偏差，也会成为重大的自我威胁。

An LTR based on dread, a threat, or an implied ultimatum isn’t one based on genuine desire, and you know enough about my philosophy to understand how important real desire is to me. I think of it more as an ambient understanding that a Man is still desired by other women and this manifests in flirtatious behavior. Obviously if a guy is overtly seeking out opportunities to flaunt his flirtations with his LTR, that’d be indicative of him having other issues to resolve for himself. Guy’s thoroughly underestimate women’s sensitivity to nuance and subcommunication; it doesn’t take much to trigger her imaginings, but most guys think they need to beat her over the head with what he wants her to get; and that of course defeats his purpose – he’s too obvious.

基于恐惧、威胁或隐含最后通牒的长期关系并非源自真正的渴望，而你对我哲学有足够了解，明白真实欲望对我而言何其重要。我更倾向于将其视为一种环境共识，即男人仍被其他女性所渴望，这种渴望通过调情行为得以体现。显然，如果一个男人公然寻求机会炫耀他与长期伴侣的调情，那表明他自身还有其他问题需要解决。男性往往低估了女性对微妙细节和潜沟通的敏感度；只需一点刺激便能引发她的想象，但大多数男人却认为需要对她进行明确暗示，而这恰恰违背了他的初衷——他显得过于明显。

Just Get It 立即获取

I don’t usually cite Athol Kay on Rational Male, but I have to give him props for his recent How Walkaway Wives Run a Dirty MAP. There’s a lot going on in this post, and as per usual Athol approaches all of his observations from a married perspective constrained by a limited single-life experience, but a few fundamental points of Game really shine here. To be sure, relationship Game (or married Game) varies widely in application compared to the Game used in single-man-sex-life, but the foundational principles are essentially the same – as are the pitfalls – only the risks are higher and the rewards negligible by comparison.

我通常不会引用 Rational Male 上的 Athol Kay，但他最近的《How Walkaway Wives Run a Dirty MAP》确实值得称赞。这篇文章内容丰富，一如既往，Athol 从已婚角度出发，受限于有限的单身生活经验，但其中几项基本的游戏原则确实闪耀光芒。诚然，关系游戏（或婚姻游戏）在应用上与单身男性性生活中的游戏大相径庭，但基础原则本质上相同——陷阱亦然——只是风险更高，回报相比之下微不足道。

I’ve stated this before, but, having experienced the ups and downs of single-man-sex-life as well as married-man-sex-life, I can honestly say that I’ve never found Game more necessary than when it’s within the context of marriage. I’ve also written volumes about the all-risk proposition of marriage for men, and women’s utter inability to appreciate the all-risk sacrifices men assume in committing to marriage. So it should be obvious that under such conditions if a man chooses to entertain a lifestyle of marriage the only acceptable condition is that it be within his frame and his terms. And this, gentlemen, requires not only a commitment to Game itself, but an understanding of, and an internalization of a much tighter Game than would be necessary in single-man-sex-life.

我曾多次提及，但经历了单身与已婚生活的起伏后，我诚实地表示，从未觉得在婚姻背景下，游戏（Game）比以往任何时候都更为必要。我也曾大量撰文探讨婚姻对男性的全风险命题，以及女性完全无法理解男性在婚姻中承担的全风险牺牲。因此，显而易见，在这种条件下，如果一个男人选择步入婚姻生活，唯一可接受的条件就是这一切必须在他的框架和条款之内。而这，先生们，不仅需要对游戏本身的承诺，还需要对更严格的游戏规则的理解与内化，这比单身生活所需的游戏更为严苛。

Higher risks mean less margin for error

高风险意味着容错空间更小

In your single-man-sex-life Game, you have the leisure to Spin Plates, drop the ones which don’t produce dividends, and non-exclusively enjoy the ones who do. Though it may pain you to lose a particular girl as the result of fumbled Game, or to miss the opportunity of experiencing a woman due to a failed approach or consolidation, it pales in comparison to the risks inherent in lacking the long-term Game necessary to contend with women’s hypergamy in the context of marriage. Dumping a girl (or getting dumped) when single may be an emotional ordeal for some guys, but the decay of a marriage and the financial, familial and emotional consequences for lacking Game in marriage is a punishment that will make a single man’s break up tears seem like a blessing. Tight relationship Game means much more than just getting your wife to fuck you more regularly after the honeymoon.

在单身男性性生活的游戏中，你有闲暇去旋转盘子，丢弃那些不产生回报的，而非独占地享受那些有回报的。尽管失去某个女孩作为游戏失误的结果，或因失败的方法或巩固而错过体验一个女人的机会，可能会让你感到痛苦，但与在婚姻背景下缺乏应对女性超音速本能所需的长远游戏所带来的风险相比，这显得微不足道。单身时甩掉一个女孩（或被甩）对某些男人来说可能是情感上的煎熬，但婚姻的衰败以及因婚姻中缺乏游戏技巧而带来的经济、家庭和情感后果，将使单身男子的分手泪水显得如同一种恩赐。紧密的关系游戏远不止于在新婚蜜月后更频繁地让妻子与你同房。

A lot of men will respond that marriage is just not worth all that contextualization of Game, and they’d be right. It’s all risk with negligible reward / appreciation and the liabilities are too steep. Furthermore, there’s a contingent of men who’ll say that it’s impossible to perpetuate the solid Game necessary to assuage female hypergamy indefinitely, and they’d be right too, if Game was a constant act for them that they felt they had to keep up forever. Some guys get mad at just the suggestion that they’d need to Game their potential wives. “She should just love me for who I am!” They expect to be able to drop the Game, relax and be who they are, only to have their wives progressively convert them into an imagined ideal which really isn’t the guy who tingles their vaginas. Then they find out that their wives loved them for who they were.

许多男性会回应说，婚姻并不值得为此付出所有这些游戏策略的调整，他们说得没错。这全是风险，回报/欣赏微乎其微，而责任却过于沉重。此外，还有一部分男性会说，要永远维持足以安抚女性超偶本能的稳固游戏是不可能的，如果游戏对他们来说是一种需要永远维持的恒定行为，他们也是对的。有些男人甚至对需要对潜在妻子施展游戏的建议感到愤怒。“她应该爱我本来的样子！”他们期望能够放下游戏，放松下来做自己，结果却发现妻子逐渐将他们塑造成一个想象中的理想形象，而这实际上并不是那个能触动她们心弦的男人。然后他们才意识到，妻子曾经爱的是他们原本的样子。

Crossover 跨界

One of the points that jumped out at me from Athol’s post:

从 Athol 的文章中让我印象深刻的一点：

When the lines of communication are broken between you and your wife, you aren’t going to get a message that the lines of communication are broken. That’s what the lines of communication being broken means. When she checks out of the marriage, she doesn’t tell you because she checked out of the marriage. That’s what being checked out of the marriage means.

当您与妻子之间的沟通渠道中断时，您不会收到沟通渠道已中断的通知。这就是沟通渠道中断的含义。当她退出婚姻时，她不会告诉您，因为她已经退出了婚姻。这就是退出婚姻的含义。

I usually have to control my laughter whenever I overhear an AFC in the crab barrel parrot back the Matrix-speak about how “good relationships are all about communication with your GF/wife.” When this is coming from a single guy I can at least partially excuse him for lack of any practicable experience, but when it comes from a married Plug-In it’s just evidence of the totality of his conditioning. Most guys who tell you this are repeating what their girl-friends always told them was the most important key to a good relationship, but as with everything femme there’s always a latent purpose underneath the veneer of aphoristic truth they sell themselves.

每当我无意中听到一个 AFC 在螃蟹桶里鹦鹉学舌般地重复着关于“良好关系全在于与女友/妻子沟通”的矩阵式言论时，我通常不得不控制自己的笑声。当这话出自一个单身汉之口时，我至少还能部分原谅他缺乏实际经验，但若是一个已婚的插件男说出这种话，那就只能证明他完全被驯化了。大多数告诉你这些的男人，其实只是在重复他们的女朋友一直告诉他们的，即沟通是良好关系中最重要的关键，但正如女性的一切行为背后总隐藏着潜在目的，她们所兜售的这层格言式的真理表象之下，往往另有深意。

A few months back I was at a liquor event with my usual ‘pour girls’ and during our conversations one tells me about her ‘guy problems’ with a “clingy boyfriend” obviously on the down end of an SMV imbalance. 几个月前，我参加了一个酒类活动，身边依旧是那些熟悉的“倒酒女孩”。在闲聊中，其中一位向我倾诉了她的“男友问题”，显然，她正经历着与一个“黏人男友”的感情困扰，这显然是两性价值不平衡的低谷期。

“It’s so frustrating Rollo, why can’t guy’s just get it?” “真是让人沮丧，罗洛，为什么那些家伙就是不明白呢？”

With a practiced, but cute, little wrinkle of her nose, and the huff of her $5K tits, my girl had just indirectly revealed one of the most vexing complexities of intergender communication – women want men to “just get it.”

她熟练地，却又带着几分俏皮地皱了皱鼻子，伴随着那对价值 5 千美元的胸部的轻叹，我的女孩刚刚间接揭示了性别间沟通中最令人困扰的复杂性之一——女人希望男人“能懂”。

Just Get It 直接拿下

From Female Dating Advice:

来自女性约会建议：

The guy with the capacity to call a woman’s bluff with a confidence that implies she is to be worthy of him rather than the other way around is the Man to be competed for. Essentially the ‘chick speak’, ‘chick advice’ phenomenon is a shit test writ large on a social scale. And even your own mother and sisters are in on it, expecting you to ‘get it’; to get the message and see the challenge for what it really is, without overtly telling you.

那个有底气自信地揭穿女人虚张声势，暗示她配得上他而非相反的男人，才是值得争夺的真男人。本质上，“女性话语”、“女性建议”现象是社会层面上的大尺度试探。甚至你的母亲和姐妹也参与其中，期待你“领悟”；理解其中的信息，看清挑战的本质，而无需明言。

She want’s you to ‘get it’ on your own, without having to be told how. That initiative and the experience needed to have had developed it makes you a Man worth competing for. Women despise a man who needs to be told to be dominant. Overtly relating this to a guy entirely defeats his credibility as a genuinely dominant male. The guy she wants to fuck is dominant because that’s ‘the way he is’ instead of who she had to tell him to be.

她希望你能自行领悟，无需被告知如何去做。这种主动性和所需的经验积累使你成为一个值得竞争的男人。女性鄙视那些需要被指示才能展现主导力的男人。公然向一个男人提及这一点完全破坏了他作为真正主导男性的可信度。她想与之发生关系的男人是主导的，因为那是他的本性，而非她要求他成为的样子。

Observing the process will change it. This is the root function of every shit test ever devised by a woman. If masculinity has to be explained to a man, he’s not the man for her.

观察过程会改变它。这是女性设计的每一个考验的根源功能。如果需要向一个男人解释什么是男子气概，那他就不是她的真命天子。

In my Pour Girl’s example we see this ‘get it’ paradox from the single-man-sex-life perspective, and in Athol’s scenario we see it from the married-man (or LTR) -sex-life perspective. Many men will complain that they hate the presumption that they need to be a mind reader and ideally women ought to just communicate overtly and directly – just as a reason-based man would communicate. The problem is that in doing so it changes the dynamic for hypergamy. As I’ve stated so often, women say they want the truth, but they never want full disclosure. Hypergamy will not be pandered to, and will not be negotiated with.

在我的 Pour Girl 例子中，我们看到了从单身男性性生活角度出发的这种“理解”悖论，而在 Athol 的情景中，则从已婚男性（或长期关系）性生活角度呈现。许多男性会抱怨，他们讨厌被假定需要成为读心者，理想情况下女性应该直接、明确地沟通——就像理性思维的男性那样。问题在于，这样做会改变超偶配对的动力学。正如我多次提到的，女性声称她们想要真相，但她们从不希望完全坦白。超偶配对不会被迎合，也不会被协商。

This is why the “communication is everything” meme has been responsible for the demise of more relationships than anyone will ever admit. It’s not that you communicate, it’s what you’re communicating and how you communicate it. I’ve counseled more men than I care to recount who’ve sobbed from the depths of their souls, “IF SHE’D JUST TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE HER LOVE ME I’D DO IT!” not realizing that their very verbalization of that and a belief in open, rational communication is the very thing that’s killing (or killed) their woman’s desire for him.

这就是为什么“沟通至上”的迷因比任何人愿意承认的更能导致关系破裂。关键不在于你沟通与否，而在于你沟通的内容和方式。我曾辅导过无数男性，多到我都不愿细数，他们从灵魂深处哭泣着说：“如果她能告诉我怎么做才能让她爱我，我一定会去做！”却未意识到，正是这种表达和对开放、理性沟通的信念，恰恰扼杀（或已经扼杀）了女人对他的渴望。

As I’ve written a thousand times, a cardinal truth of the universe is that genuine desire cannot be negotiated. The moment you tell your wife, your girlfriend, that you will exchange a behavior or attitude or belief or any other compromise for her desire you fundamentally change her organic desire into obligation. What she wants, what her hypergamy wants confirmation of, can never be explicated, it can only be demonstrated. If her desire is for you to be more dominant, her telling you to be so negates the genuineness and the validity of your becoming so. Again, observing a process will change it – on a limbic level of consciousness her innate hypergamy is aware of that truth.

正如我已千百次所言，宇宙的一条基本真理是：真正的欲望无法被协商。当你告诉妻子或女友，你愿意以某种行为、态度、信仰或任何妥协来换取她的欲望时，你实际上将她的有机欲望转变为义务。她所渴望的，她的雌性选择机制所寻求的确认，永远无法被言明，只能通过行动来展现。如果她希望你更具主导性，她要求你如此做反而否定了你变得如此的真实性和有效性。再次强调，观察过程会改变它——在她意识的边缘系统层面，她天生的雌性选择机制意识到了这一真理。

She wants a man who knows he needs to be dominant with her, that is the confirmation of hypergamy.

她想要一个懂得需要对她强势的男人，这正是高攀择偶的印证。

This is a Blank Page.

Operative Social Conventions 操作性社会习俗

Often I’ll be in the middle of some socio-psychological tear on a particular topic when I’ll come to a dead halt because I play my own devil’s advocate while I’m typing and reasoning aloud, and have to review and edit the paragraphs I’ve spent the last 2 hours constructing because I’d failed to consider how others might interpret my intent, or I’d overlooked some element and had to go back and address that issue, or at the very least have a source ready to cite for the most predictable rebuttals. Needless to say it’s an arduous process, however I’ve found that starting topics in regards to certain theories and ideas I have to see what their intent will be read as helps me greatly. So with this in mind I’m presenting a particular section of my work here to see what the consensus is on what I’ve come to call Operative Social Conventions. I had originally titled the section Feminine Operative Social Conventions, and I may still go back to that, but after you read this you’ll see how these conventions (or contrivances) need Men to play along with them for them to exist in the first place, or so I’ve reasoned.

我常常在撰写某个特定话题的社会心理学分析时，会突然停顿下来，因为我一边打字一边自言自语地进行推理，扮演着自己的“魔鬼代言人”，不得不重新审视和编辑过去两小时构建的段落，因为我未能考虑到他人可能如何解读我的意图，或者我遗漏了某些要素，必须回头处理这个问题，或者至少准备好引用来源以应对最常见的反驳。不用说，这是一个艰巨的过程，然而我发现，从某些理论和想法出发来探讨话题，看看它们的意图会被如何解读，对我帮助极大。因此，在此我提出我工作中的一部分内容，以了解大家对所谓“操作性社会惯例”的共识。我最初将这一部分命名为“女性操作性社会惯例”，我可能会回归那个标题，但读完之后，你会明白这些惯例（或人为安排）需要男性参与其中才能存在，至少我是这样推理的。

Operative Social Conventions 操作性社会习俗

In the ‘community’ we’ve become all too familiar with a standard set of problems that are commonly asked of us for advice – “Should I date younger/older women with/without children?””what about women with money/career?”etc. for example. So often are we petitioned for our take on these dilemas that we have a tendency to repeat back a standard reply for them. I count myself among those who do this as well. I’m very prone to see the forest for the trees so to speak and fire back with my stand by reply of Spin More Plates, or NEXT. And while these response are novel to those reading them for the first time (and hopefully having their eyes opened for the first time too), I’d come to realize that I was guilty of not seeing the forest with regards to why certain topics are more frequently reoccurring problems for the Beta-AFC and the aspiring Game student alike. For the most part, Plate Theory covers a multitude of AFC sins, but my concern was with understanding why these questions come up so often and what their root cause is. To this effect I’ve attempted to ‘distill’ down the symptoms (i.e. the commonly related problems) to the motivation behind them (i.e. the disease rather than the symptoms). This led me to a new theory of Operative Social Conventions.

在“社区”中，我们已对一系列常见问题习以为常，这些问题常常被咨询者寻求建议——“我该不该与有/无子女的年轻/年长女性约会？”“那些有钱/有事业的女性呢？”等等。我们频繁被请求对这些困境发表看法，以至于倾向于重复标准回答。我也属于这类人。我很容易只见树木不见森林，因此常以“多转盘子”或“下一个”作为我的备用回答。尽管这些回答对初次阅读者来说新颖（并希望他们能首次打开眼界），我逐渐意识到，自己在某些话题为何频繁成为 Beta-AFC 和游戏学习者共同难题的根源上，未能见森林。多数情况下，盘子理论涵盖了众多 AFC 的过失，但我的关注点在于理解为何这些问题如此频繁出现及其根本原因。为此，我试图将症状（即常见问题）提炼为背后的动机（即 疾病而非症状）。这促使我提出了一种新的操作性社会规范理论。

I’ve posted on this blog and in more forum threads than I care to recall about these conventions before, but never really explored the idea in depth. Essentially all of the symptoms of these conventions are manifested as the frequent problems guys come up with, but the disease is the latent purpose of these conventions. For every guy asking if it’s a good idea to date a single mother or an older woman, there’s a single mother or older woman perpetuating the convention in order to best ensure her capacity to secure a man capable of provisioning for her. I wont ramble off into the bio-psychological aspect of why this is such an all important drive for women (and men in some cases), instead I’ll focus on certain conventions, the way they operate and their latent operative function.

我曾在本博客和更多论坛帖子中多次提及这些惯例，但从未深入探讨过这个想法。这些惯例的所有症状基本上都表现为男性常遇到的问题，但病根在于这些惯例背后的潜在目的。每当有男性询问是否适合与单亲妈妈或年长女性约会时，背后往往有单亲妈妈或年长女性在利用这些惯例，以最大限度地确保自己能找到一个能为她提供生活保障的伴侣。我不会深入探讨生物心理学层面为何这对女性（有时也包括男性）如此重要，而是将重点放在某些惯例上，探讨它们如何运作及其潜在的操作功能。

Shame 羞耻

Perhaps the easiest and most recognizable form of social convention is shame. Not only this, but it is also the most easily employable and the most widely accepted – not just by women of all ages and descriptions, but also by popular culture and the media.

或许最简单且最易识别的社会习俗便是羞耻感。不仅如此，它还是最容易被利用且最广泛接受的——不仅被各年龄段、各种类型的女性所接受，还受到流行文化和媒体的普遍认同。

Examples: 示例：

“Men should date women their own age.”

“男人应该与同龄女性约会。”

“Men shouldn’t be so ‘shallow’ as to put off single mothers as viable long term mates.”

“男性不应如此‘肤浅’，将单身母亲排除在可行的长期伴侣之外。”

“Men have ‘fragile egos’ that need constant affirmation in an almost infantile respect.”

“男性拥有‘脆弱的自尊’，需要近乎幼稚的持续肯定。”

“Men feel threatened by ‘successful’ women.”

“男性对‘成功’女性感到威胁。”

As well as being popularized myths, all of these are subtle (and not so subtle) manipulations of shame. Each is an operative social convention that places a man into a position of having to live up to an idealized standard that simultaneously raises the standard for a woman, thus placing her into a better position of sexual selection and in some instances, leveling the perceived playing-field with regard to the feminine competition dynamic (i.e single moms, older and professional women ought to be just as sexually marketable as the younger women men biologically prefer).

除了被广为流传的神话，这些也都是对羞耻的微妙（以及不那么微妙的）操控。每一种都是一种有效的社会规范，将男性置于必须达到理想化标准的境地，同时又提高了女性的标准，从而使她在性选择上处于更有利的地位，在某些情况下，甚至平衡了关于女性竞争动态的感知（即单亲妈妈、年长和职业女性应当与男性生物学上偏爱的年轻女性一样具有性吸引力）。

The ‘Shallow’ effect – The useful myth of superficiality.

“肤浅”效应——表象之下的实用神话。

I’m mentioning this as an aside to the Shame methodology since it appears to me to be the root of the Shame operative. In all of the above examples (or symptoms) the burden of expectation that is placed on a man comes with the threat of being perceived as “Shallow” or superficial. In otherwords, the very questioning of whether or not a man ought to date a single mother comes with the veiled threat of having women (mothers or not) tar the questioning man with being ‘superficial’. This ‘Shallow’ effect is so pervasive in so many AFCs, young and old, that I’ve counseled that it becomes an automatic default defense. Even under conditions of complete anonymity, the Shallow Effect becomes so ego-invested in their personality that even the potential of being perceived as “shallow” is subconsciously avoided. This is a major obstacle in transitioning from AFC to positive masculinity. AFCs all initially laugh at PUA technique (C&F, Peacocking, Neg Hits, etc.) because they carry the potential of being perceived as ‘shallow’. The truth of the matter is that individually we are only as superficial as our own self-perceprtions allow, but the Shallow Effect is a useful convention so long as it keeps men doubting their ingenuousness and self-validity as a trade for women’s intimacy.

我提及这一点是作为对羞耻方法论的旁注，因为在我看来，这是羞耻操作的根源。在上述所有例子（或症状）中，施加在男性身上的期望负担伴随着被视为“肤浅”或表面的威胁。换句话说，一个男人是否应该约会单亲妈妈的疑问本身就带有隐含的威胁，即女性（无论是否为母亲）可能会将提出疑问的男性贴上“肤浅”的标签。这种“肤浅”效应在众多 AFC（平均失败的男性）中如此普遍，无论年轻还是年长，以至于我建议它成为一种自动默认的防御机制。即使在完全匿名的情况下，肤浅效应也会深深融入他们的个性中，以至于连被视为“肤浅”的可能性都在潜意识中被避免。这是从 AFC 转变为积极阳刚气质的主要障碍。AFC 们最初都对 PUA 技巧（如冷读、孔雀开屏、否定打击等）嗤之以鼻，因为这些技巧带有被视为“肤浅”的潜在风险。 事实是，我们每个人肤浅的程度仅限于自我认知所允许的范围，但“浅薄效应”作为一种惯例，只要它能让男性怀疑自己的真诚和自我价值，以换取女性的亲密关系，它就是有用的。

Selection Position Insurance 选择职位保险

Examples: 示例：

Women are ‘allowed’ to understand men, but women must necessarily ALWAYS be a mystery to men.

女性被“允许”理解男性，但女性对男性来说必然永远是神秘的。

Getting “lucky” with a woman when referring to sex.

与女性发生性关系时所谓的“走运”。

Selection position insuring methodologies revolve around fomenting the Scarcity Mentality in men. If the value can be inflated, the value can be increased, thus ensuring a controlling frame. This convention holds fast to the Feminine Mystique or Female Intuition mythology. So long as women remain ‘uknowable’ there becomes less motivation to try to understand them. In fact this convention actively discourages any attempt to understand the feminine to the point that men have adopted it and parrot it back without being cognizant of it. This is exactly the reason why guys will ridicule men seeking understanding of women when they search it out in “how to get girls” books, DVDs, PUA seminars or on the internet. It’s also why men who profess to ‘know’ how women operate are ridiculed; it’s a perfect paradox – to attempt to understand the feminine OR to profess to know the feminine is not only laughable, but it places a man into the Shallow Effect in either case.

选择位置保障方法论围绕着在男性中煽动稀缺心态展开。如果价值能被夸大，价值就能提升，从而确保控制框架。这一惯例坚守着女性神秘感或女性直觉的神话。只要女性保持“不可知”，试图理解她们的动机就会减少。事实上，这一惯例积极阻止任何试图理解女性的尝试，以至于男性不自觉地接受并重复这一观念。这正是为何当男性在“如何追女孩”书籍、DVD、PUA 研讨会或网络上寻求理解女性时，会被嘲笑的原因。同样，自称了解女性运作方式的男性也会被嘲笑；这是一个完美的悖论——试图理解女性或自称了解女性不仅可笑，而且在任何情况下都会使男性陷入浅薄效应。

Social Escape Clauses – A woman’s prerogative 社交免责条款 —— 女性的特权

Examples: 示例：

Women always have the prerogative to change their minds. Men must be resolute.

女人总有改变主意的特权，而男人必须坚定不移。

Proactive and Reactive Pseudo-Friendship Rejections:

主动与被动伪友谊拒绝：

LJBF rejections – “I already have a boyfriend” or “I’m not interested in a relationship right now” rejections.

LJBF 拒绝——“我已经有男朋友了”或“我现在对谈恋爱没兴趣”的拒绝。

Default female victimhood

默认女性受害者身份

Escape clause conventions always offer an OUT to a woman and absolve her of, or dramatically reduce her responsibility for personal accountability by means of social reinforcement. A stripper can complain of her self-degradation by men, but be completely blameless for her decisions to do so by virtue of her social conditions, that are, again, the perceived result of a male controlled society. The Feminine Prerogative has been an accepted social norm since the early Renaissance and the advent of ‘courtly love’. Like the Position Insurance convention, this serves to ensure that the ‘mysterious woman’ is validated in her arbitrariness by socially plausible reinforcement. The opposite of this convention is enforced for men, they must be resolute while accepting that a woman “has the right to change her mind.” This, and the cart-carrot of a woman’s intimacy as a reward, is exactly why it is socially acceptable for a man to wait hours for a woman to prepare/show for a date and the kiss of death for a man to be more than 5-10 minutes late. He must be punctual, she is afforded leniency.

免责条款惯例总是为女性提供一个“出口”，通过社会强化来免除或大幅减轻她对个人责任的承担。脱衣舞女可以抱怨男性的自我贬低，但完全无责于她的决定，因为她的社会条件，即再次被认为是男性主导社会的结果。自文艺复兴早期和“宫廷爱情”的出现以来，女性特权已成为一种被接受的社会规范。与职位保险惯例类似，这确保了“神秘女性”通过社会可信的强化来验证她的任意性。相反的惯例则强加于男性，他们必须坚定，同时接受女性“有权改变主意”。这，以及女性亲密作为奖励的胡萝卜，正是为什么社会认为男性等待女性准备/赴约数小时是可接受的，而男性迟到超过 5-10 分钟则是致命的。他必须守时，她则享有宽容。

I don’t think I need to go into too much detail regarding the LJBF (“lets just be friends”) esacpe clause as it’s been done to death, and aI have plans for a future post on it, but I will add that the LJBF esacpe is perhaps the single most useful convention ever conceived by women. The LJBF rejection has classically ensured that a woman can reject a man yet still maintain his previous attention. It also puts the responsibility for the rejection back on his shoulders since, should he decline the ‘offer of friendship’, he is then responsible for entertaining this friendship. This of course has the potential to backfire on women these days since the standard AFC will accept an LJBF rejection in the mistaken hopes of ‘proving’ himself worthy of her intimacy by being the perfect ‘surrogate boyfriend’ – fulfilling all her attention and loyalty prerequisites with no expectation of reciprocating her own intimacy. The LJBF rejection also serves as an ego preservation for her in that having offered the false olive branch of ‘friendship’ to him in her rejection she also can sleep that night knowing that she (and any of her peers) wont think any less of herself. After all, she offered to be friends, right? She is excused from any feelings of personal guilt or any responsibilities for his feelings if she still wants to remain amiable with him.

我认为无需过多赘述 LJBF（“让我们只做朋友”）这一逃避条款，因为它已被反复讨论，且我计划在未来文章中深入探讨。但我要补充的是，LJBF 逃避策略或许是女性构想出的最具实用性的惯例。传统上，LJBF 拒绝确保了女性既能拒绝男性，又能维持他之前的关注。同时，它将拒绝的责任转嫁到男性肩上，因为如果他拒绝“友谊的提议”，那么维持这段友谊的责任便落在他身上。当然，这在当今可能对女性产生反效果，因为标准的 AFC（平均挫男）会接受 LJBF 拒绝，错误地希望通过成为完美的“替代男友”来证明自己值得她的亲密——满足她所有的关注和忠诚要求，却不期望她回报同样的亲密。LJBF 拒绝还为她提供了自我保护，因为在拒绝中她提供了虚假的“友谊”橄榄枝，使她能安心入睡，确信自己和任何同龄人都不会因此看轻自己。 毕竟，她提出要做朋友，对吧？如果她仍想与他保持友好关系，她可以免除任何个人内疚感或对他情感的责任。

Sexual Competition Sabotage 性竞争破坏

Examples: 示例：

“She’s a ‘slut’ – he’s a ‘fag’” and the sub-communications in the terminology.

“她是‘荡妇’——他是‘同性恋’”以及术语中的次要信息。

Catty remarks, gossip, feminine communication methodologies

尖酸刻薄的话语，流言蜚语，女性化的沟通方式

This convention is the reputation destroyer and it’s easy to observe this in the field. Since it also serves a woman attention needs, it is among the most socially acceptable and widely flaunted, however the foundations and latent purpose of this convention takes some consideration to understand. When women employ gossip it comes natural since it is an emotional form of communication (men have a far lower propensity to use gossip), but the purpose of it is meant to disqualifiy a potential sexual competitior. In terms of female to female gossip this satisfies the attention need, but when men are brought into the salaciousness it becomes a qualification tool. By saying a woman is a “slut”, the sub-communication is, “she sleeps with a lot of guys and is therefore inelligible as a candidate deserving of a man’s long term provisioning capacity, due to her obvious inability to remain loyal to any one, individual male.” This then becomes the ultimate weapon in influencing a man’s (long term) sexual selection.

这种习俗是名誉的毁灭者，在现实中很容易观察到这一点。由于它也满足了女性的关注需求，因此它在社会上被广泛接受并炫耀，然而，这种习俗的基础和潜在目的需要一些思考才能理解。当女性使用八卦时，这是自然而然的，因为这是一种情感交流形式（男性使用八卦的倾向要低得多），但其目的是为了淘汰潜在的性竞争对手。在女性之间的八卦中，这满足了关注需求，但当男性被卷入其中时，它就变成了一个资格评判工具。通过称一个女人为“荡妇”，潜在的含义是，“她与很多男人睡觉，因此不具备作为值得男人长期供养的候选人的资格，因为她显然无法对任何一个男性保持忠诚。”这进而成为影响男性（长期）性选择的最强武器。

I’ll also add that this breeding sabotage isn’t limited to just women though. What’s the first thing most men are apt to say about another, anonymous, extremely attractive male? “He’s probably a fag.” Men have learned this convention from women, they sexually disqualify a man in the most complete way possible; “this guy might be as attractive as a GQ model, but he would never breed with a woman and is therefore disqualified as a suitor for your intimacy.”

我还要补充的是，这种繁殖破坏并非仅限于女性。大多数男性对另一个匿名且极具魅力的男性会首先说什么？“他可能是个同性恋。”男性从女性那里学到了这一套，他们以最彻底的方式性否定一个男人：“这个家伙可能像《GQ》模特一样迷人，但他绝不会与女性繁衍后代，因此作为你亲密关系的追求者被淘汰。”

Gender Role Redefinition 性别角色重定义

Examples: 示例：

Masculinity is ridiculous and/or negative with the potential for violent extremes.

男性气质既荒谬又负面，且潜藏着暴力极端的可能性。

“Men should get in touch with their feminine sides.” – Identification as false attraction.

“男性应接触自己的女性特质。”——识别为虚假吸引。

Although I have a few more conventions in mind, I’ll finish this post with this, the most obvious and most discussed convention. There’s no shortage of articles dedicated to this convention, so I wont rehash what’s been stated. Instead, I should point out the latent purpose behind the popularity and mass cultural acceptance of this, the most damaging convention. The function behind this convention could be androgeny as an idealized state, or a power struggle to redefine masculine and feminine attributes, or even to ensure women as the primary selectors in mating. All of those can be argued and are valid, especially considering how prone to accepting and perpetuating this convention is among men today, but I think the deeper purpose, the real latent function is a sexual selection process.

尽管我脑海中还有几个其他约定，但我想以这个最明显、讨论最多的约定来结束这篇文章。关于这个约定的文章不胜枚举，所以我不会重复已有的观点。相反，我应该指出这个最具破坏性的约定之所以流行并被大众文化广泛接受，背后潜藏的目的。这个约定的功能可能是将双性同体视为理想状态，或是权力斗争以重新定义男性和女性特质，甚至是为了确保女性成为择偶的主要选择者。这些都可以争论且具有合理性，特别是考虑到当今男性对接受和延续这一约定的倾向，但我认为更深层次的目的，真正的潜在功能，是一个性选择过程。

It’s the man who remains in touch with his masculine side, the guy who, despite all of pop-culture denigrating and ridiculing his gender and the very aspects that make it a necessary, positive strength of human society, will endure and steadfastly resist the influences that want to turn it into something it was never intended; it’s this guy and his confidence that women all over the world find irresistable. He embodies the masculine arousal that their feminine has been seeking and they can’t explain it. This is the ultimate meta-shit test in sexual selection – to discover or learn what it is to be postively masculine and remain so in a world that constantly berates his gender, that tells him he’s poisoned by his testosterone while confirming the same masculine attributes as a positive for women. It’s the guy who understands that it’s gender differences, not androgynous similarities, that make us strong. It’s the Man who can see that the sexes were meant to be complimentary, not adversarial, who passes this shit test. Gender redefinition, as a social convention, serves as an Alpha filtering mechanism.

这是一个与自身男性特质保持联系的男人，他，尽管流行文化不断贬低和嘲笑他的性别及其构成人类社会必要且积极力量的那些特质，却依然坚韧不拔，坚决抵制那些试图将其扭曲成原本并非如此的影响力；正是这个男人及其自信，令全球女性无法抗拒。他体现了女性内心一直在寻找的男性魅力，而她们无法解释这种吸引力。这是性选择中终极的元测试——在这样一个不断贬低其性别、告诉他被睾酮毒害，同时又确认这些男性特质对女性具有积极意义的世界里，发现或学习如何保持积极阳刚之气。这是一个理解性别差异而非中性相似性使我们强大的男人。这是一个明白两性本应互补而非对抗的男人，他通过了这场测试。性别重定义作为一种社会规范，起到了阿尔法筛选机制的作用。

AFC Social Conventions AFC社交礼仪

After detailing the Qualities of the AFC, I feel it’s necessary to illustrate that social conventions aren’t the exclusive realm of the feminine imperative . AFC have their own set of social conventions – those which are commonly practiced and self-reinforced by the Beta mindset. I realize that more than a few of these conventions are going to get under the skin of some readers, however, as you read this, please try to do so objectively. I’m writing this as an observation; it’s not intended to be a personal affront to anyone.

在详细阐述了 AFC 的特质后，我认为有必要说明，社会习俗并非女性主导的专属领域。AFC 也有其自身的社会习俗——那些通常由贝塔心态所实践并自我强化的行为准则。我意识到，这些习俗中的一部分可能会触动某些读者的神经，但请在阅读时尽量保持客观。我撰写此文是出于观察，并非意在冒犯任何人。

You could simply call AFC Social Conventions AFC ‘rationalizations’, but I think this ignores the socially reinforcing element of these conventions. When I wrote the Qualities of the AFC I outlined the characteristic traits, behaviors and core mental schemas of what are commonly believed to be AFC qualities. This was a brief list to sum up a few root elements in identifying and dealing with a Beta mindset and aid in unplugging an AFC. Social conventions are different in that they are socially reinforced (usually by both genders) rationalizations for behavior. Technically some of the AFC qualities I outlined previously could be considered social conventions as well, but I was attempting to address the symptoms rather than the disease.

你可以简单地将 AFC 社交惯例称为 AFC 的“合理化”，但我认为这忽略了这些惯例的社会强化元素。当我撰写 AFC 特质时，我概述了通常被认为是 AFC 特质的特征、行为和核心心理模式。这是一个简短的列表，旨在总结识别和应对 Beta 心态的几个根本要素，并帮助 AFC 脱离困境。社交惯例与此不同，它们是行为的社会强化（通常由两性共同）合理化。从技术上讲，我之前概述的一些 AFC 特质也可以被视为社交惯例，但我当时试图解决的是症状而非疾病本身。

I’m going to define a few more examples of what I’m most commonly noticing as AFC mental schemas that are reinforced socially. A strong part of the internalization process of these conventions is that the reason they are socially reinforced is because they’re socially unassailable (or at the very least foolish to do so). In other words the common response to them would be to reinforce them more, rather than challenge them, and this then becomes an integral part of the internalization process.

我将再定义几个我最为常见的 AFC 心理模式示例，这些模式在社会中得到强化。这些规范内化的一个重要方面在于，它们之所以受到社会强化，是因为它们在社会上无可辩驳（或至少这样做是愚蠢的）。换言之，对这些规范的常见反应是进一步强化它们，而非挑战它们，这进而成为内化过程的重要组成部分。

The Myth of the “Quality” Woman “优质”女性的神话

It seems like all I read about on SoSuave is a never ending quest for a “Quality Woman.” There’s always been plenty of threads asking for clear definitions of what constitutes a “Quality” woman and most conveniently set women up into 2 camps – “Quality Women” and Whores, as if there could be no middle ground or grey area. How easy it becomes to qualify a woman based on her indiscretions (as heinous as they’re perceived to be) for either of these categories. This is binary thinking at its best – on or off, black or white, Quality woman or Whore.

在 SoSuave 上，我所读到的似乎都是对“优质女性”永无止境的追求。关于“优质”女性的定义，总是有无数的帖子在寻求明确的界定，而大多数人则方便地将女性划分为两个阵营——“优质女性”和妓女，仿佛不存在中间地带或灰色区域。根据女性的不检点行为（无论被视为多么严重）来判定她们属于这两个类别之一，变得多么容易。这是二元思维的极致体现——非此即彼，非黑即白，要么是优质女性，要么是妓女。

I think the term ‘Quality’ woman is a misnomer. Guys tend to apply this term at their leisure not so much to define what they’d like in a woman (which is actually an idealization), but rather to exclude women with whom they’d really had no chance with in the first place, or mistakenly applied too much effort and too much focus only to be rebuffed. This isn’t to say that there aren’t women who will behave maliciously or indiscriminately, nor am I implying that they ought to be excused out of hand for such. What I am saying is that it’s a very AFC predilection to hold women up to preconceived idealizations and conveniently discount them as being less than “Quality” when you’re unable to predict, much less control their behaviors.

我认为“优质”女性这一说法名不副实。男性往往随意使用这一术语，并非真正用来定义他们理想中的女性（实际上是一种理想化），而是用来排除那些他们原本就毫无机会的女性，或是错误地投入过多精力和关注却最终被拒绝的对象。这并不是说没有女性会恶意或随意行事，也不是暗示她们应因此被轻易原谅。我想表达的是，将女性置于预设的理想化标准中，并在无法预测或控制她们行为时，便轻易将其贬低为“非优质”，这是一种非常初级的心态。

The dangers inherent in this convention is that the AFC (or the even the ‘enlightened man’ subscribing to the convention) then limits himself to only what he perceives as a Quality woman, based on a sour-grapes conditioning. Ergo, they’ll end up with a “Quality” woman by default because she’s the only candidate who would accept him for her intimacy. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy by process of elimination. Taken to its logical conclusion, they shoot the arrow, paint the target around it and call it a bullseye, and after which they feel good for having held to a (misguided) conviction.

这种惯例固有的危险在于，AFC（或甚至那些遵循惯例的“开明人士”）会将自己局限于仅凭酸葡萄心理所认定的“优质女性”。因此，他们最终会默认与一位“优质”女性在一起，只因她是唯一愿意接受其亲密关系的候选人。这通过排除法成为了一种自我实现的预言。推至逻辑的极端，他们先射箭，再围绕箭画靶心，称之为命中，随后因坚守（误导的）信念而自我感觉良好。

So why is this a social convention then? Because it is socially unassailable. Since this convention is rooted to a binary premise, no one would likely challenge it. It would be foolish for me to say “Yes Mr. Chump I think you ought to avoid what you think of as Quality women.” Not only this, but we all get a certain satisfaction from the affirmation that comes from other men confirming our assessment of what category a woman should fit into. Thus it becomes socially reinforced.

那么，为何这是一种社会习俗呢？因为它在社会上无可置疑。由于这一习俗基于二元前提，几乎无人会质疑它。若我说“是的，楚普先生，我认为您应该避开您所认为的优质女性。”那将是愚蠢的。不仅如此，我们从其他男性对我们对女性分类的认可中获得某种满足感。因此，它得到了社会的强化。

Beware of making your necessity a virtue in making a Quality woman your substitute for a ONEitis idealization.

警惕将你的需求变成一种美德，将优质女性作为你单恋理想化的替代品。

The Myth of the Dodged Bullet “躲过子弹”的神话

In my lifetime I’ve had sex with over 40 women and I never once caught a venereal disease, nor did I get anyone pregnant. I can also point to men I know who contracted Herpes from the only women they’d ever had sex with. The fact of the matter is that you can equally be a rock star and tap hundreds of women without any consequence and you can be a virgin saint and contract a disease on your wedding night. The myth of the dodged bullet is a social convention that’s rooted in the rationalization that monogamy serves the purpose for controlling sexually transmitted diseases and thus fewer partners are more desirable than many. From a statistical standpoint this may seem logical on the surface. Fewer opportunities for sexual intercourse would indeed decrease the risk from a single individual, but unfortunately this isn’t a practical estimate. You’ll also have to base the numbers not only on how many sex partners you and your monogamous partner have had, but also how many prior partners they’ve had and how many those partners had as well and so on exponentially. Despite of all this, the odds that you’ll die from a form of cancer, heart disease, smoking or obesity related diseases, or even an alcohol related traffic fatality far outweigh any risk of dying from a venereal disease in western society. The mortality rate for for contracting gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, herpes and even HIV pale in comparison to many – in some cases more easily preventable – diseases.

在我的一生中，我与超过 40 名女性发生过性关系，从未感染过性病，也没有让任何人怀孕。我还能指出我认识的一些男性，他们从唯一与之发生过性关系的女性那里感染了疱疹。事实是，你既可以成为摇滚明星，与数百名女性发生关系而毫发无损，也可以是纯洁的圣人，在新婚之夜染上疾病。“躲过子弹”的神话是一种社会惯例，它基于这样一种合理化：一夫一妻制旨在控制性传播疾病，因此较少的伴侣比众多伴侣更可取。从统计学的角度来看，这表面上似乎合乎逻辑。性交机会减少确实会降低个体的风险，但不幸的是，这并不是一个实际的估计。你还需要基于你和你的伴侣各自有多少性伴侣，以及他们之前的伴侣有多少，以及这些伴侣的伴侣又有多少，如此呈指数级递增。 尽管如此，在西方社会，死于癌症、心脏病、吸烟或肥胖相关疾病，甚至酒精相关的交通事故的几率，远远超过死于性传播疾病的风险。感染淋病、梅毒、衣原体、疱疹甚至艾滋病的死亡率，与许多其他疾病相比显得微不足道，其中一些疾病在某些情况下更容易预防。

Of course, since this is a social convention, I would be grossly negligent and severely lambasted by the public at large for even implying that I’m condoning, much less advocating, that a man explore his options and open his experience up to having sex with multiple partners. Again, this social convention is unassailable. But it sounds like it makes good sense, “boy, am I sure glad I got married/shacked up and didn’t catch a disease, pffew!” It sounds like conviction, when in fact it’s a rationalization for a lack of other realistic options with women or an innability to deal with a fear of rejection from multiple sources. Again, necessity becomes virtue.

当然，既然这是社会习俗，我若暗示自己支持，更遑论提倡，一个男人去探索选择、开放经历与多位伴侣发生性关系，那我便是严重失职，必将遭到公众的严厉谴责。再次强调，这一社会习俗是不可动摇的。但听起来似乎很有道理，“天哪，我真庆幸自己结婚了/同居了，没染上病，呼！”这听起来像是信念，实则是对缺乏与女性其他现实选择或无法应对多重拒绝恐惧的合理化。又一次，必要性变成了美德。

Location, Location, Location 地段，地段，地段

Another common contrivance is the presumption that less than desirable (low quality) women will necessarily be found in bars & clubs (or other places of “ill repute”). Thus the chump will only too eagerly avoid these places. This is, yet again, another example of the binary logic of an AFC and completely ignores that A.) women with whom they might make a successful connection with do in fact frequent clubs and B.) less than desirable women can also be met in “alternative” meeting places too (coffee house, university campus, library, Bible study or any number of other “safe places”). However, making approaches in a club are difficult for the inexperienced Game adherent and AFC alike. There’s a lot of competition and a LOT of potential for ‘real time’ rejection for the unprepared. By masking this deficit in game with condemning such places, the AFC thinks he’s killing two birds with one stone – he’s protecting his ego from very real rejection and he’s lauded by “proper” society (see people who go to clubs anyway) for being an upstanding individual for avoid those “dens of iniquity.”

另一种常见的假设是，质量不佳（低质量）的女性必然会出现在酒吧和俱乐部（或其他“声名狼藉”的场所）。因此，傻瓜们会迫不及待地避开这些地方。这再次体现了 AFC 的二元逻辑，完全忽视了以下事实：A) 他们可能成功建立联系的女性确实会光顾俱乐部；B) 质量不佳的女性也可能在“另类”场所遇到（如咖啡馆、大学校园、图书馆、圣经学习班或众多其他“安全场所”）。然而，对于缺乏经验的 Game 追随者和 AFC 来说，在俱乐部搭讪都颇具挑战。竞争激烈，且对未做好准备的人来说，实时拒绝的可能性极大。通过谴责这些场所来掩盖游戏中的不足，AFC 自以为一箭双雕——既保护了自尊免受真实的拒绝，又因避开那些“罪恶之地”而被“正派”社会（指那些仍去俱乐部的人）赞誉为品行端正的个体。

The Myth of ‘Other Guys’ “其他家伙”的神话

This is perhaps the most dangerous AFC social convention.

这或许是 AFC 社交惯例中最危险的一种。

We’d all like to think we’re unique and special individuals. It’s a comforting thought, but our uniqueness means nothing if it isn’t appreciated. We’d all like to be beautiful, talented, intelligent and extrordinary in some way to some degree and have others notice these qualities unequivocally. This is the root for the Not Like Other Guys convention. The idea is that the AFC can and will be appreciated in a greater degree for his personal convictions and/or his greater ability to identify with women’s stated prerequisites of a man by comparing himself to the nebulous Other Guys who are perceived not to abide by her stated conditions. The intent is to, in essesence, self-generate social proof for attraction while substituting a real social element with perceived or reported social evidence. The fallacy in this schema is that it’s always better to demonstrate social proof than to explicate it, but this is lost on the AFC subscribing to this convention. This only becomes more compounded by the reinforcement he receives from other AFCs (and really society at large) sharing his desire to outshine the phantom Other Guys. He’s patted on the back and praised by men and women alike for voluntarily molding his personality to better fit a woman’s perceived ideal and told in so many words “oh AFC,..I’m so glad you’re not like Other Guys.”You can’t fault the guy. He genuinely believes his Nice Guy personal conviction and everyone applauds him for it.

我们都愿意相信自己是独一无二、与众不同的个体。这种想法令人欣慰，但若无人欣赏，我们的独特性便毫无意义。我们都希望在某种程度上拥有美丽、才华、智慧和非凡之处，并希望他人毫不含糊地注意到这些品质。这便是“不像其他男人”惯例的根源。其理念在于，通过将自己与那些被认为不遵守女性所提条件的模糊“其他男人”相比较，AFC（平均挫男）可以因其个人信念和/或更强的能力去认同女性对男性的明确要求，从而获得更大程度的欣赏。本质上，这一意图是通过替代真实社交元素为感知或报告的社交证据，自我生成吸引力的社会证明。这一模式中的谬误在于，展示社会证明总是优于解释它，但这一观点对信奉此惯例的 AFC 来说却难以理解。更糟糕的是，他从其他 AFC（乃至整个社会）那里获得的强化，进一步加剧了他想要超越虚幻“其他男人”的渴望。 他因自愿塑造自己的性格以更好地符合女性心目中的理想形象而受到男女双方的拍背赞扬，并被明确告知：“哦，AFC，我真高兴你不是像其他男人那样。”你不能责怪他。他真诚地相信自己的“好男人”信念，而每个人都为此为他鼓掌。

In closing I’d argue that 95% of men aren’t even aware that they’re repeating / reinforcing a social convention at all because the convention is so embedded into social consciousness it’s taken for granted. The most effective social conventions are ones in which the subject willingly sublimates his own interests, discourages questioning it, and predisposes that person to encourage and reinforce the convention with others. This is the essence of the Matrix; anything can become normal.

最后，我认为 95%的男性甚至没有意识到他们正在重复/强化一种社会习俗，因为这种习俗已经深深植根于社会意识中，被视为理所当然。最有效的社会习俗是那些让主体自愿压抑自身利益、阻止质疑并使该人倾向于鼓励和强化与他人之间的习俗。这就是《黑客帝国》的精髓；任何事物都可以变得正常。

I encounter AFC mentalities all day long in my line of work, and I don’t encounter them strictly from men either. More often than not I find myself in some social/work environment where it’s women fomenting an AFC attitude and it’s men who jokingly play along with them in an attempt to identify with these women in order to qualify for female intimacy. It’s this pop-culture ‘agreeability’ factor that is taken as an unquestioned norm. It’s expected that female-centric social conventions should simply be a matter of fact without any need for critical thought.

我在工作中整天都会遇到 AFC 心态，而且并不仅限于男性。很多时候，我发现自己在某些社交或工作场合中，是女性在煽动 AFC 态度，而男性则以玩笑的方式附和她们，试图通过这种方式与这些女性建立认同，以期获得女性的亲密接触。这种流行文化中的“顺从性”因素被视为无需质疑的常态。人们认为，以女性为中心的社会习俗本应是不言而喻的事实，无需任何批判性思考。

For a positively masculine Man there is no better opportunity to set yourself apart and start to plant the seeds of critical thought into AFCs than when you’re presented with these social situation. I think most men lack the balls to be a firestarter at the risk of being perceived as some caveman, but it’s a good opportunity to truly set yourself apart from ‘other guys’ when you do.

对于一个充满阳刚之气的男人来说，没有什么比在这些社交场合中脱颖而出、开始向 AFC（平均失败者）灌输批判性思维的种子更好的机会了。我认为大多数男人缺乏勇气成为点燃思想的火种，冒着被视为野蛮人的风险，但当你这样做时，确实是一个真正将自己与“其他男人”区分开来的好机会。

The Paradox of Commitment 承诺的悖论

Courtesy of Post Secret this week.

本周由 Post Secret 提供。

The concept of commitment is a fantastic utility for women. Men can be simultaneously shamed for not sticking to a commitment that benefits them and still be shamed for steadfastly adhering to a commitment that doesn’t. The social convention is so developed there’s even a cute term for it – “commitment-phobic” or “commit-o-phobe”.

承诺的概念对女性而言是一种极佳的工具。男性既可能因未能坚持对自己有利的承诺而受到指责，也可能因忠实履行对自己无益的承诺而遭受非议。这种社会习俗已发展得如此成熟，甚至有一个可爱的术语来形容——“承诺恐惧症”或“承诺恐惧者”。

There’s an interesting control of the message here; the principle of commitment is cast in feminine-centric perfection. The idea is that commitment should only have meaning in a feminine defined reality. Ironically, it’s Men who commit far more readily to ideals, family, military, business ventures or partnerships, and servitude than women have the capacity to appreciate, because recognizing this doesn’t serve their imperative. In other words, a commitment to anything that doesn’t directly benefit the feminine isn’t commitment; answer? Redefine commitment to reflect feminine interests.

这里对信息进行了有趣的控制；承诺的原则被塑造成以女性为中心的完美。其理念是，承诺只有在女性定义的现实中才有意义。具有讽刺意味的是，男性比女性更愿意对理想、家庭、军事、商业冒险或合作关系以及服务做出承诺，而女性往往无法充分欣赏这一点，因为承认这一点并不符合她们的需求。换句话说，对任何不直接惠及女性的承诺都不算承诺；答案？重新定义承诺以反映女性的利益。

Whenever I get into these debates about infidelity (albeit usually from the male perspective), and it becomes an immoral / amoral / moralist ménage à trois, I wonder, what is the greater “moral” imperative; to remain faithful to your morally obligated commitment with your spouse in spite of a loveless, passionless, sexless partner, or to break that commitment in order to pursue the obligation and commitment you owe yourself as a “superior” Man deserving of a better “quality” partner?

每当卷入这些关于不忠的辩论（尽管通常是从男性的角度出发），并演变成一场道德/非道德/道德主义的三人舞时，我不禁思考，更大的“道德”紧迫性是什么：是坚守对配偶的道德义务承诺，即使面对的是一个无爱、无激情、无性的伴侣，还是打破这一承诺，去追求你作为“优越”男人应得的更好“品质”伴侣的义务和承诺？

What has moral priority, a commitment to yourself or a commitment to marriage? You see it’s easy to wave the flag of self-righteousness when the issue is a right vs. wrong issue. It’s much more difficult when the question is right vs. right. I have no doubt that all the answers to this will be entirely circumstantial, rationalized twisting in the wind, and maybe that’s what decides for you, but think about it for a moment in the terms of what one must sacrifice for the other.

道德优先权在于对自我的承诺还是对婚姻的承诺？当问题是正确与错误时，挥舞正义之旗很容易。但当问题是正确与正确时，情况就复杂多了。我毫不怀疑，对此的所有回答都将完全取决于情境，理性在风中摇摆不定，或许这正是你做出决定的依据，但不妨从为另一方牺牲的角度来思考片刻。

Whatever you cannot say No to is your master and makes you its slave.

你无法拒绝的任何事物都是你的主人，使你成为它的奴隶。

This is a favorite go-to trope for moral arguments where there’s a clearly defined right and wrong, however, by this definition then, does not commitment make you a ‘slave’ by default? If by the circumstances of a commitment you cannot, figuratively, say “no” to the that (or due to that) commitment, are you not then a slave?

这是道德辩论中常用的惯用语，其中对错分明。然而，按照这种定义，是否意味着承诺本身就让你默认成为“奴隶”？如果由于承诺的约束，你无法在比喻意义上对那份（或因那份）承诺说“不”，那么你岂不就成了奴隶？

You can even take marriage out of the equation; if I’m in a committed LTR with a GF and over the course of that relationship I realize that she’s not what I’m looking for (for any number of reasons, not just sex), even though she’s 100% faithfully committed to me and the LTR, should I then break that commitment? If I do, am I then being unethical for having broken that commitment irrespective of how I break it? Should the commitment to my own personal well being and future happiness be compromised by another commitment?

即使将婚姻排除在外，假设我与女友处于一段忠诚的长期关系中，随着时间的推移，我意识到她并非我所寻求的伴侣（原因多种多样，不单是性方面），尽管她对我及这段关系百分百忠诚，我是否应该打破这份承诺？如果我这么做，是否在道德上存在问题，无论我以何种方式打破承诺？是否应该为了另一份承诺而牺牲我个人的幸福和未来？

What’s my obligation; neglect myself in favor of a bad commitment or to the principle of commitment itself?

我的义务是什么；是为了一个糟糕的承诺或承诺本身的原则而忽视自己吗？

It’s my take that commitment ‘should’ be a function of genuine desire. Ideally, commitment should be to something one is so passionate about that the limiting of one’s own future opportunities that come from that commitment is an equitable, and mutually appreciated trade. This is unfortunately rarely the case for most people in any form of commitment because people, circumstance, opportunity and conditions are always in flux. A commitment that had been seen as equitable sacrifice at one time can become debilitating 5 years after depending upon circumstance.

我认为，承诺“应该”源于真切的渴望。理想情况下，承诺应投向一个人如此热衷的事物，以至于因这种承诺而限制自身未来机会的代价，是一种公平且双方都珍视的交换。然而，这种情况对大多数人来说在任何形式的承诺中都极为罕见，因为人、环境、机遇和条件总是处于变化之中。曾经被视为公平牺牲的承诺，在五年后可能因环境变化而变得令人不堪重负。

So what I’m getting at is where do you draw the line? People go all kinds of crazy when I suggest a guy NEXT some girl that’s obviously showing all of the indications that she’s using him (or has proven so) and then two comments down suggest that it’s Men’s obligation to vet women by “walking away.” If I have one life to live and one precious lifetime to do it in, what is more important; a commitment to oneself in learning and securing the best options for a lifetime or being committed to the principle of self-sacrificing commitment?

所以我想说的是，你如何划定界限？当我建议一个明显表现出利用他迹象的女孩（或已证明如此）时，人们会变得各种疯狂，然后在两条评论后，又提出这是男性的义务，通过“走开”来审查女性。如果我只有一次生命，只有一个宝贵的生命周期，那么什么更重要；是致力于自我学习并确保一生中最佳选择，还是坚守自我牺牲原则的承诺？

In the community we brazenly tell freshmen chumps to dedicate themselves to self-improvement; to seek out and accomplish what’s best for them – in other words, to uncompromisingly commit themselves to their own cause in as positive a manner as possible. I’d argue that genuine desire is a necessary precursor to this, but in advocating this self-concerned improvement, are we not then doing them a disservice if their duty ought to be focused on the principle of commitment, even when that commitment is (or becomes) deleterious to their commitment to a positive self? What holds more water, being a martyr to chivalrous commitment, or a steadfast dedication to ourselves? Should we not then hold AFCs in the highest respect when they selflessly sacrifice their futures due to their devoted commitment to a ONEitis girl who’ll never reciprocate on, much less appreciate, that commitment? We’d call them chumps, but in contrast to their devotion to the principle of commitment, maybe they’ve got it right? You can’t doubt their (albeit misguided) dedication to their convictions.

在社群中，我们大胆地告诉新生们，要致力于自我提升；去追寻并实现对他们最有利的事情——换言之，要以尽可能积极的方式，毫不妥协地投身于自己的事业。我主张，真正的渴望是实现这一目标的必要前提，但在倡导这种自我关注的改进时，如果他们的职责本应聚焦于奉献原则，即使这种奉献（或变得）对他们积极自我奉献有害，我们是否反而对他们造成了伤害？成为骑士奉献的殉道者，还是坚定不移地致力于自我，哪一个更有意义？当 AFC 们无私地牺牲自己的未来，全心全意地奉献给一个永远不会回报，更不会感激这份奉献的“唯一女孩”时，我们难道不应该对他们致以最高的敬意吗？我们会称他们为傻瓜，但与他们对奉献原则的执着相比，或许他们才是对的？你无法质疑他们（尽管可能误入歧途）对信念的坚定奉献。

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The Disposables 一次性用品

Martyrdom is the ultimate expression of social proof.

殉道是社会认同的终极体现。

After I finished my Chivalry vs. Altruism post, I had to kind of pause for a moment to consider the impact of ‘women & children first’ as an operative social convention. Even before the overt rise of the feminine imperative, this female protectionism was in effect, and I’m fairly certain that this was a result of our primal hind-brain wiring to protect our families. Most higher order animals have evolved this instinct so I don’t see that as much of a stretch. However, human’s being a much more complex species, I think that the social convention of WaCF goes a bit deeper than a simplistic protectionism. In fact, I’d argue that ‘familial protectionism’ is more of a convenient foil for women (and sympathetic men) who’d rather see men’s mortal sacrifice in honorific terms than the much uglier truth.

在我完成《骑士精神与利他主义》这篇文章后，我不得不稍作停顿，思考“妇女与儿童优先”这一操作性社会规范的影响。即使在女性主导意识明显上升之前，这种女性保护主义就已经存在，我相当确信这是我们原始后脑结构中保护家庭的本能所致。大多数高等动物都进化出了这种本能，因此这并不算牵强。然而，人类作为一种更为复杂的物种，我认为“妇女与儿童优先”这一社会规范比简单的保护主义更为深刻。事实上，我主张“家庭保护主义”更多是女性（及同情女性的男性）为了美化男性牺牲而找的方便借口，而非直面那更为丑陋的真相。

Tits for Tat 以牙还牙

In its rawest form, the sexual marketplace of our early ancestors would’ve been one where feminine hypergamy and Alpha dominance would’ve been more or less in balance. Obviously men being the stronger sex would’ve forcibly put women into a weaker position in the earliest incarnations of the SMP, but also consider that men fought and killed each other for access to those breeding rights – short version; men were disposable. As our species began to socialize, collectivize and cooperate, our earliest social conventions would’ve revolved around the environmental prompts and biological stimuli that were essential to the survival of their more feral ancestors.

在最原始的形式中，我们早期祖先的性市场是一个女性高攀与男性优势大致平衡的地方。显然，作为更强壮的性别，男性会强行将女性置于性市场最早形态中的弱势地位，但也要考虑到男性为争夺繁殖权而相互争斗甚至杀戮——简而言之，男性是可牺牲的。随着我们物种开始社会化、集体化与合作，我们最早的社会习俗将围绕那些对更野性的祖先生存至关重要的环境提示和生物刺激展开。

The earliest form of proto-Game would’ve been a sexual quid pro quo. Can’t figure out how to seduce that hot, hunter-gatherer woman in the tribe? Save her ass from being torn limb from limb by a sabre tooth tiger and she’ll reciprocate her gratitude with open legs. In other words, risk your life and women will reward you with sex in gratitude. Today that may not be a reality in practice, but it’s the A+B=C logic that’s led to the psychological internalization and the social doctrines that follow it. It’s such a primal, male-deductive-logic principle that’s worked so successfully, for so long, that social contingencies were evolved to both mitigate it and exploit it. Don’t believe me? Promise a young middle eastern girl 70 virgins in heaven and see if she’ll strap explosives to herself. The downside to this is that men often do “die trying.”

最早的原始游戏形式可能是性交易。不知道如何勾引部落里那个火辣的采集女猎人？从剑齿虎的利爪下救她一命，她会用敞开的双腿回报你的救命之恩。换句话说，冒生命危险，女人会以性作为感激的回报。如今这在实践中可能不再是现实，但这种 A+B=C 的逻辑导致了心理内化和社会教义的形成。这是一个如此原始、男性演绎逻辑的原则，长期以来如此成功，以至于社会条件既是为了缓解它，也是为了利用它而演化出来的。不信？向一个中东年轻女孩承诺天堂里有 70 个处女，看看她是否愿意在自己身上绑上炸药。这种做法的弊端在于，男人常常“死而后已”。

All of this kind of brought me around to thinking about the psychological ‘software’ that’s been evolved into our species as a result of environmental adaptations of the past. In War Brides I went into detail about the Stockholm Syndrome women seem to have an inborn propensity for, which logically makes them predisposed to abandoning emotional investments more readily than men. Considering the brutality of our feral past, evolving a capacity for quick emotional abandonment and reinvestment would’ve been a valuable survival trait for women (thus insuring a perpetuation of the species), however, in the present it serves to complicate newly developed social dynamics in terms of parental and ethical considerations.

这一切让我开始思考，由于过去环境适应而进化到我们物种的心理“软件”。在《战时新娘》中，我详细探讨了女性似乎天生就有的斯德哥尔摩综合症倾向，这使她们在情感投资上比男性更容易放弃。考虑到我们野蛮的过去，快速放弃和重新投入情感的能力对女性来说是一种宝贵的生存特质（从而确保物种的延续），然而在当下，这却给新形成的社会动态带来了复杂的亲子和伦理考量。

Likewise, men have evolved into the disposable sex as a result of that same feral past. In today’s environment it’s very easy for men to draw upon ethical indignation about our disposable status, but it’s not primarily due to social influences. To be sure, social influence has definitely exploited men’s disposability, but the root of that devaluation (in contrast to women’s) really lies in our evolutionary past and our biological make up. Men have always been disposable – so much so that women evolved psychological contingencies (War Brides) to cope with that disposability.

同样，由于那段野蛮的过去，男性也演变成了可随意处置的性别。在当今环境下，男性很容易对我们的可随意处置地位感到道德愤慨，但这主要并非社会影响所致。诚然，社会影响确实利用了男性的可随意处置性，但这种贬值（与女性相比）的根本原因实际上在于我们的进化历程和生物构成。男性历来都是可随意处置的——以至于女性进化出了心理应对机制（如战争新娘）来应对这种可随意处置性。

As socialization and acculturation progressed, so too did the social rationales for men’s disposability. It became honorable to sacrifice oneself, ostensibly for a greater cause, but subversively as a means to recognition.

随着社会化和文化适应的推进，男性可牺牲性的社会理由也日益增强。牺牲自己变得光荣，表面上是为了更伟大的事业，但暗地里却是为了获得认可。

Martyrdom is the ultimate expression of social proof.

殉道是社会认同的终极体现。

Appreciating the Sacrifice 感恩奉献

Unfortunately, as is women’s biological imperative, once a man’s martyred himself women seek a suitable substitute within the week. I’m still getting a lot of response on my Appreciation post, and predictably most of the criticism is rooted in assuming my intent was to illustrate women being inferior to men in terms of sincerely appreciating the sacrifices he must make to facilitate her reality. The inability of women appreciating men’s sacrifices isn’t an issue of who’s better than who, it’s merely an observation of facts and corollaries. What I think critics fail to recognize is that I’m simply relating the observed mechanics; any conditionality they choose to apply to those mechanics are their own opinions and biases.

遗憾的是，正如女性的生物本能所驱使，一旦男人牺牲了自己，女性往往会在一周内寻找合适的替代者。我的感谢帖仍收到大量回应，可以预见，大部分批评源于假设我的意图是展示女性在真诚感激男性为实现她的现实所做的牺牲方面不如男性。女性无法感激男性的牺牲，并非关乎谁更优越，而仅仅是事实及其推论的观察。我认为批评者未能认识到的是，我只是在陈述观察到的机制；他们选择附加于这些机制的任何条件性，都是他们自己的观点和偏见。

“Yeah Rollo, it’s pretty fucked up that women have some inborn ability to ‘switch off’ their emotions for you in favor of a higher SMV male…”

“是啊，罗洛，女性天生就有能力为了更高 SMV 的男性而‘关闭’对你的情感，这真是太糟糕了。”

You’re right it’s pretty messed up. It’s also unethical, insincere and duplicitous when you also consider the planning involved in dissociating her emotional investment in favor of a new investment; but all of these are social conditions we apply to the underlying mechanic. It’s also pretty fucked up that men’s lives intrinsically have less value than women’s – but we can apply esoteric principles of honor, duty and courage to men killing themselves and engaging in the dynamic of their own disposability. We can also apply principles of cowardice and betrayal to men who refuse that sacrifice in favor of self-preservation, but these are qualification of social conventions that we establish as a culture.

你说得对，这确实很混乱。当你考虑到为了新的投资而计划让她情感投入分离时，这也是不道德、不真诚和欺骗性的；但所有这些都是我们应用于基本机制的社会条件。男性生命内在价值低于女性，这也是相当糟糕的——但我们可以将荣誉、责任和勇气的深奥原则应用于男性自杀和参与自身可抛弃性的动态中。我们还可以将懦弱和背叛的原则应用于那些为了自我保护而拒绝牺牲的男性，但这些都是我们作为文化所建立的社会习俗的限定条件。

The biomechanics are what they are, irrespective of the social paint we color them with. It’s not that women lack an intellectual capacity to appreciate men’s sacrifices, it’s that this isn’t their evolved psychological predisposition. The social constructs which tells her to expect a man’s sacrifice, which normalizes his martyrdom, have evolved to better dissociate her own investment in her biological imperatives (i.e. Hypergamy). In English this means evolution has prepared her socially and psychologically for his sacrifice, and readies her to move to a better provisioning should one present itself in her surroundings. Likewise, men putting themselves in harms way is rooted in our competing for resources – in this case breeding rights.

生物力学就是那样，无论我们用社会色彩如何涂抹它们。并非女性缺乏理解男性牺牲的智力能力，而是这并非她们进化心理的倾向。那些告诉她期待男性牺牲、将他的牺牲视为常态的社会结构，已经进化到更好地使她与自身的生物需求（即超母性）脱钩。用英语来说，这意味着进化已使她在社会和心理上为他的牺牲做好准备，并使她准备好在他周围出现更好的供养者时，能够转向更好的选择。同样，男性将自己置于危险之中，根源在于我们争夺资源——在这种情况下是繁殖权。

Ravenous wolves tearing apart a moose aren’t evil; they’re doing what nature has prepared them to do in order to survive. This isn’t to give anyone, male or female, some biologically determined free pass for bad behavior, it’s just to understand where this behavior originates and how it came to be what we make of it today.

饥饿的狼群撕裂麋鹿并非出于邪恶；它们只是在执行自然赋予的生存本能。这并非为任何人，无论男女，提供生物学上的不良行为免责牌，而是为了理解这种行为起源及其如何演变成我们今日所见。

Mrs. Hyde 海德夫人

In last week’s Looks Count post I broke down a particular demographic outline that loosely describes the various phases of women’s lives and the importance they tend to place on certain male characteristics in relation to qualifying for their intimacy. The focus in that post was on the importance of physical attributes women filter for, but I felt it deserved a better explanation in whole. Granted, I’m basing my estimates on women in westernized cultures and the general progression most become acculturated to, however I think in a global sense, and accounting for socioeconomic contexts, the progression remains fairly predictable.

在上周的《外表很重要》文章中，我分解了一个特定的群体轮廓，它大致描述了女性生命中的各个阶段以及她们倾向于在亲密关系中重视某些男性特征的重要性。那篇文章的重点是女性筛选的物理属性，但我觉得它值得更全面的解释。当然，我基于西方文化中的女性和她们普遍接受的文化进程来估计，但我认为在全球范围内，考虑到社会经济背景，这个进程仍然相当可预测。

Women’s Sexual Pluralism 女性的性多元主义

In the study I linked by Dr. Martie Hasselton there was a very salient point that kind of gets passed up since the focus of that social experiment was more about isolating variables in women’s physical preferences for males. That point was illustrating women’s pluralistic sexual strategies – short term breeding strategies whilst in her sexual peak demographic, progressing to long term sexual strategies as her sexual agency becomes less valuable and subject to the rigors of competition anxiety in the SMP.

在我链接的 Martie Hasselton 博士的研究中，有一个非常显著的点，由于该社会实验的重点更多是关于隔离女性对男性物理偏好的变量，所以这一点被忽略了。这一点是说明女性的多元性策略——在她的性高峰时期采用短期繁殖策略，随着她的性自主权变得不那么有价值并受到 SMP 中竞争焦虑的影响，逐渐转向长期性策略。

According to strategic pluralism theory (Gangestad & Simpson, 2000), men have evolved to pursue reproductive strategies that are contingent on their value on the mating market. More attractive men accrue reproductive benefits from spending more time seeking multiple mating partners and relatively less time investing in offspring. In contrast, the reproductive effort of less attractive men, who do not have the same mating opportunities, is better allocated to investing heavily in their mates and offspring and spending relatively less time seeking additional mates.

根据战略多元主义理论（Gangestad & Simpson, 2000），男性已进化出依赖于其在婚配市场上的价值的繁殖策略。更具吸引力的男性通过花费更多时间寻求多个伴侣，相对较少时间投资于后代，从而获得繁殖优势。相比之下，吸引力较低的男性由于缺乏同等婚配机会，其繁殖努力更适宜集中于对伴侣和后代的深度投资，并相对减少寻求额外伴侣的时间。

From a woman’s perspective, the ideal is to attract a partner who confers both long-term investment benefits and genetic benefits. Not all women, however, will be able to attract long-term investing mates who also display heritable fitness cues. Consequently, women face trade-offs in choosing mates because they may be forced to choose between males displaying fitness indicators or those who will assist in offspring care and be good long-term mates (Gangestad & Simpson, 2000). The most straightforward prediction that follows is that women seeking short-term mates, when the man’s only contribution to offspring is genetic, should prefer muscularity more than women seeking long-term mates.

从女性的角度来看，理想的情况是吸引一个既能提供长期投资收益又能带来遗传优势的伴侣。然而，并非所有女性都能吸引到既愿意长期投资又展现出可遗传适应性特征的伴侣。因此，女性在选择伴侣时面临权衡，因为她们可能不得不在展示适应性指标的男性与那些愿意协助抚养后代并成为良好长期伴侣的男性之间做出选择（Gangestad & Simpson, 2000）。最直接的预测是，寻求短期伴侣的女性，当男性的唯一贡献是遗传时，应该比寻求长期伴侣的女性更偏好肌肉发达的男性。

Over the course of a woman’s life the priorities and criteria a woman holds for a ‘suitable’ mate fluctuate in response to the conditions she finds herself in. The criterion for short term coupling are much easier to demand when a woman is in her peak fertility phase of life and thus places these prerequisites above what she would find more desirable for a long-term pairing. The extrinsic male-characteristic prerequisites for short-term sexual strategy (hot, quick Alpha sex) preempts the long-term qualifications for as long as she’s sexually viable enough to attract men. Thus it follows that as a woman exceeds or is outclassed of her previous SMV, her priorities then shift to an attraction for more intrinsic male qualities. For the short-term strategy, quick impulsivity and gratifying sensation take precedent. For the long-term strategy, slow discernment, prudence, familiarity and comfort satisfy a desire for security as she exits the competitive stage of the SMP.

在女性的一生中，她对“合适”伴侣的优先考虑和标准会随着所处环境的变化而波动。当女性处于生育高峰期时，她对短期伴侣的要求更容易提出，因此将这些先决条件置于她认为更适合长期配对的条件之上。短期性策略所需的男性外在特征（火热、迅速的阿尔法式性爱）在她性吸引力足够吸引男性时，会优先于长期伴侣的资格。因此，随着女性超过或被超越其先前的配偶市场价值（SMV），她的优先事项会转向对男性内在品质的吸引力。对于短期策略，快速冲动和愉悦感占据主导。对于长期策略，缓慢的辨别、谨慎、熟悉和舒适感满足了她退出配偶市场竞争阶段时对安全感的渴望。

The dirty little secret to all of this is that although a woman may abandon one strategy for another depending on the phase of life she’s in, nature has seen fit to make sure she never quite abandons one for the other completely. As her environment warrants, she can readily re-prioritize her conditions for intimacy in order to achieve that sexually strategic balance.

这一切的肮脏小秘密在于，尽管女性可能会根据她所处的生命阶段放弃一种策略而采用另一种策略，但自然已经决定确保她永远不会完全放弃一种策略而完全采用另一种策略。根据她的环境需要，她可以随时重新调整亲密关系的条件，以实现这种性策略的平衡。

This is a very uncomfortable truth for contemporary women in that it exposes the underpinnings of a great many feminized social conventions intended to misdirect men in an effort to maintain superiority in sexual selectivity and effecting these strategies. Men becoming aware of the pluralistic nature of hypergamy is the greatest threat to the feminine imperative. As I stated in The Threat,

这对当代女性来说是一个非常不舒服的事实，因为它揭露了许多旨在误导男性以维持性选择优势和实施这些策略的许多女性化社会习俗的底层逻辑。男性意识到一夫多妻的多样性是对女性主导的最大威胁。正如我在《威胁》中所说的，

Nothing is more threatening yet simultaneously attractive to a woman than a man who is aware of his own value to women.

没有什么比一个深知自身对女性价值所在的男人更让女人感到威胁却又同时被吸引的了。

Biomechanics 生物力学

An even more uncomfortable truth is that women’s pluralistic sexual strategy is literally written into their genetics. In a woman’s sexual peak demographic, across her ovulatory cycle she will tend to seek out High-Testosterone cued Alpha Men to pursue for her short term breeding strategy during her pro-phase of ovulation. In her menstruation period her preferences switch to preferring the long term security of a beta provider, and thus filters for these traits in her pair-bonding.

一个更加令人不安的事实是，女性的多元性策略实际上已刻入她们的基因。在女性的性高峰期，随着排卵周期的变化，她会倾向于寻找高睾酮特征的阿尔法男性，以追求其排卵前期短期繁殖策略。而在月经期间，她的偏好则转向寻求贝塔男性的长期安全感，从而在配对过程中筛选这些特质。

I’m elaborating on the genetic aspects here because I think it’s important for men to understand the biological mechanics of women’s sexual strategies in a broader scope. I endure an endless stream criticism for implying that women are selective sluts. Obviously women in the general whole have the capacity to resist these base impulses to “go slut”, however this is the base biological impulse against which they resist by conviction, rationale, sentimentalism or simply being realistic about having a low SMP valuation. As I’ve said before, all women have the capacity to throw caution to the wind in order to pursue her short term sexual strategy. Right place, right guy, right ovulatory phase, I was drunk, he was cute and one thing led to another,.. Nature selected for women who could best effect a covert pluralistic sexual strategy.

我在这里详细阐述遗传方面的原因，因为我认为男性理解女性性策略的生物机制在更广泛的范围内是很重要的。我因为暗示女性是选择性的荡妇而遭受无尽的批评。显然，总体而言，女性有能力抵抗这些“去荡妇”的基本冲动，但这是她们通过信念、理性、感性或只是现实地看待自己低 SMP 估值来抵抗的基本生物冲动。正如我之前所说，所有女性都有能力在追求短期性策略时将谨慎抛诸脑后。对的地方，对的人，对的排卵期，我喝醉了，他很可爱，一件事导致了另一件事……自然选择那些最能有效实施隐秘多重性策略的女性。

Due to the cyclic nature of women’s sexuality it’s a misnomer to think that “women are just as sexual as men“, however, to to the importance of sexual selectivity dominance, women are much more sexual than most men are led to believe. The key is understanding that women want to be sexual on their own terms as their cycle dictates. Essentially they are serving two masters in this: they want the freedom to pursue a short term sexual opportunity (as well as the freedom from social repercussions as a result) and also the prudence to filter for a man willing to assume the responsibilities of parental investment and provisioning.

由于女性性行为的周期性特征，认为“女性和男性一样性欲旺盛”是一种误解，然而，考虑到性选择主导的重要性，女性的性欲远比大多数男性所认为的要强烈得多。关键在于理解女性希望按照自己的周期条件来决定何时进行性行为。本质上，她们在这方面服务于两个主宰：她们渴望追求短期性机会的自由（以及由此带来的社会后果的自由），同时也审慎地筛选愿意承担父母投资和供养责任的男人。

NAWALT

From a recent discussion thread:

来自最近的讨论线程：

Here is a tip – level headed girls who are intelligent have told me they don’t want to get fake breasts, even when they’re an A cup. Also some girls prefer to take it a step slower. They don’t NEED immediate gratification, they know that a good thing might take time, and here is an idea, you know how women think men are dumb – MOST ARE. That’s why they play games – to weed out players!

这里有一个建议——头脑冷静、聪明的女孩告诉我，即使她们是 A 罩杯，她们也不想做假胸。还有一些女孩更喜欢慢慢来。她们不需要立即的满足感，她们知道好的事情可能需要时间，这里有一个想法，你知道女人认为男人很笨——大多数都是。这就是为什么她们玩游戏——为了淘汰玩家！

This was from a guy. I used to believe this, until I understood the fundamentals of female hypergamy. For far too many men it’s a comfortable fiction to think that attractive, self-conscious, “level headed” women really have the presence and forethought to ‘weed out’ what men would rationally think would be the best fit for them. However, observably and predictably, their behaviors and choices don’t bear this out. On the contrary, their behaviors prove the validity of female hypergamy even in the personalities of what we’d consider the most virtuous women. Even the bright, intelligent, good-girl selects for, and sexually prepares herself for, the most immediately accessible Alpha male her attractiveness will demand AND they also filter for the players, and develop bonds with men they believe might provide for their long term security when their necessity dictates that they should. They’re the same girl.

这是一个来自某位男士的观点。我曾一度相信这一点，直到我理解了女性超配性的基本原理。对于太多男性而言，认为那些有吸引力、自我意识强、“头脑冷静”的女性真的具备足够的洞察力和远见，能够“筛选出”他们理性认为最适合自己的男性，这种想法是一种令人舒适的虚构。然而，显而易见且可预见的是，她们的行为和选择并不支持这一观点。相反，她们的行为恰恰证明了女性超配性在那些我们视为最贤淑女性身上的有效性。即便是那些聪明、智慧、品行端正的“好女孩”，也会选择并为自己准备好最易接近的阿尔法男性，以满足她的吸引力所要求，同时她们也会筛选出玩家，并与那些她们认为能在必要时提供长期安全感的男性建立联系。她们本质上并无不同。

Women are keenly aware that men’s primary interest in them is fucking – everything else is ancillary to sex. The difficulty women encounter in perfecting a long-term sexual strategy is men’s singular primary strategy – the value a woman has beyond the sexual comes after she’s been sexual.

女性非常清楚，男性对她们的主要兴趣是性交——其他一切都是次要的。女性在完善长期性策略时遇到的困难是男性的单一主要策略——女性在性行为之后的价值超越了性。

The Truth is Out There

真相就在那里

Almost a year ago Ferd over at In Mala Fide wrote a very eye-opening post about what appears to be an endemic of online Self-Shooters – millions of unprompted, unsolicited young women shooting and posting nude and semi-nude pictures of themselves from a smartphone. Just image search Google keyword “self shots”, you’ll get the idea. And it goes well beyond just teenage dalliances with bathroom pictorials; with the rise of convenient digital media creation we get a clearer view of women’s true sexual landscape. Click over to Advocatus Diaboli’s blog and check his NSFW collection of links featuring home-porn.

大约一年前，Ferd 在 In Mala Fide 上写了一篇非常发人深省的文章，内容是关于在线自拍者的泛滥——数百万未经提示、未经请求的年轻女性用智能手机拍摄并发布自己的裸体和半裸照片。只需在谷歌上搜索关键词“自拍”，你就会明白。这不仅仅是青少年的浴室照片游戏；随着便捷的数字媒体创作的兴起，我们对女性真实的性景观有了更清晰的了解。点击到 Advocatus Diaboli 的博客，查看他的 NSFW 链接集合，里面有家庭色情内容。

You can reference Ferd’s article for the NSFW photo galleries and forum links dedicated to this phenomenon. Have a look at the sheer volume and frequency with which average women will voluntarily become sexual. This is just one collection, there are countless millions more. Are they all sluts? How many of these women have uttered the words ” I want to wait so I know you want me for more than sex?” How many of these women would make great wives in 5-10 years? How many of these women are already (or have been) wife material? How many of these women are thought of as the sweet natured “good girl”? How many guys have considered these girls “Quality Women” at some point? We can look at them with their clothes off and declare them sluts, but would you know the difference if you saw her in church?

你可以参考 Ferd 的文章，了解专门针对这种现象的 NSFW 照片库和论坛链接。看看普通女性自愿变得性感的数量和频率。这只是一个集合，还有无数的更多。她们都是荡妇吗？有多少女性说过“我想等待，这样我就知道你不仅仅是为了性而想要我？”有多少女性在 5-10 年后会成为好妻子？有多少女性已经是（或曾经是）妻子材料？有多少女性被认为是性格温和的“好女孩”？有多少男人曾经认为这些女孩是“优质女性”？我们可以看着她们脱掉衣服并宣布她们是荡妇，但如果你在教堂看到她，你会知道区别吗？

From the same critic:

来自同一位评论家：

Most girls wil go through an experimental phase at least. I don’t think that makes them sluts, necessarily. Depends on degree.

大多数女孩至少会经历一个实验阶段。我不认为这必然使她们成为荡妇。取决于程度。

I half agree with this. There is most definitely a phase of life where women will opportunistically leverage their sexuality – usually this is mid-teens to late 20s, but you have to also take into consideration why this sexual attention is such an urgency as well as being so rewarding for a woman in this phase. Hypergamy and a rapidly closing window of SMV spur on that urgency.

我对此半同意。确实存在一个阶段，女性会利用她们的性吸引力——通常是十几岁到二十多岁，但你也必须考虑为什么这种性关注对女性来说如此紧迫，以及在这个阶段如此有回报。超婚配和迅速关闭的 SMV 窗口加剧了这种紧迫感。

I’m also compelled to point out that women in their 30s, 40s and even 50s will still “slut it up” and seek that sexual attention if their conditions dictate that they must return to that agency. Again, refer to the self-shots phenomenon; not all of these girls are 18 y.o. misguided youths experimenting with their sexuality for the first time. A solid percentage of them are post-30s women, and some older than that showing off their ‘new’ post-divorce body after 3 months training at the gym. Are they still ‘experimenting’ or are they feeling the need to retroactively solicit male sexual response due to changes in their conditions?

我也必须指出，30 多岁、40 多岁甚至 50 多岁的女性，如果环境所迫，仍会“放纵自我”，寻求性关注。再次提及自拍现象；并非所有这些女孩都是 18 岁误入歧途的年轻人初次尝试性探索。其中相当一部分是 30 岁以上的女性，有些甚至更年长，她们在健身房锻炼三个月后，展示着“新”的离婚后身材。她们是在“实验”，还是因环境变化而需要事后寻求男性性反应？

The point I was making is that the “quality woman” meme is entirely subjective to the sexually strategic conditions that a woman finds herself in. As per usual, guys would like to make their necessity a virtue and define whatever is working for them currently as an ideal situation without considering the factors that contribute to it or would radically change it if those conditions were altered. When you met your devoted, soccer-mom wife in her 20s, your first thought wasn’t “I wonder if she’s a quality woman?” It was probably more along the lines of “I wonder if she sucks a good díck?” At the time, the conditions were different for her, and her personality reflected an adaptation to them.

我想表达的观点是，“优质女性”这一概念完全取决于女性所处的性策略环境。一如既往，男性倾向于将自身需求美化成美德，并将当前对他们有利的状况定义为理想状态，而未考虑促成这一状况的因素，或当这些条件改变时，状况会如何剧变。当你在 20 多岁时遇到那位如今成为你忠实足球妈妈型妻子的她时，你的第一反应并非“我想知道她是不是个优质女人？”而更可能是“我想知道她口技好不好？”那时，她的环境不同，她的个性也反映了对此环境的适应。

Now What? 现在怎么办？

So where does this leave a Man? I think it’s determined by where you are yourself in life and what your expectations for yourself are. If you’re young and just beginning to find your footing in the SMP then I’d advise spinning plates and enjoying yourself, but with the understanding that you are learning from experience. Maybe that’s as far as you want to (responsibly) go, or maybe you entertain the idea of becoming monogamous at some point. Naturally, I wouldn’t advise even experimenting with monogamy for any guy under the age of 30, but lets assume you do have the experience and have an understanding of how the SMP and hypergamy work. The most valuable bit of wisdom you can carry into a monogamy of your own decision and your own frame is to understand this sexual pluralism in women. Accept hypergamy as a woman’s operative state at all times.

那么这对一个男人来说意味着什么？我认为这取决于你在生活中的位置以及你对自己的期望。如果你还年轻，刚开始在 SMP 中找到自己的立足点，我会建议你旋转盘子并享受自己，但要明白你正在从经验中学习。也许你只想（负责任地）走到这一步，或者也许你会在某个时候考虑成为一夫一妻制。当然，我不会建议任何 30 岁以下的男性甚至尝试一夫一妻制，但让我们假设你确实有经验，并且对 SMP 和超婚配机制有所了解。你带入自己决定和框架的一夫一妻制中最有价值的智慧就是理解女性的这种性多元主义。始终接受超婚配作为女性的操作状态。

The most common words hear newly divorced men utter is some version of “I never saw this coming in my wildest imagination, we were married for 20 years, we have 4 kids, how could she be over me so quickly?” A lack of understanding the basics of hypergamy is exactly why men are blindsided.

新近离婚的男性最常说的词是某种版本的“我从未在 wildest imagination 中看到这一点，我们结婚 20 年，我们有 4 个孩子，她怎么能这么快就对我失去兴趣？”对超婚配基本原理缺乏理解正是为什么男性会感到意外。

The Hypergamy Conspiracy 超婚配阴谋

“Hypergamy is a selected-for survival mechanism.”

“超婚配是一种被选择的生存机制。”

Aunt Sue: 苏阿姨：

“Hypergamy states that a woman seeks a man of higher status than herself for marriage. Nothing less, nothing more.”

“超婚配表明，女性在婚姻中寻求比自己地位更高的男性。不多不少。”

Escoffier: 埃斯科菲耶：

“I don’t think that’s right.

“我不认为那是正确的。

The theory is more like this, from what I have read. Hypergamy is a woman’s natural (which is to say, genetically wired) preference for a higher status male–that is, higher status than herself and also higher status than the other men in her field of vision and also perhaps higher status than men she has known in the past and even (at the extremes) higher status than most men she can personally imagine meeting. That cuts across a range of possible relationships, all the way from a ONS to marriage. In all cases, women naturally prefer the highest status man they can get. And sometimes they want so much status that they won’t settle on ANY man they could actually get.

根据我读到的内容，这个理论更像是这样。超婚配是女性对更高地位男性的自然（即基因驱动的）偏好——也就是说，比她自己地位更高，也比她视野中的其他男性地位更高，甚至可能比她过去认识的男性地位更高，甚至在极端情况下，比她个人能想象到的绝大多数男性地位更高。这涵盖了一系列可能的关系，从一夜情到婚姻。在所有情况下，女性自然更喜欢她们能得到的最高地位的男性。有时她们想要如此高的地位，以至于她们不会接受任何她们实际上能得到的男性。

“Status” has a varied meaning in this definition. Certain things correllate with high status, for intance money, prestige, social standing, etc. However a man can have all of that and still be low status because of low status intrapersonal behavior (i.e., needy schlumpitude). The highest possible status male would be rich, good looking, fit, well dressed, high social cache, high prestige job (preferably one which involves risk, physical risk being better than mere monetary risk), and also extroverted, dominant, the leader of his group of friends, able to command any social situation, and so on. However, women are wired to be turned on more by the latter BEHAVORIAL traits than by be the former SUBSTANTIVE traits. So, if you have have to choose one or the other, to get women, be socially dominant and a broke societal loser rather than socially awkward and a rich societal winner. But best to be both, if possible.

“地位”在这个定义中有不同的含义。某些事物与高地位相关，例如金钱、声望、社会地位等。然而，一个男人可以拥有所有这些，但仍然因为低地位的内在行为（例如，需要帮助的邋遢）而处于低地位。最高地位的男性将是富有、英俊、健康、穿着得体、社会资本高、有声望的工作（最好是涉及风险的工作，身体风险比金钱风险更好），并且也是外向、主导、朋友中的领导者、能够掌控任何社交场合等等。然而，女性更倾向于被后者的行为特征所吸引，而不是前者的实质特征。所以，如果你必须选择其一，为了吸引女性，宁愿成为社会主导的失败者而不是社会尴尬的成功者。但如果可能的话，最好两者兼备。

As to marriage, sure women want to marry up. But this does not exhaust the effects of hypergamy. Women can marry up–both intrinsically and in their own mind–and still ditch their catch because someone “better” comes along. That is hypergamy at work.

至于婚姻，当然女性想要嫁得好。但这并没有穷尽超偶婚的影响。女性可以嫁得好——无论是内在还是她们自己的想法——但仍然会因为有人“更好”而抛弃她们的伴侣。这就是超偶婚的作用。

Also, when women are pursuing short and medium term mating, hypergamy has no less force. They always prefer the most socially dominant male they can get. This is often relative (A&B are both a little dweeby but A is more alpha than B and since I want someone NOW I choose A) but sometimes it is more intrinsic (A&B are both a little dweeby and even though A is a little more alpha, since I don’t have to have someone NOW, I am going to hold out for the Real Deal).

此外，当女性追求短期和中期交配时，择偶偏好同样具有强大的力量。她们总是倾向于选择她们能找到的最具社会主导地位的男性。这通常是相对的（A 和 B 都有点书呆子气，但 A 比 B 更阿尔法，既然我现在想要一个人，我选择 A），但有时它更内在（A 和 B 都有点书呆子气，即使 A 稍微更阿尔法，既然我不必现在就要一个人，我会等待真正的交易）。

It’s not all about marriage. It’s about mate selection accross the range of circumstances.

这不仅仅是关于婚姻。这是关于在各种情况下选择伴侣。

That, at any rate, is how I believe the manosphere understands “hypergamy.”

无论如何，这就是我认为男性圈对“择偶偏好”的理解。

Aunt Sue: 苏阿姨：

“Yes, because they made it up. Researchers do not recognize that definition. It’s pure Game.”

“是的，因为他们编造了这个词。研究人员不承认这个定义。这是纯粹的游戏。”

The main reason I only sporadically participate in the comment threads at Aunt Sue’s echo chamber Blog is because conversational gems like this have a marked tendency to get buried under, sometimes, thousands of other comments. I think it’s a shame really. I wanted to draw particular attention to the difference in interpretation of terms with regards to the dynamic of Hypergamy here.

我之所以只是偶尔参与苏阿姨的回声室博客上的评论，主要是因为像这样的对话宝石往往会被埋没在数千条其他评论之下。我认为这真的很遗憾。我想特别关注这里关于择偶偏好的动态的不同解释。

Escoffier makes an astute analysis of Hypergamy in a much broader perspective than Susan’s definition-approved “researchers” are willing to recognize. On the fem-centric side we have Sue casually dismiss “Hypergamy” (twice) in this context as some fabrication of the Game-set and therefor not a legitimate analysis. A rose is a rose, and as I’ve stated in prior threads, Hypergamy is a term that should have a much broader definition when considered in context with the feminine imperative and the eminently observable feminine behaviors that manifest as a result of Hypergamy’s influence.

埃斯科菲耶对一夫多妻制的分析比苏珊定义所认可的“研究人员”愿意承认的要广泛得多。在女性中心的一边，苏轻松地驳斥了“一夫多妻制”（两次），认为它是游戏设定中的某种虚构，因此不是合法的分析。玫瑰就是玫瑰，正如我在之前的帖子中所说，一夫多妻制这个词在考虑到女性本能和明显可见的女性行为时，应该有一个更广泛的定义，这些行为是一夫多妻制影响的结果。

That the term Hypergamy should be so wantonly limited in its definition, and in such a way that it serves to deliberately confuse a better understanding of it as an evolutionary impulse on the feminine psyche, speaks volumes about the importance of maintaining its misunderstanding to the feminine imperative.

一夫多妻制这个词的定义如此随意地被限制，以至于故意混淆了对其作为女性心理进化冲动的更好理解，这充分说明了维持对其误解对女性本能的重要性。

It’s almost ironic that the collective feminine ego should even need to deign to recognize Hypergamy in the terms that it is cast as in Susan’s default response. “Hypergamy states that a woman seeks a man of higher status than herself for marriage. Nothing less, nothing more.” forces the feminine to at least begrudgingly accept that women are in fact basing their long-term commitment prospects on status (as defined by researchers), and not some ephemeral soul-mate, emotional precept. God forbid men (PhDs or otherwise) should have the temerity to extrapolate any further social, psychological or evolutionary implications that could’ve influenced that Hypergamy dynamic into existence.

这几乎有些讽刺，集体的女性自我竟然需要屈尊去认可超婚配在苏珊默认回应中所被赋予的定义。“超婚配指出，女性在婚姻中寻求地位高于自己的男性。不多不少，仅此而已。”这迫使女性至少不情愿地承认，她们确实基于地位（由研究者定义）来考量长期承诺的可能性，而非某种虚无缥缈的灵魂伴侣或情感准则。天哪，男性（无论是否拥有博士学位）若胆敢进一步推断可能影响超婚配动态的社会、心理或进化层面的含义，那简直是冒天下之大不韪。

While I wont argue the credentials of the researchers Sue will undoubtedly quote – I often acknowledge all of the same in other posts and comments – I will however make the point that her interpretation (as is everyone’s) is subject to bias. And in this case, that bias serves the feminine imperative in keeping the definition of Hypergamy in as closed a way as possible to benefit the feminine. In the evolving understanding of the motivators that influence intergender relations there are going to be terms that describe concepts.

虽然我不会质疑 Sue 无疑会引用的研究人员的资历——我经常在其他帖子和评论中承认所有这些——但我还是要指出，她的解释（就像每个人的解释一样）是有偏见的。在这种情况下，这种偏见服务于女性本能，以尽可能封闭的方式定义一夫多妻制，从而使女性受益。在不断发展的理解影响两性关系的动机中，会有一些术语来描述这些概念。

AFC’s, Alpha, Beta, Hypergamy, etc. are all defined by the concepts they represent.

AFC、Alpha、Beta、一夫多妻制等，都是由它们所代表的概念定义的。

‘Hypergamy’ serves well in a much broader capacity, but should the feminine imperative find that broader definition threatening to its purpose it will casually dismiss it as illegitimate. The real question then is, why would that concept be threatening to the feminine? You can delegitimize the term, but the concept is still the operative issue. Why is the concept of that larger scope of the term so offensive to a fem-centric society?

“一夫多妻制”在更广泛的范围内很好地发挥作用，但如果女性本能发现这个更广泛的定义对其目的构成威胁，它会随意地将其视为不合法。真正的问题是，为什么这个概念会对女性构成威胁？你可以使这个术语失去合法性，但这个概念仍然是关键问题。为什么这个术语更大范围的概念对以女性为中心的社会如此具有冒犯性？

The Conspiracy that Wasn’t 那个不存在的阴谋

One issue many of my critics have is that in exposing these inconsistencies, these operative social conventions and the latent purposes behind them, my writing (really most of the manosphere) seems to take on a conspiratorial tone. I can fully appreciate this, and it might shock a few readers to know that I reject much of the popularized MRA perspective in this respect. I agree with an MRA perspective in a rational analysis to a certain degree, but there is no grand conspiracy, no secret mysterious cabal pushing a negative perception of masculinity – and this is exactly why what I outline on this blog is so pervasive. There doesn’t need to be a unitary group of ‘anti-men’ bent on some melodramatic goal of world domination; because this feminized ideal is already embedded in our socialization. Fem-centrism IS our collective social consciousness.

我的许多批评者的一个问题是，在揭露这些不一致性、这些操作性社会规范及其背后的潜在目的时，我的写作（实际上是大多数男性圈子的写作）似乎带有一种阴谋论的语气。我完全理解这一点，并且可能会让一些读者感到震惊的是，我在这个问题上拒绝了许多流行的男性权利视角。我在某种程度上同意男性权利视角的理性分析，但并没有什么宏大的阴谋，没有什么秘密的神秘集团在推动对男性气质的负面看法——而这正是我在博客上所描述的内容如此普遍的原因。不需要有一个统一的“反男性”团体，他们怀有某种戏剧性的世界统治目标；因为这种女性化的理想已经嵌入我们的社会化中。女性中心主义就是我们的集体社会意识。

It doesn’t need a centralized directorship because the mindset is already so installed and perpetuated by society at large it’s now normalized, taken for granted and self-perpetuating. AFCs raising AFCs leads to still more AFCs. This generation doesn’t realize their own bias because it’s been standardized, encouraged and reinforced in them, and society, over the course of several generations now. o 它不需要中央集权的直接指导，因为这种思维方式已经深深植根于整个社会，如今已被正常化、视为理所当然并自我延续。AFC 培养 AFC，导致更多的 AFC 出现。这一代人并未意识到自身的偏见，因为这些偏见已被标准化、鼓励并强化在他们身上，以及整个社会中，历经数代人之久。

What’s to question, especially when calling attention to the feminization dynamic leads to ridicule and ostricization?

有什么可质疑的呢，尤其是在指出女性化趋势时，往往会招致嘲笑和排斥？

So to answer the conspiracy question; no, there is no illuminati shadow conspiracy and that’s exactly what makes feminization the normalized and overlooked default.

因此，针对阴谋论的问题，答案是否定的，不存在光照派的暗中阴谋，而这恰恰是女性化被正常化并被忽视的根源所在。

The Pet 宠物

One requirement I have of most of the men (and women) I do consults with is that they read The 48 Laws of Power (The Art of Seduction is in the class syllabus as well). In the introduction author Robert Greene runs down the ethical implications of understanding and employing the various laws. If you look at the synopsis of the laws I linked you can get an idea of how uncomfortable some of these laws will naturally make people feel. Many of these laws understandably rub the uneducated the wrong way because for the better part of our lives we’ve been taught to emulate socially acceptable mannerisms and adopt a mindset of cooperation above self interest.

我对我所咨询的大多数男性（以及女性）有一个要求，那就是他们必须阅读《权力的 48 条法则》（《诱惑的艺术》也在课程大纲中）。在引言中，作者罗伯特·格林讨论了理解和运用各种法则的伦理影响。如果你看我链接的法则概要，你可以了解其中一些法则会让人感到不适。毫不奇怪，许多这些法则会让不了解它们的人感到反感，因为在大部分人生中，我们一直被教导要模仿社会可接受的礼仪，并 adopting 一种合作高于自身利益的心态。

Most people are conditioned to think that deliberate use of power is inherently manipulative, self-serving and sometimes evil. In context this may or may not be true, but in so demonizing even the desire to understand power, not only do we inhibit a better critical understanding of power, but we also make the uneducated more vulnerable to the use of power against them. The 49th Law being: Never educate others of the principles of power, which is itself a form of using power. Never talk about Fight Club.

大多数人习惯于认为，刻意使用权力本质上是操纵性的、自私的，有时甚至是邪恶的。在这种情况下，这可能对，也可能不对，但当我们如此妖魔化甚至理解权力的欲望时，我们不仅抑制了对权力的更好批判性理解，还使得未受教育的人更容易受到权力对他们的利用。《第 49 条法则》说的是：永远不要教育他人关于权力的原则，这本身就是一种使用权力的形式。永远不要谈论搏击俱乐部。

I bring this up because, just as with the Laws of Power, there will be articles of Game, or foundations of intergender communication – complete with all of the underlying motivators – that Men (and women) will be uncomfortable accepting or employing to the point that it challenges some deep rooted emotional or ego investments. Let me be the first to establish that discomfort is part of understanding; truth is supposed to make you uncomfortable in order to inspire you to action.

我提出这一点是因为，就像《权力法则》一样，会有关于游戏的文章，或者性别间交流的基础——包括所有潜在的动机——让男人（和女人）不愿接受或使用，以至于挑战了他们深层次的情感或自我投入。让我首先明确一点，不适感是理解的一部分；真相应该让你感到不适，以激励你采取行动。

I should also add here that even though you may not be comfortable in exercising a particular tactic or don’t feel confident in approaching an interpersonal situation in some way, it is still vital that you do understand the concepts and methodologies behind why those laws, principles, techniques, attitudes, etc. do work. You may have personal reasons for not wanting to involve yourself in some particular aspect of Game, but it’s imperative that you fully acknowledge the mechanics behind that aspect before you decide it’s not something you can employ. Declining to use a particular Law or aspect of Game doesn’t make you immune to the consequences of it, nor does it invalidate that aspect when others use it for their own benefit, and potentially to your own detriment.

我还要在这里补充一点，即使你可能对使用某种策略感到不适，或者对以某种方式处理人际关系没有信心，但你仍然必须理解这些法则、原则、技巧、态度等背后概念和方法。你可能会因为个人原因不想涉及游戏的某些特定方面，但在你决定不使用它之前，必须充分了解该方面的机制。拒绝使用特定的法则或游戏的某些方面并不会使你免受其后果的影响，也不会在其他人为了自己的利益使用它时使其失效，甚至可能对你不利。

Half the Battle 一半的战斗

The primary (though not exclusive) focus of this blog has been devoted to the critical analysis of the mechanics behind intergender dynamics, Game-practice, Game-theory, social and evolutionary psychology just to name a few. I can understand the want for practical applications of this field of study, and while in my line of work I have done my own ‘field testing’ with the majority of what I explore here, I have neither the time, opportunity or resources to develop practices beyond what I offer here. At least not to the degree of which the majority of my readers are able – and that’s the good news.

这个博客的主要（但不是唯一）焦点一直致力于分析性别间互动的机制、游戏实践、游戏理论、社会和进化心理学等领域。我能理解人们希望将这一研究领域应用于实践，虽然在我的工作中，我已经对自己在这里探讨的大部分内容进行了“实地测试”，但我没有足够的时间、机会或资源来开发超出此处提供的实践方法。至少无法达到我的大多数读者能够做到的程度——而这正是好消息所在。

“This is brilliant stuff Rollo, but how do I use this to make my life better with the next girl I sarge, etc.?” This is a common desire from my readership, and the best I can offer is Knowing is Half the Battle. One size doesn’t fit all for everyone in Game or intergender relations. Anyone hawking a book giving you an instruction manual on how to have a great marriage or how to pick up chicks is still limited by their own individual experience. In other words, they’re not you.

“这是非常精彩的内容，罗洛，但我该如何利用这些来让我在下一个追求的女孩身上，以及在生活中过得更好呢？” 这是我读者中常见的一个愿望，而我所能提供的最好建议就是知己知彼，百战不殆。在把妹或男女关系中，一种方法并不适合所有人。任何兜售一本书，给你提供如何拥有美满婚姻或如何泡妞的说明书的人，仍然受限于他们个人的经验。换句话说，他们不是你。

It’s for exactly this reason I spend more time and critical thought on the foundations and functions of gender dynamism than pick up artistry. When I get associated with the “manipulative machiavellian Game gurus” it only serves to highlight an ignorance and lack of any depth of understanding what I focus on here. Game is psychology, sociology, economics, biomechanics, evolution and politics. Game is far broader than simple tricks and techniques. And it’s exactly the latent purpose of these applications (PUArtistry) and the mechanics behind their workings that threatens the ego-investments of those who’s feminized interests would rather see them marginalized and passed off as folly, or usefully ridiculed to shame the curious for fear that the underpinnings might be exposed.

正是由于这个原因，我把更多的时间和批判性思考放在性别动态的基础和功能上，而不是搭讪技巧。当我被与“ manipulative machiavellian Game gurus”（ manipulative machiavellian 游戏大师）联系在一起时，这只会凸显出对我在这里关注的内容缺乏任何深层次理解的无知。游戏涉及心理学、社会学、经济学、生物力学、进化和政治。游戏的范围远不止是一些简单的技巧和方法。而这些应用（PUA 技巧）的潜在目的及其运作机制，恰恰威胁到了那些女性化利益群体的人的自我投资，他们宁愿看到这些被边缘化，当作荒唐之事一笑而过，或者利用嘲笑来羞辱那些好奇的人，生怕其背后的基础被揭露出来。

Head in the Sand 埋头沙中

Sweetening the poison doesn’t make it any less deadly.

加糖的毒药并不会让它变得不致命。

I can remember a time in my mid-20s working as a stage tech for a casino cabaret show. The magic act I set up and struck every night involved a Bengal tiger and a black panther. Both of them were professionally handled by trainers, but even though they seemed the most docile of animals I knew they had the potential to seriously fuck me up under the wrong set of circumstances. The trainers would keep them at distance from the rest of the cast and crew, only myself and one other tech were able to get close since we were the ones wheeling them out in special cages at their particular point in the show. One trainer told me, “the moment you think of them as pets is the moment they’ll go feral on you.” They would play with these wild animals, and they seemed to have a special connection (almost like a pet), but when you watched them eat, you knew what they were capable of. 我记得在我 25 岁左右的时候，我在一家赌场歌舞表演中担任舞台技术员。我每天晚上安装和撤下的魔术表演中有一只孟加拉虎和一只黑豹。虽然它们都由训练师专业地操控，但即使它们看起来是最温顺的动物，我知道在错误的情况下，它们可能会对我造成严重的伤害。训练师会让它们与其他演员和工作人员保持距离，只有我和另一名技术员能够靠近，因为我们要在表演的特定环节用特殊的笼子把它们推出来。一位训练师告诉我：“当你把它们当作宠物的那一刻，就是它们会变得野性难驯的时刻。”他们和这些野生动物玩耍，似乎与它们有一种特殊的联系（几乎像宠物一样），但当你看到它们进食时，你就知道它们 capable of.

I learned a valuable lesson from this when one night I was wheeling the panther out to the curtain. She was in what was basically a reinforced acrylic aquarium on casters with a velvet cloth draped over it. A few minutes before my cue I’d thought the drape was falling to one side and lifted it to even it out. It was then that I was face to face with this “pet” in nothing but faint stage lights and about 4 inches of transparent acrylic between us. She looked at me with those yellow-green eyes and gave me a very low, almost muted growl and flashed just enough of her teeth to let me know this was not a “pet”.

我从一次经历中学到了一个宝贵的教训。那天晚上，我正把黑豹推到幕布旁。她被放在一个带轮子的加固亚克力水族箱里，上面盖着一块天鹅绒布。在出场提示前的几分钟，我觉得布有些歪，就掀起来想把它弄平。就在那时，在微弱的舞台灯光下，我和这个“宠物”面对面，中间只有大约 4 英寸的透明亚克力隔开。她用那双黄绿色的眼睛看着我，发出非常低沉、几乎压抑的咆哮，还稍稍露出牙齿，让我明白这绝不是一只“宠物”。

It’s a mistake (and sometimes a fatal one) to ignore what you know is just under the surface. It’s comforting to believe that you’ve got a special connection, and while the conditions are right, you’ll preserve a relationship based on mutual trust and shared affinity. The flaw is in believing that trust, and kinship is unconditional; that the underlying feral motivators are subdued to the point of being inconsequential. It may be that you do have a special bond that goes beyond just the physical, but that relationship is still founded on physical rules that constantly test and influence that individual.

忽视你知道就在表面之下的东西是一个错误（有时甚至是致命的错误）。相信你有一种特殊的联系是令人欣慰的，而在条件合适的情况下，你会维持一种基于相互信任和共同亲和力的关系。问题在于相信这种信任和亲情是无条件的；认为潜在的原始动机已经被压制到无关紧要的地步。可能你的确有一种超越物质层面的特殊纽带，但这种关系仍然建立在不断测试和影响个体的物质规则之上。

You know better, but the desire for that connection is so strong that you marginalize the natural impulses into feel-good rationalizations. Every divorced man I know has uttered some variation of “I never thought she was capable of this.” In their comfort they wondered how they dropped the ball, especially after having played by the rules for so long. Some knew about Hypergamy, others made it their “pet”, only their beautiful panther went feral.

你知道得更清楚，但那种对连接的渴望是如此强烈，以至于你把自然的冲动边缘化成了感觉良好的合理化借口。我认识的每个离婚男人都说过类似“我从来没想到她能做出这种事”的话。在他们感到舒适时，他们想知道自己是如何失误的，尤其是在遵守规则这么长时间之后。有些人知道高嫁理论，其他人则把它当作“宠物”，只是他们美丽的黑豹变得野性难驯。

Play My Game 玩我的游戏

It is a far healthier approach to accept the laws of power, the laws of Game, Hypergamy, etc. and fashion a life around an understanding of them than to convince oneself that they are an exception to them.

接受权力法则、游戏法则、女性慕强择偶法则等，并围绕对这些法则的理解来塑造生活，是一种更为健康的方式，而不是说服自己自己是这些法则的例外。

There are those who seek power by changing the game – by lowering the basketball hoops in order to better shoot a basket – but in ‘leveling the playing field’ they only succeed in changing the nature of the competition to better suit their individual abilities, neither improving the game nor themselves. The temporary change of rules only serves their inadequacies in that game.

有些人通过改变游戏来寻求权力——通过降低篮球框以便更好地投篮——但在“平衡竞争环境”的过程中，他们只是成功地改变了竞争的本质，以更好地适应他们个人的能力，既没有提升比赛，也没有提升自己。规则的暂时改变只是为了掩盖他们在游戏中的不足。

Then there are those who accept the game for what it is, they understand it and they master it (or at least attempt to do so). They understand the need for adversity and the benefits it gives them when they reach the next level of mastering the game – not only in technique, but from the confidence this genuinely and verifiably confers.

有些人接受游戏的本质，他们理解游戏并努力掌握它（或至少尝试去掌握）。他们明白逆境存在的必要性，以及在达到游戏掌握的新高度时逆境带给他们的好处——不仅是在技术上，更是从这种真正的、可验证的自信中获得。

Don’t wish things were easier, wish you were better.

不要希望事情变得更容易，希望自己变得更强大。

It’s the aberration who seeks to legitimize her cheating at the game as the new way the game should be played. Shoot the arrow, paint the target around it, and you’ll always get a bullseye.

这是企图将她游戏作弊行为合法化作为游戏新玩法的人。先射箭，再在箭周围画靶子，这样你每次都能命中 bullseye。

Hypergamy doesn’t care,.. 超婚配不在乎……

Hypergamy doesn’t care how great a Father you are to your kids.

超婚配不在乎你对孩子有多么伟大的父亲。

Hypergamy doesn’t care how you rearranged your college majors and career choice in life to better accommodate her.

超婚配不在乎你如何重新安排你的大学专业和职业选择以更好地适应她。

Hypergamy doesn’t care how inspired or fulfilled you feel as a stay-at-home Dad.

超婚配不在乎你作为全职爸爸感到多么有灵感或满足。

Hypergamy doesn’t care that you moved across 4 states to be closer to your LDR.

超婚配不在乎你为了离你的异地恋更近而搬了四个州。

Hypergamy doesn’t care how ‘supportive’ you’ve always been of her decisions or if you identify as a ‘male feminist’.

超婚配不在乎你一直对她决定的支持程度，或者你是否自认为是“男性女权主义者”。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about the sincerity of your religious convictions or aspirations of high purpose. 超婚配不在乎你宗教信仰的真诚或崇高目标的追求。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about those words you said at your wedding.

超婚配不在乎你在婚礼上说的那些话。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about how you funded her going back to college to find a more rewarding career.

超婚配不在乎你如何资助她重返大学寻找更有回报的职业。

Hypergamy doesn’t care how great a guy you are for adopting the children she had with other men.

超婚配不在乎你为了收养她与其他男人生的孩子而成为一个多么伟大的男人。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about your divine and forgiving nature in excusing her “youthful indiscretions.”

超婚配不在乎你宽恕她“年轻时的不检点”的神圣和宽容的本性。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about your magnanimity in assuming responsibility for her student loans, and credit card debt after you’re married.

超婚配不在乎你在婚后承担她的学生贷款和信用卡债务的慷慨。

Hypergamy doesn’t care if “he was your best friend.”

超婚配不在乎“他曾经是你最好的朋友”。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about the coffee in bed you bring her or how great a cook you are.

超婚配不在乎你给她带来的床上的咖啡，也不在乎你有多会做饭。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about all those chick flicks you sat through with her and claimed to like.

超婚配不在乎你和她一起看过的那些爱情电影，也不在乎你是否声称喜欢它们。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about how well you do your part of the household chores.

超婚配不在乎你在家务中做得有多好。

Hypergamy doesn’t care about how much her family or friends like you.

超婚配不在乎她的家人或朋友是否喜欢你。

Hypergamy doesn’t care if you think you’re a “Good” guy or about how convincing your argument is for your sense of honor.

超婚配不在乎你是否认为自己是个“好人”，也不在乎你的荣誉感有多么有说服力。

Hypergamy doesn’t care whether the children are biologically yours or not.

超婚配不在乎孩子是否是你的亲生子女。

Hypergamy doesn’t care if “she was drunk, he was cute, and one thing led to another,..”

超婚配不在乎“她喝醉了，他很可爱，然后事情就发生了……”

Hypergamy doesn’t care how sweet, funny or intellectual you are.

超婚配不在乎你有多甜蜜、有趣或聪明。

Hypergamy doesn’t care if you “never saw it coming.”

超婚配不在乎你是否“从未预料到”。

Add your own, I’m sure there’s more,..

加上你自己的，我相信还有更多……

Relational Equity 关系资本

When I started in on the Hypergamy doesn’t care,.. post I knew it was going to come off as some unavoidably deterministic rant about the evils of hypergamy.

当我开始写关于“超婚配不在乎……”的文章时，我知道它会显得像是对超婚配邪恶的不可避免的宿命论的咆哮。

That post was born out of all the efforts I’ve repeatedly read men relate to me when they say how unbelievable their breakups were. As if all of the investment, emotional, physical, financial, familial, etc. would be rationally appreciated as a buffer against hypergamy. The reason for their shock and disbelief is that their mental state originates in the assumption that women are perfectly rational agents and should take all of their efforts, all of their personal strengths, all of the involvement in their women’s lives into account before trading up to a better prospective male. There is a prevailing belief that all of their merits, if sufficient, should be proof against her hypergamous considerations.

这篇文章源于我反复读到的男人们向我讲述他们分手时感到难以置信的努力。仿佛所有的投资、情感、身体、财务、家庭等都会被理性地视为对超婚配的缓冲。他们震惊和难以置信的原因是，他们的精神状态源于假设女性是完全理性的代理人，应该在升级到更好的潜在男性之前，考虑他们所有的努力、所有的个人优势、以及他们对女性生活的参与。有一种普遍的信念认为，如果他们的优点足够，就应该证明她不会考虑超婚配。

For men, this is a logically sound idea. All of that investment adds up to their concept of relationship equity. So it’s particularly jarring for men to consider that all of that equity becomes effectively worthless to a woman presented with a sufficiently better prospect as per the dictates of her hypergamy.

对男人来说，这是一个逻辑上合理的想法。所有这些投资加起来就是他们对关系资本的概念。因此，对男人来说，特别令人震惊的是，考虑到所有这些资本在女性面对一个足够好的潜在男性时，根据她的超婚配要求，变得毫无价值。

That isn’t to say that women don’t take that equity into account when determining whether to trade up or in their choice of men if they’re single, but their operative point of origin is ALWAYS hypergamy. Women obviously can control their hypergamic impulses in favor of fidelity, just as men can and do keep their sexual appetites in check, but always know that it isn’t relationship equity she’s rationally considering in that moment of decision.

这并不是说女性在决定是否要升级或选择男性时不会考虑这种公平性，但如果她们单身，她们的操作起点始终是高攀。女性显然可以控制她们的高攀冲动，以保持忠诚，就像男性可以并且确实控制了他们的性欲一样，但她们总是知道，在那一刻的决定中，她并没有理性地考虑关系公平性。

This dynamic is exactly the reason the surrogate boyfriend, the perfect nice guy orbiter who’s invested so much into identifying with his target, gets so enraged when his dream girl opts for the hot asshole jerk. She’s not making a logical decision based upon his invested relational equity. Quite the opposite; she’s empirically proving for him that his equity is worthless by rewarding the hot jerk – who had essentially no equity – with her sex and intimacy. He doesn’t understand that hypergamy doesn’t care about relational equity.

这种动态正是为什么替身男友，那个完美的好人轨道者，在他心仪的女孩选择那个火辣的混蛋时会如此愤怒。她并不是根据他投入的关系公平性做出合乎逻辑的决定。恰恰相反；她通过奖励那个几乎没有公平性的火辣混蛋——用她的性爱和亲密——来向他证明他的公平性是毫无价值的。他不明白高攀并不关心关系公平性。

This is a really tough truth for guys to swallow, because knowing how hypergamy works necessarily devalues their concept of relational equity with the woman they’re committed to, or considering commitment with. Men’s concept of relational equity stems from a mindset that accepts negotiated desire (not genuine desire) as a valid means of relationship security. This is precisely why most couples counseling fails – its operative origin begins from the misconception that genuine desire (hypergamy) can be negotiated indefinitely.

这对男人来说是一个非常难以接受的真相，因为了解超婚配机制必然会贬低他们对与所承诺或考虑承诺的女性的关系公平性的概念。男人的关系公平性概念源于一种接受协商欲望（而非真实欲望）作为关系安全有效手段的心态。这正是大多数夫妻咨询失败的原因——其操作起源始于对真实欲望（超婚配）可以无限期协商的误解。

The Rational Female 理性的女性

Aunt Giggles recently posted a fluffy little piece of interpretive Alpha fiction extolling the virtues of Beta men (who of course to her are the real Alphas only without teeth, pee sitting down and only say sweet things about girls). It’s not a bad list in and of itself despite the fact that her definition of Alpha is George Costanza who morphs into Sterling Grey upon command when the moment strikes. It’s a noble effort, but where her list falls flat is in the presumption (her hope) that women will make a conscious, rational decision to opt for a Beta male as a suitable long term provider. What a novel concept!

阿姨 Giggles 最近发布了一篇轻柔的解释性 Alpha 小说，赞美 Beta 男人的优点（当然对她来说，Beta 男人是真正的 Alpha，只是没有牙齿，坐着小便，并且只对女孩说甜言蜜语）。尽管她的 Alpha 定义是乔治·科斯坦萨，当需要时会变成斯特林·格雷，但这本身并不是一个糟糕的清单。她的清单失败之处在于假设（她的希望）女性会做出有意识、理性的决定，选择 Beta 男性作为合适的长期提供者。多么新颖的概念！

Irony aside, Giggles still falls prey to two fallacies in her pleas for a better Beta. The first is as discussed above; the hope or the realistic expectation that women’s hindbrain hypergamy can be sublimated in favor of a rational cognitive decision making when choosing with whom to spread her legs for, much less settle down with. I understand it’s been at least 28 years since she had to make that particular decision, but not much has really changed in that time with regards to the limbic influence hypergamy has over women’s decision making processes. The short answer is that she believes that healthy relationships can be rooted in negotiated desire (which is also called ‘obligated desire’ in the real world).

撇开讽刺不谈，Giggles 在呼吁更好的 Beta 时仍陷入了两个谬误。首先是如上所述的；她希望或现实地期待，女性在选择与谁发生关系，更不用说安定下来时，能够超越本能的择偶冲动，转而基于理性的认知决策。我理解她至少已有 28 年未曾面临这一抉择，但在这段时间里，关于边缘系统对女性决策过程的影响，实质上并未发生太大变化。简而言之，她相信健康的伴侣关系可以建立在协商的欲望之上（这在现实世界中亦被称为“义务性欲望”）。

This then leads into the second fallacy in which she presumes relationship equity – even the potential for that equity – will make the life time commitment to a “he’ll-haffta-do” Beta endurable while repressing her innate hypergamy. As I stated above, hypergamy doesn’t care about relational equity. If it’s a consideration at all in a woman’s decision making process, it’s only for comparative purposes when assessing risk motivated by hypergamy. Some times that risk association is present in deciding whether to accept a marriage proposal, sometimes it’s present when she decides another man’s genetic potential rivals that of the provider she’s already committed to, but in all instances the originating prompt is still hypergamy.

这进而引入了她的第二个谬误，即她假设关系公平——甚至是这种公平的潜力——将使她对一个“他必须做到”的贝塔男的终身承诺变得可忍受，同时压抑她天生的超雄性倾向。正如我上面所说，超雄性倾向并不关心关系公平。如果这在女性的决策过程中有所考虑，那也只是为了在评估由超雄性倾向驱动的风险时进行比较。有时这种风险关联在决定是否接受婚姻提议时存在，有时在她决定另一个男人的遗传潜力是否与她已经承诺的供养者相当时存在，但在所有情况下，最初的触发因素仍然是超雄性倾向。

late post edit As is his way Roissy offers up another timely refutation of Aunt Susan’s played out trope ‘WARNING: Alpha traits alone are suitable for short-term mating only!’

迟到的帖子编辑 正如他的风格，Roissy 再次及时反驳了 Susan 阿姨的老套说法‘警告：阿尔法特质只适合短期交配！’

The Rational Male 理性男性

All of that may sound like I’m excusing men from the equation, I’m not. As I detailed in The Threat, when men progressively become more aware of their sexual market value, the better their capacity develops to assess long term investment potential with women. The trouble with this model, in its present form, is that the phase at which men are just becoming aware of their true long term value to women (usually around age 30) is almost exactly the phase (just pre-Wall) in which women hope to press men unaware of their SMV into their long term provisioning schema. As this relates to men, most spend the majority of their teens and 20’s pursuing women, following the dicktates of their biological impulses, and to varying degrees of success learn from experience what really seems like women’s duplicity or fickleness. So it comes as a breath of fresh air for the average (see Beta) guy to finally encounter what he believes is a woman who’s “down to earth” and seems genuinely concerned with hearth and family at age 29. Her past character, her very nature, even her single-mommyness can be overlooked and/or forgiven in light of finding such a rare jewel.

这一切听起来可能像我在为男性开脱，其实不然。正如我在《威胁》中详细阐述的那样，当男性逐渐意识到自己的性市场价值时，他们评估女性长期投资潜力的能力也会随之提升。当前模式的问题在于，男性刚刚开始意识到自己对女性的真正长期价值（通常在 30 岁左右）的阶段，几乎正是女性希望利用男性对自身性市场价值的无知，将其纳入长期供养计划的阶段（即“墙前”阶段）。对于男性而言，大多数人在十几岁到二十几岁的大部分时间里都在追求女性，遵循着生物本能的驱使，并在不同程度上从经验中学习，认识到女性似乎存在的虚伪或善变。因此，对于普通（即贝塔男）来说，在 29 岁时终于遇到一个他认为“脚踏实地”、似乎真心关注家庭生活的女性，无疑是一股清新的空气。她的过去、她的本性，甚至她的单亲妈妈身份，都可以被忽略或原谅，因为找到这样一颗稀世珍宝实属难得。

There’s a new breed of White Knight in the manosphere who love to enthusiastically promote the idea of rigorously vetting women as potential wives. It sounds like virtue. For serial monogamists playing the ‘Good Guy’ card, it sounds so satisfying to lay claim to having experience and integrity enough to be a good judge or authority of what will or will not do for his ‘exacting standards’. This is really a new form of Beta Game; “look out ladies, I’ve been through the paces so if you’re not an approximate virgin and know how to bake a hearty loaf of bread, this guy is moving on,..” and on, and on, and on. All any of this really amounts to is a better form of identification Game, because ultimately a profession of being a Good Guy is still an attempt to be what he expects his ideal woman would want – a good judge (of her) character.

在男性圈子里，出现了一种新型“白马王子”，他们热衷于大力宣扬严格审查女性作为潜在妻子的想法。这听起来像是美德。对于那些玩“好男人”牌的连续一夫一妻者来说，宣称自己拥有足够的经验和正直，足以成为判断什么适合或不适合其“苛刻标准”的权威，听起来非常令人满足。这实际上是一种新的贝塔游戏形式；“女士们小心了，我可是经历过考验的，如果你不是近乎处女，又不会烤出香喷喷的面包，这位先生就要继续寻找了……”如此反复。所有这些归根结底，不过是一种更高级的身份游戏，因为最终声称自己是好男人，仍然是在试图成为他心目中理想女性所期望的那种——善于判断（她的）品格的人。

Know this right now, no man (myself included) in the history of humanity has ever fully or accurately vetted any woman he married. And certainly not any guy who married prior to the age of 30 or had fewer than 1 LTR in his past. It’s not that high school sweethearts who last a lifetime don’t exist, it’s that no man can ever accurately determine how the love of his life will change over the course of that lifetime.

现在要知道这一点，历史上没有一个男人（包括我自己）曾经完全或准确地审查过他娶的任何女人。当然，也没有任何在 30 岁之前结婚或在过去的经历中少于一次长期关系（LTR）的男人。并不是说那些持续一生的高中恋人不存在，而是没有一个男人能准确地判断出他一生的爱人会如何随着时间的推移而改变。

Right about now, I can hear the “wow, that’s some pretty raw shit there Mr. Tomassi” from the gallery, and I agree, but ask the guy on his second divorce how certain he was that he’d done his due diligence with his second wife based on all his past experience. Bear this truth in mind, you do not buy into a good marriage or LTR, you create one, you build one. Your sweet little Good Girl who grew up in the Amish Dutch Country is just as hypergamous as the club slut you nailed last night. Different girls, different contexts, same hypergamy. You may have enough experience to know a woman who’d make a good foundation, but you ultimately build your own marriage/monogamy based on your own strengths or dissolve it based on inherent flaws – there are no pre-fab marriages.

就在这个时候，我能听到观众中有人说“哇，那真是相当露骨的话，汤玛西先生”，我同意，但问问那个正在经历第二次离婚的男人，他有多确定他在第二次婚姻中已经尽了他的职责，基于他过去的所有经验。记住这个事实，你不是买了一个好的婚姻或长期关系（LTR），而是你创造了一个，你建立了一个。你那个在阿米什荷兰乡村长大的甜美小好女孩，和昨晚你在夜店里搞定的俱乐部荡妇一样都是高度性欲的。不同的女孩，不同的背景，同样的性欲。你可能有足够的经验知道一个女人可以成为一个好的基础，但你最终是基于你自己的优点来建立你的婚姻/一夫一妻制，或者基于固有的缺陷来解散它——没有预制的婚姻。

Women & Regret

Paradox on the SoSuave forum had an interesting question after reading War Brides:

在 SoSuave 论坛上，Paradox 在阅读《战时新娘》后提出了一个有趣的问题：

I’ve seen it mentioned here in passing but I would like to know how women handle regret.

我在这里看到过一些提及，但我很想了解女性如何处理后悔。

How do they handle decisions that may affect their destiny?

她们如何处理可能影响她们命运的决定？

Moments like: 比如这样的时刻：

Seeing someone on a train, bus, coffee shop, grocery store but not saying hello when the moment comes.

在火车、公交车、咖啡店、杂货店看到某人，但在那一刻没有打招呼。

Meeting someone great at a party but not exchanging numbers.

在派对上遇到一个很棒的人，但没有交换电话号码。

Not calling back a guy

没有回电话给一个家伙

I have seen low IL changed to high IL but do women generally waver in their interest level all of the time?

我见过低兴趣水平变为高兴趣水平，但女性通常会一直摇摆不定吗？

The funny thing about regret is, it’s better to regret something you have done, than regret something you haven’t done.

关于后悔的有趣之处在于，后悔做过的事情比后悔没做的事情要好。

Any observational answer I could offer here is going to have to be adjusted to account for women’s inherent solipsism – everything is about her, and everything confirms her assessments as the default. As such, you have to bear in mind that regret, for women, usually begins from a point of how a missed opportunity could’ve better benefitted themselves. The root of this is grounded in women’s constant, in-born psychological quest for security. Hypergamy, by necessity, makes for solipsistic women in order to best preserve the survival integrity of the species. That’s not to say women can’t sublimate that impulse as necessity dictates, but just as men must sublimate their sexual imperative, women begin at a point of tempering the insecurity that results from hypergamy.

我在这里提供的任何观察性回答都必须根据女性的固有自我中心主义进行调整——一切都是关于她的，一切都在确认她的评估是默认的。因此，你必须记住，对于女性来说，后悔通常是从一个错过的机会如何更好地使自己受益的角度开始的。这种根源植根于女性不断追求心理安全的本能。出于必要，超婚配使女性变得自我中心，以最好地保护物种的生存完整性。这并不是说女性不能根据需要升华这种冲动，但正如男性必须升华他们的性冲动一样，女性从一开始就从调节超婚配引起的不安全感开始。

Guilt and Regret 内疚与后悔

Using hypergamy as a woman’s point of origin, this affects how women process regret. At this point I should note that guilt and regret are not cut from the same vine. You can feel guilty about something you did or didn’t do, as well as feel regret for something you did or didn’t do, but the two are not synonymous. I want to avoid that confusion here from the outset, because guilt is associated with a lingering negativity, while regret comes from different motivations. If you did something you feel guilty about, you probably regret it, but you can regret something you have no feelings of guilt about. 以女性的择偶策略为出发点，这会影响女性如何处理后悔。在此我应该指出，内疚和后悔并不是同根生。你可以对做过或没做过的事情感到内疚，也可以对做过或没做过的事情感到后悔，但两者并不相同。我想从一开始就避免这种混淆，因为内疚伴随着持续的消极情绪，而后悔则源于不同的动机。如果你做了让你感到内疚的事情，你可能会后悔，但你也可以对没有感到内疚的事情感到后悔。

After you finish reading this post check out the ‘Missed Connections’ section on your areas Craig’s List. Read the differences in tone, vernacular and purpose of both men and women lamenting a missed chance at something they hoped might develop. There’s no guilt involved in this wishful thinking, only a regret for not having taken an action.

读完这篇文章后，去查看你所在地区的 Craigslist 上的“错过联系”部分。阅读男性和女性在错过他们希望可能发展的机会时，语气、用语和目的的差异。这种怀旧的思考中没有内疚，只有对没有采取行动的遗憾。

Women’s Regret 女性的后悔

Women’s experience of regret depends upon the degree or intensity of the encounter in relation to their own conditions. I know that sounds like psycho-babble, but let me explain. If, and to what degree, a woman experiences regret in the situations Paradox is describing, these are directly proportional to her self-worth versus the (perceived) value of the encounter.

女性的后悔体验取决于她们与自身条件相关的遭遇程度或强度。我知道这听起来像是心理呓语，但让我解释一下。如果，以及在多大程度上，女性在 Paradox 描述的情况下感到后悔，这些是直接与她们的自尊与（感知到的）遭遇的价值成正比的。

At the risk of coming off as shallow again, the fat chick who thinks she blew a shot at a Brad Pitt will regret it more than the HB 9 who happened to lose an “average” guy’s phone number. I’m going to catch fire for this I’m sure, but it’s really an autonomous response for human beings to make subconscious comparisons and employ a natural ego preservation. While it’s latent psychological function is to help us learn from experience, generally regret is painful, so our natural response is to defend against it. We tend to regret not capitalizing on situations where the perceived reward value is high. The psychological buffer of course comes in rationalizing the actual value potential of that missed opportunity or minimizing the negative impact of the taken opportunity.

冒着再次显得肤浅的风险，那个认为自己错过了与布拉德·皮特机会的胖女孩会比那个不小心丢失了“普通”男人电话的 9 分美女更后悔。我肯定会因此受到批评，但这确实是人类自主的潜意识比较和自然自我保护的反应。虽然其潜在的心理功能是帮助我们从经验中学习，但后悔通常是痛苦的，所以我们的自然反应是防御它。我们往往后悔没有利用那些感知回报价值高的情况。当然，心理缓冲来自于合理化那个错失机会的实际价值潜力，或最小化已采取机会的负面影响。

So the debate is really how do women in particular process this reward valuation with regard to men? Again, I’ll say it breaks down to subliminally recognizing their self-worth, modified by social affirmations and then comparing it with the value of the encounter. Even semi-attractive women (HB 6-7) have a subconscious understanding that most intersexual encounters they have are mediated by their frequency – how rare was that opportunity? Meaning if a girl is constantly reinforced with male attention (guys asking her out all the time, social media influences, etc.) the rarity of any one encounter is compared against the frequency with which guys are hitting on her. This is female Plate Theory in action. If you happen to be one among many of the throngs of her suitors she’s less likely to regret not following up with you in relation to the extraordinary (see Alpha) guy she perceives has a higher value than she’s normally used to being rewarded with.

所以争论的焦点是，女性尤其是如何处理这种奖励估值与男性之间的关系？再次强调，这归结为潜意识地认识到她们的自尊，受到社会肯定的调整，然后与遭遇的价值进行比较。即使是半吸引力的女性（HB 6-7）也有一种潜意识的理解，即她们大多数异性遭遇是由她们的频率决定的——这个机会有多罕见？这意味着如果一个女孩不断得到男性的关注（男人经常约她出去，社交媒体的影响等），任何一次遭遇的稀有性都会与男人追求她的频率进行比较。这就是女性板块理论在起作用。如果你恰好是她众多追求者中的一员，她不太可能因为没有继续与你交往而感到遗憾，因为她认为那些比她通常得到的奖励更有价值的（见 Alpha）男人更有价值。

This is a Blank Page.

Frame 框架

Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.

框架就是一切。始终要注意你所处的潜意识平衡的框架。始终控制框架，但不要给人留下你在控制的印象。

The concept of “frame” is yet another ephemeral idea that had need of a term in the very beginnings of the great masculine awakening that’s become the ‘community’. If memory serves I think it may have been Mystery who first picked up on what’s really a very rudimentary and well established psychological principle. In psych terms, frame is an often subconscious, mutually acknowledged personal narrative under which auspices people will be influenced. One’s capacity for personal decisions, choices for well-being, emotional investments, religious beliefs and political persuasions (amongst many others) are all influenced and biased by the psychological narrative ‘framework’ under which we are most apt to accept as normalcy.

“框架”的概念是另一个在伟大的男性觉醒初期需要一个术语的短暂想法，这种觉醒已经成为了‘社区’。如果我没记错的话，我认为可能是 Mystery 首先意识到了这实际上是一个非常基本且早已确立的心理学原则。在心理学中，框架是一个常常是潜意识的、相互认可的个人叙事，人们会在其影响下受到影响。个人的决策能力、对幸福的抉择、情感投资、宗教信仰和政治倾向（以及其他许多方面）都受到我们最有可能接受为常态的心理叙事“框架”的影响和偏见。

The concept of frame covers a lot of aspects of our daily lives, some of which we’re painfully aware of, others we are not, but nonetheless we are passively influenced by frame. What concerns us in terms of inter-gender relations however is the way in which frame sets the environment, the ambience, and the ‘reality’ in which we relate with both the woman we sarge at a bar and the relationship with the woman we’ve lived with for 20 years. One important fact to consider, before I launch into too much detail, is to understand that frame is NOT power. The act of controlling the frame may be an exercise in power for some, but let me be clear from the start that the concept of frame is who’s ‘reality’ in which you choose to operate in relation to a woman. Both gender’s internalized concept of frame is influenced by our individual acculturation, socialization, psychological conditioning, upbringing, education, etc., but be clear on this, you are either operating in your own frame or you’re operating in hers. Also understand that the balance of frame often shifts. Frame is fluid and will find its own level when a deficit or a surplus of will is applied to change it. The forces that influence that lack or boost of will is irrelevant – just know that the conditions of an operative framework will shift because of them.

框架的概念涵盖了我们日常生活的诸多方面，其中一些我们深有体会，另一些则未曾察觉，但我们仍被动地受其影响。在两性关系中，我们关注的是框架如何设定环境、氛围以及我们与女性互动的“现实”，无论是酒吧里搭讪的女性，还是相伴二十年的伴侣。在深入细节之前，一个重要的事实需要明确：框架并非权力。控制框架的行为对某些人而言或许是权力的体现，但请从一开始就清楚，框架的概念是指你在与女性互动时选择遵循谁的“现实”。两性内化的框架概念受到个体文化适应、社会化、心理条件、成长背景、教育等因素的影响，但务必明确，你是在自己的框架中运作，还是在她的框架中。同时，要理解框架的平衡常常会发生变化。框架是流动的，当施加改变的意愿不足或过剩时，它会自行调整至适当水平。 影响意志力缺乏或增强的力量是无关紧要的——只需知道操作框架的条件会因此而改变。

Pre-LTR Frame 预左到右框架

Often I’ll see forum posts lamenting some loss of frame – “Lost the frame, how do I get it back?” A lot of times guys believe that because a woman initially gave them IOIs or was ‘really into them’ in the beginning that they had ‘frame’. This is another unfortunate misconception about frame – and I partly blame the PUA culture for it – but frame is not interest level (IL). Simply because a woman is attracted to you does not mean she’s ready to ‘enter your reality’. Her entering your frame may become a byproduct of that attraction, but it by no means guarantees it. In truth, under today’s social environment, I would expect a woman to resist tooth and nail from rushing into a man’s frame. This is why women have psychologically evolved a subconscious propensity to shit test; to verify the legitimacy of a man’s frame.

我经常看到论坛帖子哀叹框架的丧失——“失去了框架，我该如何找回它？”很多时候，男人们认为因为一个女人最初给了他们 IOI 或者一开始“真的很喜欢他们”，他们就有了“框架”。这是关于框架的另一个不幸的误解——我部分归咎于 PUA 文化——但框架不是兴趣水平（IL）。仅仅因为一个女人被你吸引，并不意味着她已经准备好“进入你的现实”。她进入你的框架可能是这种吸引力的副产品，但这绝不能保证。事实上，在当今的社会环境中，我预计女性会竭尽全力抵制匆忙进入男人的框架。这就是为什么女性在心理上进化出了一种潜意识的倾向来进行废物测试；以验证男人框架的合法性。

Most Game incongruencies develop around a guy’s inability to establish frame and opting in to a woman’s frame. What’s ironic is that on a base level, we understand frame imbalances instinctually. If you feel like you’re being led on, or being made to wait for sex, you’re operating in her frame. Are you in the ‘friend-zone’ or did you accept an LJBF rejection? You’re in her frame.

大多数游戏中的不一致性源于一个男人无法建立框架并选择进入女人的框架。具有讽刺意味的是，在基本层面上，我们本能地理解框架的不平衡。如果你觉得自己被引导，或者被要求等待性行为，你就是在她的框架中运作。你是处于“朋友区”还是接受了 LJBF 的拒绝？你是在她的框架中。

Ideally, you want a woman to enter your reality. Her genuine (unnegotiated) desire for you hinges upon you covertly establishing this narrative for her. Famous men, men with conspicuous affluence and status, and men with overwhelming social proof have very little difficulty in establishing frame – they can’t help but establish frame in a very overt fashion. A woman already wants to enter that world. She want’s an easy association with a man who’s unquestionably a proven commodity and offers her hypergamy not just a actualized fantasy, but also a high degree of personal affirmation in being the one a Man of this grandeur would choose above other women.

理想情况下，你希望一个女人进入你的现实。她对你真正的（未经协商的）欲望取决于你暗中为她建立这个叙事。著名的男人、拥有显赫财富和地位的男人，以及拥有压倒性社交证明的男人，在建立框架方面几乎没有困难——他们不可避免地以非常明显的方式建立框架。一个女人已经想要进入那个世界。她想要与一个毫无疑问是经过验证的商品的男人建立简单的联系，并为她提供不仅仅是实现的幻想，还有高度的个人肯定，即她是一个男人会选择高于其他女人的女人。

Unfortunately, you and I are not this Man, he’s a feminine idealization. However it’s important to understand how hypergamy plays into establishing frame. The Man who impassively accepts women’s hypergamous natures has a much easier time establishing frame from the outset. You or I may not be that be that famous guy with an automatic, overt frame control, but we can be by order of degrees depending upon our personal conditions and the conditions of the women with whom we choose to associate. The default pedestalization of women that men are prone to is a direct result of accepting that a woman’s frame is the only frame. It’s kind of hard for most ‘plugged in’ men to grasp that they can and should exert frame control in order to establish a healthy future relationship. This is hardly a surprise considering that every facet of their social understanding about gender frame has always defaulted to the feminine for the better part of their lifetimes. Whether that was conditioned into them by popular media or seeing it played out by their beta fathers, for most men in western culture, the feminine reality IS the normalized frame work. In order to establish a healthy male-frame, the first step is to rid themselves of the preconception that women control frame by default. They don’t, and honestly, they don’t want to.

遗憾的是，你我并非此人，他是一个女性理想化的化身。然而，理解择偶偏好如何影响框架建立至关重要。那位冷静接受女性择偶本性的男人，从一开始就更容易确立自己的框架。你我或许不是那位拥有自动、显性框架控制力的名人，但我们可以通过逐步调整，根据个人条件及所选择交往女性的条件来实现这一点。男性对女性的默认神化，直接源于接受女性框架为唯一框架的观念。对于大多数“融入”社会的男性而言，理解并实施框架控制以建立健康未来关系，确实颇具挑战。这并不奇怪，毕竟在他们一生的大部分时间里，社会对性别框架的理解始终默认倾向于女性。无论是流行媒体的影响，还是从他们顺从的父亲那里观察到的行为，对西方文化中的多数男性来说，女性现实就是被正常化的框架。 为了建立健康的男性框架，第一步是摒弃女性默认掌控框架的偏见。她们并非如此，坦白说，她们也不想如此。

Post LTR Frame 后置 LTR 框架

In most contemporary marriages and LTR arrangements, women tend to be the de facto authority. Men seek their wive’s “permission” to attempt even the most mundane activities they’d do without an afterthought while single. I have married friends tell me how ‘fortunate’ they are to be married to such an understanding wife that she’d “allow” him to watch hockey on their guest bedroom TV,…occasionally.

在大多数当代婚姻和 LTR 安排中，女性往往是事实上的权威。男性在尝试甚至是最平凡的活动时，都会寻求妻子的“许可”，而这些活动在他们单身时是毫不犹豫地进行的。我有已婚的朋友告诉我，他们多么“幸运”能娶到这样一位善解人意的妻子，她会“允许”他在客房的电视上偶尔看冰球比赛。

These are just a couple of gratuitous examples of men who entered into marriage with the frame firmly in control of their wives. They live in her reality, because anything can become normal. What these men failed to realize is that frame, like power, abhors a vacuum. In the absence of the frame security a woman naturally seeks from a masculine male, this security need forces her to provide that security for herself. Thus we have the commonality of cuckold and submissive men in westernized culture, while women do the bills, earn the money, make the decisions, authorize their husband’s actions and deliver punishments. The woman is seeking the security that the man she pair-bonded with cannot or will not provide.

这些只是几个男人在婚姻中完全受妻子控制的例子。他们生活在她的现实中，因为任何事情都可能变得正常。这些男人没有意识到的是，框架，就像权力一样，厌恶真空。在没有女性自然从男性伴侣那里寻求的框架安全感的情况下，这种安全感的需求迫使她为自己提供这种安全感。因此，在西方文化中，我们常见到被戴绿帽和顺从的男人，而女人则负责账单、赚钱、做决定、授权丈夫的行为并给予惩罚。女人在寻求与她配对结合的男人无法或不愿提供的安全感。

It is vital to the health of any LTR that a man establish his frame as the basis of their living together before any formal commitment is recognized. As I stated in the beginning, frame will be fluid and conditions will influence the balance, but the overall theme of your relationship needs to be led and molded by you. Even very influential, professional, intellectualizing women still crave the right man to establish his frame in her life. They may fight it bitterly, but ultimately it’s what will make for the best healthy balance she can achieve. There’s a growing undercurrent of mid-life women questioning and regretting their past decisions to remain single into spinsterhood. And for all their late game rationalizations, the one thing they still simply refuse to accept is acknowledging that a man’s frame, the frame their “fierce independence” wouldn’t allow for, was exactly the salve their egos so desperately wants now later in life.

对于任何长期关系（LTR）的健康发展，男人在正式承诺之前确立自己的框架作为共同生活的基础至关重要。正如我在开头所述，框架将是流动的，条件会影响平衡，但你们关系的整体主题需要由你来引领和塑造。即使是非常有影响力、职业化、善于理性思考的女性，仍然渴望一个能在她生活中确立框架的合适男人。她们可能会激烈反抗，但最终，这正是她们能实现最佳健康平衡的关键。越来越多的中年女性在质疑并后悔自己过去选择单身直至独身生活的决定。尽管她们在后期会进行各种合理化解释，但有一件事她们仍然坚决不愿承认，那就是男人的框架，那个她们“强烈独立”所不容的框架，恰恰是她们在晚年生活中如此迫切渴望的慰藉。

Gentlemen, you will establish frame in any monogamous relationship you have. You will enter her reality or she will enter yours.

先生们，你们将在任何一夫一妻制关系中建立框架。你们将进入她的现实，或者她将进入你的现实。

Rational reader Poker ran this one by me recently:

理性的读者 Poker 最近给我看了这个：

I’ve been seeing this girl and we’ve slept together a few times… Today, in bed, I got asked, “How may girls have I been with?” and “Why won’t I be her friend on Facebook?”

我一直在和一个女孩约会，我们睡过几次……今天，在床上，她问我：“我和多少个女孩在一起过？”和“为什么我不加她为 Facebook 好友？”

How many girls question…

关于有多少个女孩的问题……

Here’s how I handled it – would love to know if you think this was handled properly… (using cocky-funny attitude)

我是这样处理的——很想知道你认为这样处理是否得当……（使用自大幽默的态度）

Me: “I don’t tell that.”

我：“我不说那个。”

Her: “More or less than 20?”

她：“多于还是少于 20 个？”

Me: “I have some freedom of information forms in the car – you could fill one out and get your answer in 20 years.”

我：“我车里有几份信息自由表格——你可以填一份，20 年后就能得到答案。”

Her: “Don’t you want to know how many guys I’ve been with?”

她：“你不想知道我和多少个男人在一起过吗？”

Me: “No.” 我：“不想。”

Iron Rule of Tomassi # 2 Tomassi 的铁律 # 2

NEVER, under pain of death, honestly or dishonestly reveal the number of women you’ve slept with or explain any detail of your sexual experiences with them to a current lover. 无论生死，永远不要诚实地或不诚实地向现任情人透露你睡过的女人数量或解释你与她们性经历的任何细节。

The single most disastrous AFC move a man can make is to OVERTLY describe past sexual experiences and/or give a number (accurate or not) to how many women he’s been with prior to the one he’s with. This simple act, whether you offered the information or she dragged it out of you, ALWAYS comes off as pretentiousness and is often the catalyst for an avalanche of emotional resentment, if not outright emotional blackmail from an insecure woman. This is a rookie mistake that will only take you once to learn.

一个男人能做的最灾难性的 AFC 举动就是公然描述过去的性经历，或者给出一个数字（无论准确与否），说明他在与现在的女人在一起之前有过多少女人。这个简单的行为，无论是你主动提供的还是她逼问出来的，总是显得自命不凡，并且常常是引发一系列情感怨恨的催化剂，如果不是直接的情感勒索的话，尤其是来自一个不安全感的女人。这是一个新手错误，你只需要经历一次就能学会。

If a woman puts you on the spot by directly asking you for this information always sidestep this COVERTLY. C&F works wonders in this situation and still keeps the air of mystery and challenge about you.

如果一个女人直接问你这个问题，总是要暗中回避。C&F 在这种情况下非常有效，仍然保持你身上的神秘感和挑战性。

Her: “So how many girls have you been with?”

她：“那你和多少个女孩在一起过？”

You: “You’re my first actually”

你：“你其实是我的第一个。”

Her: “Really, how many girls have you been with?”

她：“真的吗，那你和多少个女孩在一起过？”

You:” You mean tonight?”

你：“你是说今晚吗？”

Her: “C’mon, how many girls have you been with?”

她：“拜托，那你和多少个女孩在一起过？”

You: “You know, I really lost count after 50” (or something outrageous).

你：“你知道吗，我真的在 50 个之后就数不清了”（或者一些夸张的说法）。

When a woman asks you this question she is seeking confirmation of what she already suspects – NEVER give her this satisfaction. When a woman resorts to OVERT communication (COVERT being her native language) she’s generally exhausted her patience to be COVERT and this is a desperation tactic for an insecure woman.

当一个女人问你这个问题时，她是在寻求她已经怀疑的事情的确认——永远不要给她这种满足感。当一个女人采用显性沟通（隐性是她的母语）时，她通常已经耗尽了隐性沟通的耐心，这对一个不自信的女人来说是一种绝望的策略。

While this scenario may be fraught with potential disaster, it is also an opportunity to encourage her imagination and prompt some competition anxiety.

虽然这种情况可能充满潜在的灾难，但它也是一个鼓励她想象力和引发一些竞争焦虑的机会。

Her: “How many girls have you been with?”

她：“你和多少个女孩在一起过？”

You: “I have an idea, lets fuck and then you can tell me how many girls you think I’ve been with, OK?”

你：“我有个主意，我们做爱吧，然后你可以告诉我你认为我和多少个女孩在一起过，好吗？”

A lot of Game rookies think that since they’ve only been with 1 or 2 women in their lives what’s the harm in open, honest, full disclosure? Like most Betas they bought the “open communication is the secret to a good relationship” meme long ago, so the impulse to be upfront is their default response. They tend not to see the utility in keeping that information, or being ambiguous about it, plants a seed of competition anxiety. When she KNOWS she’s your first, you’ve just abdicated the frame to her in any kind of relationship. Second, if she’s your 9th then every girl up to 8 becomes a stamp in her collection to use against you in the first fight you have. Every date you take her on she wonders “Did he take #6 here too?” It’s as if you cheated on her with every previous girl up to her. I should also add that this is the first question a BPD (borderline personality disorder) woman will ask you so she can feel horrible about herself for not measuring up to “your standards” and drag you into the emotional hell-pit with her.

很多游戏新手认为，既然他们一生中只和 1 或 2 个女人在一起过，那么公开、诚实、完全坦白有什么害处呢？像大多数贝塔男一样，他们很久以前就相信了“开放沟通是良好关系的秘诀”的迷因，所以坦诚相待是他们的默认反应。他们往往看不到保留这些信息或含糊其辞的用处，这会种下竞争焦虑的种子。当她知道她是你的第一个时，你在任何关系中都把框架让给了她。其次，如果她是你的第九个，那么前八个女孩就成了她用来在你第一次争吵时对付你的收藏品。每次你带她去约会，她都会想“他是不是也带第六个女孩来过这里？”就好像你和之前的每个女孩都背叛了她一样。我还应该补充的是，这是边缘型人格障碍（BPD）女性会问你的第一个问题，这样她就可以为自己不符合“你的标准”而感到难过，并把你拖入情感的地狱深渊。

Wait for it?

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3 托马西的铁律 #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

任何让你等待性行为的女人，或者通过她的行为暗示她在让你等待性行为；这种等待永远不值得。

When a woman makes you wait for sex you are not her highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It’s sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to fuck you will find a way to fuck you. She will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, fuck the shit out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work – women who want to fuck will find a way to fuck. The girl who tells you she needs to be comfortable and wants a relationship first is the same girl who fucked the hot guy in the foam cannon party in Cancun on spring break just half an hour after meeting him.

当一个女人让你等待性行为时，你不是她的最高优先级。性是双方之间的自发化学反应，而不是谈判过程。首先是性，然后是关系，而不是反过来。一个想和你上床的女人会找到办法和你上床。她会飞越整个国家，爬过铁丝网，从你二楼的卧室窗户爬进来，狠狠地和你做爱，如果你的妻子提前下班回家，她会耐心地躲在你的衣橱里——想要和你上床的女人会找到办法。那个告诉你她需要感到舒适并想要先建立关系的女人，就是那个在春假时在坎昆的泡沫派对上，刚认识半小时就和一个帅哥上床的女人。

If a girl is that into you she’ll have sex with you regardless of ASD or having her friends in the room videotaping it at a frat party. All women can be sluts, you just have to be the right guy to bring it out in them, and this happens before you go back to her place. If you have to plead your case cuddling and spooning on the bed or getting the occasional peck on the cheek at the end of the night, you need to go back to square one and start fresh.

如果一个女孩对你如此着迷，她会在任何情况下与你发生关系，无论是在兄弟会的派对上，她的朋友们在房间里录像，还是其他任何情况。所有女性都有可能成为荡妇，你只需要成为那个能激发她们这一面的男人，而且这通常发生在你们回到她家之前。如果你不得不在床上依偎、拥抱，或者在夜晚结束时偶尔得到一个轻吻脸颊，那么你需要回到起点，重新开始。

I’m probably going to ruffle a few PUA feathers here, but I’ve never been a proponent of breaking down LMR (last minute resistance) with a woman. Maybe it’s a result of experiences in my rock star 20’s, but at some point I came to the conclusion that sex with a woman who’s turned on by me is always a far better than one where I had to sell her on the idea of sex with me before the act. Now don’t take this to the binary extreme and assume I mean the only good sex you’ll ever have is a first night lay (FNL) with some tart who can’t keep her legs closed. What I mean is that if you’re still trying to figure out what the magic words are to convince some girl that she ought fuck you after 3 dates – or longer – you’re in desire negotiation hearings counselor. You are wasting your time and limiting your opportunity with better prospective women in waiting out a woman who would defer less than 100% of her real desire to have sex with you. The sex will NEVER be worth the wait. A prostitute would be a better alternative.

我可能会在这里触动一些 PUA 的敏感神经，但我从来不是那种主张通过打破女性最后一刻的抵抗（LMR）来达成目的的人。或许这与我在摇滚明星般的二十多岁时的经历有关，但最终我得出了一个结论：与那些被我吸引而主动投入的女性发生关系，总是比那些我不得不在行动前说服她与我发生关系的体验要好得多。现在，请不要将此理解为极端的二元论，认为我所说的唯一美好的性体验就是与那些无法自控的轻浮女子在第一晚的放纵。我的意思是，如果你还在试图找出那些神奇的话语，以说服某个女孩在三次约会后——甚至更久——与你上床，那么你就是在进行欲望谈判的听证会，律师先生。你在浪费时间，同时限制了自己与更优秀、更有潜力的女性接触的机会，而那些女性可能更愿意在性方面满足你，而不是拖延或保留她百分之百的真实欲望。这样的等待永远不值得。相比之下，找一个妓女或许是更好的选择。

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Once you get past a certain point in the waiting game, what once had the chance to be an organic, sexual desire becomes mitigated negotiation of a physical act. Just the fact that you’re having to make a case for yourself (even covertly) is evidence that there are other factors inhibiting her capacity to be sexual with you. As I stated, barring a physical inability, this is almost always because of an unmentioned agenda on her part. It may be due to a concurrent boyfriend, it may be a natural internal caution, it may be that your process is telegraphing ‘beta’ to her, or it may be that she’s filibustering you while waiting to see if another, more preferable guy pans out for her, however, none of these are insurmountable if she has a genuine desire to bang you. Many a cheated on boyfriend knows this is true. In any circumstance, sex with you is not an urgency for her. If she’s perceiving your value as as high as it should be, she wont hesitate longer than a few dates to become sexual – and she certainly wont tell you she’s making you wait. Hypergamy doesn’t afford a woman much waiting time with a Man she sees as superior stock.

真正的欲望无法被谈判。一旦你在等待游戏中越过某个临界点，原本有机会成为自然而然、充满性欲的渴望，就会变成对肉体行为的妥协谈判。仅仅是你不得不为自己辩护（即使是隐晦地）这一事实，就足以证明有其他因素在阻碍她与你发生性关系的能力。正如我所言，除非存在生理障碍，这几乎总是因为她心中隐藏着未言明的议程。可能是因为她有现任男友，可能是她天生的内在谨慎，可能是你的行为让她觉得你不够自信，或者她可能在拖延你，同时观望是否有更合她意的男人出现。然而，如果她真心想和你发生关系，这些都不是不可逾越的障碍。许多被劈腿的男友都明白这一点。在任何情况下，与你发生关系对她来说都不是紧迫之事。如果她认为你的价值如你所应得的那样高，她不会在几次约会后还犹豫不决——她当然也不会告诉你她在让你等待。在择偶策略中，女性对视为优质男性的等待时间并不多。

One of the more frustrating situations I often encounter comes from guys who’ve been OVERTLY told that they’re being made to wait for sex until some circumstance or criteria is met for the woman. The standard filibuster (or loss-leader as the case may be) usually comes with the reasoning that she “needs to feel comfortable” before she has sex with a guy. Even more distressing is the guy who was getting laid, only to be told the same thing by an existing girlfriend. If you find yourself in either of these situation there are a couple of things to bear in mind.

我经常遇到的一种令人沮丧的情况，是那些被明确告知需要等待某种条件或标准达成后才能与女性发生关系的男性。通常，这种拖延战术（或称为“诱饵”）的理由是她“需要感到舒适”才能与男性发生关系。更令人沮丧的是，有些男性原本已有性关系，却被现任女友告知同样的事情。如果你发现自己处于这两种情况之一，有几点需要牢记。

First and foremost, sex, by it’s nature is uncomfortable. Sex that is motivated by mutual, genuine desire is a tense affair, fueled by testosterone, anxiety and urgency. When two people get together for a first dance ( a precursor to copulation), it’s rarely if ever an intimate slow dance. It’s salsa, it’s grinding, it’s pumping, it’s heat and it’s sweat. What it’s not is comforting and familiar. It’s not a nice warm bathrobe fresh out of the dryer. Don’t take this the wrong way, but sex is threatening. It needs to be, and you need to be considered a sexualized player in her personal sphere. Overtly agreeing to wait for her to become sexual is anti-seductive. It confirms for her that you aren’t a sexualized player to her; an Alpha wouldn’t wait for sex and she knows this. Worse still, it devalues her SMV as being worth less than of your utmost urgency.

首先，从本质上讲，性是不舒适的。基于双方真挚欲望的性行为充满紧张，受睾酮、焦虑和紧迫感的驱使。当两个人初次相聚（这是交配的前奏），几乎从未有过亲密的慢舞。它是萨尔萨舞，是摩擦，是激情，是热汗淋漓。它不是舒适和熟悉的，不是刚从烘干机里拿出的温暖浴袍。别误会，性是具有威胁性的。它必须如此，你需要被视为她个人领域中的性角色。公开同意等待她变得性活跃是反诱惑的。这向她确认你不是她的性角色；一个阿尔法男性不会等待性，她知道这一点。更糟的是，这贬低了她的性市场价值，认为她不值得你最迫切的欲望。

Secondly, always remember why women resort to OVERT communications (the language of men) – so there is no, or less, margin that her message will be misunderstood. If a woman, point blank says, “I’m not having sex with you until X,Y, and Z happens”, what is her MEDIUM telling you? That there is a precondition that’s more important to her than fucking you with genuine, uncontrollable passion. You want her to be so into you that she’s willing to break the rules. The ideal situation is for her genuine passion to be so uncontrollable for you that she’d renounce her religion and throw her convictions to the wind to be with you. That might seem a bit dramatic, but you get the idea. The good news now is that she’s being overt, which means she’s exhausted her reserves to be covert and, assuming you’re not so desperate as to delude yourself, you can NEXT her and move on.

其次，始终记住女性为何采用显性沟通（男性的语言）——这样她的信息被误解的余地就会更小。如果一个女人直截了当地说：“在 X、Y 和 Z 发生之前，我不会和你发生关系”，她的媒介在告诉你什么？那就是有一个对她来说比与你发生真挚、无法控制的激情更重要的前提条件。你希望她对你如此着迷，以至于愿意打破规则。理想的情况是，她对你的真挚激情如此无法控制，以至于她会放弃宗教信仰，抛开信念，只为与你在一起。这可能听起来有些戏剧化，但你明白其中的意思。好消息是，她现在采用了显性沟通，这意味着她已经耗尽了隐性沟通的储备，而且，假设你不是那么绝望以至于自欺欺人，你可以选择离开她，继续前行。

Rapport ≠ Comfort 关系 ≠ 舒适

A lot of “waiters” find all that a tough road to hoe. They want to stick it out and see if things “might develop”, and NEXTing their ‘waiting girl’ seems a lot like throwing the baby out with the bath water after all the time they’ve invested in building what they think is rapport. Usually this is due to the guy not spinning (enough) other plates that would bear more fruit. However, keep this in mind; waiting for sex isn’t building rapport. There’s a lot of confusion about rapport, most of which is due to well meaning PUAs conflating rapport with comfort. It’s a pretty esoteric term, but rapport is a connection; it’s an implied trust between two acting agents who previously had never met or only have limited knowledge of each other. You can have rapport with an animal – that’s the connection, it’s instinctual.

很多“服务员”觉得这是一条艰难的道路。他们想坚持下去，看看事情“是否会有进展”，而 NEXTing 他们的“等待女孩”似乎就像在投入了这么多时间建立他们认为的关系后，把婴儿和洗澡水一起倒掉。通常这是因为这个家伙没有旋转（足够多的）其他盘子，这些盘子会带来更多的成果。然而，请记住这一点；等待性行为并不是在建立关系。关于关系的误解很多，其中大部分是由于好心的 PUA 将关系与舒适混为一谈。这是一个相当深奥的术语，但关系是一种连接；它是两个之前从未见过面或只有有限了解的行动者之间的隐含信任。你可以与动物建立关系——那就是连接，它是本能的。

Comfort comes from familiarity and predictability; all decidedly anti-seductive influences. And while comfort has it’s own merits in interpersonal relationships, it is not the basis for genuine, passionate sexual desire. For people (myself included) involved in a marriage or LTR, it’s serves our long-term best interest to convince ourselves that sex is better when your comfortable with your partner, however, the reality of it sings a different tune. Here’s an easy illustration: As reported by both men and women alike, which of these circumstances provokes the most intense, memorable sexual experiences ? When a couple plans and arranges a romantic “date night” to ‘keep it fresh’ and reconnect? Or is it the ‘make-up sex’ after a horrible breakup, or narrowly averted breakup, where long dormant competition anxiety is brought back into being a very real possibility again? If you said the breakup, you’re correct! One scenario is comfortable, the other uncomfortable. One has the element of predictable certainty, the other is chaotic and uncertain, however in both situations there is definitely a working mutually connective rapport operating.

舒适源于熟悉与可预测性，这些都是明显的反诱惑因素。尽管舒适在人际关系中有其自身的优点，但它并非真正激情性欲的基础。对于身处婚姻或长期关系中的人们（包括我自己），为了长远利益，我们往往会说服自己，与伴侣的舒适感会让性爱更美好，然而现实却唱着不同的调子。这里有一个简单的例子：据男女双方报告，哪种情境最能激起最强烈、最难忘的性体验？是情侣精心策划、安排的浪漫“约会之夜”以保持新鲜感并重燃激情？还是分手后或险些分手后的“和解性爱”，此时长期潜伏的竞争焦虑再次成为一种非常真实的可能性？如果你选择分手，那就对了！一种情境是舒适的，另一种则是不舒适的。一种情境具有可预测的确定性，另一种则是混乱与不确定的，但在两种情境中，无疑都存在着一种有效的相互连接的默契。

Shacking Up 同居

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4 托马西的铁律 #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

在任何情况下，永远不要与一个你未结婚或不打算在 6 个月内结婚的女人同居。

You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVER buy a home with a girlfriend, NEVER sign a rental lease with a girlfriend. NEVER agree to move into her home and absolutely NEVER move a woman into your own established living arrangement. I’m adamantly opposed to the “shacking up” dynamic, it is a trap that far too many men allow themselves to fall into. My fervor against this isn’t based on some moral issue, it is simple pragmatism. If you live with a woman you may as well be married because upon doing so every liability and accountability of marriage is then in effect. You not only lose any freedom of anonymity, you commit to, legally, being responsible for the continuation of your living arrangements regardless of how your relationship decays.

在这种情况下，你完全无能为力。永远不要与女朋友一起买房，永远不要与女朋友签订租赁合同。永远不要同意搬进她的房子，绝对不要让女人搬进你已经建立的居住安排中。我坚决反对“同居”这种动态，这是太多男人让自己陷入的陷阱。我对此的强烈反对并不是基于某种道德问题，而是简单的实用主义。如果你与一个女人同居，你几乎就等于结婚了，因为这样做之后，婚姻中的所有责任和义务都会生效。你不仅失去了任何匿名的自由，你还承诺，在法律上，无论你们的关系如何恶化，都要继续维持你们的居住安排。

I should also emphasize the point that when you commit (and it is a financial commitment) to cohabiting with a GF you will notice a marked decrease in her sexual availability and desire. The single most common complaint related to me in regards to how to reignite a woman’s desire comes as the result of the guy having moved into a living arrangement with his LTR. All of that competitive anxiety and it’s resulting sexual tension that made your single sex life so great is removed from her shoulders and she can comfortably relax in the knowledge that she is your ONLY source of sexual intimacy. Putting your name on that lease with her (even if it’s just your name) is akin to signing an insurance policy for her –

我还应该强调一点，当你承诺（这是一个经济上的承诺）与女友同居时，你会发现她的性可用性和欲望明显下降。与我相关的最常见的抱怨是如何重新点燃女性的欲望，这通常是由于男方搬进了与长期伴侣的同居安排。所有那些竞争焦虑和由此产生的性紧张，使你的单身性生活如此美好，都从她的肩上消失了，她可以舒适地放松，知道她是你的唯一性亲密来源。把你的名字写在她的租约上（即使只是你的名字）就像为她签署了一份保险单——

“I the undersigned promise not to fuck any woman but this girl for a one year term.”

“我，签名者，承诺在一年内不与任何其他女人发生性关系，只与这个女孩发生性关系。”

She thinks, “if he wasn’t serious about me, he wouldn’t have signed the lease.” Now all of that impetus and energy that made having marathon sex with you an outright necessity is relaxed. She controls the frame and she’s got it in writing that it is for at least a year.

她想，“如果他不是认真的，他就不会签租约。”现在，所有那些促使你和她进行马拉松式性爱的动力和能量都放松了。她控制了框架，并且她有书面证明至少持续一年。

Just don’t do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm’s distance.

不要这样做。关系最好的时候是你旋转更多的盘子，或者至少保持彼此的距离。

There was a time when the hip, counter-culture thing to do was flip the establishment the bird and cohabit with a girlfriend, sans the marriage contract. In the swinging post-sexual-revolution 70’s, feminism was more than happy to encourage the idea until it ran into the problem of making men financially accountable for all the “free milk” the cows were giving away. However, that not withstanding, there’s still a kind of a lingering after effect feeling about “living together” that seems like a good idea to guys to this day.

曾经有一段时间，时尚、反主流文化的做法是对体制竖中指，与女友同居，不签婚姻契约。在性解放后的 70 年代，女权主义乐于鼓励这一观念，直到遇到让男性为所有“免费牛奶”（指女性）承担经济责任的问题。然而，尽管如此，“同居”至今仍给男性一种似乎不错的余韵感。

Of all the reasonable excuses I’ve heard for men wanting to cohabit with their girlfriends, the most common is that they did so for financial reasons. He (or she) needed a roommate and why not one that they enjoy fucking? That’s the cover story, but underneath it there’s the semiconscious understanding that it would be far more convenient to have a continuous flow of pussy as part of the utilities, uninterrupted by the formalities of having to go on dates or drive somewhere to get it. I can’t say that, on the surface, this doesn’t make perfect sense. Leave it a man to find the most pragmatic solution to his problem. However, as with most things woman, what seems like the most deductive solution is often a cleverly disguised trap.

在所有我听过的男人想与女友同居的合理借口中，最常见的是出于经济原因。他（或她）需要一个室友，而为什么不能是一个他们喜欢上床的人呢？这是表面的说辞，但在其背后，潜意识里明白，将持续不断的性爱作为生活必需品的一部分，远比通过正式约会或开车去某个地方获取更为方便。从表面上看，这似乎完全合乎逻辑。让一个男人找到解决问题的最务实方法。然而，就像大多数涉及女人的事情一样，看似最具逻辑性的解决方案往往是一个巧妙伪装的陷阱。

Shacking up, just as in marriage, affords a woman a reasonable sense of comfort. It becomes at least a marginal shelter from the competition anxiety that she had to endure while living on her own and dating a guy who still had at least the perceived option to be unpredictable. Not so in the quasi-marriage that living together dictates. And it’s just this sense of predictability that allows her to relax into familiarity, and later, into dictating the terms of her own intimacy. In other words, she’s in the perfect position to ration her sexuality; to negotiate the terms of her desire in exchange for a living arrangement.

同居，正如婚姻一样，为女性提供了一定程度的舒适感。它至少成为一种边缘的避风港，让她从独自生活和与一个仍有可能不可预测的男性约会时所承受的竞争焦虑中解脱出来。在同居这种准婚姻状态下，情况则大不相同。正是这种可预见性，使她能够放松地融入熟悉感，进而逐步主导亲密关系的条款。换言之，她处于一个理想的位置来调控自己的性欲；通过协商欲望的条件来换取居住安排。

By the same reasoning, most AFCs view cohabiting as an ideal arrangement. Few of them really have the real options, much less the will to experiment exercising them, to see shacking up as anything but a great way of exiting the SMP, limiting potential rejection, and locking down a consistent supply of pussy. Men who are spinning plates, men with options, men with ambition, rarely see cohabiting as anything but a limiting hinderance on their lives. On some level of consciousness women understand this dynamic; guys with options (the Alphas they’d prefer) wouldn’t consider cohabitation. So when a man agrees to, or suggests living together it impresses her with two things – either he’s an Alpha who she’s won over so completely that he’s ready to commit to exclusivity with her, or he’s a beta with no better propositions than to settle into living with what he believes is his ‘sure thing’. What’s jarring for a woman is that she may start her living arrangement thinking she’s found the elusive Alpha ready to commit, only to later find he was just a clever beta who reverts back into his former, comfortable, AFC self after they sign the lease agreement.

同样地，大多数 AFC（平均挫败男）视同居为理想安排。他们鲜有真正的选择，更别提有意愿去尝试行使这些选择，将同居视为脱离单一配偶制（SMP）、减少潜在拒绝并锁定稳定性伴侣的绝佳途径。那些拥有多个选择、雄心勃勃的男性，几乎不会将同居视为生活上的限制障碍。在某种意识层面，女性理解这一动态；拥有选择权的男性（她们偏好的阿尔法男）不会考虑同居。因此，当一个男人同意或提议同居时，这会给她留下两种印象——要么他是她彻底征服的阿尔法男，已准备好对她专一承诺；要么他是个贝塔男，除了与他认为的“稳妥之选”同居外，别无更好提议。对女性来说，令人震惊的是，她可能一开始以为找到了那位难得一见的愿意承诺的阿尔法男，结果却发现他只是个狡猾的贝塔男，在签订租赁协议后便恢复了以往舒适但 AFC 的本性。

Now all that said, what makes more sense? To live independently and enjoy the options to live unhindered with a live-in girlfriend, or move her in and have to deal with her every waking moment? Moving in with a woman implies commitment, and whenever you commit to anything you lose your two most valuable resources, options and the ability to maneuver.

综上所述，哪种选择更明智？是独立生活，享受与同居女友自由自在的时光，还是让她搬进来，不得不面对她醒着的每一刻？与女性同居意味着承诺，而一旦你承诺了任何事情，你就会失去两项最宝贵的资源：选择权和行动自由。

Professional Mothers 职业母亲

It’s called birth control because someone is ‘controlling’ the birth.

它被称为避孕，因为有人在“控制”生育。

There are presently 41 different types of contraception available for women, for men there are only 2 – vasectomy or a condom – your only line of defense against her ‘choice’. The only thing separating a man from a lifetime (not just 18 years) of interacting with the decider of altering the course of his life is a thin layer of latex.

目前有 41 种不同的避孕方法可供女性使用，而男性只有两种——输精管结扎或避孕套——这是你唯一能防御她“选择”的防线。唯一能将一个男人与一生（不仅仅是 18 年）与决定改变他生活轨迹的人隔开的，只是一层薄薄的乳胶。

Iron Rule of Tomassi #5托马西铁律 #5 NEVER allow a woman to be in control of the birth. 永远不要让女人控制生育。

Always have protection. I’ve had far too many guys hit me with the argument that they implicitly trust their girlfriends to be on the pill or whatever, and that she “doesn’t want kids” only to be an unprepared Daddy 9 month later after ‘the accident’. The only accident they had was not being in control of the birth themselves. In fact I’d argue that men need to use extra caution when in an LTR since the ease of getting too relaxed with her is present.

始终要有保护措施。我见过太多人用他们完全信任女朋友在服用避孕药或其他方式，并且她“不想要孩子”来反驳我，结果 9 个月后却成了一个毫无准备的爸爸，因为“意外”。他们唯一的意外是没有自己控制生育。事实上，我甚至认为男人在长期关系中需要格外小心，因为很容易对她放松警惕。

Accidental pregnancy is practically a cottage industry now. For a woman without education (or even with) and without means, an ‘unplanned’ pregnancy may be a pretty good prospect, especially when every law and social expectation weighs in her favor. These are Professional Mommies. When I counseld in Reno I knew a guy who married this woman who had 3 children from 2 Fathers who he himself had impregnated with her 4th. She was a Professional Mother.

意外怀孕现在几乎成了一个家庭产业。对于一个没有受过教育（甚至受过教育）且没有经济来源的女性来说，“意外”怀孕可能是一个相当不错的机会，尤其是在每条法律和社会期望都对她有利的情况下。这些是专业妈妈。当我在里诺做咨询时，我认识一个家伙，他娶了一个有三个孩子、两个父亲的女人，他自己让她怀上了第四个孩子。她是一个专业母亲。

Flush it 冲掉它

In 2002 the NBA issued a highly controversial and publicized warning to professional basketball players stating that players be advised to wear condoms when having sexual intercourse with women when on road games and to “flush the condom down the toilet” in order to dispose of the semen. This warning was the result of several paternity suits that year involving women these players had slept with by retrieving the condoms from the trash and ‘self-impregnanting’ themselves with the players semen. The NBA had enough occurrences of this kind to warrant a league-wide warning that year. All of these players are now 100% liable for the welfare of these children and their former partners by default because there are no laws protecting men from fraudulent pregnancies.

2002 年，NBA 向职业篮球运动员发出了一项极具争议且广为宣传的警告，建议球员在客场期间与女性发生性行为时佩戴避孕套，并要求“将避孕套冲入马桶”以处理精液。这一警告源于当年几起涉及这些球员的亲子诉讼，女方通过从垃圾中找回避孕套并“自我受孕”，利用球员的精液怀孕。NBA 因这类事件频发，足以在当年向全联盟发出警告。由于现行法律并未保护男性免受欺诈性怀孕的侵害，所有这些球员现在默认需对这些孩子及其前伴侣的福祉承担 100%的责任。

To what degree is protection implicitly implied? If a man does everything in his power to avoid a pregnancy (barring abstinence or a vasectomy) and can prove his intent and the woman still becomes pregnant, even by fraud, the man is still liable for that pregnancy. Women are 100% protected and men are 0% protected. I can even go so far as to quote you cases where a man marrying a single mother later divorces her and is still expected to pay future child support for a child he did not father – even without official adoption of the child by the man.

保护在何种程度上是隐含的？如果一个男人尽其所能避免怀孕（除禁欲或输精管结扎外），并能证明其意图，而女方仍通过欺诈手段怀孕，该男子仍需为此怀孕负责。女性享有 100%的保护，而男性则毫无保障。我甚至可以引用案例，一个男人与单身母亲结婚后离婚，仍被要求为非亲生的孩子支付未来的抚养费——即使该男子未正式收养这个孩子。

A lot of guys would like to make a moral issue of this but it’s not a question of right or wrong, it’s dealing with the facts of what IS in the environment we find ourselves in today. The fact of the matter is that unless men use prior discretion and take responsibility for the birth ‘control’, not allowing a woman to be solely responsible for it, he is 100% powerless. This means bring your own condoms and flush them yourself, and yes even (especially) in an LTR or marriage. That means standing firm even when she says “take that thing off I’m on the pill and I want to ‘feeeeel’ you.” Mothers want to be Mothers, otherwise they’d decide not to be. Single Mommies are far too common an occurrence to bet the odds with the rest of your life.

很多人想把这当成道德问题，但它不是对错的问题，而是要面对我们今天所处环境中的现实。事实是，除非男性在事前谨慎行事，承担起生育“控制”的责任，不让女性独自承担，否则他完全无能为力。这意味着要自带避孕套并亲自处理，是的，即使在长期关系或婚姻中也是如此。这意味着即使她说“把那东西拿掉，我在吃药，我想‘感受’你”，也要坚定立场。母亲们想要成为母亲，否则她们会选择不成为。单亲妈妈的出现太过普遍，不能用余生去赌这个概率。

The sexual revolution had far more to do with the development of hormonal means of birth control than the legalization of abortion. Condoms have been around since before WWII, but even in the Baby Boom there were far less unwanted pregnancies or single motherhood than after the advent of the pill. The pill put the control of birth into the hands of women where before it was a man’s responsibility to put the rubber on and do so correctly if both wanted to avoid smaller versions of themselves running around the house.

性革命与避孕药的发展关系更为密切，而非堕胎的合法化。避孕套在二战前就已经存在，但在婴儿潮时期，意外怀孕或单亲母亲的数量远少于避孕药出现之后。避孕药将生育控制权交到了女性手中，而在此之前，这是男性的责任，他们需要正确使用避孕套，以避免家里出现更多的小孩。

The Choice of Professionals 专业人士的选择

Abortion rates skyrocketed in the decades after estrogen based birth control was developed, thus prompting a need for legal and clinical regulations of abortions as well as reforming paternity laws in the 70s. There had certainly been abortions (both the medical and back-alley variety) prior to this, but if you look at the increase in abortion statistics both before and after the advent of a convenient form of birth control moderated by the women taking it, it’ll blow your mind.

在基于雌激素的避孕药开发后的几十年里，堕胎率飙升，从而促使了对堕胎的法律和临床监管需求，并在 70 年代改革了亲子法。在此之前，确实存在堕胎（包括医疗和非法的），但如果你看看避孕药出现前后堕胎统计数据的增加，你会感到震惊。

And now even with the vast variety of birth control methods available to women today and 30+ years of safe medical abortions, we still see an increase in single mother families and abortion rates. One would think that these statistics would be lower in light of all this modernization and the ‘leaps’ women have made culturally since the sexual revolution, but sadly no. In fact the single mother birth rate has climbed (adjusted for population) since a leveling off in the late 80s and abortion is just as popular as ever even when new methods such as the ‘morning after pill’ and RU286 are readily available. And conveniently, the social ills as a result are placed squarely on ‘dead-beat Dads’ rather than the women choosing to have the children.

如今，尽管女性可选择的避孕方法种类繁多，且安全医疗流产已实施 30 余年，我们仍目睹单亲母亲家庭和堕胎率的上升。按理说，在现代化的背景下，以及女性自性革命以来在文化上的巨大进步，这些数据本应下降，但遗憾的是，情况并非如此。实际上，自 80 年代末期趋于平稳后，单亲母亲的生育率（经人口调整后）有所攀升，而堕胎现象依旧普遍，即便诸如“事后避孕药”和 RU286 等新方法唾手可得。更为巧妙的是，由此产生的社会问题被归咎于“不负责任的父亲”，而非选择生育的女性。

This isn’t a scientific problem, it’s a cultural one. Mothers want to be Mothers. Men are only Fathers when a woman decides this for him even in the happiest of marriages. I think (hope) we’ll see second sexual revolution once a male form of hormonal contraception is tested and available, but you can bet dicks to donuts that every interested party from the religious to the feminist will fight this method’s release to the public at large and come up with every sort of veiled explanation for it’s demonization in order to put the agency of birth control exclusively into men’s control. I sincerely doubt men will “forget to take it” or have their ‘accidents’ in the numbers women do.

这不是一个科学问题，而是一个文化问题。母亲们希望成为母亲。即使在最幸福的婚姻中，男人只有在女人决定让他成为父亲时，他才是父亲。我认为（希望）一旦男性激素避孕药经过测试并上市，我们将迎来第二次性革命，但你可以打赌，从宗教到女权主义的每一个利益相关方都会竭力阻止这种避孕方法向公众推广，并提出各种隐晦的理由来妖魔化它，以确保生育控制权完全掌握在男性手中。我真诚地怀疑男性会像女性那样“忘记服用”或发生“意外”。

Controlling the Birth 控制生育

It’s a much different task to put on a condom in the heat of the moment (reactive) than to simply swallow a pill in the morning (proactive). It’s arguable what the more difficult task is, to remember to take a pill in the morning or to apply a condom at the appropriate time. In the latter situation there are at least 2 people aware that a condom should be on prior to intercourse; is a woman equally an accomplice in her own pregnancy if she consensually has sex with a guy without a condom? They both know the assumed risks, however a woman forgetting to take her pill isn’t reviled as an ‘idiot’ or negligent as a man not putting on a condom.

在激情时刻戴上避孕套（反应性）与早上简单地吞下一颗药丸（主动性）相比，任务大不相同。争论哪种任务更困难，是记得早上吃药还是适时戴上避孕套。在后一种情况下，至少有两个人知道在性交前应该戴上避孕套；如果一个女人在没有避孕套的情况下与一个男人自愿发生性关系，她是否也是自己怀孕的同谋？他们都知道假设的风险，然而，女人忘记吃药并不会像男人不戴避孕套那样被视为“白痴”或疏忽。

Taking her birth control is up to her and rarely would a guy be certain on a daily basis that his partner was faithfully taking her pill. In fact to even ask about it would be presumptuous and bordering on rude if it’s a casual encounter. When a man and a woman fail to take the precaution of putting on a condom they’re both aware of it. When she fails to take her pill either accidentally or intentionally, she is the sole party responsible for that pregnancy, but in either case she decides the course of the man’s life should this occur.

服用避孕药是她的事，很少有男人能每天确定他的伴侣是否按时服用避孕药。事实上，即使是询问这件事也可能是自以为是且近乎无礼的，尤其是在随意的交往中。当一个男人和一个女人没有采取戴避孕套的预防措施时，他们双方都意识到了这一点。当她未能服用避孕药，无论是意外还是故意，她都是唯一对怀孕负责的一方，但在任何情况下，她都决定了如果发生这种情况，男人的生活轨迹。

The obvious answer is to put men in control of the birth – wear a condom. However the nature of mens birth control is reactive and even in the case where a man has the condom in his pocket, he can still be thwarted by her only saying, “don’t worry about it, I’m on the pill”; the control shifts the accountability never does.

显而易见的答案是让男人控制生育——戴避孕套。然而，男性避孕的本质是反应性的，即使一个男人口袋里有避孕套，他仍然可能被她的一句话挫败，“别担心，我在吃药”；控制权转移了，但责任从未转移。

Forgive me for belaboring the point, but there are no accidental mothers. Consider fertility statistics and that it takes a considerable amount of negligence for a woman to miss several pills on a regular basis to ‘accidentally’ become pregnant. One could also argue that even a couple engaging in condom-less sex could still be relatively confident that a woman wont get pregnant even if she’s missed several pills regularly. Again my point being that it takes effort to become pregnant. Even without any birth control at all and timing my wife’s ovulation cycles for our sex it took us 4 months to conceive our daughter. This is why I laugh at the accidental pregnancy excuse so common these days. If a woman wants to become pregnant she can do so with impunity and contrive any excuse she’d like about accidents, but the guy is an ‘idiot’ for not wearing a condom and taking responsibility for his actions, even if he’s led to believe she’s taking control of her contraception. Yet he is the one penalized both financially and socially because of her choice.

请原谅我反复强调这一点，但世上没有偶然的母亲。想想生育统计数据，一个女人要“意外”怀孕，必须经常性地、相当疏忽地漏服几片避孕药。也有人可能会说，即使一对夫妇不使用避孕套进行性行为，女方即使经常漏服避孕药，他们仍可以相对自信地认为她不会怀孕。再次强调，怀孕是需要努力的。即使完全没有避孕措施，通过精确计算我妻子的排卵周期进行性行为，我们花了四个月才怀上女儿。这就是为什么我对如今如此常见的“意外怀孕”借口感到好笑。如果一个女人想要怀孕，她可以毫无顾忌地去做，并编造任何她喜欢的“意外”理由，但那个男人却因为没戴避孕套、对自己的行为负责而被视为“傻瓜”，即使他相信她在控制避孕。然而，正是他因为她的选择而在经济和社会上受到惩罚。

Women in Love 恋爱中的女人

Men believe that love matters for the sake of it. Women love opportunistically.

男人认为爱本身就是重要的。女人则爱得机会主义。

Today’s pull quote comes from Xpat Ranting’s blog. The discourse there is brief, but insightful:

今天的引言来自 Xpat Ranting 的博客。那里的讨论虽然简短，但很有见地：

I really, really, really hope the myth that girls are the hopeless romantics gets kicked to the curb ASAP. Everyone needs to realize that men are the “romantics pretending to be realists” and women; vice versa

我真的很希望那个关于女孩是无可救药的浪漫主义者的神话能尽快被打破。每个人都应该意识到，男人是“假装现实主义者的浪漫主义者”，而女人则相反。

I found this particularly thought provoking – Men are the romantics forced to be the realists, while women are the realists using romanticisms to effect their imperatives (hypergamy). This is a heaping mouthful of cruel reality to swallow, and dovetails nicely into the sixth Iron Rule of Tomassi:

我发现这一点特别发人深省——男人是被迫成为现实主义者的浪漫主义者，而女人则是利用浪漫主义来实现她们的目的（向上择偶）的现实主义者。这是一大口残酷的现实，需要吞咽下去，并且与 Tomassi 的第六条铁律很好地吻合：

Iron Rule of Tomassi #6Tomassi 的第六条铁律

Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.

女人完全无法以男人期望的方式去爱一个男人。

In its simplicity this speaks volumes about about the condition of Men. It accurately expresses a pervasive nihilism that Men must either confront and accept, or be driven insane in denial for the rest of their lives when they fail to come to terms with the disillusionment.

这句话虽然简单，但却深刻地揭示了男人的处境。它准确地表达了一种普遍的虚无主义，男人要么面对并接受它，要么在余生中因无法接受幻灭而陷入疯狂。

Women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he thinks she should be capable of.

女人无法以男人理想化的方式去爱一个男人，无法以他认为她应该能够做到的方式去爱。

In the same respect that women cannot appreciate the sacrifices men are expected to make in order to facilitate their imperatives, women can’t actualize how a man would have himself loved by her. It is not the natural state of women, and the moment he attempts to explain his ideal love, that’s the point at which his idealization becomes her obligation. Our girlfriends, our wives, daughters and even our mothers are all incapable of this idealized love. As nice as it would be to relax, trust and be vulnerable, upfront, rational and open, the great abyss is still the lack of an ability for women to love Men as Men would like them to.

同样地，女性无法理解男性为了满足她们的需求而做出的牺牲，也无法真正理解男性希望如何被她们所爱。这不是女性的自然状态，当他试图解释他的理想爱情时，那一刻他的理想化变成了她的义务。我们的女朋友、妻子、女儿甚至母亲都无法实现这种理想化的爱。尽管放松、信任、脆弱、直接、理性和开放是很好的，但巨大的鸿沟仍然是女性无法像男性希望的那样去爱男性。

For the plugged-in beta, this aspect of ‘awakening’ is very difficult to confront. Even in the face of constant, often traumatic, controversions to what a man hopes will be his reward for living up to qualifying for a woman’s love and intimacy, he’ll still hold onto that Disneyesque ideal.

对于那些沉浸在其中的“贝塔”男性来说，这种“觉醒”的方面非常难以面对。即使在面对持续的、常常是创伤性的争议时，他仍然会坚持那种迪士尼式的理想，这些争议挑战了他希望通过符合女性爱情和亲密关系的标准来获得的回报。

It’s very important to understand that this love archetype is an artifact from our earliest feminized conditioning. It’s much healthier to accept that it isn’t possible and live within that framework. If she’s there, she’s there, if not, oh well. She’s not incapable of love in the way she defines it, she’s incapable of love as you would have it. She doesn’t lack the capacity for connection and emotional investment, she lacks the capacity for the connection you think would ideally suit you.

理解这种爱情原型是我们最早的女性化条件反射的产物非常重要。接受它是不可能的，并在这个框架内生活要健康得多。如果她在那里，她就在那里，如果没有，哦，好吧。她不是在她定义的方式上无法爱，而是在你希望的方式上无法爱。她并不缺乏建立联系和情感投入的能力，她缺乏的是你认为最适合你的那种联系。

The resulting love that defines a long-term couple’s relationship is the result of coming to an understanding of this impossibility and re-imagining what it should be for Men. Men have been, and should be, the more dominant gender, not because of some imagined divine right or physical prowess, but because on some rudimentary psychological level we ought to realized that a woman’s love is contingent upon our capacity to maintain that love in spite of a woman’s hypergamy. By order of degrees, hypergamy will define who a woman loves and who she will not, depending upon her own opportunities and capacity to attract it.

定义长期伴侣关系的结果之爱是基于对这种不可能性的理解，并重新想象它对男人的意义。男人一直是，也应该是最具主导性的性别，不是因为某种想象中的神圣权利或身体优势，而是因为在某种基本的心理层面上，我们应该意识到女人的爱取决于我们维持这种爱的能力，尽管女人的择偶偏好。按程度顺序，择偶偏好将决定一个女人爱谁，不爱谁，取决于她自己的机会和吸引它的能力。

Rooting through garbage 翻垃圾

HELP! I fucked up big time and I want her back! How do I get her back?

救命！我搞砸了，我想让她回来！我怎么才能让她回来？

Easily one of the most common questions I’ve fielded at SoSuave over the past 7 years has been some variation of “how do I get her back?” It’s common for a reason; at some stage of life every guy believes that rejection is worse than regret. Lord knows I tried to recover an old lover or two in my own past. Whether due to infidelity on her part, your own or a regression back beta after initiating an LTR, there is one Iron Rule you should always refer back to:

在 SoSuave 过去的 7 年里，我被问到的一个最常见的问题就是“我怎么才能让她回来？”这个问题很常见是有原因的；在生活的某个阶段，每个男人都认为拒绝比后悔更糟糕。天知道我在过去也曾试图挽回过一两个旧情人。无论是因为她的不忠、你的不忠，还是因为在开始一段长期关系后退回到贝塔状态，你都应该始终记住一条铁律：

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7 托马西的铁律 #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

与其试图重建一段失败的关系，不如把时间和精力花在开发新的、新鲜的、有前途的女性身上。一旦垃圾被拖到路边，就永远不要再翻垃圾。你会弄得一团糟，你的邻居会看到你这样做，而你认为值得挖掘的东西永远不如你想象的那么有价值。

Even if you could go back to where you were, any relationship you might have with an ex will be colored by all of the issues that led up to the breakup. In other words, you know what the end result of those issues has been. It will always be the 800 pound. gorilla in the room in any future relationship. As I elaborated in the Desire Dynamic, healthy relationships are founded on genuine mutual desire, not a list of negotiated terms and obligations, and this is, by definition, exactly what any post-breakup relationship necessitates. You or she may promise to never do something again, you may promise to “rebuild the trust”, you may promise to be someone else, but you cannot promise to accept that the issues leading up to the breakup don’t have the potential to dissolve it again. The doubt is there. You may be married for 30 years, but there will always be that one time when you two broke up, or she fucked that other guy, and everything you think you’ve built with her over the years will always be compromised by that doubt of her desire.

即使你能回到过去，你与前任的任何关系都会被导致分手的所有问题所影响。换句话说，你知道这些问题的最终结果。它将永远是未来任何关系中的 800 磅大猩猩。正如我在《欲望动力》中详细阐述的那样，健康的关系建立在真正的相互欲望之上，而不是一系列协商的条款和义务，而这正是任何分手后关系所必需的。你或她可能会承诺不再做某事，你可能会承诺“重建信任”，你可能会承诺成为另一个人，但你不能承诺接受导致分手的问题不会再次导致分手。怀疑就在那里。你可能已经结婚 30 年了，但总会有那么一次你们分手了，或者她和其他男人上床了，你认为你们多年来建立的一切都会因为对她欲望的怀疑而受到影响。

You will never escape her impression that you were so optionless you had to beg her to rekindle her intimacy with you.

你永远无法摆脱她对你的印象，即你如此没有选择，以至于不得不乞求她与你重燃亲密关系。

A League of Your Own 自己的联盟

“Rollo, I’m newly Game-aware, red pill guy and I’ve been meeting girls with more and more success since my conversion, but I can’t help the feeling that the really hot girls I want to get with a so out of my league.

“罗洛，我是一个新近觉醒的红药丸男人，自从我转变以来，我越来越成功地认识女孩，但我无法摆脱那种感觉，我真正想得到的热辣女孩对我来说太遥不可及了。

Any suggestions?” 有什么建议吗？”

Iron Rule of Tomassi #8 托马西的铁律 #8

Always let a woman figure out why she wont ƒuck you, never do it for her.

永远让女人自己琢磨她为什么不和你上床，千万别替她想。

An integral part of maintaining the feminine imperative as the societal imperative involves keeping women as the primary sexual selectors. As I’ve detailed in many prior comments and posts, this means that a woman’s sexual strategy necessitates that she be in as optimized a condition as her capacity (attractiveness) allows for her to choose from the best males available to satisfy that strategy.

维持女性至上作为社会至上原则的重要组成部分，涉及将女性作为主要性选择者。正如我在许多先前的评论和文章中所详述的，这意味着女性的性策略要求她在自身能力（吸引力）允许的范围内，处于最佳状态，以便从可获得的优质男性中进行选择，以满足其策略需求。

This is really the definition of hypergamy, and on an individual level, I believe only the most plugged in of men don’t realize this to some degree of consciousness. However, what I think escapes a lot of men is the complex nature of hypergamy on a social scale. For hypergamy to sustain it’s dominant position as the default sexual strategy for our society, it’s necessary for the feminine imperative to maintain existing, foster new, and normalize complex social conventions that serve it. The scope of these conventions range from the individualized psychological conditioning early in life to the grand scale of social engineering (e.g. Feminism, Religion, Government, etc.)

这实际上是超婚配的定义，在个人层面上，我相信只有那些最了解的男人才能在某种程度上意识到这一点。然而，我认为很多男人忽略了超婚配在社会层面的复杂性。为了使超婚配在我们社会中保持其主导地位作为默认的性策略，女性本能必须维持现有、培养新的并使复杂的社会习俗正常化，以服务于它。这些习俗的范围从个体早期的心理条件反射到大规模的社会工程（例如，女权主义、宗教、政府等）。

One of these social conventions that operates in the spectrum of the personal to the societal is the idea of ‘leagues’. The fundamental idea that Social Matching Theory details is that “All things being equal, an individual will tend to be attracted to, and are more likely to pair off with, another individual who is of the same or like degree of physical attractiveness as themselves.” In a vacuum, this is the germ of the idea behind the ‘leagues’. The social convention of ‘leagues’ mentality is where ‘all things are not equal’ and used to support the feminine imperative, while conveniently still supporting the principle of social matching theory.

这些在个人到社会层面运作的社会习俗之一是“联盟”的概念。社会匹配理论详细阐述的基本思想是：“在所有条件相同的情况下，一个人往往会倾向于被与自己具有相同或相似程度的外貌吸引力的人所吸引，并且更有可能与这样的人配对。”在真空中，这是“联盟”概念背后的萌芽。“联盟”心态的社会习俗是在“所有条件并不相同”的情况下，用来支持女性主导的观念，同时仍然方便地支持社会匹配理论的原则。

The latent function of ‘leagues’ is to encourage men to filter themselves out for women’s intimate approval.

“联盟”的潜在功能是鼓励男性为了获得女性的亲密认可而自我过滤。

As social conditions progress and become more complex, so too do men’s ability to mimic the personal attributes of providership and security. In other words, lesser men become intelligent enough to circumvent women’s existing sexual filters and thus thwart their sexual strategy. These ever increasing complexities made it hard to identify optimally suitable men from the pretenders, and women, being the primary sexual selector, needed various social constructs to sort the wheat from the chaff. With each subsequent generation they couldn’t be expected to do all of this detective work on their own so the feminine imperative enlisted the aid of the men themselves and created self-perpetuated, self-internalized social doctrines for men to comply with in order to exist in a feminine defined society.

随着社会条件的发展与复杂化，男性模仿提供者与安全感等个人特质的能力也随之增强。换言之，能力较弱的男性变得足够聪明，能够绕过女性现有的性筛选机制，从而破坏她们的性策略。这些日益增加的复杂性使得识别真正合适的男性与伪装者变得困难，而作为主要性选择者的女性，需要各种社会结构来区分良莠。每一代人都不可能独自完成所有这些侦察工作，因此女性本能地寻求男性的帮助，并创造了自我延续、自我内化的社会教义，要求男性遵守，以便在女性定义的社会中生存。

The concept of leagues is just one of these doctrines. Your self-doubt about your worthiness of a woman’s intimacy stems from a preconditioned idea that ‘you’re out of her league’. The booster club optimist idea that “if you think you can’t, you’re right” is true, and boundless enthusiasm may overcome some obstacles, but to address the source of the disease it’s more important to ask yourself why you’ve been taught to think you can’t. A lot of approach anxiety comes from your own self-impression – Am I smooth, hot, affluent, funny, confident, interesting, decisive, well-dressed enough to earn an HB 9’s attention? How about an HB 6? Our great danger is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.

“阶层”概念只是这些教条之一。你对自身是否配得上女性亲密关系的自我怀疑，源自于一个预设观念——“你配不上她”。“如果你认为自己不行，那你就真的不行”这一乐观主义者的想法是正确的，而无限的热情或许能克服一些障碍，但要想根治病源，更重要的是问自己为何被教导认为自己不行。许多接近焦虑源于你对自己的印象——我是否足够圆滑、迷人、富有、幽默、自信、有趣、果断、穿着得体，以赢得一位 HB 9 的注意？那么 HB 6 呢？我们最大的危险不在于目标过高而失败，而在于目标过低却成功了。

I’m not debating the legitimacy of the evaluative standards of the sexual market place – it’s a harsh, often cruel reality – what I’m really trying to do is open your eyes as to why you believe you’re only meritorious of an HB 7. Looks count for a lot, as does Game, affluence, personality, talent, etc. but is your self-estimation accurate, or are you a voluntary participant in your own self-devaluation in the SMP courtesy of the leagues mentality the feminine imperative would have you believe?

我不是在争论性市场评估标准的合法性——这是一个残酷、常常无情的现实——我真正想做的是让你明白为什么你认为自己只值得一个 HB 7。外表很重要，游戏、财富、个性、才华等也是如此，但你的自我评估准确吗，还是你自愿参与了在性市场中自我贬值的行为，这是女性主导的联盟心态让你相信的？

The Economy of the League 联盟的经济学

As I stated above the purpose of fomenting a stratified League mentality in men serves to autonomously filter the lesser from the greater men for women to chose from, however, it also functions to increase the valuation of the feminine as a commodity. Like any great economic entity, the feminine imperative lives and dies by its ability to inflate its value in the marketplace. Essentially the feminine imperative is a marketeer. One of the sad ironies of this, and the last, century is that the feminine imperative has attempted to base women’s SMP valuation on a collective importance to the detriment of the individual woman’s SMV. For men this is inverted; a man’s sexual valuation is primarily individualized, while men as a collective gender are devaluated in the SMP.

正如我上述所言，煽动男性中分层联盟心态的目的在于自主筛选出较优与较劣的男性供女性选择，然而，此举亦能提升女性作为商品的价值。如同任何伟大的经济实体，女性主导原则的存亡取决于其在市场中提升价值的能力。本质上，女性主导原则是一个市场营销者。本世纪，乃至上个世纪的一大悲哀讽刺在于，女性主导原则试图以集体重要性为基础来提升女性的择偶市场价值，却牺牲了个体女性的性市场价值。对男性而言，情况则相反；男性的性价值主要是个体化的，而作为整体的男性性别在择偶市场中被贬值。

What I mean by this is that, as a collective entity women’s sexuality cannot afford to be perceived as anything less than the more valued prize. If all vaginas are considered the gold standard then men’s sexual default value will always be lower. By this definition men, on whole, are out of women’s league.

我的意思是，作为一个集体实体，女性的性不能被视为低于更有价值的奖品。如果所有的阴道都被认为是黄金标准，那么男性的性默认价值将永远低于女性。根据这个定义，总的来说，男性在女性的联盟之外。

For further consideration lets assume that average men, most being varying degrees of beta, are blessed with the ‘miraculous gift’ of an average woman’s sexual attentions. The power dynamic is already pre-established to defer to a feminine frame, so it’s small wonder that men would be prone to ONEitis even with an objectively average woman. This is the intent of the League schema – to unobjectively predispose men to commitment with women who under objective condition couldn’t enjoy the same selectivity. Roissy once postulated that for a healthy relationship to exist the Man must be recognized by the woman to be 1-2 points above her own SMV. This is a pretty tall order considering the feminine imperative’s emphasis on women’s sexuality being the more valued as default. And this is to say nothing of contemporary women’s overinflated self-evaluations due to the rise of social media.

进一步考虑，假设普通男性，大多数都是不同程度的贝塔，被赋予了“奇迹般的礼物”——普通女性的性关注。权力动态已经预先建立，倾向于女性框架，所以男性容易对一个客观上普通的女人产生 ONEitis 也就不足为奇了。这就是联盟模式的意图——不客观地使男性倾向于与女性建立承诺，而这些女性在客观条件下无法享受同样的优先选择。Roissy 曾经提出，为了健康的恋爱关系，男人必须被女人认为是比她自己的 SMV 高 1-2 分。考虑到女性本能强调女性的性是默认更有价值的，这是一个相当高的要求。更不用说当代女性由于社交媒体的兴起而自我评价过高。

Gaming the League 游戏联盟

All of the above isn’t to say that there isn’t a kernel of truth to the notion of leagues; it’s just not the “truth” men have been led to believe. For as much as the feminine imperative would have men subscribe to Leagues, it equally seeks to exempt women from the same League hierarchy by evaluating women as a whole. Needless to say men have their own rating systems – most popularly the ubiquitously physical HB 10 scale. I should add that it’s a foregone conclusion that any rating system men would establish for women in the feminine reality would necessarily need to be ridiculed, shamed and demonized, but you knew that already.

以上所有内容并不是说联盟的概念没有一点真实性；只是它并不是男性被引导去相信的那种“真相”。正如女性主导的观念会让男性接受联盟一样，它同样试图通过将女性作为一个整体来评估，从而免除女性在同一联盟等级中的地位。不用说，男性有自己的评级系统——最流行的是无处不在的 HB 10 物理尺度。我应该补充的是，任何男性在女性现实中为女性建立的评级系统都必然会被嘲笑、羞辱和妖魔化，但你们已经知道了。

Irrational self-confidence is a good start to circumventing and unlearning the concept of Leagues; unlearning this conditioning being the operative goal. The Game-aware Man can actually use the concept of Leagues to his advantage with enough guile. When you approach a woman without regard to a League mentality or even a Zen-like obliviousness to it, you send the message that there’s more to you than a feminine reality can control. It’s exactly this disregard for the influence of the feminine imperative that makes the Alpha attractive; he’s unaware of, or indifferent to the rules his conditioning should’ve taught him earlier. Just in the attempt of Gaming a woman obviously “out of your league” you flip the feminine script by planting a seed of doubt (and prompting imagination) about your perceived value. Doubt is a very powerful tool, in fact the very concept of Leagues is founded upon men’s self-doubt. Turn that tool to your advantage by disregarding women’s social convention of Leagues.

非理性的自信是绕过并摒弃“联盟”概念的良好开端；摒弃这种条件反射正是关键目标。具备游戏意识的人，若足够狡黠，实际上可以利用“联盟”概念为自己谋利。当你接近一位女性时，若不考虑“联盟”心态，甚至对其保持禅意般的漠然，你传递出的信息是，你远超女性现实所能掌控的范畴。正是这种对女性影响力不屑一顾的态度，使得阿尔法男性具有吸引力；他要么未曾察觉，要么对那些本应由条件反射教会他的规则漠不关心。仅在试图游戏一位明显“超出你联盟”的女性时，你就通过植入一丝疑虑（并激发想象力）颠覆了女性对自身价值的认知。疑虑是一种极其强大的工具，事实上，“联盟”概念正是建立在男性的自我怀疑之上。通过无视女性的社会“联盟”惯例，将这一工具转化为你的优势。

Iron Rule #9

Apologizing for a lack of Game isn’t Game.

为缺乏游戏而道歉并不是游戏。

One disservice I think most men tend to overlook is an attitude of self-depreciation that they’ll resort to as a means of engendering interest in a potential woman by attempting to play to her sympathies.

我认为大多数男人往往忽视的一个不利因素是他们倾向于采取自我贬低的态度，以此作为引起潜在女性兴趣的手段，试图通过博取她的同情来吸引她。

Case in point (posted with permission):

举个例子（经允许发布）：

Subject: 主题： My apologies for being a complete douche 为我的完全混蛋行为道歉 Body: 正文：

I actually wanted to call and talk to you tonight, but I just moved into my new place today and lost track of time and now its after midnight. Anyways, I was a complete tool the last time we talked. I thought about what you said to me, and I really have been lame lately. I think back to our first couple of “dates”, and I realize what a complete and boring reject I was. Those weren’t so much dates as me trying way too hard to impress you as someone that was mature (bad word choice, but I dunno what I was doing) and not myself. Anyways, I now realize I need to get this pole out of my ass and start having fun again in my life. Which is why I have been in a drunken stupor for the last 2 weekends. 我今晚其实想打电话和你聊聊，但我今天刚搬进新家，忘记了时间，现在已经过了午夜。总之，上次我们谈话时我完全是个工具。我想了想你对我说的话，我最近确实很无聊。我回想起我们最初的几次“约会”，我意识到自己是一个多么无趣的失败者。那些与其说是约会，不如说是我太努力地想让你觉得我成熟（用词不当，但我不知道自己在做什么）而不是我自己。总之，我现在意识到我需要把这根杆子从我的屁股里拿出来，重新开始享受生活。这就是为什么我过去两个周末都喝得烂醉如泥。

I hope we can start hanging out again, because I do enjoy your company. But I promise if we do, I will drink, relax, and not be such a wallflower. I also promise no more gay-ass text messages. I hate when people do that to me, so I can only imagine how retarded i look when I do it.

我希望我们能再次开始一起出去玩，因为我确实喜欢你的陪伴。但我保证，如果我们这样做，我会喝酒、放松，不再那么害羞。我也保证不会再发那些娘娘腔的短信。我讨厌别人这样对我，所以我只能想象当我这样做时，我看起来有多傻。

-allen -艾伦

This was an actual email passed on to me from a young woman I counsel after she blew this guy off over the course of three dates, and is one of many emails and IM texts I’ve gone over time and again with with women. This is a textbook example of how men will resort to self-depreciation tactics in order to provoke an “It’s OK, I understand” sympathy response from a woman with the expectation that she’ll take ‘pity’ on him for being a “flawed man” and give him a second (or third, or fourth) chance.

这是一封实际的电子邮件，由我辅导的一位年轻女士转发给我，她在三次约会后甩了这个家伙，这是我多次与女性讨论的众多电子邮件和即时消息之一。这是一个教科书式的例子，说明男人会采取自我贬低策略，以引发女性的“没关系，我理解”的同情回应，期望她会因为他是“有缺陷的男人”而对他产生怜悯，并给他第二次（或第三次，或第四次）机会。

This is a direct manifestation of men being socially conditioned to recognize and acknowledge their weeknesses, and in confessing them they will become strentghs, and ergo, attractions (since they mistakenly believe that doing so will make them “not-like-OTHER-guys” and therefore unique). “You see? I’m really a sensitive, introspective guy willing to cop to his own character flaws, please love me.”

这是男性在社会中被教导要识别和承认自己的弱点，并在承认它们时，他们会变得强大，因此具有吸引力（因为他们错误地认为这样做会使他们“不像其他男人”，因此变得独特）。“你看？我真的是一个敏感、内省的人，愿意承认自己的性格缺陷，请爱我。”

Iron Rule of Tomassi #9 托马西的铁律 #9

Never Self-Deprecate under any circumstance. This is a Kiss of Death that you self-initiate and is the antithesis of the Prize Mentality. Once you’ve accepted yourself and presented yourself as a “complete douche” there’s no going back to confidence with a woman. Never appeal to a woman’s sympathies. Her sympathies are given by her own volition, never when they are begged for – women despise the obligation of sympathy. Nothing kills arousal like pity. Even if you don’t seriously consider yourself pathetic, it never serves your best interest to paint yourself as pathetic. Self-Depreciation is a misguided tool for the AFC, and not something that would even occur to an Alpha.

在任何情况下都不要自我贬低。这是你自我启动的死亡之吻，是奖品心态的对立面。一旦你接受了自己并把自己呈现为一个“完整的混蛋”，你就无法再以自信的态度回到女人面前。永远不要试图引起女人的同情。她的同情是出于她自己的意愿，而不是乞求来的——女人讨厌被迫同情。没有什么比怜悯更能扼杀欲望了。即使你不认为自己可怜，把自己描绘成可怜的样子也永远不会对你最有利。自我贬低是 AFC（平均挫败男）的错误工具，而不是 Alpha 男会考虑的事情。

People seem to get confused about how self-deprecation really functions. I’m not suggesting that a Man take himself so seriously that he can’t laugh at himself; in fact a brilliant tactic is to present a prevailing, ambient sense of seriousness, then admit to and laugh at whatever goof it was that removes you from it. Nothing endears a man more to a woman than to think only she can break through your shell and get you to find humor in yourself. However, true self-deprecation is self-initiated. It’s not the “ha ha look I slipped on a banana peel” sense of deprecation, it’s the “I’m a complete douche, but really worth the effort” apologetic sense of deprecation. There is a marked difference between being pathetic and being able to laugh at yourself in good faith.

人们似乎对自我贬低真正的作用感到困惑。我并不是说一个男人应该如此严肃，以至于不能自嘲；事实上，一个高明的策略是展现一种普遍的、严肃的氛围，然后承认并嘲笑那个让你脱离这种氛围的愚蠢行为。没有什么比让一个女人觉得只有她能打破你的外壳，让你发现自己幽默感更能赢得她的心了。然而，真正的自我贬低是自我发起的。它不是那种“哈哈，看我踩到香蕉皮滑倒了”的贬低感，而是那种“我是个十足的混蛋，但真的值得你付出努力”的道歉式贬低感。在真诚地自嘲与显得可怜之间有着明显的区别。

I’m not advocating that guys never own up to mistakes or wrongs they do; you should apologize in given situations depending on the conditions and do so appropriately, however Self-Depreciation is another mental schema entirely. Humility is a virtue (up to a point), but it’s simply not a virtue that a woman you’re interested in will ever appreciate in the manner you intend, and in fact often conveys the opposite intent. Virtuous humility is no substitute for self-confidence. If you are already involved with a woman, she may develop a socially mandated sense of appreciation, but again this is only up to the threshold of you trading her estimation of your confidence for your ability to address fault on your part. When a woman delivers a shit test based on this, and a guy submits through self-depreciation it’s damage done that’s not easily undone. Admitting fault is not a strength that inspires women, it’s still about the fault. It may be the honorable, necessary, truthful thing to do, but don’t believe for a moment women will value you more in the confession of fault.

我并非主张男性永远不承认错误或过失；在特定情况下，你应该根据条件适时道歉，并恰当地表达歉意。然而，自我贬低则是完全不同的另一种心理模式。谦逊是一种美德（在一定限度内），但它绝非你心仪的女性会以你期望的方式欣赏的品质，事实上，它往往传达出相反的意图。美德式的谦逊无法替代自信。如果你已与某位女性交往，她可能会出于社会规范而产生一种赞赏感，但这也仅限于你用她的自信评价换取你自我纠错能力的临界点。当女性以此为基础进行试探时，男性若通过自我贬低来回应，这种伤害往往难以轻易修复。承认错误并非能激发女性敬仰的力量，它仍关乎错误本身。尽管承认错误可能是光荣、必要且真实的，但不要误以为女性会因你的坦白而更加珍视你。

That said, true self-depreciation is pervasive. Contemporary men have become so steeped in deprecation and male ridicule by popular media that it seems a normative way of attracting women. The message is ‘women love men who laugh at Men’. Thus, you have to be hyper-aware of it and unlearn it. You have to catch yourself in mid-sentence so to speak. Women operate in the sub-communications and when you overtly admit to a lack of confidence in yourself or your gender you may as well just LJBF yourself. That’s a strong impression you wont recover from easily if ever. Women want a competent, confident, decisive Man from the outset, not one who’s self-image is that of a “complete douche” or even a partial douche. The stereotype of the quirky, but lovable guy who bumbles his way into a woman’s heart may work for romantic comedies, but not in the real world. I should also add that when you become hyper-aware of this you can also turn it to your own advantage when AMOGing a competitor or you’re sarging a girl with a self-depreciative boyfriend or suitor. It’s all too easy to reinforce her estimation of a guy like this by covertly confirming it for her, while at the same time playing up your own confidence and value.

即便如此，真正的自我贬低却无处不在。当代男性深受流行媒体中贬低与嘲讽男性的影响，以至于这种行为似乎已成为吸引女性的常规方式。信息传递的是“女性喜欢嘲笑男性的男人”。因此，你必须高度警惕并摒弃这种观念。可以说，你必须在言谈中及时察觉并制止自己。女性在潜移默化中感知信息，当你公开承认对自己或性别缺乏信心时，无异于直接宣告“Let's Just Be Friends”。这种强烈的印象一旦形成，你将难以轻易恢复。女性从一开始就期望遇到一个能干、自信、果断的男人，而非一个自我形象定位为“彻头彻尾的混蛋”或哪怕只是部分混蛋的人。那种古怪但讨人喜欢的家伙，在浪漫喜剧中或许能跌跌撞撞赢得芳心，但在现实世界中却行不通。此外，当你对这一点高度警觉时，在面对竞争对手或与自我贬低的男友或追求者竞争时，你也能将其转化为自身的优势。 通过暗中确认她的这种看法，同时提升自己的自信和价值，很容易强化她对这类男生的评价。

All of this is not to say that it’s wrong to recognize your own weaknesses and understanding when you’re in the wrong. It’s simply how you go about addressing it that’s the point. There are plenty of ways to assume the responsibilties of fault that aren’t self-depreciating. The easiest way is to always adopt the attitude that you’re ‘getting better all the time’. This mentality fosters confidence and projects ambition, whereas self-depreciation shoves your nose in the dog shit and says “please love me anyway?”

这一切并非意味着承认自身弱点和错误是错误的。关键在于你如何处理这些问题。有许多承担责任的方式并非自我贬低。最简单的方法是始终保持“不断进步”的态度。这种心态培养自信，展现雄心，而自我贬低则像是把你的鼻子按在狗屎里，然后问：“请无论如何爱我好吗？