Qualities of the Prince 君主的品质

You know, I’m not quite sure if my readership is aware of this, but I’m a Prince. No really, I’m a Prince (stop laughing), or at least that’s the expectation I’ve come to have others recognize in me after sifting through women’s online profiles on such fantastical dating resources such as Plenty of Whales Fish and OK U-Bid Cupid. But don’t think I’m such a rare bird, because amazingly enough, if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably a Prince too! And you didn’t even realize it did you?

你知道吗，我不太确定我的读者是否意识到这一点，但我是个王子。真的，我是个王子（别笑），或者至少这是我通过筛选女性在诸如“鲸鱼鱼塘”和“OK 你竞拍丘比特”等奇幻约会资源上的在线资料后，让别人在我身上认定的身份。但别以为我是多么稀有的鸟儿，因为令人惊讶的是，如果你在读这篇博客，你很可能也是个王子！而你自己甚至都没意识到，对吧？

You see, virtually all the women you encounter on these Buffers online dating resources are simply undiscovered, under-appreciated jewels in the rough. They’re Princesses, and goddammit they deserve to be treated as such. Just reading through each profile is like going on safari and encountering a virtual cornucopia of rare and exotic animals (kind of like a zoo), each meticulously described in encyclopedic detail of their uniqueness and rarity of finding. What mere mortal man could possibly deserve to touch such feminine refinery?

你看，这些 Buffers 在线约会资源上几乎所有你遇到的女性，都是未经发掘、未被赏识的璞玉。她们是公主，该死的，她们理应被如此对待。仅仅浏览每个资料，就像踏上一场探险之旅，遇见一个虚拟的珍奇动物园（有点像动物园），每一种动物都以其独特性和稀有性被详尽地描述，仿佛百科全书般细致入微。这样的女性精致之美，凡夫俗子怎配触碰？

A few years ago the denizens of the SoSuave forum accidentally conducted one of the most humorous social experiments ever performed. A member by the handle of Bonhomme was a frequenter of Plenty of Fish and noticed an interesting trend in women’s profiles. Though most of the women using online dating run the gamut from hopelessly fat to 2-drink fuckability, the one thing most had in common was an entirely overblown sense of self-worth to compliment their grossly overrated self-impression of their sexual market value (SMV for those of you playing the home game). This is nothing shocking for unplugged Men; the ‘community’ has long held that social media and online Buffers work in tandem to convince a woman she’s 1 to 2 degrees higher on her SMV scale. What hadn’t been studied up to then was the descriptors and qualifications that online women used in both their “list of demands” and their own self-evaluations, or “the brochure of value added features” any man with common sense (see fem-centric conditioning) would ever be considered a ‘Man’ for appreciating in a woman.

几年前，SoSuave 论坛的居民们无意中进行了一项史上最幽默的社会实验。一位名为 Bonhomme 的会员频繁使用 Plenty of Fish，并注意到女性用户资料中一个有趣的趋势。尽管大多数使用在线约会的女性从绝望的肥胖到两杯酒后的可睡性不一而足，但她们有一个共同点：那就是对自己价值的高估，以及对自身性市场价值（SMV）的极度夸大。对于未被社会化的男性来说，这并不令人震惊；社区长期以来一直认为，社交媒体和在线缓冲器共同作用，让女性相信自己在 SMV 尺度上高出 1 到 2 度。在此之前，尚未研究的是在线女性在“需求清单”和自我评价中使用的描述词和资格，或者说，任何有常识（参见女性中心化条件）的男性会被视为“男人”，仅仅是因为欣赏女性所谓的“增值特征手册”。

The following is an example pulled from a typical profile:

以下是从典型档案中提取的示例：

Here is a well thought out idea of what kind of guy I am interested in… 5’10” or taller, lives near by, compassionate, intelligent, giving, VERY Attractive (someone other than your mother or sister has said so, lol) and in shape, prefer self employed, FAMILY orientated, open to new spontaneous things, likes to camp, likes to golf, wants children, would be a good father and faithful husband, a gentleman, gives me my space when I need it, not a nerd or too sarcastic, can take a hint, social, calls for no reason, remembers sending a note or a nominal gift IS romantic and necessary, respectful, sense of humor, and thinks the world of me. I am not interested in anyone older than 41 and anyone who makes less money than me since I do not plan on changing the lifestyle I have grown accustom to and hope to one day be a stay at home mom and furthermore… my children will never want for ANYTHING (but of course will not be spoiled brats either lol). You should also love animals I am not attracted to red heads at all lol sorry.

以下是我深思熟虑后对理想伴侣的描述…身高 5’10”或以上，居住在附近，富有同情心、智慧、慷慨，极具吸引力（非母亲或姐妹评价，哈哈），身材匀称，更倾向于自主创业，家庭观念强，乐于接受新奇与即兴之事，喜欢露营、打高尔夫，渴望拥有孩子，能成为好父亲和忠诚的丈夫，具备绅士风度，在我需要时给予空间，不沉迷于书呆子气或过于讽刺，能领会暗示，社交广泛，无故来电，记得送小纸条或小礼物是浪漫且必要的，尊重他人，幽默感十足，对我评价极高。我不考虑年龄超过 41 岁或收入低于我的人，因为我无意改变已习惯的生活方式，并希望有朝一日成为全职妈妈，同时…我的孩子将不会缺少任何东西（当然也不会被宠坏，哈哈）。你也应热爱动物 我对红发人士完全无感，哈哈，抱歉。

Wow! A rare find indeed. Thank heaven for the internet in providing men such a valuable resource that we might encounter such rational and strong women as this. This is one common example, but by far the most common self-references women made involved the word “Princess” – “I’m a Princess waiting for my Prince” or “I’ll admit it, I’m a Princess, I just need to find a man who can appreciate that and treat me right.”

哇！真是难得一遇。感谢互联网，为我们提供了如此宝贵的资源，让我们能遇到像这样理性且坚强的女性。这是一个常见的例子，但迄今为止，女性最常见的自我描述词是“公主”——“我是一位等待王子的公主”或“我承认，我是个公主，我只是在寻找一个能欣赏并善待我的男人。”

Well, far be it from Rollo J. Tomassi to deny these undiscovered royals their due! Quickly I began to craft a cunning profile of my own; one which these pouting Princesses would surely recognize as that of none other than the Crown Prince of Man-dom. Using their own profile’s jingoisms and idioms as a template, I established an idealized persona, one that any woman worth her equalist “common sense” salt would instantly be irresistible to,…

好吧，罗洛·J·托马西绝不会否认这些未被发现的皇室成员应得的地位！我迅速开始精心打造自己的狡猾形象；一个这些噘嘴公主们必定能认出，正是男儿国度中无可争议的皇太子身份。以她们自身简介中的口号和习语为模板，我塑造了一个理想化的自我，任何具备平等主义“常识”的女性都会立刻为之倾倒，……

Here is a well thought out idea of what kind of gal I am interested in…5′ 5″ or taller, but not over 6 feet (because while I don’t mind being eye to eye with you, I won’t ever be looking up to you), lives close enough to be at my house within 10 minutes after I make the call, genuinely passionate, intelligent enough to be good company, sexually available (preferably insatiable) and VERY attractive – we’re talking Jessica Alba, Keyra Augustina attractive – women with a body-fat percentage higher than 8% need not apply. Must be employed but not so well as you’ll interfere with our sexual activities, FAMILY oriented, but only after you’ve hit 30-33, open to spontaneous sex (you know, like outdoor stuff or a surprise 3 way with one of your hot girlfriends after our 2nd martini), likes to camp (in the nude), knows not to complain when I go play golf with the clients from work.

以下是我精心构思的理想伴侣类型…身高 5 英尺 5 英寸或以上，但不超过 6 英尺（因为虽然我不介意与你平视，但绝不会仰视你），居住地离我足够近，能在我打电话后 10 分钟内赶到我家，真诚热情，足够聪明以成为良伴，性方面开放（最好是欲壑难填）且极具吸引力——我们说的是像杰西卡·阿尔芭、凯拉·奥古斯蒂娜那样的魅力——体脂率高于 8%的女性请勿申请。必须有工作，但不要太成功以至于干扰我们的性活动，家庭导向，但仅限于 30-33 岁之后，乐于接受即兴性爱（比如户外活动或在我们喝第二杯马提尼后与你的火辣闺蜜来个惊喜的三人行），喜欢裸体露营，懂得在我与工作客户打高尔夫时不抱怨。

She must want children after 33 years of age if at all, and only after she’s proven to be a good mother and faithful wife, must be a lady with class and know when the right time is to speak and not to speak, not a prude or bitch, can take the first hint, sociable, unexpectedly texts me pictures of her wearing something new from Fredericks of Hollywood, understands that the best gift she can give me is expressing her desire to fuck me like a wild animal, and also understands that gifts for her are treats or rewards for desired behavior.

如果她真的想要孩子，那也必须是在 33 岁之后，并且只有在证明自己是一位好母亲和忠诚的妻子之后。她必须是一位有品位的女士，懂得何时该说话，何时该保持沉默，既不古板也不泼辣，能敏锐捕捉到第一个暗示，善于社交，偶尔会出乎意料地发给我她穿着好莱坞弗雷德里克新款的照片，明白她能给我的最好礼物就是表达她渴望像野兽般与我欢爱，同时也明白，给她的礼物是对她期望行为的奖赏或犒劳。

Must be respectful of my decisions being final, can’t take herself too seriously and thinks the world of me. I’m not interested in anyone over 31 (since this is most women’s expiration date anyway), she cannot have exorbitant spending habits or a credit debtload in excess of $1,000 since I do not plan on changing the lifestyle I have grown accustom to and hope to one day be able to send my own children to college (rather than pay for your student debt), and furthermore… my children will be taught to reasonably earn their achievements on their own and respect the decisions of their Father and mother (and absolutely will not be spoiled brats either). I’m very attracted to redheads, blondes, brunettes, Latinas, Asians, African-Americans, Pacific Islanders, etc., pretty much any woman that meets my physical requirements. I am not attracted at all to even slightly fat women no matter how much “inner beauty” you think you may possess. Hope to meet you soon, your Prince.

必须尊重我的决定为最终决定，不可过于自负，且对我满怀敬意。我对 31 岁以上的女性不感兴趣（毕竟这大多女性的保质期），她不能有奢侈的消费习惯或信用卡债务超过 1000 美元，因为我无意改变我已习惯的生活方式，并希望有朝一日能供自己的子女上大学（而非为你的学贷买单）。此外……我的孩子将被教导以合理的方式自行争取成就，并尊重父母（尤其是父亲和母亲）的决定（绝不会成为被宠坏的小孩）。我对红发、金发、棕发、拉丁裔、亚裔、非裔美国人、太平洋岛民等，几乎任何符合我外貌要求的女性都极具吸引力。我完全不吸引于哪怕略显肥胖的女性，无论你认为自己拥有多少“内在美”。期待早日遇见你，我的王子。

There! What woman could possible fail to appreciate all of the qualities of a Prince based on their very own template? Insidious, clever and witty. All I had to do was await what could only be a landslide of returned affection and positive responses. I contemplated how I would have to let down the poor cast off Princesses who failed to meet my humble criteria as the first response came in,… 看！哪个女人能不欣赏基于自身模板塑造的王子所具备的全部品质呢？狡黠、聪慧且机智。我只需静候那必然如山崩般涌来的爱意与正面回应。我思忖着，当第一条回复到来时，我该如何婉拒那些未能达到我谦逊标准的可怜落选公主们……

“I read your profile, and is any of it serious?????” “我看了你的简介，里面有哪部分是认真的吗？？？？”

A bit perturbed I reply, 我有些不安地回答道，

Why do you think it’s not serious? Am I not allowed to be a bit specific? 你为什么觉得这不严重？我不能稍微具体一点吗？

“Sorry not about to put up with your kind of shit.” “抱歉，我可受不了你这种破事。”

Strange and yet strange again. Here I’d learned that self-confidence and assertiveness were traits women admired in the land of gender-equalism. Ah, perhaps this Princess was a bit jaded by such a dearth of qualified Princes at her disposal. I waited a bit more and was rewarded by a Princess called ‘Lil Sweet Heart’ who’d randomly read my glowing self-description,..

奇怪而又再次奇怪。我曾得知，自信和果断是女性在性别平等主义之地所欣赏的品质。啊，或许这位公主因身边缺乏合格的王子而有些厌倦。我又等了一会儿，得到了一位名为“小甜心”的公主的回应，她偶然读到了我那光彩夺目的自我描述，……

“what a profile “多么出色的简介

see iam a strong willed person!!

看，我是一个意志坚强的人！！

i speak when i want to say what i want and when i want and the way ur profile sounds i dont we;d be a match and the part about raising a spoiled brat thats a hard one to over come depends what u see as spoiled sure my boys r a bit spoiled well a lot but thats the way i was raised and it did me no wrong my kids know that they have to work to earn their spending and treats but no reason why a parent cant buy something just because so maybe ur profile can off wrong but my feeling is not some one id wanna meet hmmmmm”

我想说我想说的话，想什么时候说就什么时候说，从你的个人资料来看，我觉得我们不太合适。至于养育宠坏的孩子，这确实是个难题，取决于你怎么看待“宠坏”。当然，我的孩子们有点被宠坏了，或者说相当宠坏了，但这是我成长的方式，对我并无害处。我的孩子们知道他们必须努力工作才能赚取零花钱和奖励，但父母买东西给他们并没有什么错。也许你的个人资料有些误导，但我的感觉是，我并不想见这样的人。嗯……

Egads! I respond, 天哪！我回应道，

“Honestly, I really tried to read your message to me, but all of the bastardized English and the run-on sentences made it virtually impossible to understand what you were trying to say.”

“老实说，我真的努力去读你发给我的信息，但那些被糟蹋的英语和冗长的句子让我几乎无法理解你想表达什么。”

I do say. Whomever this royal child’s au pair was is deserving of a public scourging! The thought of so ill-preparing a Princess for courtly discourse with the Man who will one day be her King is inexcusable. Bah, the blazes with this one, I’ll be patient on another,..

我确实这么说。无论这位皇室孩子的保姆是谁，都应受到公开鞭笞！如此不周到地为公主准备与未来国王的宫廷对话，实在是不可原谅。哼，算了，我会在另一个上耐心等待，…

“uh, yeah, i don’t think so. maybe your profile’s a joke (which would make it less sad), but i don’t find it amusing, not my sense of humour at all.and the fact that i’m even bothering to reply to say no, rather than just ignore you, should tell you how distasteful it is.happy hunting. (though you’d have better luck if you went back in time 100 years or so, have fun finding chics like that today)

“呃，是的，我不这么认为。也许你的个人资料是个笑话（那样会不那么悲伤），但我一点也不觉得好笑，完全不是我的幽默感。而我竟然还费心回复说‘不’，而不是直接忽略你，这足以说明它有多么令人反感。祝你狩猎愉快。（不过如果你能回到大约 100 年前，运气可能会更好，今天想找到那样的女孩可不容易）”

After checking out your profile, you are one of the rudest people i’ve even encountered. In your dreams…”

查看过你的资料后，你是我遇到过最粗鲁的人之一。做梦去吧……”

Hmm, I was beginning to see a flaw in my profile design. You see I had simply reworded the profile of my original Princess’ profile and changed the gender specific terms to the masculine, while adding a bit of my own desires to the outline of the ideal Princess I’d like to meet. After all, they all want to be treated like Princesses, I’m just asking to be treated like a Prince. But,..perhaps I’d been remiss in my waiting for the Princesses to respond. How unmanning of me – I would seek out my prize and pursue her. This profile caught my eye,…

嗯，我开始意识到我的个人资料设计中存在一个缺陷。你看，我只是简单地改写了原版公主的个人资料，将性别特定的词汇改为男性，并在理想公主的轮廓中加入了一些我自己的愿望。毕竟，她们都希望被当作公主对待，我只是要求被当作王子对待。但是，也许我在等待公主们回应时疏忽了。这让我显得不够男子气概——我会主动寻找我的目标并追求她。这份资料引起了我的注意……

“I am friendly, outgoing, generous, loyal, honest and adventurous. I work in a hospital. I also drive and have my own car.

“我性格友好、外向、慷慨、忠诚、诚实且富有冒险精神。我在医院工作，并且会开车，拥有自己的汽车。”

I love to get my nails done every two weeks. I love fashion and style. I care about pop culture and social issues.

我喜欢每两周做一次美甲。我热爱时尚与风格。我关注流行文化和社交议题。

I have an IQ of 146. I am extremely intelligent and educated.

我的智商为 146。我极其聪明且受过良好教育。

First Date: I dont want to meet Cheaters, users, players, haters, crumb bumbs, guys who want booty calls or fuk buddies… ya’ll dont let the door hit cha on the way out… I guess Im looking to meet someone around my own age, who is taller than me preferably caucasian, attractive, who likes to work out, has a unique, ghetto and sarcastic sense of humor like me.”

初次约会：我不想遇到骗子、利用者、玩家、仇恨者、卑鄙小人，也不想遇到那些只想约炮或找炮友的家伙……你们走好，别让门撞到你们。我想找的是与我年龄相仿的人，最好比我高，最好是白人，有吸引力，喜欢健身，拥有像我一样独特、街头且带点讽刺的幽默感。

Well, not the ideal prize I’d been seeking, but perhaps this was another jewel in the rough that just needed a bit of spit and polish. I respond in the affirmative to her brassy, assertive equalist nature. After reading my profile, she responds,..

嗯，虽然不是我一直在寻找的理想奖品，但或许这只是另一颗未经雕琢的宝石，只需稍加打磨。我欣然回应她那大胆、自信的平等主义特质。在阅读了我的资料后，她回应道，……

“i mak emy own moneya nd pay for own 5hit.. and for someone with such high standards take a good look in the mirror becuz these girls aka jessica alba are way out of ur league… if u want someone who is hot at least BE hot urself!”

“我自己赚钱，自己付账单……像你这样高标准的人，最好先照照镜子，因为这些女孩，比如杰西卡·阿尔芭，根本不是你的菜……如果你想要一个火辣的对象，至少你自己也得够火辣！”

I found this confusing since I had no picture on my profile at this point. I’d have to address that, but strange that the assumption was that my physical stature would necessarily be inadequate for her. I respond,..

由于此时我的个人资料上没有照片，这让我感到困惑。我得解决这个问题，但奇怪的是，她竟然认为我的体格必然不符合她的要求。我回复道，...

“Dear woman, for someone with such a high opinion of her intelligence your grammar, punctuation and syntax are far from reflecting this. You type like shite.”

“亲爱的女士，尽管您对自己的智慧评价甚高，但您的语法、标点和句法远未反映出这一点。您的打字水平实在糟糕。”

What I’d found most entertaining of this whole affair is that these women somehow feel compelled to respond to the profile. As if it were some personal affront to their sensibilities that it should need their attention to correct, rather than simply move on to the next profile. Judging from the frequency and intensity of the responses, how many men do you suppose responded to the original woman’s profile with the same fervor?

整个事件中最让我觉得有趣的是，这些女性不知为何感到必须回应这个简介。仿佛她们觉得这是对她们敏感性的个人冒犯，需要她们的关注来纠正，而不是简单地浏览下一个简介。从回应的频率和强度来看，你认为有多少男性会以同样的热情回应那位女性的原始简介呢？

One of the best ways to illustrate how insaturated feminization has become in society is to flip the gender script on certain gender-specific dynamics. As funny as all this was, it serves to show that women live and operate in gender assumptions that they simply take as normalized conditions. Were a Man to publicly expect the terms and demands for his own provisioning and intimate access that women demand without an afterthought, he’s instantly accused of misogyny at worst, comedy at best. There are many more dynamics that illustrate this fem-centric normalization. My critics get fits of hysteria when I describe the acculturated, feminine-centric undercurrent operating in society. Girl-world is the only world for them, so pulling back the iron-veil of the feminine reality like this is usually a hard revelation. Ironically it’s the vitriol engendered in the responses to my reworded profile that prove the point.

展示社会中女性化如何变得过度饱和的最佳方式之一，就是将某些性别特定的动态进行性别反转。尽管这一切听起来很有趣，但它表明女性生活在并按照她们视为正常条件的性别假设中运作。如果一个男人公开要求女性毫不犹豫地提出的供养和亲密接触的条件和要求，他立刻会被指责为最糟糕的厌女症，或最多被视为喜剧。还有许多其他动态可以说明这种以女性为中心的正常化。我的批评者在我描述社会中潜藏的、以女性为中心的文化影响时，会陷入歇斯底里的状态。对他们来说，女孩的世界就是唯一的世界，因此像这样揭开女性现实的铁幕通常是一个艰难的启示。讽刺的是，对我重新表述的简介的回应中产生的愤怒恰恰证明了这一点。